This Title Sucks

Sparring (With Songs)

John woke up in the most comfortable bed in the world. 'Wow,' he thought 'Much better than the rough ass stuff we sleep in.' It was after that thought that someone put their hands around him. He turned slowly and saw who it was.

"JANE ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS!" John shouted jumping up. Good thing he wore his clothes while he slept or there might have been some funny business going on. Jane got up groggily, apparently not aware of sleeping in his bed, and looked around.

"Hey this isn't my room." She said almost asleep again.

"Yeah no fucking kidding." John said back. When John said that she was waking up a bit more and saw him. She put on a small smile and her eyes sparked with something. John recognized it instantly seeing it far to many time in T.C eyes. Lust. "Nope nope nope nope." John said backing out of the doorway and sprinted full speed into the dining room.

Celestia, Luna and the Mane Six were having a nice breakfast when John burst into the room still yelling, "Nope nope nope no way nope." Stifling a giggle Celestia grabbed John before he could go out the other door. When in the magical grasp he still was saying "nope" over and over again.

After a few minutes Jane walked in the room. John's eyes never left her as she got closer to the table and sat down. That quieted down what he was saying. Celestia asked quickly, thinking that would happen again, "John, what were you talking about before?"

John looked at her, then at Jane, then at her again, then the door. Celestia nodded and took him out of the dining room. "Now what was it?" She asked again in a slightly demanding tone.

"Well let's see then. I woke up in the comfiest bed ever, looked and saw Jane sleeping next to me," At this Celestia's eyes widened in alarm, but John quickly reassured her "Don't worry there was no funny business at least not 'til after she woke up. She looked around smiled at me and her eyes flashed with a feeling I was used to. Lust. I ran out of the room into there, and you took me out of there to talk to me."

Celestia just nodded and started walking back to the dining room when John spoke up. "Um Celly?" She looked and saw him struggling against her magical grasp. "You can let me go now." She blushed a bit before releasing him and walked back into the room. John followed soon after.

As Celestia took her place her sister leaned over to her ear and whispered, "Didja get a date?" Celestia looked at her sister in surprise that she spoke normally before turning red from embarrassment. Luna took that as a 'yes' and did a little squee causing everyone at the table to look at her. Luna blushed furiously and went back to eating.

While in the middle of eating Celestia thought back to what happened a few moments ago feeling as if she missed something. She remembered John telling her that story of why he ran in there at full speed, she remembered getting alarmed that Jane slept next and a little jealous. She remembered when he asked to get out of her magic. 'Wait, it was something about the way he asked the question' she thought trying to remember what he said exactly.

Small Flashback
"Um Celly?" She looked and saw him struggling against her magical grasp. "You can let me go now."

End Flashback

'That was it. He called me Celly.' Celestia thought as she went back to eating before realizing what he said. Finally it hit her. He had called her Celly. CELLY. That was a pet name. 'Does he like me too? Did he do that to abbreviate my name? Does he- why is somepony tapping my shoulder?' She broke away from her thoughts and looked to see who it was. It was her most faithful student Twilight.

"Princess didn't you want to see him spar?" Twilight asked.

"Hmm? Oh is it time already? She looked at the sun and saw that it was about noon, the time the guards normally sparred with each other.

"Well then let's go." Celestia said walking towards the guards training grounds.

John was having a wonderful time seeing most of the guards shrink away from him. The only ones that didn't were of high rank and one very hot-headed recruit. John was looking at the guards seeing who would be worthy in a fight, but all of them had a laid back and relaxed personality coming from the even the captains. Shining Armor came up to him, "What are you doing here?" he said.

"Oh I asked Celly if I could spar with your men. I'm going to compare them to the ones in my world." John replied.

Shining Armor didn't notice Celestia's nickname and said, "These are professionally trained guards you'll get hurt."

John barked out a laugh, "Yeah I'll get hurt. If it make you feel better you can have a few ponies to help you in case I get hurt. Or your men." The ending he said under his breath.

"Well alright then but don't say I didn't warn you." Shining said as he walked off.

Shiny went to his men and gave them a brief down on why John was there. They all agreed that he could spar with them but they insisted that they hold back against the 'poor human'.

"Alright now then who want to spar with me?" Immediately the hot-head came up.

"What's your name? Wait let me guess. Hot Head?" John asked cracking up while he was saying it.

"My name is Hot Head." He stated.

"Wow. Really? I was calling you that to insult you. I didn't think that was your name." John replied.

Hot Head just growled and crouched down into his battle position. "Wait." John said.

"What is it you chickening out?" Hot Head sneered as he got out of his battle position.

"No I was going to ask if you minded if I sing a little bit while we spar?" John replied.

