Breathtaking

Ponies around the room were drinking cider and enjoying the music. It was a simple, easy atmosphere... not over the top, just right. It didn't take long for me to relax into the flow of the sounds and presence of the ponies. It wasn't all that different from some of the little get-togethers I'd been to in college. Pinkie Pie showed me around and introduced me to a few new faces. She knew everyone- everyPONY in the town, so being the party organizer came easy to her.

"I think you're really gonna like it here! And all of these nice ponies showed up to meet you, so enjoy your party!" She said excitedly as she led me toward another couple of mares. "That's Lyra and Bon Bon. They're really nice and when they saw you come into town, they knew they HAD to meet you!"

I looked up at them. The aquamarine colored unicorn turned to her friend and began whispering excitedly into her ear as I started to walk towards them.

"Howdy." I started with a smile. "I'm John. So, how are y'all doin' tonight?" The unicorn just stared blankly with a weird smile. Her curly pink and purple maned friend looked at her and rolled her eyes; she was the first to speak.

"Sorry about my friend. She saw you when you came into town and drug me to the party... Lyra, are you going to talk to him or what?" Lyra turned towards her, a maniacal look in her eye.

"They do exist!" She whispered simply. I was alarmed.

"What do you mean?! I was told I'm the only human to ever be here!" Bon Bon shook her head.

"She had a dream a few years ago and just became obsessed with ideas about aliens and weird creatures. She says you were one of them. Everypony else just thinks she's weird. It doesn't help that I have to live with her. I'm Bon Bon, by the way." She said with a smile.

"Nice to meet you," I said to her. Quickly, I turned back to Lyra. "You had a dream about me? Tell me about it."

She started to snap out of her initial 'deer-in-the-headlights' look she had when I first walked up. At least she was talking to me, now.

"It wasn't you... It was something like you. It was covered in hair, too! All over his face and his arms! He had hands like you, he walked like you... It was amazing! Like a tall monkey!" I was crestfallen.

"Bigfoot. You had a dream about Bigfoot." She looked at me like I was speaking in a foreign language.

"Is that what you call yourselves? OH! DO YOU KNOW HIM?!" Motherfucking Bigfoot. I shook my head and downed the rest of the cider, ignoring her question. Shit, I needed a beer.

"Y'all keep around anything to drink with a little more... kick?" Bon Bon laughed and started looking around the room.

"I know she's here somewhere... BERRY! BERRY PUNCH, THIS GUY WANTS THE GOOD STUFF!"

All of the sudden, a bottle came flying through the air from across the room. Deftly catching it, I looked over at Bon Bon.

"Uh, Berry Punch?"

She smiled and gave a nod to someone across the room. There, laying across a table was a pink mare with a darker pink mane. She waved and smiled drunkenly before dropping her head with a clunk... passed out. The hell was this stuff? I read the label.

"Shit, y'all got corn whisky here?" Bon Bon smiled and nodded.

"Yeah, we figured that out a while ago. Enjoy!"

I looked back in Berry Punch's direction. She was still laying flat on the table, snoring lightly. Hell yes. Bon Bon must have guessed at what I was looking at.

"She usually just uses any excuse to get drunk." Ah. That's interesting. Alcoholic ponies. I tipped the bottle towards the pair of mares sitting in front of me.

"Thanks, ladies."

"No problem!"

I walked away through the room past the smiling party-goers. Grabbing a cup from the punch table and filling it with ice (generously provided by Pinkie Pie) I poured myself a drink and sat down against the wall to watch the scene.

Random conversations were going on around the room. Twilight was talking to another pony. Rarity, Fluttershy and Pinkie Pie were enjoying the music over in the other corner. Everyone looked like they were having fun. Sighing, I took a drink and kept scanning the room. Suddenly, my ears picked up a quiet argument nearby.

"AJ! What are you doing?!"

"I'm gonna go say hi to the human."

