Breathtaking

"I know I must be going
'cause love's already gone.

And all I'm takin' with me are the pieces of my heart...
And all I'll leave are smoke rings in the dark."

Clunk tap.

Clunk tap.

Clunk tap.

The old jukebox in the corner was interesting enough. Just like the ones you see every once in a while back home. A bit got you five songs, but since I didn't know any of the ones on the list, I handed the coin to somepony else and had them pick something for me. My only request was that they be something about heartbreak and sorrow. A mournful tune came over the bar as a soft voice sang of heartache and love lost.

Fuck.

"You know, when I had this in mind, it seemed like a much better idea than it seems right now." I said aloud. A fellow patron looked up and shook his head.

"Never does, son... It never does."

"The fuck is that supposed to mean?"

"Nothin'."

I went back to the bottle. Equestria's shittiest bourbon was going down quicker and smoother than it was probably intended. Half an hour later, an intoxicated John Marshall was out of liquor.

"Lucky! Luckyyyyyyy! LUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCKYYYYYY!!!"

I vigorously beckoned the patient bartender over to where I was seated.

"What's the problem, Irish?"

I upended the bottle to show him the damage.

"Its all gone, Lucky... Ever... Every.. Ev... Every drop..." I finally said. "All gone... Its all gone and I STILL don't feel any better." He shook his head slowly.

"John... That bottle was 70 bits and you're too drunk to move. I'm cutting you off. I'm sorr-" Before he could finish, I interrupted.

"WHAT?! You... You're SORRY? No, I'M sorry, Lucky! What in the blue fuck am I supposed to do NOW?" He shook his head again.

"You can stay here and sober up or you can leave. Like I said, I'm sorry Jo-"

"No! No... FUCK YOU, Lucky... FUCK. YOU." Lucky nervously looked around for his backup, a burly looking stallion bouncer when the door slammed open and in walked Rarity.

"Oh my God, Lucky," I said to the unwitting and now confused bartender. "Your lack of a doorman is seriously ruining my life."

The beautiful pony marched her way up to me; her nose turned up at the idea that she was in such an establishment.

"John," she called to me. "John, we are going immediately... you've done an admirable job of making a fool of yourself today, but it simply must end now." I shook my head and made to stand up.

"Okay, okay I'll go."

"LISTEN to me John, because this is important. Do you understand?" I looked around.

"That sounds like a good reason for you to not tell me now. Impossible to remember either Jack or shit at the current moment." She groaned in frustration.

"John, doing this to yourself is not going to solve your problems! You must come to terms with the individual you are and whatever your past contains!" I shook my head.

"Rarity, I'm ashamed of what I've done. Things you couldn't imagine and that I hope you never have to ex hic ex... experience. I'm not making excuses for myself, but... but-" my ramblings were lost on deaf ears as we pushed our way into the daylight.

"John, we'll do anything we can; doctors and psychologists... We can even talk to the princesses about it to see-" At the mention of help, I broke. I had enough.

"You don't get it do you, Rarity?!" I half shouted at her as I stopped and turned. "I don't want any fucking help! I don't need ANY. FUCKING. HELP. I've TRIED it before. They gave me pills to make me happy and they just messed me up more! They tried to talk to me and tell me how to change myself and all it did was give me another reason to HATE myself! I was a burden when I got here and I'm still a burden now... Only you want to make me more of a burden by putting me in therapy? Help me out with this, please!" I swayed back and forth looking at her; the single tear rolling down her cheek was lost on me.

"John, please. Please just let me help you. You... You're special to me." I shook my head.

"Rarity, you're special to me, too. But I can't do this to you."

"What ever do you mean?" Her large eyes spoke to me. They conveyed a message of fear I had never expected from her.

"I... I just need to think for a while. Could you... Could you wait for me at Fluttershy's?" She nodded slowly and sniffed back another tear before trotting towards town. I watched her walk away as I planned my next move. What came next? Well, first of all John, you aren't thinking clearly right now. Food and a few hours to compose yourself would probably be a good idea, right? Whatever you do, don't decide anything with this much alcohol-

"Oh please get on with this." A voice interrupted. I turned to see who the offending pony was only to find the very stallion I accosted the night before.

"Excuse me?" I said loudly.

"No sir, I don't believe there is an excuse for you," Silver Streak sneered at me. "You should have left that poor girl alone long ago and drowned your sorrows somewhere else." I was confused.

"Just who in the hell asked you?" I asked pointedly

"I am here with Rarity's well-being in mind. She doesn't need you anymore. She has me."

"What are you talking about?" Silver rolled his eyes and put his hoof to his forehead.

