Madness

Chapter 2: When All is Laid Bare

“I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where. I love you simply, without problems or pride: I love you in this way because I do not know any other way of loving but this, in which there is no I or you, so intimate that your hand upon my chest is my hand, so intimate that when I fall asleep your eyes close.” -Pablo Neruda

The sun shone bright over Equestria, nearing the horizon yet again. As the day drew to a close, two pegasi in particular found themselves on a cloud overlooking Ponyville, trapped in a loving embrace.

As Fluttershy nuzzled Rainbow Dash softly, she could not help but think how they had gotten here. It had seemed such a simple thing to admit her feelings, but after that first kiss, time flew by.

The two had been together for coming on eight months now, and could not be more in love. When one wasn’t sleeping at the other’s home overnight, they counted the agonizing minutes—nay, seconds—until they saw each other again.

Of course, Pinkie Pie had thrown a party when the two had announced their relationship. Pinkie will be Pinkie, after all. The only pony who seemed remotely uncomfortable with the budding love was Applejack; it was no secret that she had a crush on Fluttershy. Fortunately for the new couple, she admitted that a silly infatuation was not a reason to interfere, so the orange pony stepped aside.

Everything seemed so perfect for the two. They were in love, everypony around them accepted it, and they spent as many days—and nights—as possible together. So why did Rainbow Dash look so sad this evening?

It is funny how love works. One moment nothing can go wrong, and the next thing you know, tomorrow suddenly arrives. Fluttershy realized this at that moment. She had been so enamored by her marefriend’s eyes that she completely forgot why they were on this cloud in the first place.

The funeral…her brother. How could I forget?

The cyan pegasus next to her was broken, a shell of her usually outgoing self. The light in her eyes had all but disappeared, and even her mane had lost some of its color. Rainbow Dash had been unable to tear herself away from her brother’s house for over a week following the funeral: the memories had been too much for her to handle. After much pleading from Fluttershy, she came out and fell into the canary pony’s hoofs on the brink of an emotional meltdown.

Yet here they were, only two months afterward, and already they were lying on a cloud not far from where Lightning had lived. As they lay there, watching the sunset, they found the time to look into each other’s eyes. Fluttershy saw an expanse of magenta so beautiful she never wanted to look away.

In those eyes, there was love, and also pain. It was like watching a war wage inside the cyan mare’s mind. The silence between them was beautiful and terrifying all at the same time. The strange thing was that neither of them wanted it to end.

Rainbow Dash never wanted to forget what had brought them together. That day, when Fluttershy had kissed her out of the blue, remained one of the most perfect she could remember. She had been waiting fro that kiss to come for years, not knowing whether her dear friend was even a lesbimare or not. That hope kept her going until that day, and it made her never want to stop staring into those eyes.

As they leaned in to embrace, Fluttershy looked up and saw nothing beside her. She panicked, looking around frantically for her marefriend.

“R-Rainbow Dash? Where are you?!”

We’re over here, darling.

“RAINBOW!!!!!!”

Fluttershy ripped her eyes open, gasping for breath. The sun was still down, and she could hear crickets chirping not far away. Sitting up in bed, there was a strange feeling, as if the bed was too full. Reaching back for a pillow, the reason became obvious.

'My wings…they’re flared.'

The thought alone was enough to make the canary pegasus turn about 20% redder. She knew nopony could see it, but just the knowledge that the dream had been—

“So it really was just a dream…we never were…”

And who says that is how it has to be forever?

“Ahh!”

Calm down, dear. We are simply here to comfort you. You had another bad dream, and we helped make it better.

“But it wasn’t bad. It was beautiful. I finally had her, and you took her away! Why did you do that to me?”

It is unhealthy to dwell on a mare you can never have. Think about it. She clearly doesn’t love you, so why love her back?

“Because—” Fluttershy stopped to think for a moment. “S-She might love me. I don’t know for sure.”

Well we do, sweetie. The rainbow one could never love you. We see the way she looks at you, even when you do not…or choose not to. There is no love in that gaze, only cold friendship. She sees you simply as a companion, a fellow pegasus. There is no reason for her to view you as anything more than a friend.

These words hurt Fluttershy more than she thought they would. These voices had been so nice before, and to hear them now didn’t seem real. Maybe it was still a dream? Yes—that had to be it! It was all still a dream.

