Break Stuff

My tour guide hastily led me to a fancy three-story building with a pair of big hedges in the shape of ponies on either side of its front door. During our brief trip, plenty of the other little ponies had scrambled into view, screaming at me all the while, before taking off out of sight. And I hadn't even really menaced them yet.

I whistled as I appraised the hotel with a nod. "Swanky," I hummed before shooting a scowl at my guide. "Beat it." He flinched before taking off. Returning my attention to the hotel, I strode up to the door and thrust my hand at it, magically throwing the doors open. Inside, I found a red tiled floor with a pair of comfy-looking couches forming a sort of alley up to the front desk, where a girl pony sat, looking at me in shock. I strode up to her and slammed my fist on the desk causing her to flinch.

"Nicest room in the house. Double time," I demanded. She wilted and considered the dent I'd made in her desk before swallowing.

"A-and how will you be paying this evening?" She asked, to which I nodded and produced my debit card with a smirk.
"Here you go," I replied, offering it. She looked at the piece of plastic in confusion.

"Huh? What-" She shook her head. "I-I meant would you be paying with bits or gems."

"Ain't got neither," I hummed with a nod.

"Well, uhm," she cleared her throat and I leaned in.

"Guess that means it's free, right?" I asked, slipping my card back into my pocket. She recoiled and frowned.

"Ah! You-" Before she could argue further, I held up my palm and blasted the wall behind her. Her ear twitched at the crackling sound of the smoldering heap the chunk of wall quickly collapsed into. Grinning through the discomfort, I locked eyes with her as a terrified smile overtook her features. "-Are absolutely correct! Enjoy your stay!" She quickly snatched a key from under the desk, dropped it before me, and then cowered under the desk out of sight. I snatched up the key and went searching for the room that matched the number on its face.

"You're being awful rambunctious," Snippy said, slithering up into view. "I figured when you asked about law enforcement you were planning on being more careful."

"Nah, just wanted to know the ETA on when the killjoys will pop up," I hummed in response, raising my foot and kicking in a door as I passed it. The pony sleeping inside jumped out of their bed with a shout before tumbling and hitting their nightstand. "Like The King said 'Here for a good time; not a long time.'"

"The King?" Snippy asked, causing me to beam and draw my wallet.

"Yes Ma'am!" I said, producing a picture of my dad, posing with a thumbs-up and a slightly uneven toothy smirk on his face. "Dear old Klaus Kramer himself." I admired the photo before pausing right as we reached the stairs.

"Granted, he gave me that line just before he grabbed a king-sized mattress and jumped off the top of a parking garage with it," I said before shrugging and making my way to the top floor. "But I guess that gives more validity to his claim, huh?" Snippy tilted her head at my words before slithering after me. Eventually, we found the door to my room, inside which was an absolutely massive and plush-looking bed. The room had a smell like roses and sugar and as I closed the door behind me, I spied a huge tub in the bathroom that I made a note of for the morning.

In the now times, I stretched with a groan. "Whew! I know you said I got magical endurwhatever, but I'm beat," I declared, kicking off my boots and slipping off my shirt. "Wake me up if the horsies pop up with pitchforks."

"Will do," Snippy said evenly as I threw myself into the bed. "Sleep well."

It was as peaceful a day as one could expect from Ponyville. Birds chirping, clouds drifting through the sky, and no sign of any impending threats or troubles. Even better was the fact that Spike had gone off to help Rarity mine gems, and Starlight had gone to Maud's cave house with Trixie, meaning Twilight had some alone time. She sat on the grass just behind her castle, basking in the sunlight. And by sat, I, of course, mean she was rolling around with her wings flopped out, purring in delight as she finally managed to scratch the hard-to-reach place between said wings.

"Princess Twilight!" Someone suddenly shouted, causing her to cry out and flop to her hooves.

"Hi! Hello! Uh," she swallowed hard and shook the grass from her feathers as she looked the shaken mare beside her up and down.

"There's a monster in Detrot!" Her visitor squealed, desperately prancing in place. Twilight recoiled at her words.

