I read the morning paper over a cup of coffee at Rarity's place. The big story about the mystery fight in Caramel's place happened too early for yesterday's paper to cover it, but it was front page material today. The investigating guardsponies declined a whole lot of comment, but did say that the changeling did not die of 'natural causes,' there were signs of a struggle, and Caramel as he was identified didn't seem to be in any position to inflict the damage, nor was he in any condition to comment. When I saw that he was in a stable condition in the local hospital, I smiled into my coffee cup. The article ended with a comment from the investigating sergeant.

'We know that somepony else was there on the night in question and we urge them to come forward and be recognized for this deed. This investigation will continue until we have the whole story and the identities of all involved.'

"Snowball's chance in Hell, chico," I mumbled into my coffee.

"What was that, darling?" Rarity asked. She was cleaning up breakfast dishes while I relaxed for a minute.

"Nothin'. The guards think they can get whoever was in Caramel's place to come on out and sit with them, but they've probably got a better chance of curin' cancer."

"Its scary to me. Of course, it is a dangerous creature, but was killing it REALLY necessary?" she asked. I shrugged.

"Maybe it didn't give them a choice." She shook her head.

"Well, then why didn't they stay in the house and speak with the guards? Either they would have been prosecuted for murder," she shuddered at the word, "or they could have stayed and been recognized." I frowned.

"Nah. No one wants to go to jail. This one just wants to be left alone. If they wanted to be recognized, they woulda been there when EMS showed up so they could answer questions. This one doesn't want to be found. Probably put in an anonymous tip and hauled ass," I took another sip of my coffee. "which is why I don't think it was criminal. They wouldn't have called it in. Lowers the success rate of getting away with it considerably."

"You seem to know a lot about the subject," she said slyly. I shook my head again.

"Nah. That's just the way some folks are. Don't want any hoof-bumps or pats on the back and they damn sure don't want to be looked down at. They'd rather stay nameless than be exposed." She smiled and walked over; a warm pot of coffee levitating beside her.

"And what about YOU?" She said with a smile as she warmed up my cup. "Aren't YOU that kind of person?" I winked at her as I took a sip.

"You kiddin' me? Not only am I already world renowned here, but I love the attention. Besides, I'm runnin' out of ways to impress you. I'd need every bit of excitement I could find!" She rolled her eyes and sighed.

"What would impress ME is if YOU could settle down and ease out of these 'adventures' of yours." I shrugged in reply.

"Not my fault I'm an adrenaline junkie. I used to jump out of clouds for cryin' out loud. I need to do something wild once in a while to take the edge off the boredom." She sighed yet again.

"Yes, yes... Adventurous spirit and all that." She returned to the sink for a minute of silence before speaking up again. "Right. Well, we have an awful lot to complete in preparation for tomorrow evening. I can hardly believe the ball is almost here! I want to be completely ready for it well in advance." I looked at her blankly.

"We are ready. All we have to do is get dressed, get on the chariot and go." She laughed aloud at that one.

"Oh, darling, I have NO idea how humans do events such as this, but things here are much MUCH more involved than simply throwing on a dress and going." Oh darlin', if only you knew... "Why, I have to get my mane done, I have a hooficure appointment at the spa, I have to make sure the dress is cleaned and pressed, I have to..."

I stopped paying attention somewhere around there, but something made me think there was a laundry list of other things to go before she was done, so I interrupted.

"Okay, hun... I get your point. Busy day for you then, huh?" I stood up and started for the door.

"Oh, you don't know the HALF of it! I also need to- Wait! Where are you going?" I turned back as I pushed open the front door.

"Thank you for breakfast hun, but I really need to check on a few things and take care of some last minute details myself... I'll see ya later."

Really, I didn't have that much to prepare for. I basically just needed to shave, do something about my hair and call it good. I started for the first (and really only) thing on the list: Lyra's. The bell rang as I pushed the door open and the cheerful unicorn appeared at the counter.

"Hello and welcome to- John! Here to pick up a few pre-ball essentials?" I smiled as I stepped up to her.

"Yeah, just lookin' for a little bit of a shave and something for stylin' hair... well, a mane." She laughed.

"Style it?! What's there to style? You barely have enough there to call it a mane anyways!"

