Bar Fights With a Hint of Chaos.

Location: Somewhere in the void

As Jacob slept, he did not know that he was being watched from a distance. Discord didn't know what to do; he asked the alien to kindly kill Celestia like the last one, but this one seems to not be as stupid as the other.

"Well, if you want things done; get other people motivated to do them." Discord said as he sent a dark-red mist that traveled into Jacob's nostrils.

"Now, once he wakes up; then will see if he's compliant or not. MUHA! MUHAW HA HA!" Discord cackled as a voice came from nowhere.

"Daddy! You promised me you would read me a bed-time story!" A young voice whined off in the distance.

"*SIGH* I'm coming honey, I just had to make sure the little human would do what I want for tomorrow." Discord said as he traveled through the darkness.

"Now then, let me read you The Little Pony That Cried Manticore.'" was the last things that were heard as Discord disappeared from the strange pocket dimension.

Back near the edge of the Everfree...

I awoke feeling rejuvenated. Yawning, I got up, receiving several cracks from my spine after a night on the cold, hard ground. For some odd reason, I felt amazing; almost like I was eighteen again. As I breathed in air, I realized how clean and fresh it was; I felt happy and calm.

Okay, what the hell is wrong with me?

Frowning, I checked myself for any sort of scat or bites that might have somehow gotten on me over the night. Finding nothing, my frown deepens as I realize that for some odd, cruel reason. I was actually smiling for nine seconds. I haven't smile unless it was something useful that I found or if I was torturing a bastard that was caught torturing or raping someone they shouldn't have.

Scratching my head, I realize that it's probably six'o'clock in the morning. Finding nothing better to do, I unholster my revolver and start to clean it. I marveled at it's look, when Volm first gave this to me; I almost broke my wrist trying to fire it with one hand. But, after years of use; I eventually got use to it and my wrist became stronger. Though it cracks a lot whenever I decided to rotate it.

Now, the gun was in pretty decent shape even though it looked like it went through hell; but if it can fire without jamming up, I say that's a gun worth having. As I clean the barrel with an old rag I pulled out of my pocket, I couldn't help but think there was something I had to do today. My thoughts were interrupted as a pink blur tackled me to the ground knocking the (safely put back together) gun outta my hands.

"HI THERE JACOB! IWASWONDERINGWHEREIWOULDFINDYOU! DOYOULIKEPARTIES!?" The blur only known to me as Pinkie pie screamed.

"Ten seconds." I stated.

She looked at me confused, tilting her head to the side as she eyed me and tried to figure out what I meant.

"Ten seconds to get off, six seconds." I growled the last part.

As Pinkie pie got off, I finally sat up right as I sent a glare her way.

She merely smiled that ridiculous smile of hers as she started jumping around me. My eyes followed her as she went out of sight on my left, then came back into view on my right. Rinse and repeat.

Not only that, but her non-stop yammering was annoying the hell out of me. Shooting my hand out, I clamp her still chattering mouth shut, to which she continues to talk even though her voice is very muffled. I sigh as I enjoy the silence for a few seconds before I look back up to her.

Only to notice that she wasn't there anymore.

"So you wanna come!?" She yelled in my ear as she somehow materialized out of no where right beside my head.

At the sound of her, I glared at her and let out my most intimidating growl I could muster.

At the sound of my warning, she immediately backed off; showing a sheepish smile as she began to speak again.

"He he, I'll just...Uhh, let you come on your own then..." Was the last thing she said before rocketing off from whence she came.

Finally, peace and-

"Howdy! You must be Jacob!" a southern redneck voice that seemed vaguely familiar came from the direction of Pinkie.

Well, why don't we just include blow-horns and bells in my loud mornings then? Hell, raise up a fucking mob!

As I turned grudgingly toward the new voice, I recognized this pony to be the one I saved from the forest.

"Hi..." I said as I laid back down, putting my hands behind my head as a pillow as I rested my eyes.

"Oh, uhh, I guess I came at a bad time." She said as she started rubbing the back of her head with her hooves.

I merely sighed as I opened my eyes; looking directly at her, I tried my most polite way possible of telling people, err, ponies to go away.