"Already?" She groaned, shaking her head. "We just got done dealing with that dang amulet." After taking a moment to stretch her wings and legs she offered the mare a nod.

"Alrighty. Let me get the girls together!" She declared. Despite her words, the mare tilted her head.

"Amulet?" She asked, earning a frown and a nod from Twilight.

"The Alicorn Amulet. It's a spooky evil magic talisman, but it's been dealt with!" She said, waving a wing. The mare's ears shot back.

"What, uh," she cleared her throat and pawed at the ground. "When you say 'alicorn' you mean, like, a pony with horns and wings?"

"Yep. Like me!" Twilight chirped, spreading her wings proudly. The mare scrunched up her muzzle with a steady nod.

"And," she looked to the side. "The amulet. Looks like that?" Twilight paused and tilted her head at her question.

"Kinda yeah," she finally answered. When the mare met her eyes, she flinched and then smiled, holding up a hoof. "No."

"Uhm," the mare murmured.

"No, no," Twilight insisted, shaking her head and stepping closer.

"Ah," the mare tried, only for Twilight to press the tip of her wing to her mouth.

"Shh, no," Twilight said quietly, shaking her head with a smile. "No." She raised her eyebrows as she locked eyes with the mare. They stayed like that for a few moments before Twilight nodded and stepped back.

"It's got a thing that looks like that on its neck," the mare said immediately. Twilight's smile widened and she clenched her eyes, rolling her head to and fro as a steady groan rolled up from her throat. Her cheeks puffed out as she huffed and her eyes snapped up to Canterlot in the distance before snapping back to the innocent little pony in front of her. Finally, she squeaked and hissed.

"Son of a cussing cussword," she strained, shaking her entire body as she restrained her genuine verbal feelings. She wheezed hard through pursed lips before nodding firmly. "Okay! What'd you say it was doing?" The mare swallowed with a nod.

"Uh, it barged into town and scared everypony," she said, causing Twilight to raise an eyebrow. "Oh, and it invaded our inn."

"Has it hurt anypony yet?" Twilight pressed, sighing in relief when she shook her head.

"No, thank Celestia," the mare declared before flinching and looking back the way she'd come. "At least, not as far as I know." Twilight hummed with a nod before resting a hoof on the mare's shoulder.

"Alright. You stay here where it's safe," she ordered, earning a nod from the mare. Twilight spread her wings and took off into the sky, quietly grumbling and hissing as she flew.

The sky above me was filled with heavy black clouds that flashed with red streaks of lightning, all of which seemed to be arcing toward a huge shadowy structure in the distance. The ground around me was barren and brown, which caused the shadow in the distance to stick out all the more. As I focused on it, I found it rapidly racing closer and closer until it loomed above me. It looked like one of those old-school bronze-age temple things.

Ziggy somethings. Looked cool as hell. It stretched up to the sky and its peak was surrounded by the scary clouds above me. Despite that, I heard and saw a door at its peak fly open, producing a creepy purple mist that hissed out and split the clouds. In the mist, two bright red eyes suddenly appeared and locked with my own.

Then I woke up with a snort. "Sick," I huffed before stretching.

"Hey, hey. Sleep well?" Snippy asked as she slithered into view. "No pitchforks or anything like that." I looked at her with a furrowed brow as she was more defined today. She had the general outline of one of the ponies but was still just a solid black shape.

"Hell yeah," I said with a yawn before sweeping my legs off the bed. "To both the statement and the question." I stretched as she nodded before sighing.

"Whew, I'm hitting the tub," I said before making my way to the bathroom. Before I crossed the threshold, I considered my shadowy companion and reached for the amulet.

"Don't do that," she said suddenly and with an anxious tone. I raised an eyebrow at her.

"Why not?" I asked.

"Don't," she insisted with a chipper tone now. I snorted and shrugged at her as I grabbed the amulet.

"What, you wanting to peep or something?" I huffed before flinching when she suddenly flew up into my face.

"I'll wait in your shadow. I won't see anything," she insisted again, once more with that anxious tone. "Don't take the amulet off." I blinked at her and then grimaced.

