Author's Note

This may have quite a few spelling and grammar errors, but I’m WAY too tired to edit it right now. But also TOO excited not to post it.

Let There Be Carnage

Rainbow Dash had a reputation for being a late sleeper. No matter how early she promised to be up, she could always be found snoring away, sprawled out on her cloud bed, even when the sun was high in the sky. Her friends had long ago accepted this quirky habit, often joking about it during their early morning meetups. Today, though, Rainbow Dash had set her alarm, not once, but three times to get up early. The sun had barely risen, and she had already eaten breakfast and had plans to hide- visit Canterlot for the day. It was to be her third attempt at avoiding Anon Duty as she called it. It wasn’t that she didn’t like the colt. He was just... too much. So cynical, so mouthy and so insane with his tall tales of being from another dimension.

With her saddlebags already strapped and her packed with a Daring Do book, Rainbow Dash trotted into her kitchen ready to pack a snack for the flight. Her eyes grew wide with surprise when she saw Twilight sitting at her table with Anon at her side munching on an Egg McMuffin.

"Hello, Rainbow Dash!” Twilight said, a little too enthusiastically.

Rainbow Dash froze in the doorway, her wings drooping slightly. “Hey… Twilight,” she greeted back awkwardly.

Twilight had a big smile as she replied, “You look like you’re planning on going on a trip. Hope you’re not forgetting anything.”

Rainbow Dash's heart sank. "Just, um, going to the market for some milk. Nothing special," she said, trying to keep her voice light.

Anon looked up at her, a mouthful of Egg McMuffin threatening to spill out. He took a moment to swallow, then smirked, "Forget it, Lucky Charms. If Twilight can see through my lies, you have a better chance of a Sonic Rainboom coming out of your butt. We are officially stuck with each other for a week.”

“Can it! You little-“

Twilight quickly intervened. “Now, let's not start the day off with harsh words, Rainbow Dash.”

“Me?!” Rainbow Dash exclaimed, pointing at herself, then at Anon. “He started it!”

“And you should know better to finish it! You’re the adult. He’s the foal.”

“I am an adult,” Anon muttered, more to himself than the mares.

“And just what exactly do you expect me to do with him?” Rainbow Dash asked, still clinging onto the hope she could get out of this.

Twilight knew Rainbow Dash would ask, and she was prepared with a list of activities. “Well, allow me to give you some suggestions,” she said, pulling out a rolled parchment.

“Dun-dun-duuuuun!” Anon exclaimed dramatically, despite the fact this wasn’t going to be fun for him either; he was enjoying the show of watching the show off squirm.

Twilight ignored Anon’s jab and started naming the things they could do together. “Cloudsdale isn’t far. Maybe a trip to the weather factory? And show him around where you grew up. Or you could take him to visit the Wonderbolts Training grounds? Or how about the-"

"Hold on, Twilight!" Rainbow Dash interrupted. "Why do you even have all these plans laid out? Did you expect me to say yes?"

Twilight gave Rainbow Dash a stern stare. “I expect you to keep your promise. You know as well as I do that Anon can’t be left unsupervised. He’s still adjusting to our world, and we’re the best ones to teach him about friendship and responsibility. Besides, we all agreed to take turns watching him for-“

“Fine!” Rainbow Dash threw her hooves up in defeat. “”Fine! I’ll take him to the Wonderbolts Training grounds! Maybe then the team will believe me about how weird this colt is.”

Twilight's gave a genuine smile at this. “That’s the spirit, Rainbow! I'm sure he'll enjoy learning from you about teamwork and discipline. Plus, it'll be good for him to get out of Ponyville for a bit. And maybe he'll learn to appreciate our world more."

And with that, Twilight teleported away.

Rainbow Dash groaned and nodded to herself in defeat. She couldn't argue with Twilight's logic. With a heavy sigh, she turned to Anon. "Alright, you. Let's get going.”

“But I haven’t finished my breakfast yet,” Anon whined, taking a dramatically small bite and chewed slowly. “This might take a while.”

“You’re literally one bite away from finishing it,” Rainbow Dash stated, trying to keep the annoyance out of her voice. “So finish up or I’ll stuff it down your cake hole.”

Anon glared at Rainbow Dash as if he was daring her to try. Both wondered if she would actually do it. Anon decided he wasn’t in the mood to have a battle of will with her; at this time. So, he flipped open his saddlebag and hovered the remainder of his food over it.

Rainbow Dash cocked her head. “What are you- What the hay was that?!”

She didn’t get a good look at what it was. But it was something large, black and furry that shot out of Anon’s bag. It snatched the food and dunked back inside. Rainbow Dash stared in disbelief as the bag twitched before going still.

