Twilight's Legendary Quest for Vodka

NOTE: This chapter has some parts that would be better to read if you were familiar with how battles, boss and not, in Paper Mario 2 begin. Watch some videos if you want, otherwise, it shouldn't harm the experience too much. ;)

Hoofington Valley, 5:00 PM.

The team had arrived, according to the map. It was a very open, grassy area filled with trees and small mushrooms.

"Well, the map we're here and I don't any any vodka. Let go home," Twilight complained.

"Hey, wait, wait, wait! Didn't you say it was in a castle? I say that 'cause there's one over there, in the background. And what are those weird rocks?" Rainbow Dash commented.

"I did, but now I'm I'm tired and I need to really go from all that water I did drinked yesterday."

"Um... Twilight? Are you sure it was water?"

"Of course it must have was, Rainbow. I did would fell over if wasn't it."

"Okay, sorry about this," Rainbow apologized, whacking Twilight over the head with a hoof, attempting to render her unconscious.

"Hee, what that was for for? Hm?"

"Just..." whack "...pass..." whack "...out!" Rainbow was getting panicked, worried that she might kill one of her best friends simply because she wasn't passing out. "Come... ON!" She smashed her over the head with a mighty blow, almost propelling Twilight's eyes out of her head completely. She was out cold. "Phew! I'm glad that's over."

"Now, Rainbow. What do you propose we do now if you just killed the most valuable member of the team? The only one who actually knows what we're doin'?"

"Well, if you didn't notice, I did see the castle in the background there and she didn't. Um, now that I think about it, that was probably just the alcohol. Twilight didn't know what she was doing." Rainbow Dash reluctantly boasted. "I mean, she just wanted to go home! I guess we should just go back there and get in, right?"

"Sounds like a plan!"

"Why isn't anypony paying attention to me?!" Spike interjected, feeling left out. Over the entire 36-hour trip, he was never spoken or referred to, despite his countless attempts to get a response.

"Because you're not here to be paid attention to," Rainbow Dash replied. "I'm still not over your impersonation of me."

"Come on! That's just getting old. That was over a year ago!"

"All right guys, looks like I'm the leader of this little group, at this point." Rainbow Dash flushed, trying to figure out what to say. "Let's go, I guess."

They walked about seven metres, then collided with... nothing. "What the hay?!" All three of them exclaimed at once, in unison. "There's an invisible wall there!" Applejack began punching the... nothing... with her hooves, trying to break through somehow. After realising it would not work, she rotated, preparing for a powerful buck, which, when executed, launched her across the path and into a large rock between two smaller rocks with a sun and moon symbol carved into them respectively.

"What is that...?"

"Yeah, that's what I was talking about before," Rainbow confirmed. "I think it might be a way to get to the castle."

"Heh. Yeah, right," Applejack denied. "That's a bunch of turkey lettuce. How can three rocks get us through an invisible wall?"

"Just roll with me on this, okay?"

"What do we have to do, then, RD?"

"Well, look around, I guess."

"Ugh, forget you guys. I'm going home," said Spike, who was going home. "No stopping me," he finished, having not been stopped. He was completely gone from sight a minute later.

"Gee, thanks, Spike," Rainbow Dash muttered under her breath, turning to Applejack. "We didn't need him anyway."

* * *

The group had been searching for about half an hour, finding nothing. That was, until they found something.

"Hey, AJ! I think I found something!"

"Something helpful or just shiny?" Applejack retorted.

"Helpful. Just like you're not being right now," Rainbow countered flawlessly, looking into a sewer grate. "Anyway, come over here. There's something shiny in this sewer." Applejack did as she was commanded, walking over to look into the discovered sewer.

"Rainbow, we can't get the shiny if we don't have a telekinetic-o-master pony, who is conscious, with us," Applejack mentioned casually.

"Yeah we can! Just one of us has to go into the sewer to get it. I can't go in without damaging my wings, so... that leaves you. It should be easy for you to get out, with your super jumping skills and whatnot." Rainbow flinched, expecting to be pummeled by a certain carrot-coloured earth pony, only to slowly open her eyes and realise there was no hoof flying toward her.

"No."

"Come on, AJ! You have to!"

"I. Am. Not. Going. In. A. Sewer." Applejack defied defiantly. "I have some bad memories of one o' those." She looked to the sewer, a frown on her face and a tear forming in the side of her right eye.

"If you don't go in, I will spit on you until you feel like you are in the sewer," Rainbow Dash threatened.

"I swear, I'm gonna buck you so hard upside the head when we get back home," Applejack said, smashing the grate into the sewers with her back legs. "There. I'll be right back." She hopped down into the sewers to get the helpful shiny thing.

* * *

"Ten minutes? What's taking her so long?" Rainbow Dash mumbled to herself. She should have been in and out in under a minute. She looked into the sewer, not seeing any sign of movement. "You okay in there?" She called out.

No response.

She sighed. "Welp, Twilight. I'm gonna have to leave you here for a bit. Be right back," she said to the unconscious unicorn beside her. She tucked her wings as tightly as she could to the sides of her body, crouching as she approached the hole. "Here I go!" She dove into the smelly hole. Splashing onto solid ground, she quickly surmised that Applejack had not drowned. "Well, there's that."

"HEEEEEEEEEEEEEELP!"

"Applejack!" Rainbow Dash took off into the dark depths as quickly as she dared, careful not to trip on any rubble or rocks that were undoubtedly there. The sound of her hooves splashing against the floor was strangely satisfying for some unknown reason. She spotted a flash of green about twenty metres away. Applejack's eyes.

"Mmfgh!" Applejack was being held by a tall, dark slug-like creature with large, white teeth.