"Nasty little pervert," I grumbled, shaking my head. "Whatever." She beamed and then sank into my shadow as I made my way inside and stripped down until the amulet was all I had on. I took my time in the luxury bath and emerged feeling fresh as hell. Unfortunately, my clothes were still yesterday's, so they wound up partially spoiling the feeling.

Once I was dressed, I tapped the amulet. "You got something to degrime my fit?" I asked. Snippy popped up and tilted her head.

"What?" She asked. I gestured to my outfit.

"Clean my clothes," I replied. She looked me up and down and nodded.

"Yeah, I know spells like that exist," she replied, drawing a smile from me. Then she shook her head. "They're transmogrification though. I can't really teach you those on my own."

My expression wilted and I frowned at her. "Why not?"

"They're, hm," she rubbed her chin with a shadowy hoof. "Okay. Levitation and beams are sort of direct, right? One requires more focus and practice to usually use than the other, but they're still simple and direct." I slowly nodded and she did likewise.

"Transmogrification is using magic in a very fine way," she continued, pausing and looking around. "Like uh." Her gaze fell on my pants and she gasped.

"Sewing! If transmogrification is like sewing some clothes, then what you've done up to now is more like just throwing a towel around yourself," she chirped, clapping her hooves. "You need those books I was talking about to start delving into that stuff." I nodded again but tilted my head at her.

"But why can't you-"

"Sorry, I'm kind of direct in my magic uses," she said with a shrug. "Brute force. If I were able to do more complicated stuff on my own, I wouldn't have needed to violently rip open the magical wormhole they tossed me through. I coulda just made my own." She reached forward and poked my shoulder.

"You're gonna have to learn more about magic if you want to use my power in more delicate methods," she chirped with a shadowy smile. I pursed my lips and nodded before snapping my fingers at her.

"Bet," I declared before slipping on my boots and moving to tie them, "Let's go find some food." Before I could finish, my door was kicked open.

"Not so fast!" A she pony screamed as she dove in. She was wearing some crazy golden armor and fixed me with a determined scowl as she spread her wings.

"What?" I grumbled, looking up at her in surprise.

"I heard all about you! You're under arrest!" She declared causing me to wilt.

"Aw, shit. You a cop?" I groaned, standing up straight with a sigh. She paused and furrowed her brow.

"What? No," she murmured, shaking her head before sharpening her expression. "I'm a member of the Royal Guard!" I beamed at her revelation.

"Oh! Sick," I pumped my fist and wagged my finger at her. "Yeah, I don't recognize no king or queen. Sorry Guvnah. Take your ass back to Britain afore I seventeen seventy-six your ass." Her jaw dropped and her wings snapped out straight.

"What?!" She squealed before clenching her teeth and taking a low stance. "Oh! You're gonna get it now!" I blinked before a smile formed on my face.

"You fixing for a scrap?" I asked evenly. When she scraped her hoof on the ground, my smile widened. "Aw, hell yeah. Been too long. Let's do it!" I clapped my hands and put them out to the side, bringing one foot back and slightly slipping off my boot.

"Come on!" I dared with a chortle. "Let's tussle!"

"HIYAAH!" She squealed as she dove toward me. Once she was airborne, I snapped my foot forward and flung my loosened boot at her face. She recoiled and closed her eyes, giving me the perfect opening to dive in and grab her. Taking her by the sides, I brought my knee back before swinging it forward as I slammed her down.

I dropped to a kneeling position as I drove her ass-first into my knee and she wheezed hard and went wide-eyed and stiff. She stayed like that right up until I released my grip, at which point she fell to the ground still stiff as a board. I stood up straight and looked down at her in disappointment.

"Damn. That's it?" I grumbled, adjusting my belt. Snippy popped up and inspected the twitching little pony.

"Earth pony strength," she declared, slowly nodding. "But uh, that was also pretty wicked, so I don't think she's getting up from that one for a bit." I raised an eyebrow and tilted my head as the British pony let out a slow and steady squeaking wheeze. Nodding, I collected my boot.

"Ah. Well, that was fun," I sighed, slipping my footwear back on. "Love a good tussle." I kicked it into place and hastily tied my laces before stretching.

"Let's go break something inanimate."