Hot Head was taken aback by the request but he said "Sure." and got back into battle position.

John smiled and said "Perfect." as he crouched down also. Suddenly all the guards in the area heard a beat of music coming from around John. (I recommend playing MC Hammer's Can't Touch This)

"U Can't touch this"

Hot Head charged forward throwing a punch which John easily dodged.

"U Can’t touch this
U Can't touch this"

John grabbed Hot Head's foreleg when he punched again and flipped him over.

"My, my, my music hits me so hard
Makes me say "Oh my Lord"
Thank you for blessing me
With a mind to rhyme and two hype feet"

John pointed at his feet and started jumping around dodging punch after punch from Hot Head who was slowly getting angrier.

"It feels good, when you know you're down
A super dope homeboy from the Oaktown
And I'm known as such
And this is a beat, uh, you can't touch"

Hot Head jumped at John who fell backwards, but with his hand behind he back to catch him while he fell. As soon as Hot Head went over him he pushed on his hand and went back to standing up.

"I told you homeboy (can't touch this)
Yeah, that's how we living and you know (can't touch this)
Look at my eyes, man (You can't touch this)
Yo, let me bust the funky lyrics (can't touch this)"

Suddenly John was enveloped in a small light and when he came out he was wearing black parachute pants with a red jacket that showed off his chest and stomach revealing almost all of his scars. When the other guards saw this they all cringed, even the veterans.

"Fresh new kicks, advance
You gotta like that, now you know you wanna dance
So move, outta your seat
And get a fly girl and catch this beat
While it's rolling, hold on
Pump a little bit and let 'em know it's going on
Like that, like that
Cold on a mission so fall them back
Let 'em know, that you're too much
And this is a beat, uh, you can't touch"

John was still dodging each punch Hot Head threw at him while only slightly breaking a sweat meanwhile Hot Head was getting tired and was sweating a lot if the fight went on longer he would be exhausted. Hot Head then realized that that was John's plan from the start and attacked with new ferocity. Meanwhile Celestia, Luna, Jane, and the Mane Six were watching in the bleachers that were on the side of the arena.

"Yo, I told you (can't touch this)
Why you standing there, man? (can't touch this)
Yo, sound the bell, school is in, sucka (can't touch this)"

At that a small flash went off above his head. After the flash went away he was wearing a professor’s hat. John reached up immediately and tore it off, throwing it to the crowd of guards that had come to watch. Hearing a mare's voice shouting out "MINE!"

"Give me a song, or rhythm
Make 'em sweat, that's what I'm giving 'em
Now, they know
You talking about the Hammer you talking about a show
That's hype, and tight
Singers are sweating so pass them a wipe
Or a tape, to learn
What's it gonna take in the 90's to burn
The charts? Legit
Either work hard or you might as well quit"

Now Hot Head was getting even angrier but and still attacking with ferocity.

"That's word because you know...

U Can't touch this
U Can't touch this
Break it down!"

John now went on the offensive getting hit after hit on Hot Head while still singing his voice seemingly broke into two to make the effect last. Punch after punch going straight for Hot Head's chest and forelegs.
"Stop, Hammer time!

Go with the funk, it is said
That if you can't groove to this then you probably are dead
So wave your hands in the air
Bust a few moves, run your fingers through your hair
This is it, for a winner
Dance to this and you're gonna get thinner
Move, slide your rump
Just for a minute let's all do the bump, bump, bump
Yeah... (can't touch this)
Look, man (can't touch this)
You better get hype, boy, because you know (can't touch this)
Ring the bell, school's back in (can't touch this)

Break it down! Stop, Hammer time!
U Can't touch this
U Can't touch this
U Can't touch this

Break it down! Stop, Hammer time!

Every time you see me
The Hammer's just so hype
I'm dope on the floor and I'm magic on the mic
Now why would I ever stop doing this?
With others making records that just don't hit
I've toured around the world, from London to the Bay
It's "Hammer, go Hammer, MC Hammer, yo Hammer"
And the rest can go and play

U Can't touch this
U Can't touch this
U Can't touch this
U Can't touch this
U Can't touch this
U Can't touch this
U Can't touch this"

John was suddenly filled rage.'Damnit all to hell' John thought 'It's happening again.' John kept up the onslaught even as the song ended and Hot Head was begging for mercy. Very soon Hot Head was going to be Hot Dead. Just when John was about to finish it he was shot backward by a magical blast of yellow and hit the wall on the far side. John barely even registered the pain all that he felt was anger. He got back up and walked towards Hot Head that was now crawling away from him making slow progress to get to the medical ponies on the side of the field.