“That would be my rat Carnage,” Anon said casually, as if it was the most normal thing in the world to keep a large rodent in your bag. “Fluttershy gave him to me.”

“A rat?!” Rainbow Dash’s wings shot up. “Why would Fluttershy give you a rat? And why would you name it Carnage of all names?!”

“Carnage and I bonded over our hatred for a certain cat. I named him after a villain comic book character back from my world,” Anon answered, sliding his hoof into his bag to stroke and coo at his new pet. “Because Carnage never dies, does he? No he doesn’t! No he doesn’t!”

Rainbow Dash facehoofed. Of course Anon would name his pet after something evil. Why would it be anything else?

“Fair warning, colt: if that thing so much as nibbles on my tortoise, you’ll be taking full responsibility for it,” Rainbow Dash said, still eyeing the saddlebags warily.

“Yeah, yeah, I got it,” Anon grumbled, still petting his rat. “Now, if you’re done being a drama queen, can we get going?”

The flight to the training grounds was swift and silent. Rainbow Dash focused on her flying, temporarily easing the dread of the next seven days. Anon had his eyes closed tight, his grip on her neck tightening every time she made a sharp turn. He was obviously not used to high speeds or flying. Rainbow Dash knew it was wrong, but she felt a little smug satisfaction from his discomfort.

They arrived at the Wonderbolts Training Academy just as the early morning training was beginning. The sight of Rainbow Dash landing with an extra passenger on her back caused a small stir among the young recruits. Some whispered, others pointed, and a few even stopped their exercises to stare. Rainbow Dash took in the attention with a cocky grin. However, she was a little nervous about seeing her team. She didn't need the teasing she knew would come from them about her new "responsibility."

“Enjoy the flight?” Rainbow asked cheekily.

“Fly slower next time!” Anon whined as he slid off from Rainbow Dash’s back, his whole body shaking.

Rainbow Dash chuckled. “No can do. You might as well ask me to stop breathing.”

"Yeah, wouldnt want that now, would we?" Anon muttered.

They approached the entrance, and Anon had to admit to himself this place was quite amazing. The grandeur of the place was like nothing he had ever seen. It felt like a castle in the sky, gleaming with the early morning light. Rainbow Dash strutted in confidently, while Anon trailed behind, his eyes wide with wonder.

Before Rainbow had a chance to begin the tour, a sudden voice called out to her. Up the hall she saw Fleetfoot trotting towards them with a curious look on her face. "What brings you here so early and on your time off? And with... a little friend?"

"This is Anon," Rainbow introduced casually. “He’s… uh, a special friend I’m watching over for a bit. So we’re taking a little tour.”

Seeing a sudden chance to embarrass Rainbow in front of her teammate, Anon piped up, “Mommy Dashie has me for a whole week while Mommy AJ is away on business!”

Rainbow’s Dash’s face went from blue to beet red as fast as a lightning bolt.

“You adopted a kid, Crash?” Fleetfoot asked curiously. “Why didn’t you tell us? We would have totally been happy to hear it!”

Rainbow Dash mouthed her mouth to speak but no words came out. She was utterly stunned by Anon’s audacity to tell such a horrendous lie. Anon, sensing another opportunity to mess with Rainbow, went in for the kill.

“Mommy Dashie’s ashamed that I don’t have wingies,” Anon said, his voice full of sadness. “She doesn’t want anyone to know I’m her son. But she still loves me! Right, mommy? Right?”

“No!” Rainbow Dash exclaimed, finally finding her voice.

“Wow, Dash,” Fleetfoot said, giving her a dirty look. “I never knew you could be so...”

“I mean no as in he’s not my son!” Rainbow Dash quickly corrected, her face on fire with embarrassment. She glared at Anon, who looked like he was about to cry. “Anon, tell the truth for once in your miserable life!”

“Mommy AJ said to always be honest,” Anon whimpered, giving puppy dog eyes to Fleetfoot.

Fleetfoot looked down at Anon, her heart aching for the poor colt.

“Fleetfoot, he’s lying!” Rainbow Dash insisted, her voice rising with frustration. “I’m not his mom, I’m just babysitting him for Twilight!”

Fleetfoot looked at Rainbow with a disapproving stare. Then looked back down to Anon. “Hey, little buddy. Why don’t we hang out for a bit while your mom,” She threw Rainbow another dirty look, “takes some time to realize what a great son she has?”

Anon sniffed. “Really? Wow, that’s so nice of you. I wish my mom were more like you.”

“Fleetfoot, I swear on my wings-!”