"Sorry, I just usually prefer my mornings to be quiet where I come from." I said as I went back to resting my eyes.

"Oh, heh sorry. I'm guessing that was Pinkie that sped past me then?" She asked.

Argh! So. Many. Questions!

*SIGH* "Yes, that was your friend; the Pink demon of- What was this place called again?" I asked, realizing I had forgotten, or even if I asked at all.

"Oh, yer in Equestria; near Ponyville to be precise." She said as she shuffled around a bit.

I merely sighed again at her nervousness. I found that I'm doing that a lot more lately.

"Well... I'll c-come back later then..." She said as she started backing away, clearly too nervous due to my mood.

"Wait." I said, making her stop in her tracks.

I opened one eye towards her, offering a smirk.

"I'm just not a morning person, plus, your friend is REALLY annoying in the mornings." I stated as I closed my eyes again for a nap.

"Hey! I know Pinkie can- Well, I mean she can be a bit much." She said as she put a hoof to her chin. "But she ain't that annoyin once ya'll get to know her."

I merely shrugged at her answer, hopefully I wouldn't be here long enough to know all of them too much. As I close my eyes, I hear the clop of her hooves as she starts to walk away. Until I open them up for I realized I forgot to ask something.

"Hey! What's your name kid?" I yelled towards her.

As she stopped, she turned around with her eyes in surprise.

"Well, pardon ma manners. The name's Applejack." She stated as she started walking away.

Applejack huh? I went back to closing my eyes. I wonder if she has an farm or something.

Meanwhile in Canterlot...

Princess Celestia sat there patiently, though partly annoyed as one of the noble's was pleading his case to have a "Commoner" arrested for getting his favorite suit dirty. She merely sat there and listened as he was coming close to the end of his case. He took a second to re-adjust his light green mane against his grey coat; not missing a beat, he began the ending of his case.

"And that is why this commoner she be arrested and executed for the price of my five-thousand bit coat. For it takes more than his entire home most likely to even afford to pay for it." The noble stated as he raised his head high as he looked back up to Celestia with a smirk.

Celestia stared back at the noble and one of her simple little ponies who was shivering at the trouble he was in.

'I really wish I had some cake at the moment...' Celestia thought.

After though she mentally slapped her self. Her plot was already big enough already without all the pastry foods her chefs make for herself and her sister. Her sister would even take the liberty of torturing her by eating one of her favorite cakes right in front of her! How dare she do that, for that is just cruel.

Coming back to the moment, she already knew who's side she would take before the trial was even started.

"That is a very, tragic story Mr. Golden Silver, but if you don't mind I would like to know Mr. Light Patche's side." Celestia said as politely as possible to the up-tight rich noble.

"Now then, what is your side of the story my little pony." Celestia said, looking towards the brown coated, black maned pony.

The noble merely scoffed as the pony gulped before presenting his story.

"W-well your highness, I-I was busy pulling my orange cart; a-as I was turning the corner, M-Mr. Golden Silver here was on a corner with a mud puddle beside it." The pony started. "As I was turning, I did my very best to avoid the puddle; but in doing so I lost seven oranges, which surprisingly landed in the puddle and ruined Mr. Golden Silver's very e-elegant coat."

Celestia actually felt sorry for her little pony, her sister always egged her at how spoiled and rotten the upper-class ponies had become, but she couldn't really do anything about it without becoming a heartless dictator to them. With a sigh, she came up with a clever way to end this last trial.

"My little ponies, I have reached a decision." Celestia stated with authority and grace.

"Light Patche, you will be forced to trade some oranges to the castle chefs in return, we will pay for Mr. Golden Silvers expensive clothing." Celestia stated.

'Let's see my plot try to get bigger from oranges...' she thought with a sly smile.

As the noble pony looked satisfied, and Mr. Light Patche looking relieved, her court was adjourned. As the ponies all left the room besides her royal guard, Celestia let out a sigh as she started walking back to her room for the rest of the day.