"What a slug! Well, no matter! I can take you; I can take anyone! Probably." She leapt into the air toward the huge slug, hooves outstretched to ram it into the ground. Her hooves connected with its mouth, knocking Applejack to the ground and letting her prepare herself for a fight alongside Rainbow Dash.

VP: 1/1

Rainbow Dash          HP: 10/10     SP: 3/3

Applejack                   HP: 15/15     SP: 2/2

vs.

Giant Sluggo

"Hey! How come you have more Hit Points than me?" Rainbow Dash complained, much to Applejack's pleasure.

"I must just be better than you, I guess! Ha ha!" Applejack teased.

"Doesn't matter, I have more Stamina anyway." Rainbow dash proceeded to repeat her previous action, leaping at the beast, contacting its head and causing two faint star-shaped clouds to bounce off it. It seemed to recoil in pain. "Beat that, Applesmack!"

"With pleasure, Rainbow Crash!" Applejack shouted, galloping toward the monster and rearing up to buck it in the face. She did so flawlessly, executing a powerful hit which caused another two stars to be ejected at the collision point. "Haha! At least I didn't do any worse than you!"

"Yeah, yeah. Just look at the monster. It looks like it's going to attack."

The monster seemed to rear up, moving over to Rainbow Dash and slapping her in the face, which hurt quite a bit. She noticed a star falling off her face. The monster returned to its position. It seemed to be weakening, having bruises on its body in various places.

VP: 1/1

Rainbow Dash          HP: 9/10      SP: 3/3

Applejack                   HP: 15/15     SP: 2/2

vs.

Giant Sluggo

"I'm gonna murder you! Rainbow... SMASH!" Rainbow Dash screamed as she charged at the enemy, ramming straight through its center mass and out the other side, three stars jumping off it. The monster shook, starting to make heavy breathing sounds. Rainbow Dash returned to the spot next to Applejack. "Aw yeah!"

"I'm gonna give you a run fer yer money! YEEEAAAAARRRRGGGHH!" Applejack yelled, running towards the monster before leaping into the air for a massive body slam. "Oh no! Whoops!" Applejack's body rotated in her flight, causing her to fumble her attack and only two stars to jump off the enemy. "Gah! I hate you, Rainbow Dash!"

"Hehehe, I just got lucky. It was nothin'."

Their enemy slowly moved forth before snapping its jaw onto Rainbow Dash's face and beginning to suck.

"Ow! Get off!" The beast released its grip with a massive pop, leaving Rainbow to recover, feeling weakened as three stars fell from her face. The enemy glowed briefly. It seemed to have healed from the attack.

VP: 1/1

Rainbow Dash          HP: 6/10      SP: 1/3

Applejack                   HP: 15/15     SP: 0/2

vs.

Giant Sluggo

"You're gonna regret that, monster." Rainbow Dash took her turn again, leaping into the air for another 2 damage. The monster recoiled from the impact.

Applejack galloped to the monster and gave a buck, sending the monster sprawling on the wet ground before dissolving into a white mist. 9 small, glowing, star-shaped crystals were left on the ground. Rainbow Dash picked them up with her mouth. She was surprised when they glowed brightly and vanished.

Team: +9 Magic Points! (9)

"What were those? Did you eat 'em?!" Applejack accused.

"What? No! They kinda just... disappeared. I don't know what happened."

"Yeah, sure, sure." The pair were just about to leave when they noticed a small, sun-shaped disc laying on the ground.

"Hm. Applejack, look at this. It's a medal."

"Yeah. It sure is. It's probably what we need. You just pick it up. I wanna get outta here." Rainbow picked up the medal.

"Fine."

First, Applejack jumped out of the hole, almost effortlessly, while Rainbow Dash jumped and grabbed the edge of the hole, pulling herself out without risking her precious wings. Twilight was awake and walking around on the surface looking panicked.

"Where are you? Where are you? Where are you?" She whimpered.

"Over here, Twilight!" Rainbow Dash assured. Twilight snapped her head over and visibly relaxed. "Hey, we found this weird medal; it might be important for something." She took out the sun medal, getting a reaction from Twilight.

"Oh! I found something like that before." She pulled another medal out of her saddlebags, this one shaped like a crescent moon.

"Wait, did you find another sewer?" Applejack asked curiously.

"Sewer? No. I just had — still have — a buck of a hangover. I was stumbling around and smashed into a tree, which knocked it out." Twilight smiled sheepishly. "Sun and moon? The same as those symbols in the rock. Hmm..."

"Let's try it out, I guess. You put that one in the moon-shaped hole. I'll put this one in the sun-shaped one," Rainbow Dash suggested. Twilight agreed.

After inserting the medals, the ground seemed to shake, before the large rock in the middle just peeled away from the ground, revealing a small, octagonal platform. Rainbow Dash was the first to speak: "I guess we should stand there. It looks like there's another one over there near the castle. It's probably our only way."

"Thank you, Captain Obvious," Twilight derisively sneered. They nodded and stepped onto the platform, glowing white before teleporting into the background and making their way into Hoofington Castle as the sun was finally darkened by the earth.

* * *

Hoofington Castle, 6:00 PM.

The group had arrived in a large, castle-like building. Most likely a castle. Judging by the name of the building, Hoofington Castle, it was even more likely to be that. Every wall was made of a very dark solid stone, occasionally interrupted by small, arch-shaped windows. There were bars everywhere, as if it was some sort of prison when it was functioning.

"Well, that's just great. We finally make it in and I have too much of a headache to figure out where we're supposed to go. Seriously, Rainbow Dash, how did you hit me so hard?"