"You certainly aren't the brightest individual, are you? She and I are meant to be and there isn't anything you can do about it. You aren't even a pony! How did you think you could even stand a chance in this world?" I was dumbstruck. "Now, you've gone and destroyed everything yourself. She deserves a prince... How could she ever choose a peasant like you?" My blood began boiling and before I knew it my fists were clenched. I didn't even get the chance to notice Rarity galloping towards me before I started to move towards Silver.

"John? JOHN, NO!" the white unicorn mare yelled, but it was too late. I half staggered, half sprinted towards my target shouting as I went.

"What did I tell you last night? I told you! I fuckin' TOLD you!"

Silver's eyes went wide a split-second before I brought a closed fist against his lower jaw with a heavy right cross. If I was sober, I probably would have made a "Blazing Saddles" reference, but hell, Mongo only pawn in "game of Life," right? I just swayed on the spot and watched Rarity rush forward to take care of the downed pony... that and wonder why my hand wasn't working properly. After a few moments of shock, I turned on my heel and walked towards Rarity's Boutique. Alcohol or not, my decision was made.

"All aboard for Appleoosa!" Called the conductor of the train. I didn't have much time before they left, so I hastily wrote my letter, left it on Rarity's bed and hauled ass. Now, I was sitting in the caboose of the Friendship Express in pretty good privacy.

I gave instructions to let no one in and not tell a soul who I was or where I was going, but the conductor didn't seem to express much enthusiasm for my plight until I handed him a small sack of bits... I could still hear him telling folks to mind their own business and stay out of the back if they knew what was good for them. Don't you just love having disposable income?

I felt for the large knife at the small of my back to remind myself that the important thing was coming with me. Shining Armor may have been an ass, but his blacksmith really knew how to work metal. I gave him probably the most basic instructions for making the blade I wanted and he came through beautifully.

So now, all I had to show for my life here in Ponyville was about twenty-five hundred bits, a knife, and a duffel bag full of clothes. I left my farewell and instructions with the other bag before I took off. Now, as the whistle blew and the train lurched forward, my thoughts wandered towards Carousel Boutique and what would happen when they were actually read. They still tumbled around my head.

Dearest Rarity,

I meant to make this decision with you, but the truth is I'm a coward. I can't face

you after all of this now. There is a large sack in your study next to the window. Split it

between you, Fluttershy, and Applejack. Y'all need it and y'all deserve it for putting up with

my ass this long. I can't be who you need me to be, and I understand that now. I hope y'all

have a great life.

With love,

John

Dammit John, what are you doing? This is ridiculous! Its not the right decision and you know it. I don't care. John, you wrote that note drunk and it shows. God, it sounds pathetic. Fuck you. Seriously, John. Why don't you just go and cry a river of angst to go drown yourself in. Yeah... Yeah it did sound a little dramatic. A little? C'mon. I lulled myself to sleep with these thoughts, not realizing the worst was yet to come.

I slept poorly. Thoughts of Rarity in the arms of another pony destroyed my heart, but I worked hard at pushing it out of my head. It was gonna happen eventually, John. It always does. You've done this before, just hang in there and relax. A few hours at a time, I would nod off only to wake up and see the sun just a little farther along the horizon until it fell out of sight and the stars twinkled softly in the darkness.

I lit a cigarette and thought about where I was going and how I would live. A new job? A new life. Maybe I could find a quiet place to work on myself. Wishful thinking? Maybe, but anything was possible in this place as far as I knew. Perhaps there was a magic spell that could fix my brain. Even so, Twilight probably would have been the best chance for that one... Oh well, what are ya gonna do, eh?

The moonlight illuminated the area around the train revealing a drastic change in scenery. Cactus, rocks and sand started to replace the flowing green hills I was familiar with. Everything was starting to look more like home than Ponyville. I whispered a few lines of a song I'd known all my life.

"The stars at night are big and bright, deep in the heart of Texas. The prairie sky is wide and bright, deep in the heart of Texas. The sage in bloom is like perfume, deep in the heart of Texas. Reminds me of the one I... Love..."

As if I needed to feel more stupid, right? I shook my head and tossed the remains of my smoke out the window of the train before settling down in a seat and closing my eyes, praying for something better than a cat-nap.

I was jerked awake by the braking train. A loud knock sounded from the other side of the door to my car.

"WE'RE HERE, SIR! TIME TO WAKE UP!"

I stumbled to the windows and looked outside at something... ridiculous. Appleoosa, huh? This place looked like it belonged out west in the 1880s. Small wooden buildings sat in the dirt and the townsfolk walked around in old western attire. The hell was up with this? I grabbed my bag and stepped off the train into the hot sun.