A few minutes pass as the clopping of her hooves on the marble floor made echoes through the empty hallways. She always found the castle too big, but even for thousands of years, her mind has still not changed. As she approached the doors, she heard her sister teleport inside her room, immediately yelling for her. As Celestia opened the door, Luna immediately turned towards her sister.

"Sister, thou has some surprising news!" Luna said as she rushed to her sister's side.

"Luna, your using the royal 'we' again." Celestia stated. "Also, what is this news that has you so worked up. I'm sure it couldn't be that surprising." She said as she started levitating some tea she was sipping earlier.

"Well, the creature that saved the element of honesty; Applejack." Luna started.

"Yeeeeesssss..." Celestia said, wondering where her sister was going with this.

"The creature, twas a human."

At that exact moment, the tea that was in Celestia's mouth came spewing out as she began choking. Luna seeing her sister like this ran over to her to see if she was alright. Recovering, Celestia looked up to her sister with worried eyes.

"A HUMAN!? SISTER WE HAVE TO ALERT THE GUARD! WE HAVE TO-" Celestia was cut off as her sister's hoof covered her mouth.

"Sister calm yourself! The human wasn't aggressive until my night-guard and the element of loyalty, Rainbow Dash attacked him first." Luna stated staring at her sister grimly. "But he was contacted by discord." Luna said, immediately getting a face full of more spit-out tea.

"Then how do we know we can trust him Luna, you remembered what happened last time." Celestia said with a cold glare.

"We-I know sister, but he at least told us his name." Luna said, adopting a smile.

"And his name is?" Celestia asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Jacob"

Celestia stopped breathing as she stared at her sister.

'JACOB!? How is that even possible!? How could he predict-' Celestia's train of thought was cut short as a guard appeared in the doorway.

"Your highness, there's been a situation near the edge of Ponyville," the guard started.

As the guard began explaining, Celestia's face paled.

Turning back to her sister, Celestia grimly spoke.

"Let's hope that this 'Jacob' has nothing to do with it." Celestia stated as she and her sister prepared to head out to Celestia's royal chariot.

Ponyville an hour earlier...

I awaken to the light blinding my eyes. I take a deep breath as I stretch my legs as far as they go; being rewarded with cracks from my neck, back, and legs. I give a yawn as I look back towards the sun. Noticing it was about noon, I decide that this would be a good time to get up.

As I get to a standing position, I stand for a few minutes for the blood to stop rushing to my head. Finishing that, I kick over some dirt over the already put out fire, remembering that even if it doesn't look like it could start a fire, doesn't mean it can't. As I finish, I begin to grab my fallen revolver and duffel bag to start my trek back into town. I decide to pull out the I-pod since I have a long walk to do. Turning it on, I listen to the guitar as the singer begins.

As I walk, I stare around me at the scenery as I walk past a cottage I never knew was there before. I saw lots of birds and small animals around; damn they look tasty. As I pass the stone bridge, I look in the river and notice how calm and peaceful it is.

'Wow, if it wasn't for the fact that I've been through hell; I would almost mistake this for heaven.' I thought as I continued on the path to Ponyville.

I merely felt calm as I started whistling the tune of the song. How come I always seemed calm when loud noise was dulling out everything else, I will never know. As I finally see the town coming in, I notice somethings a bit different.

There are ponies walking around, instead of hiding from me, though some still look very fearful. I noticed a banner that I couldn't read due to it not being the same language. Finally, there was a light shade of blue mare staring at me with hungry eyes.

Must be a sex predator.

As I continue walking through the streets, I take in every colorful detail.

Very colorful detail.

The roads seemed to be made out of cobblestone, if I remember correctly; instead of tin and and wood the housing seemed to be made of stone and some kind of yellow sticks. I realized that I would have to ask about the name of this stuff, since I also spotted a darker shade of blue mare with even darker blue hair and a white streak going through it eating the same stuff.

'I wonder if they're any bars here?' I thought to myself as I passed the tree house that I was knocked out for two times the other day.

I also spot a frilly place that looked like a polished and shined version of a carousel. I shivered at the thing as bad memories flooded my mind.