"What do you mean?! I thought you didn't trust him!" I looked around and spotted Rainbow Dash tailing Applejack as she walked over towards me..

"Look, Rainbow. Twilight says he's alright, Rarity and Fluttershy like 'im... I'll at least give 'im a chance."

Rainbow threw her hooves up in frustration and left as Applejack closed the distance between us. I took a sip of my drink and leaned back against the wall as she sat down a couple of feet away, facing me.

"Howdy." I said plainly.

"Howdy." She said in reply.

I sat for a couple of seconds sizing her up. A quick glance to her face told me she was doing the same.

"So," she said finally, "another cowpony, huh?" I smiled.

"Actually, not in a long time, but I do still enjoy the rodeo." She smiled that time.

"Sounds like y'all ain't too much different from us, then."

I nodded. "Yeah, surprisingly not. The name's John... Drink?" I said, offering her the bottle. She smiled and nodded.

"Sure. Name's Applejack, but my friends call me AJ. Welcome to Ponyville!" I laughed as I got up to fix her up with a drink and a straw.

"Well, you sure have lightened up considerably! Earlier today, you were ready to kick the tar outta me and now were havin' a drink like friends!" She laughed and took a sip.

"Well, I'm sure y'all can understand. I was a mite bit nervous seein' something like you turn up."

"Well, I hope Y'ALL understand, other than your friend Twilight, you're the only one that I was actually nervous about. You look like you could kick a hole in a brick wall!"

"Years of applebuckin' " she replied proudly. My face was a picture of confusion.

"Applewhatnow?" She chuckled at my ignorance.

"Applebuckin'! See, my family owns Sweet Apple Acres on outside 'o town. Huge apple orchards as far as the eye can see. We gotta get 'em outta the trees somehow, so we just kick 'em out! Don't y'all do the same?" I shook my head.

"Does it look like we can?" I said, slapping my legs. "Folks with apple orchards like that usually just end up hiring a bunch of random workers to pick 'em."

"Sounds like it would be expensive and take ferever." she said, sipping a little of the drink. Pfft. She's right about that.

We sat quietly sipping on the liquor. I felt like I should say SOMETHING about Rainbow.

"Uh, so... Your friend didn't seem too happy about you gettin' a little buddy-buddy with the alien, huh?" I said. She shrugged and rolled her eyes.

"Oh, that's just Rainbow. She'll come around, don't you fret. That and she's a dern loyal friend. Once you and her get friendly, there ain't nothin' that's gonna change her mind. She'd follow ya to Tartarus and back." I nodded.

"She sounds like a helluva friend. Sounds like I just gotta earn some respect." She nodded at that.

"Well, you got mine at least. I didn't get to see much, but from what Fluttershy says, you saved me a couple days work out at her place. Solid job." I smiled.

"Thanks."

She finished her drink and stood up. "Well, I have to get back to the house. Early mornin' fer me. Y'all have fun at yer party, now!"

I watched her as she walked away. I couldn't help but think that Applejack reminded me of someone... A cute barrel racer I met in Texas. Layne, her name was. Shit, I missed that girl. I felt instantly homesick as thoughts raced through my mind.

I wasn't going home.

I wasn't ever going to see it again.

I wasn't ever going to see my family again.

I'm living here.

For the rest of my life.

I don't even know what the fuck I'm going to DO with the rest of my life.

I drained my cup in one movement and poured another as Pinkie Pie bounced over, her normal bubbly self.

"Hey John! Enjoying your party?"

"Yeah, Pinkie. You sure put together one swell welcome." She beamed.

"GREAT! Whatcha thinkin' about?" She was more perceptive than I gave her credit for.

"Just thinkin' about my home. My family. Just feelin' a little homesick, but I'll be alright." Her smile faded from her lips. Jumping forward, she threw her front legs around my neck and squeezed hard.

"Don't feel bad! Ponyville can be your new home, now. And we can be your new family." Awwwwww... I smiled.