"I guess I just needed to do it more than anything. Besides, that hangover of yours is probably causing it. 25 bottles is enough to override anything."

"Oh... right. The hangover. I don't think they were all alcohol." Twilight turned to the side and threw up what seemed to be her entire digestive system. Literally. "Yeah, that's probably it. Now stop lecturing me."

Rainbow Dash had stopped walking about twenty metres back, shivering and sweating.

"Rainbow, come on! What's wrong?"

"I... I don't kn-know. This place just creeps me out." she continued walking — stumbling — to get back to the group.

"Eugh! What's that?"

"Relax, Twilight. It's just a... skeleton?! Oh no, run away! YYYYEEAAAAAAARRRRGGHHH!!!!" Applejack screamed, frantically trying to escape, causing part of the wall to fall and crush the entrance door.

"Applejack! It's not going to attack us! That's just stupid. It's not even alive!"

"NO! I'm sick o' this! I hate this place!" Applejack spun on the spot, preparing to buck Twilight in the face, only to meet a skeleton standing right in front of her face.

VP: 1/1

Twilight Sparkle      HP: 10/10     SP: 4/4

Applejack                   HP: 15/15     SP: 0/2

vs.

Skelequine

Skelequine

"Oh no. Not this again." Applejack sighed, dropping her buck to get to Twilight's side.

"What is this? And why are those people looking at us?" Twilight asked.

"Yeah, it's kinda weird. If you run inta a hostile o' some sort, you'll somehow end up on a stage like this," Applejack explained. "I dunno why these people are here, though. They creep me out. Also, if you get into one o' these, you'll find that the fightin' just automatically goes in turns. It is weird, but it doesn't feel weird for some reason. Just kinda works out."

"That's stupid — EAGH!." Twilight's head was hit by a sudden spear of pain from the hangover. Recovering, she took her first turn, charging her horn and brought it to bear on the skeleton. She fired a pink bullet, dealing 1 point of damage. "1 point?"

"Huh. Usually we do 2 points. Well, I guess we can learn something from this." Applejack charged to attack the creature, spinning and giving an enormous buck, dealing one point of damage and smashing it into bits. Two star-shaped crystals fell to the ground. "Eeyup. That's how we do it down here on the farm!"

"Applejack, we're not on a farm."

"I know. Just... never mind. You might wanna look out for that other guy there, Twilight," Applejack warned.

The bony creature immediately galloped over to the purple unicorn, stood on its hind legs, preparing for an attack. This prompted the unicorn to throw her legs over her head, partially blocking the attack. She took 2 points of damage and the skeleton returned to its place.

"Owwww... how do you get by like this?"

"I've been good enough at this game not to be in the line of fire! Hehehe," Applejack boasted.

VP: 1/1

Twilight Sparkle      HP: 8/10     SP: 4/4

Applejack                   HP: 15/15     SP: 0/2

vs.

Skelequine

"Well, I'm gonna take a closer look at these creatures. Gimme a sec," Twilight said as she pulled a book out of her saddlebag. "Skelequine. 2 HP, 1 DEF. These skeletal ponies like dark buildings, usually only the ones in which they were... killed? Okay, it's not that surprising. When they throw a bone, they can do 2 points of damage to any of their enemies that they choose. When using a melee attack, they can do 3 points, but only to the pony at the front."

"Helpful, Twi." Applejack used her Buck attack and took 1 point of health from her enemy.

It responded by charging Twilight, to which she responded by throwing her hooves out at the enemy just as it came down for the hit. Her hooves connected first, shattering the monster into each individual bone, before it dissolved into a white mist, leaving two star-crystals behind.

Team: +4 Magic Points! (13)

They left their little stage battle to see Rainbow Dash cowering in the corner, staring at... something. They followed her line of sight, which led them to a skeleton wearing a blue scarf. It didn't have the same glowing eyes as the other skeletons.

"Look, Twi. It has a note."

Rainbow Dash had stared at the body for so long that she had started to hallucinate, bringing up repressed memories of her father being cut down in battle and torn to pieces.

"Rainbow..."

He was fighting some giant beast. There was blood everywhere.

"Rainbow."

Her father had been thrown against the wall carelessly, in multiple bits.

"RAINBOW!"

"Huh? Twilight?"

"It says: I couldn't make it. Sorry, my dear daughter. I was so confident." A tear had begun to roll down the multicoloured pegasus' cheek. "I was too weak. There is only one thing I can tell you." Rainbow Dash was now sobbing quietly from the sudden burst of repressed memories. "It can only drink one drink. He has it in his guts; I saw him eat it. I also know that the bottle was indestructible." She was now crying openly. "He can't digest it, but another drink hides in this building somewhere. It will weaken him. I'm sure you can find it. Good luck, Reggie." Twilight now had a look of confusion on her face. "Reggie? That's not your name."

"Oh... I guess he's not my father." She sniffed. "Okay. We should probably go and find that drink."

The trio explored the castle a bit, not getting very far, because it seemed like every corner they went around got them ambushed my monster.

VP: 1/1

Twilight Sparkle      HP: 8/10     SP: 4/4

Rainbow Dash          HP: 6/10     SP: 1/3

vs.

Skelequine              HP: 2/2        DEF: 1

Skelequine              HP: 2/2        DEF: 1

"I hope this doesn't happen too often. It feels like it's going to get tedious after a while..." Twilight complained. "You look like you could use some energy. I've got your chocolate here. Take some." She levitated a piece of chocolate out of the box Rainbow Dash had given her to store when they began their journey. Rainbow Dash took it willingly, eating it and restoring her stamina and health.