'Note to self, if there's EVER a situation that involved burning this place to the ground; take it.'

I finally found a place that seemed like a town hall; walking around, I do my best to find the mayor's office. Finally finding it, I make it a note to ask if there are any jobs available later on. As I continue walking, I eventually found a building with the sign of a cartoon mug plastered on a sign with a light brown liquid inside it.

"Finally." Was all I said aloud as I walked up to the door and opened it.

I was immediately assaulted with noise, the sound of an instrument playing, and the smell of booze. My favorite combination. That soon however, stopped as soon as one of the colorful ponies noticed me enter; once that happened they all began to stare. I merely stared back before walking to the bar, taking a stool, and sitting down.

It didn't lessen the staring, but it at least showed that I meant no trouble. As the green unicorn barkeep trotted up to me, he raised an eyebrow before lowering it and asking a question.

"So there, what's your poison?"

I merely sighed as I thought about what kind of alcohol they had in this fairytale land.

"What's your strongest stuff?" I asked as I waited for him to come back since he left to attend to another customer.

"Oh, well we got the Apple's hard cider if you prefer flavor, but if your lookin' to drown your sorrows I would suggest a few shots of Lunar hammer." The bartender said as he filled a mug and slid it to me. "By the way, what kind of creature are ya lad? Don't think I ever seen your kind before."

Picking up the mug, I took a sip before I answered.

"I'm human, but if you want; just refer to me as a Dead-man." I said as I took another sip.

'Damn this stuff is good.' I thought as the taste reminded me of a mixture of wine and berries with a hint of vodka.

"A Dead-man huh? The name's a bit cryptic ain't it?" The bartender said, an eyebrow raised.

"I never chose the name; the name chose me." I said as I took a large gulp of the alcoholic beverage.

"Well don't we all." the stallion said, laughing at his own joke.

"Ha, yeah." I said as I finished off the drink.

"Woah there buddy, take it easy; I'm surprised your not even tipsy." The bartender warned, raising an eyebrow at my lack of being drunk off my ass.

"Relax. I've had far worse." I said as I got up. "How much do I owe ya?"

"Don't worry pal, it's on the house; the name's Keggar by the way." He said, putting out a hoof.

"Jacob, nice meeting you." I said as I gave the hoof a firm shake.

As I turned to leave, one of the drunkards approached me, a sneer on his face.

"And where in Celestia do you think you're goin?" The stallion said a bit slurred.

"Hey! Head leave'em alone! I ain't afraid to throw your sorry flank outta my bar if I have to!" Keggar yelled from behind me.

"Shut up! Anyways, me an the boys here don't like the way you look," several other drunk thugs got up circling around me. "Now, I think we should teach you a lesson about coming into PONY-ville." He said as the circle started coming closer and closer.

I let out a grunt as I realized I was about to be in a bar-fight in an entirely different world. I analyzed the six ponies around me. Three didn't have wings or horn, but I have a feeling these are the meat heads that are the muscle. two had wings, giving them the ability of flight; so no running away. Finally, the asshole that started all this had a horn; and judging from what happened with Twilight, I'm not about to just go charge him directly.

I let out a sigh before spreading my legs apart.

'This will be interesting.' I thought as I waited for them to make the first move.

One of the winged and regular ponies charged me, hoping to knock me down due to my height and size.

They didn't.

Crouching, I grab the winged one in a grapple with my right arm, while leaning right and kicking the other pony in the ass with my boot; I was surprised as he was sent flying across the room. The winged pony I had in my arms started struggling to break free from my grasp, I noticed another regular pony, which I gave the term "Meat-bags" charged me from the front. Seeing a way to lighten my load while knocking this poor little fucker out, I drop the winged pony while grabbing his tail. Swinging, I hit the earth pony with a sickening *CRACK* as a bone or two broke in either the winged pony which I termed "flyers" or the meat-bag. Maybe bones snapped in both, I don't know.

As I dropped the pegasus, him groaning as he started curling in a ball; I approached the last three. The flyer was shaking with fear, while the horned pony and the last of the meat-bags merely grunted as they got ready to attack. I slowly made my way towards them, each footstep echoing on the wooden floor of the bar as the remaining witnesses who hadn't left were watching the battle. Some with amusement, others were smirking.