"Oh, just hook me up, Lyra. Please?" I pleaded. She looked around the shelves for a moment and finally levitated a small bottle over to me.

"Here," she said. "Take this. Its got all the hold but still looks pretty natural." Just what the doctor ordered.

"Alright. Mind if I just borrow a razor and a mirror? I can shave myself, I just need the tools, ya know?" She motioned me over to a mirror and levitated a razor with some shaving cream over to the sink.

"So, is this something humans have to do often?" she asked taking a seat in a chair nearby.

"Some more than others. Usually men will shave everyday if they want to look presentable, but there's a few that can pull off facial hair pretty well." She looked intrigued.

"Some can't?" I laughed.

"Oh yeah. Some people have bald patches on their cheeks or weird spots where it gets really patchy. It really doesn't start growing well until you get older anyways. Hell, I remember thinking I had a really badass beard goin' on when I was 17. I looked at pictures 10 years later and couldn't help but laugh at how ridiculous it looked." She chuckled at that.

"Its amazing what growing up a little will do to your perception." I nodded and brushed the lather onto my neck and cheeks.

"Yeah, I was always jealous of the folks with the full beards... You know, like I had when I first got here a while back?" She nodded.

"Yeah, that was something alright... How long do they get?" I paused for a second before cleaning my right cheek of the bristle that had grown.

"As long as you let it get, I suppose. If I never shaved again, It could probably cover my stomach before I died."

She stayed quiet for a while watching my hands manipulate the blade and slowly cut the hair from my cheeks and neck. Giving the razor a final rinse in the sink and washing my face off, I looked up into the mirror. A halfway decent-looking guy with a halfway decent-looking goatee stared back at me, showing me all the spots on his neck so I could make sure he didn't miss anything.

"Nope... you look pretty good there, chico," I muttered to my reflection. Lyra smiled approvingly.

"If you had to say, what kinda look are you going for with this?" I thought for a second and shrugged.

"I don't know. Honestly, all of the formal events I've been to have been in dress uniform and everything had to be perfect. If I had to say anything, I'd be trying to be... well, me." She chuckled.

"Oh yeah? So alien-Ponyville bad-boy again, right?" Ha! Right. That's a laugh. I cleaned out the sink I used and chuckled.

"Thanks for everythin', Lyra. What do I owe ya?" She shrugged.

"I didn't have to do anything 'cept sell you something. Five bits and we'll call it even, kay?" I smiled and dug out the money.

"I 'ppreciate it, hun. You take care now, right?"

"Oh, as long as you come by and visit every so often, things will be fine. Bye, John!"

I stepped out into the late morning sun and lit a smoke. I still had a few more hours to kill before the day really got started. I couldn't wait.

Rarity insisted that we meet at her place tomorrow afternoon to get completely ready and walk together to the chariot. At the moment, I was waiting for them to show up any minute. I walked through the market for a time just looking around and smoking a cigarette when I saw someone point upwards with a hoof.

"Look! A castle chariot! Who do you think's coming to town?" I smiled and started towards where the guys were going to land. They were unhitching themselves as I walked up.

"WELL! Ain't y'all just the ugliest sonsabitches I ever did see!" I half shouted with a grin. Arrow looked up in mock indignance.

"So says the only thing on the planet worthy of the nickname 'Baldie!' " We laughed and shot the shit for a few minutes as the two pegasi removed their ceremonial chest plates and helmets. Before long, a pair of ordinary ponies stood in front of me, waiting for the word 'go'. Cross cast his eyes about town before looking back to me.

"So what do we have to do in this little hicktown, anyways?" I smiled and put a hand on each stallion's shoulder.

"Gentlecolts... We do the only thing that's worth doin' in a little town like this... We drink!" Arrow laughed and nodded. Cross raised an eyebrow.

"Don't you have some things to take care of?"

"Already done, chico. All I need to do is show up tomorrow at the young lady's place, get all fancied up and escort her to the castle." Cross shrugged and fell into step next to me as I started on my way to Lucky's.