"Thanks. Don't you eat any of them without my permission, though. I've got my eye on you. LITERALLY. Okay, not literally." She bent her head down and ran toward the small squadron of enemies, smashing all three apart with little resistance. "Ahh. That's where my stamina went." Six stars dropped to the ground.

Team: +6 Magic Points! (19)

At the far end of the room, there was a door with a large golden lock on it.

"I'm assuming that is a lock," Twilight assumed.

"I agree," Rainbow Dash agreed.

"Me too," Applejack conformed.

"How redundant. I suppose we will have to look for a key. Ugh, why can't this be simpler? It's not helping my stupid headache!" Twilight supposed, leading the two athletes to the next room.

"I noticed a staircase before, Twilight. Not to be a boast, but I think you should listen to me more often," Rainbow stated matter-of-factly.

"Well it's not like I can think properly now anyway, Crashie. Where's the staircase, then?"

"Back near the entrance. I'll be right back. And try to calm down; all these insults are probably making your headache worse." She took off back the way they came, searching for the staircase.

On finding it, she proceeded to ascend it, reaching an open door to a small room at the top. She entered to find a small chest in the middle of the room. Opening it, she found a key, probably the one required.

"Hey, I'm back!" Rainbow Dash panted as she returned to find a room completely packed with skeletons and an odd red one in the mix which seemed to be running away from something. Her friends! She flew overhead, trying to get a glimpse of purple or orange, to no avail. "So, hiding from me, huh? Not for long." She dive-bombed straight for the red skeleton.

"YOU MUST WANT DEATH, OTHERWISE YOU WOULD NOT HAVE COME HERE. YOU WILL GET YOUR WISH." The monster had a voice strangely reminiscent of George Takei.

Can't leave this battle!

VP: 1/1

Rainbow Dash          HP: 10/10     SP: 1/3

vs.

Skelequine              HP: 2/2        DEF: 1

Skelequine              HP: 2/2        DEF: 1

Red Bones

Skelequine              HP: 2/2        DEF: 1

Skelequine              HP: 2/2        DEF: 1

Gulp. She had no choice but to defend as best she could. She raised her hooves above her head and prepared for the attack.

The first skeleton pony threw a bone at her, deflecting and doing 1 point of damage. The second attempted to buck her, only to get a face full of hoof from Rainbow Dash, blocking the attack and dealing 1 damage to the enemy. Red Bones threw one of its red bones at Rainbow, which was blocked, doing 2 points of damage. She was getting dangerously close to being put out of the fight. The fourth enemy poorly executed a buck, doing 1 point of damage. The last attacked with another buck, which was woefully defended. Rainbow Dash took 3 points of damage, putting her at 0.

Defeated!

"HERE IS NOT A PLACE FOR THOSE WHO WISH TO LIVE."

"Rainbow!" Twilight shouted. "Rainbow, are you okay?!"

"Uuurgh..."

"You won't get away with this, Mr. Red Bony Pony Guy!"

Can't leave this battle!

VP: 1/1

Twilight Sparkle      HP: 8/10     SP: 4/4

Applejack                   HP: 15/15     SP: 0/2

vs.

Skelequine              HP: 2/2        DEF: 1

Skelequine              HP: 2/2        DEF: 1

Red Bones

Skelequine              HP: 2/2        DEF: 1

Skelequine              HP: 2/2        DEF: 1

"DO YOU REALLY THINK YOU HAVE ANY MORE OF A CHANCE? YOU HAVE NO HOPE."

"Fillies and gentlecolts, I want you to kindly laugh at this red freak when I obliterate him," Twilight requested of the suddenly-existent stage's audience. She got a crushed tin can to the face (-1 HP). "Please don't do that." Her horn glowed as a large beam of energy shot out, destroying the four weaker enemies and taking 1 point from the stronger.

"Now it's mah turn!" Applejack used her regular buck attack, which was completely absorbed by the hard bone of the enemy. She collapsed to the ground momentarily, grunting, before getting up and running back to her side of the stage. "Aw, come on! No fair."

"YOU WERE WARNED. I WILL NOT GO EASY ON YOU."

The weird skeleton hurled a bone across the stage, striking Applejack for the first time. She took 3 points of damage. Against all universal logic, it managed to throw a second bone striking her again for another 3 points of damage.

"Ouch. OUCH! OOOOOWWWWWOOOOOOWOOOWWWW!!! I WANT MY MOOOOMMYYYYY!!!!"

"I AM YOUR MOMMY."

"No you ain't! You're lyin'!"

VP: 1/1

Twilight Sparkle      HP: 7/10     SP: 2/4

Applejack                   HP: 9/15      SP: 0/2

vs.

Red Bones

"I guess I'd better do some research," Twilight said as she took out her effective Monster Manual. After looking through the pages a bit, she said, "Red Bones. 10 HP, 2 DEF. This guy's tough to crack! Originally, he was Applejack's mother. Heh. What do you know? Yeah, likes to hang out in dark areas, just like the other ones. Throws a pretty mean bone, dealing 3 damage per hit. He does even more with his melee attack, 4. Sometimes he can throw multiple bones."

"Aw, poop-noodles. That means all I can do is defend. I honestly have no idea why I have such a terrible level of stamina. I'm supposed to an athlete!" Applejack got ready to block some attacks.

"YOU WILL NOT BEAT ME." The red skelequine charged and smashed its hooves down on Twilight, causing 4 points of damage.

VP: 1/1

Twilight Sparkle      HP: 3/10     SP: 2/4

Applejack                   HP: 9/15      SP: 0/2

vs.

Red Bones                  HP: 9/10     DEF: 2

"There's something I probably should have told you before. Discord told me that this map has some power that can rejuvenate one and any friends they may have with them," Twilight explained.

"You mean you could've healed her before? Why didn't ya say somethin'?"