So either this "Head" and his goons weren't really liked too much, or I was about to get my ass handed to me. I really hope it's the latter; I finally clear the distance and stand there, legs spread apart, waiting for my chance to attack. The last meat-bag rushes, but before I could react, a white aura encompasses my body as I find myself unable to move. Grunting, I await when the tackle of the meat-bag to come, only to notice the meat-bag slow down and fall onto the wooden floor unconscious.

I gawked as Keggar came from behind me, a dark green aura around his horn.

"Now. GET THE TARTURUS OUT OF MY BAR!" Keggar yelled as he sent a wave of energy towards the pegasus and Head, knocking them out the front door with a mighty loud *THUNK* of bodies hitting the ground outside.

I stood there gawking at what had occurred. I just got one-upped.

By a cute little green horned pony with short black mane.

"Heh, well I think it's time for you to go. Somepony was bound to send help from the royal guard in Canterlot." Keggar said as he trotted back behind the bar. "Oh, and the drink is on the house, but not the damages." He said smirking.

I looked around the room to find a little blood on the floor from the flyer and meat-bag, the other meat-bag that met the tail end of my boot up his ass landed and broke a table across the room. Finally, there was some dents in the wooden floor of when Keggar came an helped.

I gotta quit drinking.

I smiled as I looked back and saw Keggar serving patrons mugs of alcohol. He merely looked back and winked, turning around to fill two more mugs. Doing the same, I turned around and walked out the front door; the first thing I noticed was that the two idiots from the fight vanished, and that the streets were empty.

"Wonder where the mob's at?" I said aloud, noticing an echo go through out the air. "Stupid nonsensical world." I said, only to get nothing.

That's it! I give up!

Giving a frustrated sigh, I begin to walk back through the town. As I get near the center, I hear what sounded like commanding voiced coming from within a crowd.

"Step aside citizens! Royal Canterlot guards coming through!" A rough voice shouted.

As I got closer, I noticed a large crowd of ponies surrounding wagon of somekind; but what I noticed were not the ponies now bowing, but the tall white winged and horned pony that stepped out of the wagon. She had flowing multicolored hair that seemed to be flowing even though there was no wind. She had a white coat, and seemed to be smiling motherly to the bowing ponies.

As I saw her though something happened. I felt as if a hundred screaming voices were going off in my head, pounding on the walls to escape their prison.

"AAAAAHHHHHHHHHGGGGRRHH!" I screamed as I doubled over in pain.

My vision became hazy and red as I heard a single deep voice spoke in my head.

"HA HA HA! I knew you would be easy to control, but this is just too easy!" The voice said.

I recognized it.

"Discord!" I yelled, though it came more of a choke as I realized I was losing control of my whole body.

I heard collective gasps as I was fighting to retain control.

"Ah yes, I know you all love seeing a human in pain so I decided to do a little mind-control ha ha ha!" He yelled with rhythmic combination of both our voices.

'Get the hell out!' I yelled in my head as I tried to move at least my head to no success.

"Now then, time to end you Celestia!" Discord yelled with our voices as he took out and raised my gun towards her.

The guards and everyone were helpless to stop me as I aimed, and pulled the trigger.

"NOOOOOOOOOO!" Somepony in the crowd yelled.

'NOOOOOOOOOO!' I screamed in my head.

Author's Note

Special thanks to DaPieGuy for making this chapter have less errors since I'm don't have time due to school. Also I could always use more proof readers and such. Anyway hope you all like the chapter, and this is Blargl signing out.

*Pinkie giggles* "Also don't forget to leave a like and comment! Hey blarg, can we go to Reddit tod-"

No.

"AWWWW... Why not!?"

Because I took you to 4Chan which was already a bad idea, I am NOT exposing you to gore, porn, and other things like that again.

*Blargl exits room*

"He sure isn't bright, now then; let's google scat tag..." *Pinkie begins typing furiously.*

"Oooh! Are those...brow...nies..."