Author's Note

TW: SH

I’m sorry if it don‘t make sense and its chaos, most of it was written with fever, so my brain is a little wonky.

Chatting part!

*Chat with Twilight*

28.6. 15:32

S: Hey

S: Do you have time tomorrow?

16:25

S: Please, I want to talk to you in person

18:56

S: Twilight

20:30

S: Just please text me when you’re free.

She‘s not responding nor seeing the messages. GREAT.

I was thinking about what would I told her when we meet. And even though I‘m not sure about my feelings towards her, I‘m 100% sure about one thing. I Don‘t want to lose her.

I want to text her, but I don‘t want to spam her phone too much. I should rather crack a can of beer and start my favourite videogame, to clean my head a little and put my overthinking mind out of its misery. And I know, what happened tonight and another beer, not optimal, but I don‘t really care and I feel good now so beer it is.

23:30 and 2 cans later

S: Hey Twi, please answer me

S: I don‘t want to lose you

S: Please

S: I‘ll do anything, just talk to me

00:38

T: Today 15:30 at mall

Next day 13:04

I woke up with a little headache but when I noticed the text, I jumped out of bed with loud YES that scared Ray nearly out of his cage (I‘m sorry buddy)

Today it is!

Today...

TODAY! WHAT?

I don‘t have any prepared speech or anything. OU MY.

(-point for myself, spend less time with Rarity, because I‘m starting to sound like her)

But I should prepare and what am I going to wear?

IF I KNEW I WOULD HAVE WOKEN UP SOONER.

Breathe Sunset, you got this. Just wear what you usually wear.

But what should, and mainly how should I say anything???

I‘M NOT READY!

And I should text her back that I‘ll be there.

15:25

I got this. For sure. What worst could happen, right?

I said that to myself again and again till I saw Twilight at the mall as we talked we‘d meet. You know that confidence that I thought existed, yeah no.

SHE WAVED? THIS IS REAL, WAVE BACK AND GO UP TO HER!

„HEY Twilight!“ I said a little too loud as I approached her.

„hey“ Said Twilight without looking at me.

„SO-“

„THA-“

„You can go first“ I said awkwardly as we started to talk at the same time.

„Firstly, I‘m sorry. That should have not happened and I regret it dearly. It was a mistake. I was drunk and Haven’t considered your feelings about it and really just wanted to do something bold. For the sake of our friend group, let‘s just not smudge it around. It meant nothing really.“

I stayed flabbergasted. What?

„It...so it meant nothing for you?“

I felt my heart breaking. This is how it feels? I just now realized how deeply I really cared for this to workout. It surely hurts. I started to feel something sting in the eyes.

„You know, I was drunk, you were drunk, there was a beautiful setting and-“

„I understand“ I looked down as I felt a tear roll down my cheek

trying to force the smile through the tears I said:

„Than there is nothing to talk about, right?“ I looked at her face, than turned around and walked away.

I was stupid to think it meant something. I‘m stupid. This is stupid. EVERYTHING IS STUPID.

I’ve gone to the bathroom to calm down, because I can't drive if I can't see.

What I felt was pure sadness that I haven’t felt for a really long time. I started to scratch my hand.

In past, when I was stressed or sad or anything like that, I coped with it by scratching myself till the place, usually hand, started bleeding. It was easy to cover and if someone asked, I just scratched myself somewhere was valid answer.

I was stupid to think something or mainly think that there was a chance. But there was still this hope, you know?

When I calmed down enought to not cry, I went to my bike.

And there stand, guess who?

Yes, Twilight, you guessed it. Why? Who knows. (Little bitchy, but that was how I felt at that moment, sorry past Twi)

„Yes? I need to get to my bike.“ I said with a bit of anger. I was rightfully angry, she just broke my hearth and now she blocked my bike.

„I’m sorry“

„For what?“

„I- I don‘t know what to do. I don‘t know how I feel and I thought you‘ll be glad if I told you that it meant nothing, but when I saw you cry...“ she looked to the ground once again and her voice cracked „I don‘t know what to do. I just what you to be happy“

„What would make you happy?“ what? I just surprised myself with this question.

„What?“

„I‘m asking“

„...If we stayed at least friends and-“

„And?“

„And I don‘t want to lose you.“

„one advice. If you don‘t want to lose someone, don‘t give them hope and than break their heart“

Now this, I don‘t know where it came from. Ladies and gentleman, my most savage and bitchy part of existence just came to life again and It‘s not under my or anyone’s control.

„What?“

„Now please, I want to go home“ As I sat down and put up my helmet, she grabbed my hand. Sadly in a worst place possible.

„AU!“

„IM SORRY! But please don’t go.“

„Why shouldn‘t I?“

„I never wanted to break your hearth. I just never thought you would give me a chance.“

„Why wouldn’t I? you are one of the most beautiful girl I ever saw in my life, and probably smartest I’ve ever met, with a great sense of humour and beautiful soft lips? Now can I go? If you wanted me to talk about how great you are, than you should have said it before that kiss meant nothing and say-“

„It meant something.. But it really meant something and I’m sorry I said it did not.“

I looked at her. I could see in her eyes how she started to tear up. What is the right response to this? She said it meant nothing than that she was just afraid, she likes me, okay, but... Maan.

„What should we do than?“ I put my helmet back down as I said the only thing that came to my mind.

„I don‘t know. You know how I feel now. You mean for me more than a friend.“

„And I like you as well. I just slightly feel like we are rushing it? I don’t know. Or more like we should really, and not with "I think you" talk“

„I understand.“

„But...for me, lets try it. I would be glad to call you my girlfriend. And I think we should go to mine to talk more about this, because I feel like I heard Pinkies canon and I would rather have everything sorted out before telling them, you know?“

„ I agree. Can you please pass me the helmet?“ Twilight slightly but nervously chuckled.