"Because, honestly, I didn't really care all that much. She knocked me out. Doesn't matter now." She held up the map in her magic, it glowed brightly and several streams of blue and red light flowed into the team, healing them and restoring their stamina by 5 points.

"Fine," Applejack said bluntly, turning to the red skeleton. "Applebomb!" She charged halfway to the Red Bones, then leapt into the air and slammed down on top of it, dealing 4 points of damage. "Woo, yeah!"

"YOUR LUCK WILL NOT CONTINUE."

The enemy charged to buck, but instead received 1 point of damage as Twilight turned the enemy's attack on itself. It obediently returned to its own area.

VP: 0.2/1

Twilight Sparkle      HP: 8/10     SP: 4/4

Applejack                   HP: 14/15      SP: 0/2

vs.

Red Bones                  HP: 4/10     DEF: 2

"Hnng. Applejack, this isn't looking good. You go first this time."

"Fine." Applejack was not stronger than she was, therefore she failed and did a pathetic zero damage again. Hah.

"Thanks. You're helping a lot."

"Keep tellin' yourself that."

"I will! Because it's true!" Twilight asserted. She charged her horn and blasted her foe again with her weird laser, causing 1 point of damage. "Just... keep... going..."

"YOU ARE BOTH OUT OF STAMINA. YOU ARE DOOMED."

That beast which seemed never to quit charged again, ignorant of Applejack being in the lead position. She spun around and bucked it in the face yet again for 1 point of damage. "Success!"

VP: 0.4/1

Twilight Sparkle      HP: 8/10     SP: 2/4

Applejack                   HP: 14/15      SP: 0/2

vs.

Red Bones                  HP: 2/10     DEF: 2

"Applejack, take a break," Twilight suggested summoning Rainbow Dash.

"What do you want?" Rainbow Dash asked.

"You seem to have a bit of energy left. I need you to fight."

"Yeah, I guess I could do that. I took one of your potions, by the way."

VP: 0.4/1

Twilight Sparkle      HP: 8/10     SP: 2/4

Rainbow Dash          HP: 10/10     SP: 2/3

vs.

Red Bones                  HP: 2/10     DEF: 2

"Actually, now that I think about it, you look like you're less tired than before!"

"Well, I think it's this little badge." She turned to the side to show a small flower-shaped badge. "Fluttershy gave it to me when we were back in Cloudsdale, years ago."

"Interesting... interesting... gimme that." Twilight lunged at Rainbow, prompting her to dodge effortlessly, Twilight landing on the solid stone floor face-first. "I really hate you."

"Concentrate," Rainbow Dash ordered sternly. "Stop getting distracted. We are not gonna lose this." She charged, smashing into the creature, dealing 3 points of damage. The creature exploded. "Told ya."

Team: +24 Magic Points! (43)

"APPARENTLY, TEAMWORK ALWAYS PAYS OFF. EXCEPT IF YOU'RE THE BAD GUYS. YOU MAY PASS." The red skeleton whistled, and every other skeleton in the swarm chased it out the front door.

"We won. You two had better thank me for pulling us through there."

"Twilight, don't be such an arrogant idiot."

"I'm not lyi — OUCH!" Twilight received a hefty buck from Applejack, in the face, no less, causing her to tumble to the ground, legs splayed all over the ground. "I can't get out of this. I just can't. Can I?" Applejack bucked her head into the ground, causing her jaw to start shaking. "I get it. I need to stop being such a jerk. I just hope you don't leave the group."

"You don't need to worry about me leavin'! All this fightin' is really gettin' me excited!"

"All right. Good, I guess. Just don't hit me, please?"

The team moved over to the locked door and used the Castle Key. The next room was a large tower, huge staircases leading up an unknown peak. A large green block, with a triangle on it, was situated in the corner of the tower, in pit of its own height. A small staircase lead from the lower floor to the upper floor. A smaller, semi-transparent, green box with a small triangle magically rotating within sat in another corner of the lower floor.

"Giant green block pointing upwards, let's go!" Twilight lead her team onto the green block and looked for an up button or something. She couldn't find it. "Maybe we just have to wait." They waited.

And waited.

And waited for about five hours. Probably. Twilight's hangover was really getting to her.

"Uuuurgh! Twilight, why aren't you thinking?!" Rainbow Dash flew down to the green block and bucked it, creating a loud whirring sound and causing the green block to begin to rise. She caught up with the team. Suddenly, a large window became visible, showing Twilight with all of her cuts and bruises. "Whoa, Twilight! You really need some healing! Take another one of my chocolates, quick!"

"Ah. Alas, I can't. It only counted as a single item."

"But... what... but it was a whole box! That's stupid!"

"Well, you should have saved it for later. It heals 30 SP and 30 HP, you know?"

"..."

The block arrived at its destination, letting the team step off onto a floor of the massive spiral staircase. They moved 180 degrees around the tower before they noticed a locked door.

"Consarnit! Why does this place even need keys in the first place?"

"Doesn't matter. Looks like it'll be an easy find." Rainbow Dash pointed a hoof toward a door on the opposite side of the tower, which they had just passed. The team carelessly flung the door open and were greeted by a small group of mushrooms having sharp teeth. A group of four, to be exact. The mushrooms walked into the team.

VP: 0.6/1

Twilight Sparkle      HP: 8/10     SP: 2/4

Rainbow Dash          HP: 10/10     SP: 0/3

vs.

Living Mushroom

Living Mushroom

Living Mushroom

Living Mushroom

"Research time!" Twilight yelled as she pulled out her giant book of knowledge. "Living Mushroom. Unknown origin. 2 Hit Points. They can jump at you to deal 1 point of damage." Twilight looked up from her book, putting it back away in her saddlebag. "I hoped they would be more interesting. Kill them."

