Madness

Hello, everypony! Greetings to the 16 of you that have favorited the story (as of the beginning of this chapter), and to those discovering ‘Madness’ for the first time! First off, I want to thank all of you for the continued support, from what will likely be renamed the prologue right up through the most recent chapter. Now, please understand that I’m a huge FlutterDash fan, and just a Rainbow Dash fan in general, so this will likely be extremely hard for me to write. I always welcome input and suggestions for improvement. I’m a college freshman, not an author!!!! Please do me a favor and give the thing a thumbs-up if you can! 16 favorited, so I’m hoping you guys liked it ☺ Ah, I just like messing with ya! I’m sort of using this thing to ramp up my courage for a project I need to do for a class (it involves a possible song in the near future!).

Sorry for the impromptu author’s note, and please, as always, enjoy this installment!!!!

Chapter 3: Reflect and Heal

“One thing you can’t hide is when you’re crippled inside.” –John Lennon

Is there no point to life without her? Ever since that day, the world seems…darker. It’s as if all the light had left my eyes. I can’t take it, so why do I continue to fight? Dare I still hope for even a second that she does love me, after what she said? Perhaps there’s something to this whole love thing. Something that makes a pony hope for the best even and especially when only the worst is possible. Listen to me, getting all philosophical. I don’t even know what the buck I’m talking about!

Should I just run away and hide? It seems like the best alternative to facing her again. I effectively ruined something beautiful without knowing it. I deserve anything, everything. Maybe I can convince Princess Celestia to encase me in stone. Or banish me to the moon. Maybe that would be good for me.

Why do I always ruin everything? Why can’t I just be normal? I want to be, I try so desperately to be perfect, but I always fail. My life is just one rotten disaster after another, I guess.

Don’t worry…about a thing
Ca-cause every little th-thing
Is go—gonna b-be alri-hi-hight…

Nopony had seen her for almost two weeks. Even the animals had gone back to the forest to fend for themselves. The only thing that saw her was the little white rabbit, who had stopped pestering her after a few days and now simply offered his mom comfort. It was the most pain she had ever been in, and it never ended…not even when she fell asleep.

The dream was always the same: just those few minutes of bliss over and over in her mind. It was a perfect contrast to her waking thoughts, a beautiful lie. The kiss, that perfect kiss, was dominant. For a brief moment, it had felt as if nothing could go wrong in the world. But that was the dreams, and dreams don’t last forever.

When she awoke, there was nothing but the pain of the last words the love of her life had spoken to her. There was only the hatred directed at her, and the agony of the days since. It was as if the world had fallen through a hole and she was stuck at the top, nothing beneath her or above her. The emptiness was unbearable.

And through it all, the sad figure on the hill had hope. She hoped for lost love to return to her, among other things. The loss of her friends was crippling, yes, but there was the possibility that they would come back someday. And as long as that sliver of optimism remained, she would fight on.

She just didn’t know how much longer she could fight.

Two weeks.

Had it really been that long since anypony had seen her?

Rainbow Dash couldn’t help but worry about her friend. Fluttershy had vanished after that day…after that kiss. Sure, it was unexpected and Big Mac had been in the wrong place at the wrong time, but it was still…happy? Was that the right word for those few seconds?

For a few minutes, the cyan pegasus had no idea what to make of her best friend’s sudden outburst of emotion. She had no idea Fluttershy felt that way about her, and didn’t think it was possible for the mare to express herself so aggressively. After smoothing things over with Mac, she sat down and thought about their past and if there was anything that could mend the situation and what was undoubtedly a broken heart.

After several hours of thinking non-stop, Rainbow Dash decided it was best to just go to sleep and take out the next day to work out how best to talk to Fluttershy. She fell into bed and cried herself to sleep for the first time in years.

Not far away, a canary pegasus was doing the same, and trying to forget everything that had led up to that day.

10 years ago

“But mom, I don’t wanna go! It’s lame!!”

“Rainbow Dash, this will be a good experience for you. Flight Camp might straighten you out and teach you something valuable. At least give it a chance.”

The young filly looked up at her mother with large, resentful eyes. “But it’s two whole weeks away from dad! How can know he’ll—”

“No, don’t say that,” her mother suddenly screamed. “He will make it, and you’ll see him when you get home. I promise you that.”

Rainbow sighed in defeat; this was just one of about a dozen arguments she had had with her mom since being told about this camp two weeks ago. Looking around at the other foals with whom she would be locked up for the next two weeks, one filly in particular caught her eye.