"Thanks, hun." She smiled back and bounced away. Off to talk to Lyra and Bon Bon again. I noticed Lyra was still looking at me, but the warning bells that normally would have gone off weren't ringing. Ahhh, alcohol. I continued to drink. Rarity came by to chat a little, but I couldn't quite hear her... Just smile and nod, John. Whatever she's saying has to be nice and eloquent. Such a nice pony. I poured another drink.

"Um, darling? Don't you think you should slow down a little?"

Smile and nod, John.

Smile and nod.

And drink.

"Oooookay?" Rarity, looked a me for a few more seconds and started to walk away, throwing worrying glances in my direction.

I drank a little more. Slowly, but surely, the room began to spin slightly. That's what I'm talkin' about. Jumping up (shakily) I yelled at the top of my voice.

"YEAH!!! LET'S GET THIS PARTY STARTED!!!"

The room swiftly turned sideways and everything went dark.

I woke up. In a strange place. On a couch. I started to open my eyes whe- OH MY GOD, SUNLIGHT. Shutting them immediately and falling to the floor, I quickly tried to remember the night before.

Lyra and Bon Bon.

Berry Punch.

Applejack?

Jack... Jack...

Whisky.

Fuck.

The smell of coffee wafted from the room adjacent to me. I low crawled to the doorway, groaning as I went. A voice called from the room; I could see it was the kitchen.

"John? John, are you awake?"

Groan.

"Oh John, you simply must learn your limits."

Groan.

"Oh, enough drama." Rarity said. "Get to your feet and come sit down."

I stood, balancing precariously on the balls of my feet and leaned through the doorway. She was sat over at the table, a cup and saucer in front of her and the day's newspaper floating at eye level. She looked at my disheveled figure from over the eyeglasses perched on her nose.

"What will you have to drink?"

"Hair of the dog." I replied.

"I have coffee." She said flatly. "I have no idea what dog hair would do for you, but you'll stay away from my cat if you know what is good for you."

"Coffee." I said. Ignoring the comment about the cat completely. Leaning forward at the table, I put my head in my hands and tried to wish the hangover away.

"You made the paper." She said shortly.

"Huh?" She tossed the paper onto the tabletop as she magically pulled a full cup of coffee from the counter across the room. The front page had a large picture of me with a whisky bottle in hand, dancing with a random pony. The headline read ' 'Human' Returns to Ponyville, Parties Hard.'

"Oh. Well, this is new."

"What is?"

"I haven't ever made the front page before."

"THIS IS SERIOUS!" She shouted. I winced.

"I'm sorry. It was... careless of me."

"CARELESS MY HOOF! Do you have any idea what you've done to yourself?! What you've done to ME?!"

All I could do is look at her with my eyes wide open. I don't think I've ever been chewed out by a pony before.

"Do you have ANY IDEA what it looks like for ME... Taking home the DRUNK HUMAN after last night's display?! Do you even REMEMBER LAST NIGHT?!"

"No." I said quietly. Looking at the floor.

"WELL," she started. "Allow me to FILL you IN. You got positively SOUSED, danced with THAT pony," She pointed to the unicorn mare on the paper. At a second look, I could see it was Lyra herself. "SHOUTED something about how you "used to ride ponies ALL of the time" AND THEN you shouted "FUCK BITCHES, GET MONEY."

She didn't have to finish. The memories came flooding back.

With a vengeance.

"YEAH! LET'S GET THIS PARTY STARTED!"

I fell over to the floor. A couple of ponies helped me stand back up as Pinkie ran over to the stereo and cranked the volume up to ten, blasting a heavy-base techno beat. I started to jump up and down in the middle of the group of partiers. Lyra trotted up, threw her hooves up over my shoulders and started to move with the music.

Ponies started to stare, stunned by the show. I drained my cup in a few gulps and threw it across the room, opting instead for just drinking out of the bottle.That was probably what did it, right there. A camera flashed somewhere, but I didn't care. I kept drinking. And drinking. And drinking. Inhibitions gone, I started grinding against the mare in front of me.