"With pleasure! WHOA! That came out the wrong way. I meant to say I'd gladly get them out of our way, not that I take pleasure in the deaths of others."

"Stop wasting time, Dash!"

"Right!" She dive-bombed the first mushroom, dealing 2 points of damage. It died, of course, dropping two stars.

The second little monster simply jumped at Twilight to smack her in the head with its face. Twilight didn't notice until it was too late. She took 1 point of damage. "Ouch. That hurt, slightly." The third did the same, instead receiving a crude horn blast to the face as it 'flew', taking 1 point of damage. The fourth seemed to be holding something. It, too, jumped and landed on Applejack just as she heaved her hind legs around as a preemptive defense. It took 1 point of damage.

VP: 0.9/1

Twilight Sparkle      HP: 7/10     SP: 2/4

Rainbow Dash          HP: 10/10     SP: 0/3

vs.

Living Mushroom    HP: 1/2

Living Mushroom    HP: 1/2

Living Mushroom    HP: 6/7

"What the hay? Why does that one look so tough? We'd better flatten it before it does anything suspicious," Rainbow Dash suggested, looking at the fourth mushroom.

Twilight responded by firing a laser blast through the enemy team, killing off the second and third enemies. The fourth took another 3 points of damage, putting it at 3 HP.

"Nice! Now it's my turn." Rainbow, again, dive-bombed the mushroom, taking 2 Hit Points and putting it at 1. "Just superguard this and we won't have to bother with the next turn." Twilight nodded.

The mute shroom attacked Rainbow Dash, predictably, being thwarted by one of her front hooves being plunged into its squishy head. It made a sickening crunch and exploded into a white cloud.

Team: +8 Magic Points! (51)

A small, yellow, triangular badge with a red heart symbol on it dropped to the ground, making a tink sound.

"Don't you dare touch that. I'm the leader. It's MINE!" Twilight was the only one to lunge at the ground, grabbing it and sticking it in the side of her saddlebag.

New Badge: HP Plus!

"Good." She suddenly felt hungry and weak. "Eeuuurgh. I'm just gonna have one of my potions now," she said, grabbing one with her telekinesis and drinking it in one gulp, healing 8 Hit Points. "That's better."

The group, lead by Twilight, entered the small room that was guarded by the stupid mushrooms to find a small pegasus filly in a full-body black catsuit trying to sort through some chests.

"Come on... it's gotta be here somewhere... c'mon badge. Here, badgebadgebadgebadgeba — OH!" The filly had turned around to see the team looking directly at her in confusion. "Hey! What are you guys doing here? I can handle myself just fine! I mean, hello!" The filly smiled broadly, as was apparent by the ridiculous stretching of the muzzle section of her black face mask.

Rainbow Dash spoke first, "Uh... hello? Do you know us?" The filly gasped, beginning to shake before quickly... shaking... it off.

"Nope! I have no idea who you are! I'm just here looking for treasure, that's all!"

"You mean you're stealing?"

"Please don't tell mommy! Er, I mean, yes, of course! But this castle has been deserted for a long time. Nothing's gonna stop me here."

"Your voice sounds familiar..."

"NO! Of course not! My voice isn't familiar! See?" The filly tried to prove it by bending her voice into a slightly lower, harder to understand, voice.

"Hmm... okay. Anyway, do you know where the key is?"

"Key? What key? Oh! You mean this one?" She held up a small rusty key with a dragon head. "Of course you can have it! Well, I'm busy looking for a badge now and I really need to find it. Gotta go!" She jumped down from the shelf she was standing on, to come over and hug Rainbow Dash tightly, before sighing and jumping out the window. Rainbow's eyes widened.

"Ummmm..."

"Just forget it, Rainbow Dash. We've got the key and now we can move on."

"Hang on... wait on just a pony-pickin' minute! There might be some good loot in these chests!" Applejack exclaimed, beginning to search the containers.

You got a Star Piece!

You got a Bottle of Scotch!

You got a Bottle of Scotch!

You got a Bottle of Scotch!

New Badge: Power Plus!

"Awesome!" Rainbow Dash shouted. "But who's gonna use it?"

"Let me try first, since I'm the leader." Twilight took the Power Plus badge and tried to affix it, only to find it somehow didn't fit. "Huh. Okay. One of you try this." She hoofed the badge over to Rainbow Dash, who tried it and shook her head. She gave it to Applejack, getting the same result. "All right then, I'll keep it here in case we need it later on." Twilight levitated the badge into of of her saddlebags, placing it.

The team left the room.

"Who was that little filly?" Rainbow Dash asked just as her flower badge flashed. "Aaahahaha, stamina. That feels good."

"Doesn't matter. Just unlock the door."

She flew up and used the key on the locked door, opening it to find an open bridge full of toothy mushrooms, sun beating down on all of them. Some flying, the others with spikes on their heads. "Get ready," she said as she readied her wings and smashed through a flock of flying mushrooms, killing four of them. "Woo! Yeahaha! I'm glad these things don't bleed all over the place! It would be a lot harder to do if that was the case." 8 stars flashed away.

Team: +8 Magic Points! (59)

"Hm. Apparently if you're good enough you can just beat them without going through all that stage business!" Rainbow Dash surmised.

"Heh. Twilight, why don't you try that laser on that little pack over there?" Twilight was already doing as was requested, firing a laser through a group of three spiked mushrooms. Six stars.