Lucky's was the only bar in town worth going to. The Oak Room was where all the pretentious assholes and younger types went. Lucky's was pretty much a dive which made it unpopular, but had enough of a good honkytonk feel to make it enjoyable. Either way, it wasn't the place to pick up girls and the smell of stale smoke and sweaty laborers usually kept the crowds down. Basically, folks went to The Oak Room to order expensive drinks, talk to ponies, and have an alright time. Folks came to Lucky's to get hammered drunk and pick fights.

We stepped inside at the right time. Not a whole lot of ponies were there yet and we had our pick of where to sit at the bar. Hell, Berry Punch wasn't even here yet. I guess there's just something wrong with us. We took our spots in the middle of the bar and waited for Lucky to come by.

I'm telling you, Lucky was about as awesome of a bartender you could get, not to mention the shamrock cutie mark made him more than qualified to serve liquor in my opinion. One night, I got a little buzzed, showed him my shamrock tattoo and told him about my Irish ancestry and what it was supposed to mean. Since that night, he's always referred to me as Mr. Irish.

"Well, well, well... If it isn't Mr. Irish himself. Little early for you and your buddies to be in here, isn't it? Who are these guys anyways?" I frowned and jerked my head towards the two sitting on either side of me.

"Oh, these guys? My glorified cab drivers." That comment was greeted with laughs and a couple of jokes thrown back, but I was unphased. Friendly ball-busting isn't something to get pissy over... Especially on a day like today. I shook my head and looked up at Lucky.

"A shot and a brew for each of us and keep 'em comin'. First round is on my tab." Lucky went off to do his thing and we settled in for a good time. I looked back and forth at my friends. "So, what's new with y'all? Anything wild goin' on in the wonderfully dull land of Equestria?" Lucky set our beers down and Arrow took a long pull before he answered.

"Well, Cross went and got himself a promotion, believe it or not." I looked over at him with mock surprise.

"Oh yeah? What's that make ya now, Cross? Cab-driving squad leader?" He rolled his eyes.

"Whatever, sarge. No, I'm actually getting moved into an investigative position within the guard." I slapped him on the back.

"Awesome! Way to go... So I guess you could tell us a little about this mystery changeling here in town, huh?" Cross shook his head as he took a drink.

"I'm not there yet, sarge... Even so, the entire guard has been given a direct order not to comment about any operations or investigations," he then looked around and lowered his voice, "or whether they exist or not, if you catch my meaning?"

"You mean to say they aren't doing anything?" he nodded.

"Words of the Captain himself. At least that's what our lieutenant says." I scoffed.

"Oh come on... I was a soldier, too. I know how bad the rumor mill is on this kinda shit. Hell, half of my unit thought we were getting orders to invade a country for a month before the major called 'em all a bunch of dumbass gossips. Captain's probably just playin' his hand a little close to the chest is all." Cross slowly shook his head.

"Yeah well, the whole thing has the rest of the company a little spooked. Things don't just die like this around Ponyville. We've either got some kind of hero out there or a dangerous killer. Too early to say." I shrugged and picked up my shot glass.

"Yeah yeah... seriousness aside, this stuff isn't gonna drink itself... What are we drinkin' to?" Arrow slammed down an empty beer bottle and somehow picked up his shot glass.

"TO PRINCESS AND COUNTRY!" Cross and I echoed him and as one we clicked the glasses together, tapped them on the bar and tossed back the mild liquor. I looked up at the clock and saw the time. 2:30. Plenty of time to cause some trouble.

"Hey Lucky! You got anything stronger than this?"

6 o'clock rolled around and the bar was loud. Louder than usual. Apparently, three friendly guys getting drunk and telling old Army stories was enough to draw a little more business. Folks sat around and listened to Arrow, Cross and I hoot and holler about the good old times... and get steadily more intoxicated.

"So no shit, there I was out there in the desert. Our truck.. that's kinda like a wagon that don't haveta be pulled, ya see... Well, our truck was stopped and we were out takin' a few minutes for lunch in what was SUPPOSED to be a clear area. All of the sudden, there was enemy EVERYFUCKINWHERE. Shootin' at us and yellin' and runnin' and screamin' and shit... Anyways, we're all pinned down and requestin' fire support. Just our LUCK that a couple of planes were in the area." Someone piped up.

"Hey, what's a plane?"

