CH. 1
Hey, yo. What's up? I'm a changeling. I was part of the Canterlot invasion led by Queen Chrysalis. Man, is she a work of art or what? The love growth made her a bit large, but hey, what can you say? I almost feel sorry for that guard captain guy she was gonna marry.
Where was I? Ah…right. Well, I'm a changeling, with designation C5S01M15. That means I was the fifteenth member of the first squad in the fifth colony. Queeny was leader of fifth. She did some really stupid stuff, but hey. It'l not like you can do anything when she forces everyone into hive-mind mode. Don't need to worry about that kinda stuff anymore.
Did I mention that I was in first squad? Usually that means I'd be some kind of elite, but after the invasion, it's anyling's guess as to what's going on. I mean, really now, defeated by the power of love? It's so shameful that we can't even go rejoin the ten original hives. I'll bet that the squads that weren't cleared for the invasion are laughing it up back there.
But enough about that. It's been a few days after our violent ejection from the pony capital. After wandering around for ages in this bucking' huge forest (yeah that's right, a Sunraiser damned forest, laugh it up) I finally found something that looks remotely like civilization.
I'm not sure how to describe it, seeing as we have nothing like it back home. It looks like a set of two steel bars laid across planks of wood. The thing is, it stretches on for as far as the eye can see.
Now, I figure that I have enough love to last me however long these may be, and they had to have been made by someling. I mean, for crying out loud, who would waste good steel on nothing? Get what I'm saying? So I set off in one direction along these strange bars of steel, when a tune pops into my head. Now I've always been musically inclined, and I consider myself one of the more skilled hoofhole players in my squad. And if there is one thing thats impossible to do while walking, it's play with your hoofholes. For some reason that sounds wrong, but trust me, its not.
Anyway, the urge to play is getting really strong now, probably something do do with the underlying harmonic vibes of Equestria, and, as you now know, it's impossible to play while walking. So I figure, why the buck not? I spend a bit more love and fire up my wings. Them be beautiful things, I tells ya. I remember the day my squad captain gave 'em to me.
Anyway, by now I'm flying and can play my hoofholes. I strike up a merry tune and give them some love. I'm so caught up in my merry jaunt that I don't even notice the MOTHERBUCKING PONY DRAWN STEEL DRAGON until it hits me straight in the bucking back. I was lucky I didn't splat like a bug on the visor of a high speed flight scout.
I lost consciousness shortly after that.
Desert. Desert for miles around. Seems like I was scraped off the metaphorical skillet and into the fire. At least while I was on the front of the train I knew I was headed towards civilization. Now, with no sense of direction except for the tracks. And with no way to identify which way the train was headed, I could end up walking all the way back to where I started.
That is, if I could walk at all. After all, the pain hadn't arrived yet. Any second now.
Ah. There it is.
"GAAAAAYYAAAAHHHHAHAHAHAHAHA!"
Now, changelings don't actually have bones. You may not know that. We instead have an exoskeleton made of chitin.
Mine was cracked in several places, digging into my fleshy…flesh.
I turned around to look at another area of extreme pain; my wings.
"Oh BUCK ME sideways!"
Now, the thing you may not know about changeling's wings, are that we aren't born with them. They're manufactured somewhere. I don't know how, ask a technician.
Speaking of which, usually these need to be attached and removed by technicians, who are actually pretty rare, so they might as well be permanent. Some of the newer models can be attached and removed without help, but not the one I had. I did, of course, have the basic training for emergency removal.
Now, you may be wondering, "Hey, they're mechanical (sorta), so why do they hurt?"
The answer to that, my little changeling, is that they hook up to the vestigial nerve endings from when we did have wings naturally. So when you poke it, you feel it. It really helps for maneuverability and balance in the air.
Where was I? Oh right, extreme pain.
"Buckbuckbuck buck BUCK BUCK!"
My beautiful wings had been twisted and broken by the impact. The panels had just about shattered. The tiny magica engine was dented. And the PAIN.