Team: +6 Magic Points! (65)

* * *

After 24 Magic Points (89) worth of battles, the team reached the other end of the bridge and entered another tower. A spiral staircase went around a central column, seeming to go on forever. They only walked two revolutions before they realised it wasn't infinite. They reached a flat stone floor. A octagonal platform, depicting a cross and a flower, was in the center.

"Standing on this seems like a good idea, girls," Twilight said, stepping into it while indicating for the others to get on after her. The obliged, suddenly feeling refreshed. "Told you. Let's go in here now!"

There was a huge wooden door, probably weighing many tonnes, on a round building at the peak of the tower. They had not even noticed. However, on touching the door, they felt it open, seemingly of its own accord, allowing them access to a darkened atrium.

* * *

"This place is creeping me out even more than before, guys. Can we just leave?" Rainbow Dash asked as the team slowly walked into the dark room.

"No, Rainbow. We have to get that vodka. The fate of the entire universe depends on it. You'll be fine," Twilight assured, slightly assuaging some of Rainbow 's fears of death.

The team walked a few more steps before Twilight face smacked into something very large, very hard, very warm and very... dragonlike.

The dragon opened its eyes, making Twilight jump back a few steps in fear. "What are you doing in my castle?"

"Uh... we were hoping to get a very special bottle of vodka. You wouldn't know anything about that, would you?" Rainbow attempted.

"You have come for my possession. You will be destroyed for being so ignorant as to think that I would oblige."

Some loud drums sounded in the background.

Can't leave this battle!

VP: 1/1

Twilight Sparkle      HP: 15/15     SP: 4/4

Rainbow Dash          HP: 10/10     SP: 3/3

vs.

Sir Hoofington

"A dragon knight? Not bad, not bad. Twilight, we're doomed."

"Shut up, Rainbow. We'll never win with that attitude. First priority: research!" Twilight pulled out that book and found the page for the dragon. "Sir Hoofington. Used to go by Hooftail, but he said otherwise, claiming that his tail was not, in fact, made out of hooves. 25 HP, 2 DEF. His claw attack takes 5 Hit Points and his flame attack deals 3 to both active party members, burning them. Be prepared for a twist ending." Twilight's face had gone pale, her eyes wide. "Rainbow... we're doomed."

"MUAHAHAHA! You now see the error of your ways, don't you? There is no escape."

"Quiet, you!" Rainbow Dash yelled, slamming her body into the dragon full-force, almost flying right through his chest. The beast took 3 points of damage.

"Owww! That really hurt, you know? Hahaha!"

The dragon lifted a front leg, slamming it down on Twilight, dealing 5 points of damage. There was barely anything she could do to block it.

VP: 1/1

Twilight Sparkle      HP: 10/15     SP: 4/4

Rainbow Dash          HP: 10/10     SP: 1/3

vs.

Sir Hoofington       HP: 22/25    DEF: 2

"Swap places with Applejack." Rainbow Dash and Applejack did so.

VP: 1/1

Twilight Sparkle      HP: 10/15     SP: 4/4

Applejack                   HP: 10/10     SP: 2/2

vs.

Sir Hoofington       HP: 22/25    DEF: 2

"Applebomb?"

"Applebomb."

"Applebomb!" Applejack launched herself into the air and slammed down on top of the enemy, dealing 4 points of damage.

"Darn it! This is taking too long!"

"I agree."

The huge red dragon, Sir Hoofington, breathed flames on the team, dealing 3 points of damage to each. They were on fire.

"AAAARGH! Fire! Help!"

"You can't put it out. It's magic. You can't put magic out."

POP! The flames kicked in and dealt another 1 point to each pony.

VP: 1/1

Twilight Sparkle      HP: 6/15     SP: 4/4     << Fire (2) >>

Applejack                   HP: 6/10     SP: 0/2     << Fire (2) >>

vs.

Sir Hoofington       HP: 18/25    DEF: 2

"How are we gonna beat this thing?" Applejack complained.

"Wait a minute... another drink hides in this building somewhere. It will weaken him. That's it!"

"What?"

"Swap with Rainbow again."

"All right. Don't do that all the time; it's really annoying!"

"Fair enough." Twilight dismissed Applejack, greeting Rainbow.

VP: 1/1

Twilight Sparkle      HP: 6/15     SP: 4/4     << Fire (2) >>

Rainbow Dash          HP: 10/10     SP: 2/3

vs.

Sir Hoofington       HP: 18/25    DEF: 2

"Nice to see that badge is still working." Twilight smiled.

"Rainbow Smash?"

"Will you two subordinate morons stop asking permission for things? Just do whatever kills him quicker! Honestly!"

"Okay, okay! No need to be hostile about it! Rainbow SMASH!" Rainbow cut through again, doing 3 points of damage.

"It's my turn again."

The dragon's claw met Rainbow Dash's legs, which barely created any resistance whatsoever, protecting her from only 1 point of damage, which totaled to 4 points.

POP!

"Ouch! That looked like it hurt, Twilight!"

VP: 1/1

Twilight Sparkle      HP: 5/15     SP: 4/4     << Fire (1) >>

Rainbow Dash          HP: 6/10     SP: 0/3

vs.

Sir Hoofington       HP: 15/25    DEF: 2

Twilight responded to the flames by hurling a bottle of scotch with her magic into the dragon's mouth.

"BLEUGH! WHAT IS THIS?! Is this scotch? How dare you?! Uuuurrnnggg..."

"Whoa, nice. That looked like it did something."

"Noooo, of course not. Reggie's father must have been lying," Twilight replied sarcastically.

"Stop being like that. Sarcastic, I mean. It's really not helpful when we're fighting for our lives here. I'll see if that did anything." Rainbow Dash flew up into the air and slammed down onto the enemy, doing 1 point of damage. "Oooh, looks like it did." Rainbow was smiling.