“I’m still asleep! I-I must be! You’re not re-real…you’re not real.” She whispered those words. There were some things nopony can bear to realize, and this was slowly dawning on the pegasus.

She had finally placed the voices...where they were from. But—it couldn’t be real. Could it?

Why do you do this to yourself, sweetie? We thought we raised a better daughter.

The color drained from Fluttershy’s face as they said these words. Why were they here? She had run away years ago and left that life behind her. Hearing their voices now, after all this time…it was too much for her to take.

“Wh-Why is this happening to me?” the canary pegasus asked, her voice breaking. “Why are you doing this to me?”

Who said we were doing anything, darling? We have only offered you advice, and you followed it. Besides, this is your mind. Are you sure we are the ones you should be asking these questions?

Looking in the mirror, Fluttershy realized that what they were saying was true; this was her mind. They were there, just imaginary; she was providing the dialogue. Was it possible that she was just trying to blame them for what her life had turned out to be?

Sure, she loved the animals and her friends…some more than others. The weekly spa dates with Rarity were delightful, and any time Rainbow Dash had a new stunt or needed help, the canary pegasus was more than willing. But…there was always a sort of emptiness in her heart. Fluttershy desperately wanted to be able to assert herself more, but what if it turned out like the Iron Will incident? Could the others bear living through another episode like that?

The reflection in the mirror was not of the filly who had grown up in Cloudsdale; rather, it was the one who emerged from that hospital. A changed mare, shy and uncomfortable around everypony else, a soft-spoken, weak flyer…that was who she saw in the pane of glass in front of her.

Fluttershy had always blamed her parents—especially her pig of a father—for that sudden personality shift…but that side had never personified itself like this. She had never let that anger get the best of her; it had always scared the poor mare to think that she felt that way about somepony.

We understand: you have every right to hate us. But think for a minute. Tell us, have you ever made a concerted effort to change yourself without it exploding spectacularly? Have you ever tried letting go of that rage constructively?

That was an idea. “I-I guess not. It just never occurred to me.”

Well, maybe that’s the solution. If you release that pent up fury slowly, maybe some of the old you will resurface. We would love to see some confidence.

“Oh, have I not been confident enough? I’m sorry.”

Honey, why do you apologize for everything? It’s not your fault; it’s just who you are. We can help you realize who you used to be…if you want the help.

If there was any color in Fluttershy’s face before these words were spoken, it quickly disappeared. The thought of them telling her anything more was unbearable.

“Please…just go away. I-I don’t want you around, if that’s okay.”

We will not go away simply because you wish us to! We are a part of you, Flutters, and that will ne—

“NO!!! DON’T CALL ME THAT!!!”

That name…that wretched name. The word her father would utter when he—[whimper]. The canary pegasus could not even bear to think of what had happened all those years ago. She had always blamed them for how she had turned out, and now the reasoning behind that had become clear for the first time since meeting Rainbow Dash.

So now you want to stand up for yourself? Where was this Fluttershy when that dragon was in Equestria? Where was she when Gilda terrorized you for walking? How about—

“Stop! T-That dragon was a bully and I told him so. And Gilda was just—just a mean griffon.”

But did you stand up to her? No, you let “Auntie Pinkie Pie” take care of you.

Fluttershy was starting to really dislike these ponies…even more. They had no right to say mean things about her friends!

“Enough,” she said, raising her voice slightly. “I want to go back to sleep now, please. If you’d at least let me do that, I might feel better in the morning.” The lack of a response from them told the pegasus that she could go back to sleep, at least for a little while. Laying down on the pillow, the world went dark to the gentle pony…

…And then the sun rose.

Resigning to the fact that the day had, in fact, come, Fluttershy got out of bed and brushed her mane. In the mirror, she saw a pony plagued by conflict, but there was something else there. There was purpose, a soft confidence that—albeit tacit—had always been inside her. She didn’t realize it then, but the talk with herself earlier had awakened a personality that had lied dormant for years.

Sighing, the mare looked away from the mirror and focused on what she needed to get done for the day. Obviously, feeding and caring for the animals came first. After that, she needed to go to Ponyville and help Twilight; the unicorn had learned a new spell that allowed pegasi to grow temporary horns, and promptly asked her shy friend to be a test subject for the magic.

Going downstairs, she found her sole source of real joy: caring for her animal friends. Of course, Angel Bunny was stubborn as always. After he kicked his food dish into a wall (for the 23rd time this month), Fluttershy found herself chuckling at a strange comment from the voices in her head.