Everyone was shocked. They almost got out of their expressions quickly enough to rush towards Hot Head. Almost. John smiled cruelly, and sang out in a cruel and malicious voice one not his own. The ponies were held in place by the sheer force of his voice and were scared witless.

(Recommended song: Discorded Whooves Bad Apple)

"Ever on and on I continue circling with nothing but my hate in a carousel of agony" Another sharp kick to the chest for Hot Head.

"'Til slowly I forget and my heart start vanishing." John thumped his chest where his heart is.

"And suddenly I see that I can't break free -I'm-" There were cracks in the ground and slowly John's lower body was like a shadow. John willingly went under the cracks so they didn't have to see his gruesome transformation.

"Slipping through the cracks of a dark eternity," John's head was going through the cracks and a pony made of shadow took his place. John's voice booming throughout the field.

"Feeling nothing but my pain and the paralyzing agony"

The shadow pony had tears in it's eyes and from it's back sprouted countless claws breaking the skin on the ponies' back. The guards, the princesses, the Mane Six, and Jane gasped as it happened thinking of how much pain it must be in. In truth he felt nothing at all, used to the sensation of flesh being ripped of his back. John was slowly rising out of the cracks revealing that it happened to him also. Hot Head was being put in a stretcher as they all watched in absolute horror.

"To tell me who I am. Who I was. Uncertainty enveloping my mind 'til I can't break free and. Maybe it's a dream, maybe nothing else is real, but it wouldn't mean the same if I told you how I feel." John said looking towards Jane and the Princesses and looked away.

"So I'm tired of all the pain of the misery inside and I wish that I could live feeling nothing but the night." John still sang while looking to the sky.

"You can tell me what to say, you can tell me where to go, but I doubt that I would care and my heart would never know. If I take another move there'll be no more turning back because everything would change and it all would fade to blaaaack." John's skin became darker from the neck up.

"Will tomorrow ever come? Will I make it through the night? Will there ever be a place for the broken in the light? Am I hurting? Am I sad? Should I stay or should I go? I forgotten how to tell. Did I ever even know?" While John sang everyone there was still staring at him soon ghostly images appeared. His first changing into what he was. How he tried to hide it. How one of his friends found out and how he died when he figured it out.

"Can I take another step? I've done everything I can. All the people that I see I will never understand. If I find a way to change, If I step into the light. Then I'll never be the same and it all will fade to whiiiiite." Now from the neck up he was normal but from the neck down it looked like he was covered in shadows.

"Ever on and on I continue circling with nothing but my hate in a carousel of agony 'Til slowly I forget and my heart start vanishing." John thumped his chest where his heart is.

"And suddenly I see that I can't break free -I'm-" he was going through the cracks again.

"Slipping through the cracks of a dark eternity, Feeling nothing but my pain and the paralyzing agony To tell me who I am. Who I was. Uncertainty enveloping my mind 'til I can't break free and. Maybe it's a dream, maybe nothing else is real, but it wouldn't mean a thing if I told you how I feel" Now he looked down at his sinking body.

"So I'm tired of all the pain of the misery inside and I wish that I could live feeling nothing but the night." John still sang looked to the sky as he slowly rose out of the ground.

"You can tell me what to say, you can tell me where to go, but I doubt that I would care and my heart would never know. If I take another move there'll be no more turning back because everything would change and it all would fade to blaaaack." John's skin became darker, again, from the neck up.

"If I make another move, If I take another step then it all would fall apart, There'd be nothing of me left." Another ghostly image appeared, this one not a memory but for show. It showed John lying dead on the floor with a long cut across the throat.

"If I'm crying in the wind, If I'm crying in the night, will there ever be a way for my heart to turn to white." John closed his eyes a teardrop forming remembering all that had died trying to become his friend or getting close to him and them figuring out why he didn't want any.

"Can you tell me who you are? Can you tell me where I am? I forgotten how to see I've forgotten how if I can." John's voice was returning to normal but still he sang.

"If I open up my eyes there'd be no more going back cause I'd throw it all away and it all would fade to blaaaaaack." John looked around and still saw their shocked expressions. Thinking that they were all angry at him he willed the claws on his back to morph into wings. Slowly the claws closed together forming wings and John took off into the air flying towards his room in the castle. Closing the window behind him, he willed the claws back into his flesh and locked the doors.

John started to take whatever he could, loose bits, a bottle of vodka he got from the kitchen, and his own clothes. He got one of the bed sheets and wrapped it around the stuff he had. John, now satisfied that nothing would fall out, punched out one of the wooden legs from a nearby chair using it to help him carry it (Imagine a hobo sack). John rushed into the kitchen to see what he could grab before leaving the castle.