"Hey," she said softly into my ear. "You wanna go back to my place tonight?"

I shouted my answer.

"SURE THING BABE, I USED TO RIDE PONIES AAAAAAAAAAALL THE TIME BACK IN TEXAS!"

Smooth, John. Real smooth.

I stopped dancing momentarily to drain the rest of the bottle. I took it and threw it on the ground, smashing it to shards
and yelled "FUCK BITCHES, GET MONEY!" before promptly falling over. The world was hazy, but I could still see Lyra's horn glow and feel myself lift off the ground a few inches. Moving slowly, I was waving goodbye to the rest of the ponies in the room.

"LATER FOLKS! ADIOS! DOSVEDANYA! SAYONARA!" I stopped abruptly and hit the floor.

"Owwwwwww, babe.. you can't be droppin' me like that!" Looking up, I could see Rarity having a shushed argument with Lyra. She must have said something bad because the soft blue unicorn looked down at me, blushed and galloped off, Bon Bon following closely behind her.

Rarity leaned over me, her eyes darting nervously around the room.

"We need to get you out of here. NOW," she said.

"Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!" was all I could come out with. Pinkie cut the music and galloped over, telling everyone present what was up.

"Sorry, folks! Party's over! Take care and be safe! Bye!!" She finally made it over to us and whispered to Rarity. "What
are we gonna do with him?!"

"Help me!"

They threw my arms over their withers and and moved me out into the night. The moon was bright and full.

"OWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!! OW OW OWWWWWWWWWWWW!!! C'MON LADIES! HOWWWWWWWWL AT THE MOON!" Pinkie giggled.

"Hahaha! He sure is having fun!"

"My goodness" Rarity said "what he NEEDS to learn is a little self-control."

They carried me through the street into what I could only think of as another shop. Opening the door magically, they drug me through the door. I was singing a random song (poorly) that popped into my head.

"Aint it strange? Well, aint it strange? Well I had nooooo clue I'd... be the boooooy who yer... momma waaarned you about!" They looked at me like I was insane.

"Over here," said Rarity, summoning a couch from the far wall and leaving it in the middle of the room. The ponies heaved me off and onto the massive piece of furniture. I laughed and shouted some more.

"LADIES! ANGELS! My heroines... Thank you... Thank you from the deepest part of my heart for your KIIIIIINDLY ASSISTANCE!" Rarity shook her head.

"Yes. Thank us. Right. Say that in the morning when you wake up."

I didn't hear a thing she said. I was already asleep.

Rarity cleared her throat and brought me back to reality.

"Have you been listening to ANYTHING I JUST SAID?!"

"No, actually. I've pretty much just been reliving the night before, though. Thanks for that."

"NOW is NOT the time for jokes and SARCASTIC REMARKS!"

"Look." I said, reaching for her hoof across the table. Formulating my words carefully, I continued. "Last night... Last night was a moment of weakness on my part. I've been here for months just trying to figure out what I'm going to do here... I just... You know what, nevermind. I don't have an excuse. I'm sorry. I'm a drunk, I'm a flirt, and I'm worse when you combine the two."

She looked at me with her mouth open slightly. Finally, shaking her head and taking a sip of coffee, she went back to the paper. I drank my coffee cup empty, got up too fill it and grabbed her's as well.

"And just where do you think you're going with THAT?"

Wordlessly, I filled both cups and brought them back. She levitated a single sugar cube into her's and stirred the piping hot liquid.

"Thank you." She said through pursed lips.

"Welcome." I replied quietly.

After another minute of silence and reading, she suddenly slammed the paper down on the table and looked at me angrily.

"AND JUST WHAT IN THE HAY DOES 'I'VE RIDDEN PLENTY OF PONIES BACK HOME' SUPPOSED TO EVEN MEAN?!"

I froze. Coffee cup hanging in the air halfway to my lips. I didn't know what to do. So, I just started laughing. And I mean laughing. Uncontrollable, deep, belly laughter.

"AHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAH!!!"

"THIS ISN'T FUNNY!"

I still couldn't just stop.

"I'm being serious. STOP. LAUGHING."

Wiping a tear from my eye, I set the coffee on the table and stood up, still chuckling off and on.

"Haha! Well, you see Rarity, hehehehheheeh.. I was a cowboy, you know? Like AJ kinda? And.. hahahhahhaha! And where I come from, we take horses and put saddles on 'em to RIDE 'em. I'm not talkin' about like... Ponies like y'all.. they were livestock. Different! Ridin' a horse in some places is just easier than the alternative."

She was not amused.

"Regardless! YOU said THAT to HER!" She shouted waving wildly at the paper. "WHAT is WRONG WITH YOU?!"

The laughter bled from my voice.

"Are you really that bothered by it?" She started to stammer.

"I... Well, I... No! No, I'm NOT! In fact, I don't care at all! HMPH!" I sat back down next to her.

"Chica, I'm sorry. I really am. I shouldn't have gotten snot-slingin' drunk. Especially after all the trouble you and Pinkie went through for me. It was a horrible choice and I apologize from the bottom of my heart. I realize the stress I've put y'all through with what I did. And I am truly sorry. One of these days, I'll make it up to you... But I'm gonna go ahead and leave." Getting up and turning around, I started for the door. I reached for the doorknob and started to turn it when I heard her voice from the doorway.

"Aren't you even going to ask about your suit?"

I hung my head.

"It was made by you, darlin'... I'm sure it was perfection." I started out of the door.

"WELL IT WASN'T! IT WAS DREADFUL! COME BACK HERE!"

I closed my eyes and turned back around to face her.

"It was ridiculous," she started, "and the design I have NOW is going to require more. Give me your belt. And I'm sorry, your boots won't match the new design either. Take them off, I'll need them as well."

"What's going on?" I asked as I pulled off the belt and boots.

"I'm going to measure your FEET. You need shoes, don't you? And I'll be mortified if someone sees you walking around in anything other than the imitation leather I'm trying to create, SO I need your boots. Before you ask, YES, you will get them back, and NO, not right away."

"Just one more question..." I said as she started measuring my feet. "What do you know about making human shoes?"

Her measuring tape snapped together and was tossed to the other side of the room. The look she gave me said 'Really?' Moving away and towards another room, she started talking again.

"Shiny." (That one dripped with sarcasm.)

"Socks to match?" She sighed.

"NO. I thought you could just go BAREFOOT in them- OF COURSE socks to match."

"Do you know how to do laces?"

"Unicorns will wear laced boots from time to time. Magic makes them so much easier to tie. I'm sure I could make fine shoes."

"Are you sure this isn't a job for a shoemaker? Or a cobbler or something like that?"

She was visibly frustrated now. "I can do it just as easily HERE!"

"Okay..." I said in reply.

She continued out into another room, levitating my boots and belt behind her. After a minute of me standing at the door, she poked her head back out.

"What, you think I'm just going to throw it all together NOW?! OUT! You can have your things back later!"

Shrugging, I ran through the shop towards her, stopping when I was almost chest-to-nose with her. She looked up at me with a startled expression on her face as I reached over for one boot and pulled a cigarette out.

"Thanks, chica. For everything. AFTER everything. And I mean it. Thank you. I owe you one."

She laughed. "Well, no kidding. You just be thankful I'm more forgiving than most."

With a smile, I bent down and gave her a quick peck on the lips. I don't think she knew what to do. Turning quickly and running back the way I came, I opened the door and stepped outside, casting a glance back to see her frozen in the doorway with a slight blush. Grinning and closing the door behind me, I realized that I was barefoot, still slightly hungover, and standing in the middle of a busy market.

Hey everybody, look at the human.

Eyes looked up and heads turned towards me. I couldn't help but think to myself, Shit, John.. The day hasn't even started yet.