What a wonderful bunny. He’s so violent!

After Angel was fed, she tended to some of the animals that were sick or injured; luckily, there never seemed to be any. However, today there was a mouse in really bad shape. He was so sick he could barely move, and the coughing was clearly agonizing to endure. The mare looked at him with tears in her eyes; she always hated seeing a critter in this much pain. The realization that the poor thing might need to be put down had already occurred to her, and it seemed like the more equine solution with each passing day.

So why couldn’t she bring herself to take the life of a sick mouse? Obviously, killing something so helpless was awful…and he had family: little mice of his own and a—what do mice call wives?—yeah, that. It just seemed so wrong to do, something somepony so kind and gentle should never even consider doing. And yet, it always seemed nicer than making the poor thing suffer so much.

Fluttershy went over to the mouse’s family and explained to them that he wouldn’t be coming home from the hospital. It was a familiar talk; they had seen it happen before, and they understood. Still, it was hard for her, knowing that she would be the reason he wouldn’t return. The pegasus slowly walked away, tears in her eyes and emptiness in her heart.

Looking down on the sickly mouse, she couldn’t decide how to handle it…how to put him down. The sight of blood was nauseating, so puncture wounds were not an option. Maybe if his neck were broken? Yes, that seemed reasonable. It would cause him no pain at all.

After settling on this, Fluttershy picked up the mouse and explained to him what was about to happen. His look of resignation hinted with relief told her that it was okay. She put her right hoof on his head and closed her eyes.

“I’m sorry, Mr. Whiskers.” His neck cracked as it was jerked to the side quickly…but the squealing was so lo—

SQUEALING!?!?!?

Opening her teal eyes, the mare saw that, instead of severing his spinal cord, she had just broken several vertebrae and left everything else intact by mistake*. Mr. Whiskers would die, but it would be slow and painful beyond belief. He was squealing uncontrollably, and all she could do was watch.

It took almost 20 minutes for the poor thing to die, but it felt even longer for the pegasus above him, almost like a century or longer. As she laid the dead mouse on the floor of her home, she bent over him and cried even harder.

“I-I’m so so-sorry.”

She stood up and picked up the animal, taking him out into the yard to be buried. Afterwards, she decided to lock up and go into Ponyville.

After all, it would be rude to let her feelings get in the way of the promise she had made to Twilight.

“Hi Flutter—oh Celestia! Why do you look so sad?”

Fluttershy looked up, sniffling, to see Twilight Sparkle’s concerned face. “It-It’s nothing, really. I just had to tell some mice that their friend was going to d-die.”

“Oh, I’m so sorry about that, Fluttershy! Well, come on in. We can have some tea before trying out that spell.”

“Oh no, Twilight. I could never ask you to do that for me. I’m just being silly.”

“Nonsense! You need cheering up, and I want to help you in any way I can.”

“Oh well, if you insist…I would love some tea.”

“Good. Spike! Get some tea going, would you?” The purple dragon could be seen rushing over to the fireplace and setting a kettle over it. “Now, come inside. We can have tea and chat for a while.”

“Al-Alright.”

They ended up drinking the tea in silence, the only noise being the clink of teacups. After they finished, Twilight broke the long, awkward lapse in conversation.

“So,” she said, chuckling nervously. “Why don’t we get started?”

“O-Okay. What exactly are we doing again?”

“Well, I found a fascinating spell that gives non-unicorns temporary horns. It works a lot like that wing spell I used on Rarity, but not exactly the same. You see, there’s a counterspell right below it in the book I was reading. The horn will last for three days, same as those wings, but I can also take it away whenever I want or need to. So I’ll be giving you a horn and then taking it away right after that. It’s really quite simple.”

Despite being a tad confused by the speech her friend had just given, Fluttershy nodded that she understood. This wasn’t a total lie, as the mare had learned that the real secret to understanding Twilight Sparkle was to simply listen to the last sentence she said. This was usually the point she was trying to make the whole time, and worked about nine times out of ten.

Twilight’s horn glowed a brilliant shade of purple to match her coat, and a few seconds later, Fluttershy’s head felt a little heavier. She looked in the full-length mirror to her right and leapt in the air. There, on her head, was a horn that matched her coat perfectly. In a way, she seemed to glow, almost brilliantly. Still, it felt unnatural to the pegasus. A moment later, the horn was gone, and the feeling left with it.