Standing across the cloudyard from everypony else and completely alone, there was a slight canary filly with a light pink mane. She had a terrified look on her face, as if there was a ghost standing next to her. The pegasus’ turquoise eyes darted back and forth as if trying to decide if anypony looked innocent enough to approach. The fear in everything the filly did was obvious, and it was a feeling with which few present could sympathize.

Rainbow Dash, fortunately, was one of those ponies.

“Hey, mom?” Her mother turned her head with tired eyes. “Can I go over and introduce myself to that filly over there?”

Looking in the direction the cyan troublemaker had pointed a hoof, the mare saw the same scared look and petrified stance. Immediately, she felt sorry for the poor thing.

“Of course, Dashie. I’ll sign you in alone.”

After cringing at that awful nickname, Rainbow Dash thanked her mother and bolted over to the filly across the yard, scaring the small thing half to death.

“Hi! I’m Rainbow Dash! What’s your name?”

“Um…um, I’m Flussershuff.”

The cyan pegasus cocked her head to the side in confusion. What had the strange pony just said? She asked this question, and the reply was clear enough to be heard.

“I’m—I’m Fluttershy.”

“Oh. That’s a pretty cool name. You wanna be my friend?”

The funny filly hid behind her mane, whimpering. After about 30 seconds, she softly nodded her head. Her new friend was overjoyed.

“Awesome! Now I’ll have somepony to survive this camp with. Hey, you wanna come meet my mom? Or go meet yours?”

“NO!” screamed Fluttershy, making Rainbow Dash jump a bit. “I-I mean, my mom already left, but I’d love to meet yours, if that’s alright, that is.”

“Sure, no problem! Come on.”

The two ponies galloped back to the deep blue mare…well, her daughter galloped and the filly’s new friend trotted shyly. When the latter finally made it back, the cyan pegasus prodded her mother sharply, screaming, “MOM,” over and over until said parent turned.

“WHAT?”

“Hi,” said Rainbow Dash while giggling. “This is my new friend, Fluttershy. Fluttershy, this is my mom.”

“Oh, hi—Fluttershy, right?—I’m Cloud Stream, Rainbow Dash’s mother. How are you?”

“Um…I-I’m fine, thank you.”

Cloud couldn’t help but feel sorry for the filly in front of her. She seemed genuinely terrified of meeting other ponies. Why was she so timid?

“So, dear…where is your mother.”

“Eep. Um, I’m sorry. She al-already left.”

Somehow—and she couldn’t quite place how—Cloud knew there was more to that answer than Fluttershy was saying, but she decided not to press the matter. The poor dear looked on the verge of tears already, and any more pressure might push her over the edge. Just as the blue mare was about to change the subject, a voice interrupted her.

“Ms. Stream, the paperwork is done. If you want, you can go now.”

Cloud Stream turned to face the young stallion who had said this. He was slight, with a maroon coat and gold mane. A compass decorated his flank, and there was an excited pair of alarmingly large grey eyes looking at her expectantly.

“Why, thank you…um, sorry. I’m terrible with names.”

“That’s quite alright. It’s Storm Shield, by the way.”

“Okay, thank you. I think I will leave.” She turned to her daughter. “Are you sure you’ll be fine for two weeks, Dashie?”

Rainbow Dash perked up, for once ignoring the nickname. “Sure will, mom! Just go back and be with dad.”

“I will,” said Cloud vacantly. Her husband, Thunder Dash, had been fighting cancer for over a year, and it was looking like he might lose the battle pretty soon. It was the main reason she had objected to his insistence that Rainbow Dash be sent to Flight Camp; the family needed to be together right now. But he persisted, saying it would be best for their daughter to find friends rather than worry nonstop about him. Eventually, Cloud gave in, signing Rainbow up for the camp.

“Mom?” Cloud was jolted out of her stupor by the sound of her daughter’s slightly hoarse voice. “You okay?”

“Um, yes dear. Just a bit distracted, I guess.” She felt a small snout nuzzling her foreleg. Sure enough, the cyan filly was there, trying to comfort her frazzled mother. The mare leaned down, hugging the little pony and fighting back soft tears. “Thank you, Dashie, for everything these past few months. Before you know it, we’ll be a real family again.”

Rainbow looked up. “Really?”

“I promise, dear.”

Suddenly, the pair—Fluttershy had shrunk back a few minutes ere this exchange to give them their space—heard the Cloudsdale bell tower chiming. Looking up, it could be seen in the distance, announcing the time as 3:00.

“Oh, dear,” Cloud exclaimed. “I’m late! Uh, Flutterguy? NO! FlutterSHY!!! Hello, goodbye! I’m late, I’m late, I’m late!!!!”