"It's a big ass flyin' machine that brings all sorts of hell with it, lemme tell ya... Anyways, we're pinned down for 10 or 15 minutes all tryin' not to get our asses shot off when all of the sudden we can hear the most BEAUTIFUL sound you could ever hear at a time like that... BRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!"

A few ponies gasped and Arrow shook his head and drank.

"Fuckin'... The hillsides all around us just erupted in fire and explosions and shit! It was GLORIOUS! I still wish I'd gotten to buy those flyboys a beer or two," I paused and drank. "I guess I can settle for these two though, right?" A few ponies chuckled at that and someone in the crowd piped up.

"What made you want to go join and do all of those things?" I took a long drink and shook my head.

"I'll tell ya. But first," I drained my eighth beer... and reached for my eighth shot for the day. "What're we drinkin' to, gents?" Arrow and Cross both shrugged and I waved my hand dismissively. "Aww, hell.. I got it. Alright folks!" I lifted the whiskey high over my head and let the room quiet a little. "Here's to YOU and here's to ME! And if we should ever... EVER disagree... Well, then TO HELL WITH YOU AND HERE'S TO ME!!!" That earned a raucous cheer from the small crowd as ponies raised their glasses and drank. I chuckled a little as I turned towards the stallion waiting for an answer.

"You asked me why... Why I would join up and do all these things. Arrow, Cross, why did y'all join up?" Cross shrugged.

"Its an honor to serve the princesses at the very least." Arrow nodded in agreement.

"Yeah, and we get to protect Equestria and her citizens... Just like THIS GROUP OF GOOD FOLKS RIGHT HERE!" The crowd let out another cheer and I smiled and nodded.

"Yeah... Yeah, there's that. Me? I didn't do it out of some sense of honor. I DAMN sure didn't do it for the PAY." Folks around the bar laughed as I muttered quietly to Arrow, "at first..." He just rolled his eyes and took a swig of beer. "What I DID join up for was something more... base than that." The group of stallions around us quieted and some put on thoughtful faces.

"I didn't join for glory.. not honor. I could say I did it to protect the rights of my countrymen. That I did it to defend them, but I won't sugar coat it... I signed up for the sheer damn thrill." A couple of heads nodded. "I joined up because when you're two steps away from death and lookin' him in the eye... and there were quite a few times that I was... you never... EVER feel more alive. Guys, I'm sure when y'all were fighting off changelings during The Incursion, y'all must have felt what I'm talkin' about." Arrow and Cross both nodded in unison and quietly drank their beers. I looked up at the gathered ponies and started again.

"I was someone that did things and saw things that few have... or would ever think of," I said softly. "Fewer still have the courage to face it. Its kind of an honor thing, sure. A point of prestige, I guess." Lucky walked up and set another shot down for each of us. "Hey, Lucky. Why don't you pour one for all these folks. On me. You know I'm good for it." The dozen or so stallions collected their drinks from him at the bar and I stood to raise mine, nearly falling over.

"SO. We raise our glasses to the boys and girls that do have the courage. Raise it and remember that when you folks sleep peacefully in the night, ponies like these," I gestured towards Cross and Arrow who stood sheepishly on either side of me, "ponies like these boys right here are makin' sure you stay that way. To those that do and have. To those that will... and to those that have fallen doin' what they lived for. Na'zdrowie."

As one, we threw our glasses back. I looked up at the door and saw a gorgeous white mare with a nicely styled mane standing stock still, listening and watching me.

"That boys," I said to Arrow and Cross, "is my cue to git on outta here." Arrow leaned over to me.

"She's been standing there for the better part of an hour listening to you talk... I figure you missed the cue, buddy. Go on and take that pretty filly home.. We've got this." He then leaned away from me and smiled up at Rarity. "HEY! YOU'RE COLTFRIEND IS ON HIS WAY OUT, DON'T YOU WORRY!" I patted him on the back.

"Thanks asshole. I'll see y'all tomorrow." I turned towards the door and started to stagger out. "THE REST OF Y'ALL TAKE CARE AND ENJOY THE EVENING!" I stumbled my way to the door towards Rarity. The look on her face told me that if she had arms to cross... they would have been at that moment.

Author's Note

Please let me know in the comments what y'all think about my first chapter in months. Do I still have it? Yea or nay?