Celestia was frantic. She was searching everywhere for John thinking that he would do something rash. She searched his room, the rooms around it, and the dining room. 'Where would he hide?' She thought to herself. She thought about it for a moment when she realized that he was a slave to this castle so that would mean he would know it inside and out.

'Where would he go?' She thought in despair. Then she got a flash of inspiration as she went to the kitchen where she saw John. He was reaching up grabbing some apples and other foods that wouldn't spoil easily. He quickly opened up a sack that was with him and put it in before walking to the door when he noticed Celestia was blocking it. "Shit." John said as he backed away looking for a way out before realizing he could grow wings. "Well I'm stupid." John said as he willed the claws to come out.

Celestia saw the horrible transformation John went through to grow out his wings and could feel the anger radiating off of him to make them grow. Slowly the claws came out sprouting from his back as they surrounded him. John was kneeling down on the floor with a single hand on the floor his face in a grimace as the claws grew more. Soon the claws enveloped him and when he stood, the claws flexed backwards and his eyes turned a glowing green color instead of his normal dark green and light blue eye. His eye color wasn't the only thing that changed all the scars that were on him reopened and was slowly bleeding. His pupils became slits almost like a dragon's. His voice turned commanding and full of malice as he said, "Let me be." He turned towards the windows and broke out of them as he flew.

Celestia was in silence before she gave chase hoping to figure out what had happened to the John she knew and, dare she say it, loved.

John was royally pissed off. He almost killed a guard, which was considerably more better then what normally would have happened, stole some things from Celestia, and was on the run from Celestia herself. He knew his destination, it was the area he was planning on going to when he first tried to escape. The Everfree Forest. John made a beeline for the forest hoping to outpace Celestia.

Celestia managed to hear what he was thinking and teleported (WHY IS THAT NOT A WORD) to the Everfree and took to the air, waiting for him to come. It didn't take long, John appeared like a bat out of hell going full speed and almost crashed into her, just barely stopping in front of her. "What do you want?" John asked coldly.

"I wanted to know why you ran away after the fight." Celestia stated.

"You mean to tell me that you're not mad that I almost killed one of the guards and almost sent Canterlot into mass panic?" John asked, confused.

"What was that about sending Canterlot into mass panic?" Celestia asked.

"You mean they wouldn't see a strange creature bursting out of the castle, being chased by the Princess herself?" John asked. His question hit her hard. She didn't think about anypony being around when he burst out the window or when she chased after him. News would travel quickly that there was some kind of monster causing panic and was last seen headed towards Ponyville. She started to sweat slightly as she thought about it and John saw it. "So you didn't think about your subject when you chased after me." He said. Celestia saw two things in his eyes that flashed at once. Intense confusion and sadness? It vanished as quickly as it appeared and he continued. "Well a reason is that you wanted to interrogate me about the wings," he demonstrated by flexing his wings in mid-air, "or you like me." The ending he said with a toothy grin, not expecting a reaction.

Celestia blushed horribly and stuttered, "N-no I have no idea what you're talking about." Then in a small voice, "Is it really that obvious?"

"Whoa, wait you actually like me?" John asked incredulously. "I was just saying that to mess with you. I wasn't expecting a reaction."

"Oh." was all she said, thinking that he had rejected her.

"But," Her ears perked up a bit. Too bad he was interupted. For some reason Pinkie Pie appeared in front of them hovering on a helicopter.

"My Pinkie Sense just went off." She said. "I had a doozy and it was somewhere near the Everfree forest. I got the girls over here quick just in time to hear Celestia say she liked you." John was blushing thinking that this was a private moment and that Pinkie was intruding. Celestia thinking almost the same thing except she just chalked it up as Pinkie Pie just being Pinkie Pie. John then realized she said the 'girls' his eyes widened as he looked around and, sure enough, the Mane Six and Luna were looking at them, Rainbow and Luna were flying but the rest were on the ground looking up at them.

"Shit." John said under his breath. He looked around again and saw that his wings were going back into his skin. "SHIT!" he shouted again and he blew past Celestia and shouted back "Sorry Celly got to go and Da Deus fortunae (God give luck) to me! Don't want you to know about the wings yet! I'll explain in a few days!" John's last thoughts before the wings went completely back into his skin and he plummeted 5 stories high over the forest. 'I'm such a Mary Sue.'

A/N Yeah I hope I didn't put it like a Mary Sue and is that LATIN? Yes yes it is. I was going to see if you guys (and maybe girls) would get which language it was in but decided against it. Anyways Oh No! John's in the Everfree. What will happen? Maybe he'll bring home a pet (wink wink nudge nudge) Hope it doesn't seem like a Mary Sue. Comment and tell me if it does or doesn't.