Staring after her mother, Rainbow Dash couldn’t help but chuckle. That mare could get so weird sometimes; that outburst wasn’t exactly new, and was still just as amusing to see all these years after it had first happened.

She turned to face Fluttershy. “Hey, come on. We need to get settled into our rooms, right?”

The yellow filly’s face went red. “Oh, I guess…if that’s alright with you.”

“Of course,” scoffed the daredevil. “I did suggest it.”

“Oh, yes, you’re right. I’m sorry.”

Walking to the dorm area might have been more pleasant if not for two things: Fluttershy’s terrified looks in every direction and the fact that neither of them knew where their new home was. Rainbow Dash couldn’t believe: less than two minutes alone, and she was already lost! The two exchanged awkward looks before deciding to approach one of the older campers and ask. They found one that looked about two or three years older than them and walked up to her.

“Hey!” The yellow filly jumped and turned, looking down. A little cyan pony stood in front of her, a menacing look in those…well, adorable magenta eyes.

“Yes,” she said slowly.” “Can I help you?”

“Yeah. We can’t find where we stay here. So, could you help us out?” It hurt Rainbow’s pride to ask, sure, but she already knew enough about Fluttershy to realize that the filly would never ask on her own. Come to think of it, the canary pegasus was nowhere to be seen.

“Oh, sure, I can help you,” said the older camper, bringing Rainbow’s attention back up front. “Just follow me, okay?”

“Sure.”

“And you might want to grab your friend back there behind the pillar.”

Huh? Rainbow Dash looked behind her and saw a pink tail sticking out from behind a column about ten yards back. Groaning, she went back and pulled a shivering Fluttershy into the open.

There was some conversation that went back and forth between the more vocal fillies of the group on their way to the dorm. They talked about where they were from, discovering that they only lived about a mile from each other in Cloudsdale. Parents were a big topic, as were siblings. Even though Rainbow Dash had none, it seemed that her newest friend had several, including a fraternal twin brother who, although he had a different color coat and mane, had basically the same personality as her. This new pony spoke especially fondly of two of her brothers, though neither name was remembered for very long. It seemed too soon when the trio reached what was to be this strange and kind pony’s room.

“Well, this is my place. You girls should find your rooms up one floor and down the hall. That’s where all the first-timers stay.”

“Alright,” said Rainbow Dash. “Thanks for your help!”

“No problem. Oh, and by the way, I never caught your name.”

“Oh, I’m Rainbow Dash, and this is Fluttershy.”

“Fluttershy, huh? Nice name.”

“Yeah, it is. What’s yours?”

A weird look crossed the filly’s orange eyes. Was it fear? Or maybe anger? Or was it just indifference?

She snapped back into focus after a few seconds. “Oh, I’m sorry! Zoned out for a bit. Uh, my name, right? I’m Spitfire. See you tomorrow!”

As Spitfire closed the door to her room, the other two ponies turned around. For the first time in about 20 minutes, Fluttershy spoke.

“I think she was really nice.”

“Uh, yeah. She was, wasn’t she?” Rainbow couldn’t help but think of the kind filly who had helped them. Her eyes were amazing to look at; it was as if they pulled the cyan pegasus in, making her want to stare into them forever. What was this feeling?

As it turned out, Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash were in the same room, and settled in pretty quickly. They hadn’t brought much from home, but there was enough for some stories. Posters of the Wonderbolts plastered the blue filly’s wall, and there were a few pictures from the canary one’s home. Mostly it was just her parents and herself in the front yard of their house, but there was one of the filly alone in the air, only weeks after she had learned how to fly.

The pictures presented a side of the shy pony that Rainbow never thought could exist: this filly seemed happy, outgoing, and radiant: nothing like the timid mess occupying the bed in that room. The glow of those turquoise eyes was almost unnaturally—well, natural for her. Not that it made the cyan youth concerned for her; it was probably just the new environment that was making her so nervous around everypony. There had to be a reason that excitement wasn’t apparent.

Rainbow Dash, on the other hand, had almost no family pictures; they were all at the hospital with her father to help him feel more at home. Therefore, the only two pictures she was able to bring were very recent. The dominant one—at least emotionally—was of father and daughter in the room in which he had been these past three months. The other was of her best friend from school—Cloud Kicker—at lunch the last day of classes. The lavender filly, unfortunately, was unable to come to the camp, leaving Rainbow thinking she would be alone here…that is, until she met Fluttershy.

They said little over the course of the evening, and turned in early so they would be ready for the first day of camp. As she lay in the dark, Rainbow Dash couldn’t help thinking about Fluttershy. Her soft mane and loving gaze gave the cyan pegasus a funny feeling, as if there were butterflies in her stomach. It was weird, because she had asked her mom about that feeling. In response, the mare had said it was called love, and that fillies felt it when they met a colt they liked a lot.