The streets were dirt. Not even gravel, just dirt. Ponies stopped and stared at me as I stepped off the train and walked past them. Before I could make mention that pictures did indeed last longer, I had to remind myself that I hadn't made an appearance anywhere besides Ponyville and Canterlot yet. Besides, something made me think that cameras hadn't quite made it here yet. Then, I spotted it.

The saloon.

I was about halfway there before a stallion in a stetson and a vest trotted up with a nervous smile on his face.

"Howdy, partner! Welcome to AAAAAAPPLEOOSA!" Christ... Its the welcoming committee.

"Howdy." I said blankly as I walked around him and towards the bar. I thought for a moment I could get him to leave, but he continued along beside me for another minute.

"What brings you all the way out here? Heck, I'd even give you a tour of AAAAAAPPLEOOSA!"

"I think I've had my fill, thanks."

"But Sheriff Silver-"

"Jesus Christ, I just got off the train and I would like a stiff drink. Now. Okay?" The stallion turned and pointed at the saloon.

"Well, then that's the place to go! Its the best saloon we have to offer here in AAAAAAPPLEOOSA!" I shook my head.

"If you aren't on medication, you should be." I started to walk away as the stallion ended his greeting.

"If you ever need anything just look for Braeburn, that's me, and I'll lend ya a hoof!" I waved casually as I walked away.

"Right on."

I pushed open the swinging doors and started towards the bar, boots sounding awfully loud in the silence that greeted me. Grabbing a stool and signaling for the barkeep, I turned towards the room to see everypony's eyes on me.

"Uhh... Howdy?" I said with a shrug. A few folks nodded politely, but most of them just sat in silence. I shook my head and lit a smoke as I turned back towards the bartender.

"What'll it be, Mr. Marshall?" I opened my mouth to reply, but stopped.

"How did...? Nevermind. Three fingers of whisky." He just looked at me like I spun a cartwheel. I rubbed my forehead before grabbing a tumbler and holding up my hand as a comparison.

"Just fill it to about there. And throw a couple of ice cubes in there, please." He nodded and set to work before I asked him my next question. "So, what's a fella gotta do to get a job in this here town?" He came back shortly with my drink and frowned as he considered the human before him.

"How long you plan on stayin'?" He asked.

"Till I find someplace better to be." I said casually as he poured himself a drink.

"Well, I can't help you there, less you wanna stick around for a time. If its greener pastures AND work yer lookin' fer, ya may as well get on with a caravan headed fer Las Pegasus."

"Las Pegasus? What and where is that?" The bartender must have thought I was joking because he squinted at my face and studied it for a moment before answering.

"Well, its a big ole city out there in the desert. Bout two days walk west o' here. Only reason that place even survives is the magic they use to bring the water up from the ground. Iffn ya ask me, it'd be better fer everypony if the place sank into the sand and disappeared. Full of vice and dangerous folk, just like every other city, cept this one was built on it, the others just attracted it. Gamblin', fightin', stealin'... you name a problem and Las Pegasus got it." Sounded like my kinda place.

"Don't worry about me, old timer, I've been to places like it before. Any word on when the next wagon heads out?" The old barkeep scratched his chin with a hoof in thought before shaking his head.

"I don't rightly know, but you'd find out pretty quick if-"

"I think I can help you there, hun," a voice interrupted. A female voice. The bartender looked over my shoulder with a frown.

"Dusk, you got designs on this here stranger?" I turned to face a pretty yellow mare with a fiery red mane and a smile. She looked me up and down before talking to the old barpony.

"He looks like he could handle himself, I guess he could come with us. That is if he doesn't mind leaving bright and early tomorrow." I shook my head and sipped on my whisky.

"No ma'am." She smiled and nodded.

"Good. South end of town at dawn. Make sure to bring some water in that bag of yours." Then she turned and headed for the door. "Sunny, I'll buy his drink today. Just make sure he doesn't get anymore. He looks like the type that might not show up if his head hurts too much." I took the jab in silence, but somehow I felt challenged.

I was famous in my younger years for drinking more than anyone else and still getting to work with a smile on my face. No, it wasn't quite the same here, but luckily, I was smart enough not to drink before days that work needed to happen on Applejack's farm.

Applejack.

A pang of regret shot through my gut. She was expecting me on the farm today and I didn't think to let them know I was leaving. That would have been the first time I've ever just walked away from a job. Good job, John. Hope they understand that your selfish bullshit was more important than their backs.