But Fleetfoot gave Rainbow a pure look of venom, making her defense crumble. She then looked to Anon with a warm smile and beckoned him to follow. Rainbow Dash watched them go, her jaw clenched and her eyes blazing with an inferno of fury. She was going to kill that colt.

Anon found hanging out with Fleetfoot was actually a cool experience. Especially when she listed off a few stories of his 'mom’s’ early days as a Wonderbolt. He laughed heartily once she told him the story of how Rainbow got her Wonderbolt nickname. She was just in the middle of explaining how Wonderbolts used to wear armour in the old days when another pegasus came walking up to them.

“Fleetfoot!” The grayish blue stallion said quickly. “We’re due out on the field. We’re about to start training the new recruits!”

“Oh, yeah! That’s right!” Fleetfoot smacked her wing over her face. “I lost track of time! Have you seen Crash anywhere? I gotta get her kid back to her.”

“Crash has a kid?” The stallion asked, astounded by the sudden news.

“Not that she deserves one,” Fleetfoot murmured, before scooping Anon up in her hooves. “I’ll meet you down there in a minute. If you see Crash, tell her I left her son in the daycare.”

Anon’s eyes widened. “Say what now?”

With a strong flap of her wings, Fleetfoot took off down the hallway with Anon in tow. In less than ten seconds they were in front of a door with a wooden sign that read "Wonderbolts Daycare." Fleetfoot seemed to be in too much of a rush to hear Anon’s protesting. She pushed the door open and slid him in. "See ya, kid. Have fun!”

The room was filled with the sounds of laughter and the occasional cry of a young foal. Anon slowly turned around to see his personal pony hell just got cranked up to 11. The walls were a pastel nightmare, with cartoons of birds and butterflies in the clouds. The floor was lined with plushy pillows and stuffed animals, and so many foals. So. Many. Foals.

“Karma, you fickle bitch.”

Those were the first words that came to Anon’s mind as a pegasus mare with a fluffy pink mane and gray coat, approached him with a wide smile.

“Well, hello there, little one! What’s your name?” the Pegasus mare chirped, her voice sticky sweet and cheerful. Anon felt his heart sink even further as she trotted closer. She looked like the kind of pony who had never had a bad day in her life, and certainly not one who would appreciate his brand of humor.

“I’m Anon. Rainbow Dash’s...uh, son,” He stumbled over the words, trying to think of a way out of here. “She’s been showing me around and we kind of got separated. I thought maybe she was in here.” He gave a show of looking around. “But it doesn’t look like it, so I’ll just be going now.”

The mare’s smile didn’t waver. “Oh, no, no, no! You shouldn’t be wandering the halls by yourself! Especially with you being an earth pony! You could easily get hurt or worse!”

Anon’s heart sank even further. He knew he couldn’t just leave the room without causing a scene, and the last thing he needed was to be stuck in a room full of babies and a caretaker all day. He took a deep breath and tried to put on his most charming smile. “It’s okay, I promise. Rainbow Dash is probably just around the corner. She’s really good at finding me when I’m lost. She’s like a homing pegasus.”

But Anon knew if Rainbow Dash came to find him in here, she would most likely leave him to his fate.

“Well, then she’ll find you soon enough, sweetie,” the mare said, her voice dripping with sweetness. She took Anon by his hoof and led him further into the room. “My name’s Cheery Skies by the way. You’re just in time for arts and crafts!”

This was going to be a long, long day. He had to escape this infantile hell soon or Rainbow Dash would never let him hear the end of it. Cheery Skies took him to a small table, surrounded by foals eagerly working on their drawings.

Cheery Skies looked at Anon expectantly. “Now, Anon, honey, are you potty trained?”

It was now Anon’s turn for his face to burn with embarrassment. He had to get out of here. Fast. “Yes!” He replied quickly through gritted teeth. “Yes, I am!”

Cheery Skies nodded, seemingly oblivious to his discomfort. “Good boy. Now, why don’t you sit here and make a lovely picture for your mommy?”

Anon gritted his teeth and took a seat. He looked around the room, searching for anything that could help him escape. His eyes landed on a vent in the corner, maybe he could squeeze in there? But then he remembered this daycare was a good thousand feet in the air; maybe more. The vent could lead to his demise rather than his salvation.

He was about to pick up a crayon and scribble while he thought of a plan, when a little blue filly trotted up to him, holding a picture of what looked like a giant red dragon breathing fire. “Wook wha I dew!” she exclaimed happily.

Anon took a moment to look at it. “Wow... very impressive,” he said, trying to be as friendly as he could. That’s when he noticed how the red dragon had a black muzzle. It reminded him of a certain comic book character… "Carnage!”