So why did she feel that way about another filly? This question bothered her as she fell asleep. Little did she know* that, just 30 feet away, a canary pony was going through the exact same thing.

Celestia, why do you have to raise the sun so early in the summer?!

That was the first thought that crossed Rainbow Dash’s mind as she awoke on the first day of Flight Camp. If she were at home, rolling over and going back to sleep would be the most likely response to the sun. But this was something she had to do, so the filly groggily pulled herself out of bed. There was a brush on the bed stand; apparently, mommy dearest had seen fit to pack it just before they left home. Never one to brush her mane, the blue pony left it there for aesthetic reasons only.

As she walked into the common area of the shared room, her eyes fell on Fluttershy.

“Ugh, you’re already awake?”

“Oh, yes! I love watching the sunrise. It’s so beautiful, don’t you think? Oh, no! I didn’t wake you up, did I? I’m so sorry.”

“Huh? No, you didn’t wake me up; the sun did. Don’t apologize for anything.” If she’s gonna be like that all camp, I can’t be held accountable for my actions. Rainbow immediately shoved that thought out of her mind.

They walked down to the cafeteria for breakfast. Each got an omelet and orange juice…probably because it was the only thing offered there (though, in fairness, there was apple juice). After sitting down, the blue filly looked around, seeing most of the campers for the first time.

There weren’t as many as she thought: only 70 or 80 other ponies. Of course, this was a first-come first-serve camp, and space was limited, so it made sense in hindsight. Still, it seemed that there would be more on a campus this large.

As the two ponies ate, a voice called out from behind them, making Fluttershy leap into the air, letting out a small “eep.”

“Hey! You got any room for me to sit?”

Rainbow Dash turned around to see a griffon standing there, her yellow eyes giving them a dangerous look.

“Uh, sure,” replied the cyan filly. “Take the seat next to me.”

“Cool.” The griffon sat down forcibly. “I’m Gilda.”

“I’m Rainbow Dash…and this is Fluttershy.” The canary pile of emotions feebly shook a hoof in greeting. “So, are you, like, the only griffon here?”

“Yeah, it’s pretty lame. This whole thing was my dad’s idea. He said I’d be better off trying to make some pony friends. Said it would bridge the gap between our blah, blah, blah.”

Rainbow laughed a bit at the last part. Gilda’s obvious disinterest in being at the camp mirrored her own feelings about it from the previous day. If the newcomer was open to it, the two might make good friends during these two weeks.

“Yeah, I pretty much felt the same way when I got here. I don’t know, it seems pretty interesting. I’m a great flyer and all—the best in my neighborhood—but I guess they can always try to teach us something.”

“Yeah, try. Griffons are faster than ponies; I’m gonna leave you in the dust.”

The cyan filly perked up. She loved a challenge. “Is that what I think it is?”

“You bet,” replied Gilda, a smirk growing on her face.

The two spent the rest of the day talking, except when they were being yelled at for talking while being instructed. Yet, for all that talking, neither of them learned all that much about one another. Mostly, they just compared the lame factor of everything about life and made fun of the camp cheer. Overall, they became friends over the course of an hour and close friends in a single day. When they finally parted in the evening, Rainbow Dash walked into her room to see Fluttershy asleep on the couch.

There was, in her mind, not a cuter sight in the world at that moment. Seeing the sweet filly passed out made her look so…natural? Adorable? Maybe even beautiful?

Agh! Stop doing that brain!!

As she went to her room to sleep, Rainbow looked back and saw Fluttershy shiver. Feeling sorry for the poor thing, she grabbed the blanket and a pillow off of her bed and lay down on the couch next to the sleeping filly, covering them both up. Just before closing her eyes, the blue pony leaned over, kissing her friend on the cheek.

Fluttershy was still awake.

The whole camp seemed to fly by (no pun intended), and soon, there was only one day left before everypony would part ways. Some of these new friends might never see each other again, so the camp staff decided to give the campers free reign over themselves. There were no activities, races, classes, or supervisors of any kind all day. Gilda had left early after breaking her wing flying into the camp’s infirmary, so by now, Rainbow Dash had gotten to know Fluttershy pretty well.

The cyan filly had admitted to herself that she had feelings for the shy pony after three days, and after that felt more able to open up to her. When the camp was about halfway done, the story of Thunder Dash—Rainbow’s father—came out almost by accident. Fluttershy still proved unwilling to open up about her home life, saying only that she was home-schooled and had a decent mother. They had to be nice to let her stay after falling to the ground; it took the camp staff four hours to find her, and while the cyan filly had taken responsibility for the plummet, there was still the camp’s reputation to consider. They sent a message to Fluttershy’s parents and they responded simply saying that the best punishment would be to make her stay there for the rest of the camp. The head of the place caved immediately, gathering that these were parents even he didn’t want to mess with.