Sir Hoofington bent down and opened his mouth for another blast of flames. The inferno re-intensified Twilight's burning hide, causing her to yelp in pain and dealt 2 points of damage to each pony.

"It's not nice, is it? Muahahaha!"

POP!

VP: 1/1

Twilight Sparkle      HP: 2/15     SP: 4/4     << Fire (2) >>

Rainbow Dash          HP: 3/10     SP: 0/3     << Fire (2) >>

vs.

Sir Hoofington       HP: 14/25    DEF: 1

"You're weaker." Twilight pulled out her map and let it do its magic, this time healing Twilight by 9 HP, Rainbow by 6 and restoring her stamina.

Rainbow Dash threw the other bottle at the dragon, hitting right on target at the back of its throat. The dragon roared in disgust, throwing green-brown chunky fluid all over the two best ponies, causing them to recoil. There may have been some pink in there, too. "Not sure if that was worth it..."

"IT WASN'T."

Their enemy slammed its claw down on Rainbow Dash, taking 3 Hit Points.

POP!

"ENOUGH!"

The huge reptile seemed to step back from the stage, returning via, instead of the side of the stage, the side of the audience. It shoved its claw into the crowd and dragged as many as it could into its mouth. Twilight and Rainbow Dash stared in horror as it seemed to heal fully. It seemed that way because that is exactly what happened.

VP: 0/1

Twilight Sparkle      HP: 10/15     SP: 4/4     << Fire (1) >>

Rainbow Dash          HP: 5/10     SP: 3/3     << Fire (1) >>

vs.

Sir Hoofington       HP: 25/25    DEF: 0

"Did you have hope? Hahaha!"

"KEEP FIGHTIN', YOU TWO! DON'T GIVE UP!" Applejack shouted from the sidelines.

"Whatever." Twilight threw the last bottle of scotch into the dragon's mouth. Same result. "You know you can't win, right?" she said to the dragon.

"We'll see."

Rainbow Dash sky-bucked the dragon's, now sponge-like, hide, doing another 3 points of damage.

The dragon was now pathetically weak, scratching Twilight with its claw to do 2 Hit Points of damage.

POP! The flames dissipated.

VP: 0.2/1

Twilight Sparkle      HP: 7/15     SP: 4/4

Rainbow Dash          HP: 4/10     SP: 3/3

vs.

Sir Hoofington       HP: 22/25    DEF: -1

"You're doomed, guy. Face it. You can't hold your booze." Twilight fired another magic bullet perfectly into its mouth, taking 3 points.

"She's right, you know?" Rainbow Dash rammed it again, 3 HP.

"Ignorant... fools..."

The dragon swiped its claw on Rainbow's face, or at least that is what it thought it did, but what really happened was its giant 'hand' was bucked into the air by Rainbow Dash for 1 Hit Point.

VP: 0.6/1

Twilight Sparkle      HP: 7/15     SP: 4/4

Rainbow Dash          HP: 4/10     SP: 3/3

vs.

Sir Hoofington       HP: 15/25    DEF: -1

Twilight fired a laser beam into the dragon, dealing 4 points of damage. The dragon collapsed onto the ground.

"Not... fair..."

Rainbow Dash used her trademarked dive-bomb to do another 3 points.

Another dragon's hit was countered for 1.

VP: 1/1

Twilight Sparkle      HP: 7/15     SP: 4/4

Rainbow Dash          HP: 4/10     SP: 3/3

vs.

Sir Hoofington       HP: 7/25    DEF: -1

Twilight fired a blast from her horn's seemingly endless supply, taking 3 Hit Points from the dying beast.

Rainbow dive-bombed again for 3 HP.

The dragon took its chances, swinging a paper-like claw at Twilight, who smashed it.

"You... have no idea... what my brother... will do... to you..."

Sir Hoofington's eyelids fell halfway, the light fading from his eyes, before spewing a bunch of stars.

Team: +25 Magic Points! (14)

LEVEL UP! +3 BP.

The corpse continued to make choking and gargling noises, spraying a bunch of bits out of its throat. Followed by some bones. Followed by a muscular, grey-blue pegasus with a silver mane wearing a militaristic blue jacket.

"Dad!"

"Dashie?"

"I thought you were gone forever! You... you fought a full-grown dragon? Did you forget you had a family?!" Rainbow Dash had more tears coming from her eyes, this time, of joy.

"Wh-whut?" The silver-maned buck was swaying, looking confused as his eyes went wherever they wanted to go.

"D-dad, are you drunk?"

"Umm, yes, aticully. I did a while ago when it was in the dragons."

"Dad, you know you can't drink! You know what happens!"

"But I couldn'tn't. There was the drinking in the breathing."

"What? I don't want to see you like this, Dad!"

"I... I *burp* found this." He took a small bottle out of his jacket's pocket and showed it to the group. It was labeled 'Vadko'. "But I wannit."

"No, Dad. We need it."

"But I—"

"No."

"But-" Rainbow bucked her real father in the head, making him drop the bottle. It fell to the ground, seeming almost in slow motion as it neared its doom. Three inches from the ground, two inches...

One inch...

The bottle hit the floor and bounced, letting Twilight quickly grab it in her magic.

"Phew!" The group let out a collective sigh of relief. Rainbow looked to the unconscious form of her father.

"We have to get him to Ponyville."

They had their prize, and the first part of the Elements of Potato to take back to Discord.

END OF CHAPTER!

Author's Note: Any suggestions on how to improve the turn-based battle scenes so that they flow more? Could it use a little more detail? A little less? Keep in mind, I want this to be very reminiscent of Paper Mario 2.

-bjshnog