The little blue filly looked at him puzzled. “Wa’s carrage?”

“Oh, you’re about to find out,” Anon replied, reaching in his saddlebag and bringing out the currently sleeping black rat. “Wake up, Carnage!” He whispered loudly. The rat yawned, showing off its sharp teeth, and looked around with sleepy eyes.

The filly’s eyes went wide, her little legs started to tremble and before Anon could say anything else, she screamed at the top of her lungs. The room went quiet as everypony turned to look at the disturbance. Anon swiftly but gently put Carnage down on the floor, and leaned back to watch the chaos begin.

“IT’S A RAT!” A filly shrieked, dropping her crayon and sprinting away from the table.

The room erupted in a cacophony of fearful cries as the foals scattered in every direction, their tiny hooves stomping on the soft pillowed floor. Cheery Skies’ eyes bulged in horror as she spun around to see what had caused such a commotion. Spotting Carnage, her smile vanished and was replaced by a look of sheer panic.

“Everypony just stay calm!” Cheery Skies bellowed, her sweet demeanor replaced with terror. She tried to herd the foals together as they bolted in every direction. Some took to the air, their tiny wings flapping in a panic. Others stumbled and tripped over the toys scattered across the floor. Anon felt a little bad for causing this chaos, but they would be fine, he told himself. It was Carnage who needed rescuing now.

Scooping up Carnage and placing him on his back, Anon dashed towards the door. The rat squeaked in protest as he was jostled around. The foals who noticed Carnage in Anon’s grasp gave him a wide birth as he hustled to the door. Cheery Skies was too busy trying to calm the terrified foals to notice Anon leaving them to their hysteria.

Once out in the hallway, Anon took a moment to catch his breath, leaning against the wall. He smirked down at Carnage, who was now wide awake and looking quite pleased with himself. “Well done, Carny!” Anon praised, patting the rat’s head. “You’re officially a real supervillain now. Now we find the walking pride flag, play the sick card and get the hell out of here.”

But finding Rainbow Dash was proving to be a lot harder than it sounded. Oddly enough, Anon couldn’t find anyone in the vast corridors of the Wonderbolts Training Academy. It was as if they all had just up and left. Anon wasn’t too worried about it though. He knew Twilight would chew Rainbow out if she left him here.

While the minutes ticked by, Anon began to feel a pressing need that grew more and more uncomfortable. He had to pee. Badly. He looked around for a bathroom sign, but all he saw were portraits of pegasi in various poses. Now he was starting to worry. Was there something about pegasus physiology that meant they didn’t need bathroom breaks?

Seeing he would have to come up with an alternative, Anon pushed open the closest door to him and peeked inside to find what appeared to be somepony’s office. Spotting a small trash can in the corner, Anon made a split-second decision. He carefully placed Carnage back in his saddlebag and hurried over to the bin, hoping to relieve himself quickly before anypony could walk in.

He had barely let out his sigh of relief when the door flew open. One look was all Anon needed to know who this pony was. Fleetfoot showed him her portrait in the halls along with tales of how tough and unforgiving she was. It was none other than the legendary Spitfire herself; her fiery mane blazed with the same intensity as her stare.

Anon could only scream in terror as Spitfire stared right at him with an emotionless expression on her face.

“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!” Anon cried, wishing he could cut off his stream, but it just kept coming! So he did the only thing he could; he resumed screaming for his life. “AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH! I! CAN’T! STOP!”

Until finally, Anon's stream trickled to an end. He slowly tilted the bucket back down with the sound of his urine splashing around inside. Knowing he was completely screwed, Anon tried to give an innocent smile as he leaned on the bucket. “So… how you doing?”

Before Spitfire could utter a single word, Anon's trembling hooves lost their grip on the bucket. It slipped from under him, toppling it over and sending a golden wave across the pristine office floor. The smell of fear and embarrassment mixed with the faint scent of apple juice that lingered in the room.

“Hmmm,” Spitfire finally spoke, sounding awfully calm despite the situation. She looked down at her floor as she rubbed her chin. “Not sure how to answer that… You know?” Spitfire walked around the puddle, took her seat at her desk and leaned back. She didn’t even so much as glance at him. “I’m feeling rather numb with rage…? I’m gonna take some time to process this. Good day.”

Anon looked at her, utterly baffled. Yet, he wasn’t going to look this gift horse in the mouth. He took one small step towards the door. Then another. Then another. Then he full-on sprinted out the door, down the hall, desperately hoping to find Rainbow Dash so she can get him out of here!

Spitfire had never struck a foal in her life but today could be the day. Legend says on that very day, Spitfire’s enraged scream had reached all the way to Canterlot.