Musical Disharmony, or "The Odd Every Day Lifes of Octavia, Vinyl Scratch and the Only Human in Equestria"

“You whore!” Octavia’s shrill voice could be heard all throughout Ponyville, her Trottingham accent apparent even in her anger. “Goddesses, how many does that make this week?”

“Hey, back off,” Vinyl’s voice cried out, matching her roommate’s volume and intensity. “At least I can get some, unlike your prude ass.” The DJ pony’s eyes began to shift from their regular shade of magenta to a more glaring shade of red, a sign of extreme emotion - anger, in this case.

A lone figure sat on the living room sofa, its unusual shape an oddity in this world of multi-colored ponies. The human, Red, as he called himself, shifted uncomfortably as the two mares woke up half the neighborhood. “Um, can I just-”

“No!” Octavia spat, not even letting the man finish his sentence. “You are a sick pervert and you will sit there until I’m done with Vinyl, do you hear me?” Her own violet glare never left Scratch’s, matching its intensity.

“Hey, that’s my human hubby you’re talking to.” She moved closer to Octavia, her horn glowing blue with stored up magic. “Do not talk to him like that.”

A sigh escaped from Octavia’s lips, her roommate’s ignorance getting to her. “Vinyl. For the last time humans don’t exist. This is obviously somepony disguised by magic or in a furless suit.” Red began to open his mouth, but decided it was best to keep it shut. “He’s a pervert!”

“Like hell he is!” The unicorn smirked and trotted over to “her” human. “He’s a real human, he’s all mine, and you’re just jelly!” She jumped up on the couch and rested her head on the human’s lap.

“Me? Jelly- er, jealous? Why would I be?”

Vinyl smiled and closed her eyes, her horn still glowing. A magical aura, the same color as the light from her horn covered Red’s hand as she began to move it across her mane. “Because I’ve got someone who likes me and wants to be with me.” Her magic ceased as Red began petting her of his own accord, glad to have control over something. “Because there is a creature who makes me feel good and who knows how to have a good time without being liquored up.”

Octavia’s face contorted in anger as Vinyl spoke. “Why, you . . .”

“Face it Tavi, no one wants you: you’re too much of a prude.” She rolled over, exposing her belly to Red who began instinctively rubbing it. “Oh, that’s nice...”

The normally grey Octavia turned a bright shade of red. Acting in such a manner, right on the couch! “You . . . you . . .” She was at a loss for words. Scratch had always been better when it came to the insults, and Octavia was getting too furious to think. “You . . . you . . .”

Scratch started giggling as Red started tickling her stomach. Was this some kind of human foreplay?

“You... cunt!” Something about seeing those fingers move about her roommate’s belly made something snap in her. “You loose, disgusting cunt!” A bit of steam actually began to rise from her head as her anger level reached its peak. Red looked over in shock as those words escaped her mouth; he had never heard a woman with her class use words like that. “Hey, human, do you use protection? You should, because you never know what this hussy may have caught!”

For a second Red stopped rubbing, and only started when Vinyl began pulling his hand with her magic. “Um, Scratch...” he nervously began, Octavia’s words worrying him slightly.

“Don’t worry, she’s talking out of her ass,” Vinyl said, her expression never changing as she forced her human to give her the rub she needed to get going. “I caught a small amount of herpes, like, once.” The nervous look on Red’s face didn’t change. “Relax man, it was a unicorn-only strain. You couldn't get it if you tried, and it’s all cleared up.”

Red continued, albeit with some reluctance. Taking his other hand, he began rubbing Scratch’s leg, causing Octavia to blush a bit. “Fine, obviously you’re going to go on with this sick display,” she said, her anger slightly leveling off. “But can you please not do this on the couch? I like to sit there from time to time and I’d prefer NOT having to set it on fire.”

Scratch merely shook her head as she enjoyed the rubbing Red was giving her. “I don’t think either of us are going to move . . .”

“Hey, Scratch, I have an idea,” Red said, finally getting a word in edgewise. “Why don’t we invite your roommate to join us?” His rubbing began to intensify as he his hand began to move closer to her crotch.

“Not on the couch, perverts!” Octavia snapped, “And no! I’m not joining you!”

“Goddesses, Tavi, why don’t you take that broom out of your rear for once and have some fun?” Vinyl said as she hopped off Red’s lap and trotted to the fridge, a little calmer now.

“Vinyl, your idea of fun is taking too many drugs for your system to handle and staggering home with some random stallion you met at a rave!”

Vinyl felt insulted - three stomach pumps and she was branded for life! “Oh, what? I don’t even take any drugs that often!” she countered, glaring in disgust.

“Are you so quick to forget the ecstasy months?”

“Oh, you know that was a phase! I quit after a while!”

“Right, and you quit being a raving hussy every other night too,” Octavia snickered.
Vinyl walked back from the fridge, holding a bottle of vodka. It was going to be a long night. “Well, you claim you’re still a virgin, and I know that’s a lie!”

“I am! You just claim that I’m not to explain what happened in college!”

“Uhh, what happened in college?” Red inquired.

Octavia looked away, cheeks a shade shy of crimson while Vinyl broke into a smug grin. Red looked between the two, working to figure out the situation. With sudden clarity, it dawned on him.

“Wait,” he said, “you don’t mean that you two . . .”

“We totally did,” bragged Vinyl, leaning towards Red’s scratching hand. “Oh yeah, right there . . .”

“Vinyl doesn't know what she’s talking about,” said Octavia. “That’s all there is to it.”

“An’ Tavi’s wound tighter than a shipyard rope,” the white mare muttered sulkily.

“Excuse me?” Octavia asked, eyes narrowing.

“Look, I’m just sayin’ that what we did was a bit more than misunderstanding, is all.”

“Vinyl, we are not going to talk about it and that is final. Your . . . companion may remain temporarily if he absolutely must, but at no point - no point! - will you tell him or discuss the matter with him. Do you understand me?”

Vinyl sighed, the weight of the world on her shoulders. “Sure, whatever. I’m not in the mood to tell it anyway.”

“I’m going to fix myself a drink and then go to bed,” said Octavia, moving towards the kitchen. “You and ‘Red,’ if that is his real name, can spend the night however you want, but by the Goddess, you will clean up after yourselves if you make a mess.”

“Fine by me,” replied Vinyl, using a hoof to push Red’s hand between her hind legs with a complete lack of subtlety. Red, for his part, tried to remain calm despite Octavia’s clear annoyance and Vinyl’s clear exuberance.

“Um,” he managed, “not to screw things up, but does this mean I can stay, then?”

Octavia sighed deeply. “I am far too tired to deal with this fresh breed of Vinyl’s stupidity, so yes, you can stay for now.” Before either the DJ or her newfound friend could relax, Octavia turned towards them aggressively. “But if I hear a single noise tonight, there will be a reckoning, mark my words.”