Rainbow Dash is (Not) Gay

The balloon gently floated our friends up to Rainbow's cloud and the cloud walking spell was applied. Despite the knowledge that it was safe to proceed, it took a concerted effort on the part of all to exit the basket. Applejack most of all dreaded the interview. She knew it was still weird that Rainbow was heterosexual despite her personality and aesthetic, but as she walked towards the cloud home it really dawned on her just how lonely Rainbow must have been. To simply have NOPONY of the opposite sex approach her in a romantic capacity, and the entire time not knowing why. When she reached the door she had to breathe deeply to prepare her soul for the interview. She looked behind her for moral support and all nodded, signaling it was time.

Applejack sighed hard and firmly knocked on the door. All held their breaths listening for a response. The knock was repeated and again the same obstinate silence from inside. The earth pony looked back to the princess of friendship and Twilight stepped forward to attempt to bridge the gap. “Rainbow? Are you home? It's us. . . We just wanted to say how sorry we are that we hurt your feelings.”

Rarity stepped up to the door. “Yes dahling, it was terribly unladylike to make assumptions the way we did.”

“Your personality has nothing to do with your sexual preferences, and we should've known better.” Fluttershy called out in her turn.

“And even though literally everythang about you screams ‘I LUV PUSS’ OWW!” Applejack rubbed the sting out of the back of her head that Twilight had smacked. She sighed and continued, “But that still don't make it raght, we're sorry.”

“Even though we've known each other for like fifteen years. You think we would’ve known something like this sooner.” Pinkie said thoughtfully. Everypony went still at this observation and felt dramatically worse about the situation. They were pulled from their reflections when the door finally opened to reveal a very tired, very disheveled looking Rainbow Dash. All moved towards the open door in anticipation but immediately threw themselves back when the smell hit them. The house positively reeked of sex! Everypony had to put a hoof over their muzzles just to avoid vomiting.

Rainbow squinted at the bright sunlight as she stretched and yawned in the doorway. She blinked several times before her tired brain could register who was at the door. Finally, after blinking the sleep out of her eyes she grinned widely. “Girrrllllsssszzzz” She slurred as she wrapped her front legs around the two ponies unlucky enough to be closest. The pegasus had the overpowering stench of leftover ejaculate and sweat from clearly more than one pony. “Come in! Come in! My coltfriends making cloud cakes!” She turned to enter the house, but all hesitated to follow. Finally each took a big gulp of the outside air and timidly trudged inside. When their eyes adjusted to the lower light each regretted accepting the invitation. The whole room looked even worse than it smelled.

On every surface, there were standing puddles of various fluids. Everypony had to very carefully pick their steps around the cloud floor just to avoid cross contamination. Rainbow spoke in a scratchy tired slur that all but literally dripped with satisfaction. “You know I really owe you girls an apology. Turns out that every other dick in Equestria wanted a piece of me, but didn't know I wanted them. So letting them all know in the way I did had. . . ” She gave an uncharacteristically girlish giggle as she snuggled up to the rather attractive stallion working at the stove. “Veeery pleasant results.” The stallion smirked and swatted the giggling mare with a wing on the ass. She had another giggle fit and had to fight to be able to resume her explanation. “This big handsome stallion is. . .” She had to stop and snap her wing several times to jog her memory.

“Sky Splitter.” Both said as one.

“I knew that!” Rainbow said defensively, clinging to the foreleg of the smirking stallion. “Babe, seriously I knew that. Don't be mad at me! I love you.”

The stallion rolled his eyes and gave the clinging mare a quick peck on the lips. “I know Thunder Butt, you're just tired. Go sit down, food's almost done.” He gave her another peck on the forehead. She smiled like a drunken pony and all but collapsed into her seat at the table.

Rainbow had to sigh lovingly to herself before continuing. “Anyway, so it got out that I swung the way I do, and stallions LITERALLY were lined up at my door!” She had to chuckle to herself. “So I decided, ‘screw it, haven't had a good lay in a while, cum on in.’ I've laid more pipe in the last two days than Canterlot Water and Power have in the last year!” She cackled to herself and everypony sat frozen in shock and disgust. Twilight had it worst of all knowing exactly, down to the millimeter, how much pipe was used in the last calendar year. Cross reference that with the biological average length of ponies, and the number was horrifying. Sky Splitter brought over two tall stacks of food, and the satisfied pegasus wrapped her forelegs and wings around him. “And this one here beat aaaall the rest. I had to keep telling him to get back in line and come back when he's closer to finishing.” The stallion munched on a cloud cake and tried not to look too smug as he shrugged his shoulders.

Twilight cleared her throat, hoping to end the uncomfortable interview and exit the den of expelled fluids. “Well. . . Dash. Ahem. Congratulations you two. Uhmm. We just wanted to stop by and say how sorry we were for hurting your feelings with our assumptions, but clearly the matters been resolved so. . .”

The pegasus blew a dismissive raspberry and laid her head against her stallion’s shoulder. “Pbbt! Nah don't worry about it. I mean, I get it. Tomboy, super rough and tumble. Rainbow.” She held up her tail to emphasize her point.

All jumped as Applejack blurted out, “EXAC!!!. . . Sorry.”

The stallion pushed away his empty plate and whispered something in his mare’s ear. Rainbow’s eyes went wide and she gawked at her coltfriend, “Again?! Already!”

Sky Splitter shrugged his shoulders. “I mean we don't have to. Just, if you're ready to go again, I am.” He flicked his eyes down to something concealed by his side of the table and Dash bit her lip. She would've completely disregarded her guests had the princess not cleared her throat and popped up quickly from the table.

“Well Rainbow, glad you're feeling better. We’ll just leave you two alone. Right now! Let's go girls!” All began a general hustle towards the door, but Rainbow called out for Applejack to wait. The farmer didn't want to, but as she turned she was taken by surprise as she was pressed firmly against the wall. Before she could stop her, Rainbow had slipped her tongue into the earth pony's mouth and felt around. Applejack's face lit up red as her brother at the unexpected kiss. Rainbow pulled away and smacked her lips, thinking about the sensations she was feeling.

“Yeah, thought not.” She said, shrugging her shoulders. She leaned in and whispered. “But Splitter’s cool with three ways, so if you ever wanna hit that, hit me up.” Before she could blink, the pegasus was back inside and Applejack could hear muffled moans through the door.

The farmer smacked her lips and processed her thoughts on the contact. “Well. Glad we got that squared away. Not that into it. Hrmm. Oh well.” She turned to rejoin her friend's, oddly satisfied at having that question answered finally.