The best part of the whole experience for Rainbow Dash was the chance to get to know Fluttershy on a personal level. It seemed as if she knew somepony as well as she could, and yet there was something missing. Sure, they talked all the time, but it still felt like there could be more. As if she was only hearing the opening bars of a beautiful symphony** or seeing the first 30 seconds of a Wonderbolts show. For some reason, the cyan filly wanted there to be more than just friendship with Fluttershy: she wanted to have her friend in a way nopony else could. After days of thinking about it, she had an epiphany, one that explained everything about her feelings whenever she saw the canary pony, heard her soft voice and bell-like laughter.

I’m in love with Fluttershy.

This realization hit her like a ton of bricks. Her mother had told her that love was for mares and stallions, not mares and other mares. And yet, here was Rainbow Dash: in love with another filly roughly her own age and, strangely enough, not ashamed at all. This little nugget lifted an enormous weight off her shoulders and allowed her to see clearly for the first time in two weeks. It was an elating recognition.

So it came to pass that, on their last night at camp, Rainbow brought up the subject of love. Fluttershy had nothing much to say, as usual, but there was something odd about her body language. She tensed up the second Dash mentioned colts, and denied having a crush on anypony at the camp, or anywhere, for that matter.

After that initial awkwardness, there was a moment of silence, then some chat. The two fillies just talked about how they felt about love in general, and discovered that they shared many of the same desires in potential mates. They both wanted somepony who was honest, kind, and selfless. These seemed like universal characteristics, but they were obviously important to both of the ponies discussing the matter.

Just as Fluttershy was finishing up her packing, Rainbow Dash plopped down next to her and asked her one question.

“Flutters, do you love me?”

“…” The canary pegasus was floored by this question. Was her crush seriously asking this question? Did they share feelings? Or was it some cruel prank?

In response, after almost a full minute of silence, Fluttershy leaned over and kissed Rainbow Dash.

The embrace lasted longer than she expected. The blue filly kissed back and never seemed to let go. It was tender, yet forceful. There was feeling and numbness present, and both ponies felt as if time had stopped. Eventually, for lack of air, they pulled away and stared into each other’s eyes. It was then that Fluttershy finally found her voice.

“Yes.”

The next morning found two young fillies sleeping next to each other, trapped in a warm embrace. Rainbow Dash was the first to wake, and spent the better part of ten minutes watching her crush—no, fillyfriend—sleep next to her. There were no words to describe how overjoyed she felt at the opportunity to call Fluttershy her fillyfriend. It made everything seem so much more official.

As the sun rose, the magenta-eyed filly heard a soft yawn. She looked down and saw Fluttershy’s eyes opening to gaze at her. They kissed lightly and set about cleaning the room before leaving. As they went downstairs, it hit both of them: this may be the last time they ever saw each other. The last chance they had to tell their families in order to have a reason to spend as much time as possible with each other. They never wanted to face the prospect of being away from each other.

They put that out of their minds for the moment, focusing instead on the “here and now,” as it were.

They went out to the front of campus to wait for their respective parents to pick them up. Rainbow Dash’s mom was the first to arrive, and just before they left, she gave Fluttershy a strong hug. Soon, the yellow filly and the memories they had shared were fading into the distance, and so too were the memories of the days that followed.

Present Day

Rainbow Dash woke up in a cold sweat. She never stopped thinking about those two weeks, and remembering that last day always made her choke a bit. But why did she feel this way after all these years?

The months following the camp had become a blur in her memory. The beatings, the starvation, the straight camp…it was all fuzzy outlines, and few details remained. All she could say about that time of her life was that she had spent almost 10 years repressing who she was, and suffered continuously for it.

She suddenly realized what was happening: those barriers came down when Fluttershy kissed her. That moment awoke a part of the cyan mare that had been hidden for years.

She had fallen back in love with Fluttershy.

While processing this, Rainbow Dash had failed to hear the door of her home knock. When the sound came again, she managed to drag herself out of bed and answer the door. Standing on the stoop of her home was a tearful Cloud Kicker.

“Cloud? What’s wrong?”

“W-Wait…you haven’t heard?” she asked, sniffling.

“No. What’s going on?”

“It-It’s Fluttershy. She in the ho-hospital. She tried to kill herself yesterday.”

*Forgive me for that horrible cliche.
**I'm a musician, so this is the first analogy that came to my mind.