“There. I think that’ll do it!” Twilight said. “Thanks again for stopping by, Fluttershy. I had a hard time trying to get Rainbow Dash to stop laughing when I asked her to do this for me.”

So Rainbow turned this down? Fluttershy hadn’t known that.

“Um, you’re welcome, Twilight. It was no trouble, really. Well, I don’t want to be a burden, so I’ll just go if that’s alright.”

“Wait! You and Rainbow Dash had lunch yesterday, right? How did it go?”

“Oh, um, it was…nice, but nothing special really.” Of course, she was lying. The food was great and they had a great time. Staring into those magenta eyes was something the canary pegasus could do all day. “We just talked a bit. You know, caught up. We haven’t seen each other often enough.”

“Well, that’s always nice. Have a good day!”

“Bye, Twilight.”

Fluttershy walked out of the library and into the sun, basking in the sudden warmth. Was it really that cold in the unicorn’s home? Trotting softly down the main street in town, she noticed a streak of rainbow above her.

What could Rainbow Dash want in Ponyville? She didn’t have any work today; that much had come up at lunch. The shy mare decided to follow her friend for a while in hopes of at least trying to set up another time to eat together.

She finally caught up with Rainbow at a small café next to Sugarcube Corner. Walking up to the mare nervously, Fluttershy tried to find her voice. With a soft sigh, she turned around and started to walk away.

“Hey, Fluttershy,” called a voice. The mare turned and saw Rainbow Dash smiling at her. “I didn’t know you were here. Come on over and have a seat!”

The canary pegasus sheepishly went to the table her friend was at. Sitting down, she looked up through her mane and saw those perfect eyes staring at her own.

“So, Flutters—oops! Sorry about that—anyway, what brings you to town?”

Oh! Um, I was helping Twilight with a spell.”

“Oh right. That stupid horn thing, right?” Fluttershy nodded. “So how did that go? More than that, how much egghead rubbed off on you?”

“Oh, she’s not all that bad, you know. She just likes reading.”

“Egghead,” the cyan pegasus whispered. “Still, I guess it’s cool that one of us was willing to help her out. She does enough helping me look awesome, one of us has to return the favors.”

“Yes, I agree.”

“So enough of that. What do you want?”

“Oh, no, no, no! I could never ask you to buy me lunch. I’m not even that hungry, really.”

“Nonsense! I paid yesterday, and I’m doing the same today.”

“Well, alright. If you’re sure.”

The rest of lunch passed smoothly. Both ponies got daisy and daffodil sandwiches with hay fries. For the most part, they talked about the weather; the previous day had been spent on Fluttershy’s life and today, it was Rainbow’s turn to talk. They continued talking when they left the restaurant, and found themselves in a meadow outside Ponyville.

They sat on a hill beneath an old oak tree, watching the sunset in silence. Fluttershy looked over at Rainbow Dash, marveling at her beauty. It was now or never, and the shy mare knew that. She leaned into her best friend’s hoof, which wrapped around her shoulders. This was a perfect opportunity, one that she might never get again.

Reaching over with a hoof, Fluttershy turned Rainbow’s head in her direction. Before the cyan pegasus could react, she felt her friend’s lips press against her own in a passionate kiss.

The kiss seemed to go on forever, ending only when Fluttershy pulled back for air. She saw the stunned expression on Rainbow Dash’s face and thought of apologizing.

‘No. I’m not going to apologize for this.’

Just as the polychromatic pegasus began to say something, a voice boomed out.

“Rainbow?!?!” They both turned to see Big Mac, a shocked look on his normally docile face. “What’re you doin’? Are you a-a—”

“NO!!” Rainbow screamed, the color drained from her. “It’s not what it looks like!”

“Forget about it! We’re done!!” Big Mac turned around and galloped away.

“Wait! Mac, come back! Please!! Ugh, FLUTTERSHY, WHAT THE BUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?!?!?!”

As Rainbow Dash flew after the red stallion, Fluttershy stared in stunned silence. Long after the two had gone, she managed to choke out one question before succumbing to tears.

“Was it so wrong of me to love you?”

Author's Note: I finally got around to finishing this chapter about five minutes ago. The ending was very hard for me to write, if only because I'm a huge fan of FlutterDash. Have fun reading, and as always, FEEDBACK!!!! Also, props to anypony who can spot the shameless Doctor Who reference.