I shook my head and downed more of the whisky. The Apples were made of tougher stuff than that. They don't need me there anyways. Hell, that job was probably just for charity... Still.

"I'll be there, sugar. Don't you fret," I said more to myself than anyone else. "Sunny, one more glass and then I'd like to rent a bed for the night."

"Sorry, but the lady said-" Before he could continue, I interrupted him.

"I heard what the lady said and now that you've reminded me, I'll have to ask that you leave the bottle," I said as I turned to look pointedly at Dusk. She smiled shrewdly as I downed the rest of the first glass.

"Bright and early Mr. Marshall. Just don't oversleep or complain or you'll find yourself without traveling company quickly." I merely nodded in reply.

"Yes ma'am."

She walked out of the bar and disappeared into the bright outside and I looked back at Sunny.

"So what's her deal?" The barkeep just shook his head.

"That, young buck is Dusk Fire and I seen that look on her face before. She's taken a likin' to ya, son. Be careful 'round that one. She's wild." I shook my head.

"Do you know who I am, old timer? I can handle myself. Besides, she's barkin' up the wrong tree." The old pony just shook his head and went off to tend to the other patrons. That left me ample time to sit and reflect.

I staggered my way up the stairs that lead to the rooms Sunny kept for the folks that wanted to stay the night.

"Now youngun, this here is where you'll be spendin' the night. I don't care what yer current state is, if you break it, you buy it, understand?" I gave him an exaggerated eyeroll in response.

"You listen here, chief. If I break anything in here, I'll pay ya double for it. That is how confident I am in my facilities." He looked at me in disbelief.

"Uh huh. Well you just make yerself at home then and trash the place. I could use a few new tables and stools out there in the front. You need anything else before I shut it down fer the night?" I looked around the room as he opened the door.

A bed and a dresser with a small chair and table in the corner. About all I'd need for the night... Except for one thing.

"Could you bring up a few cups of water? That and I'd like someone to wake me up 'bout an hour before dawn." The old pony nodded and gently pushed me inside.

"I'll take care of that fer ya. Git yerself some sleep now, ya hear?" I nodded and walked over to the bed. I didn't bother with my clothes, just plopped down on the mattress and got comfortable as the lights were blown out and the town simmered down for the night. The room slowly shifted from side to side from the alcohol and I laid still with a small smile on my face as sleep took me.

I slept easily, bothered only by random dreams and the odd noise coming through the open window. A cool breeze flowed in, billowing out the sheer curtains and slipping across my cheek as it eased through the room. I heard the door open and shut, no doubt Sunny was bringing up the water I asked for. Imagine my surprise when a warm body eased its way into my bed and began breathing in my ear.

"Sunny. Bein' an old guy and all... I'd feel bad if I had ta hurt ya, so this is yer warning: My gate don't swing both ways and you ain't good-lookin' enough to consider if it did. I'll thank ya to leave my water on the table and exit my room." There was a quiet moment before I could feel a smiling face plant a soft kiss on my neck.

"You guessed wrong, Mr. Marshall." I opened my eyes slowly.

"Miss Fire... To what do I owe this midnight visit?" She nuzzled the bottom of my chin and gave another soft peck on my scruffy jawline.

"You fascinate me, Mr. Marshall. There's something I can't quite put my hoof on, but I think I could.. figure it out given the opportunity." I sighed gently.

"I do tend to have this effect on women." I said nonchalantly. I felt a hoof press against my chest.

"Well do you intend to lay there all night, or are you going to show me just how interesting you can be?" She whispered playfully. Too bad for her, I had enough of the banter and thought better of the situation.

"Ma'am, its been a long day-" she interrupted me with a soft hoof pressed against my mouth.

"A long day doesn't always have to end in a frown." Annoyed, I pushed her foreleg aside.

"Look, I don't know what you expected from me, but-" again she interrupted, rolling over onto me forcing my back to the bed.

"I expect you to show me how a real stallion loves a mare," she said. For a moment, her face was illuminated by the moonlight streaming in. Her fiery red hair mussed and her eyes staring into mine seductively. It was almost too much.

Almost.

I rolled her roughly onto her back and pinned her legs to her side.

"Dusk... I can't. For that very reason. A real stallion wouldn't do this behind the back of the mare he loved. I'm sorry."

For a moment she looked angry, but it slowly faded to something else. Something I couldn't quite put my finger on. She slowly leaned forward and kissed me softly on the lips as I let her up. She walked slowly to the door and stopped.

"She's a lucky mare to have your heart," she said quietly before slipping into the hallway.

I eased back onto my mattress and closed my eyes.

"If only I was lucky enough to have hers."