I initiated the emergency removal, and felt the sweet relief that followed.
"Aaahhh…"
I then removed all the broken panels and non moving bits from the thing, because i'll be damned if I let 'ling tech into the hands of the enemy! Besides, It's not really that heavy. And there's a little strap bit for carrying the magica engine around anyway. Some of the 'younger 'lings back home would paint theirs gold for pimply necklaces. Couldn't do that with military issue, though. Unfortunately, I had to leave the actual wings behind.
Oh well. It's not as though I couldn't rebuild without them.
Anyway, I walked up to the tracks and assessed the situation. To put it plainly, I was screwed. While I did have a (fairly limited) repertoire or spells, I was already running low on love, and I didn't really have one that would tell me which way to go, except for a tracking spell. Except that was useless, because I had nothing to track.
So there I was, sitting in the middle of a Sunraiser damned desert, with no food or water, when I heard a little squeaking. Imagine my surprise when a couple of mules on a handcar came trundling by.
"Hey there!" I called, "Mind if I hitch a ride?"
I guess they hadn't heard about the changeling invasion, or didn't care, because they immediately invited me onboard as long as I helped push. It was a dues ex machina if I ever saw one, but I thanked whichever god had smiled upon me that day.
"So!" I said, "Where are we headed?"
"Appleoosa," replied one of the mules.
"Where's that?" I asked?
They stared at me as though I had dropped out of the sky. I kinda had.
"This is the Apploosan desert," one replied, "The earth-pony frontier."
"Oh and if yeh wanna ride this here cart, I'd like for you to help out a bit," added the other.
Well. This should be interesting.
"Psst, wake up."
I had fallen asleep as we had rode through the night. It had been a long day, after all. The mules were, for the most part, nice fellows. After a while they had introduced themselves as Jaime and Pablo. Not typical equestrian names, but that was fine by me anyway. Many a changeling had felt the silliness of a name while in a pony guise.
The trip was mostly uneventful, except for a large scorpion that tried to kill me (it failed) and another train coming through. We had to lift the handcar from the track to make way for it, which was not an easy task. I had, of course, spent some love levitating it off the track, and then back on again, but it was alright. I was getting the tiny trickle of companionship from the mules, which wasn't good for much, but was something.
We were approaching Appleoosa, as I could see the light in the distance. However, the handcar had stopped and Jaime and Pablo were crouching behind it, looking at something much closer. Namely a log laid across the track some way in the distance. A campfire was lit beside it, and a few uniformed figures could be seen milling around it.
"It's the Equestrian Guard," Pablo said, reading the question on my lips.
"If we're caught, it's over," added Jaime.
"Because of me?" I asked, "I could leave, if that's what you want."
Jaime and Pablo shook their heads.
"We're illegal immigrants. Usually the border isn't this tight though."
"Oh...that actually might be partly my fault."
The mules stared at me.
"Changelings invaded Canterlot," I explained, "Kinda a big deal. Why did you guys let me stay with you anyway?"
"Er..."
"We didn't know about the invasion." Pablo said, "Changelings are usually illegal immigrants like us."
"Help a brother out, and all that," Jaime added, "We aren't so different."
"Urg...this complicates things though."
"Why?" I asked.
"Usually there isn't a guard post right before Appleoosa," Pablo said.
Jaime groaned.
"Once we're in the town we're scott free. How do we deal with this..."
"What about abandoning the cart?" I asked, but Pablo was already shaking his head.
"We have too much to carry, and multiple trips are too dangerous."
We were stumped. I didn't have enough love to do anything but the most minor of transformations, as those were near innate anyway. Something about self-love. It was generally accepted that the most beautiful changelings were greatly narcissistic. Their own beauty would fuel their narcissism, which in turn would fuel their beauty. To a point, at least.
What we needed was something unbelievable, a plan so crazy that it couldn't fail, despite all rational thinking.
And so it was such a plan we thought up.
