The Taste of Shenanigans

CHAPTER 10: Look, we’re into double digits now

Applejack and Fluttershy were the first to reach the library after Twilight. Spike brought them a board game, and they all sat down and played it until Rarity and Guard no. 36 arrived. Then they stopped playing it. This caused Spike to get annoyed because he was in the lead at the time.
“Ugh. Come on, Spike.” said Twilight. “If it’ll make you feel better, you win by default because we all forfeited.”
“No. If I didn’t win myself, it doesn’t count.”
Rarity fluttered her eyelashes at him and he stopped complaining.
“So Twilight,” said Rarity, “What is this plan of yours?”
“Well, we go to the princess and bribe her. Do you have the money?”
“Yep.” said Guard no. 36. “All here.”
“Good good.”
“But Twilight,” said Rarity, “How do we even get to the princess? She’ll be really far away by now, not to mention in the air.”
“Easy peasy. Everypony get in this crate.”
“…what?”
“Just do it.”
Applejack scoffed. “I ain’t gettin’ in no crate.”
“Oh, Applejack, please!” said Twilight.
“Nope. Sorry. I’m off. I have trees to kick, anyway.”
Applejack left, and Twilight looked at the others. “Will you get in the crate?”
“Sure, darling. But why?”
“You’ll see.”
All of them excluding Spike entered the crate that happened to be there. Twilight used her magic to close it.
“No! Twilight, what are you doing?!” squealed Fluttershy.
“Don’t worry, we’ll be able to get out.” she replied. “OK, Spike, we’re ready!”
Spike inhaled deeply, and then blew out a mass of green flames that engulfed the crate. Instantly it vanished into hyperspace, and then reappeared in the Celesti-matic-a-tron 5000.
“OK! Jump out!” shouted Twilight.
They popped out of the crate in front of a confused Celestia.
“Oh… hello, my most faithful student. And one of my guards. What are you… doing here?”
“I know what you’re doing,” said Twilight Sparkle, “And I’ve come to negotiate with you.”
“Uh-huh… what is it you propose, exactly?” said the still confused princess.
“Money. If you stop this reign of terror, we’ll give you money.”
Guard no. 36 held out a pile of cash.
“I see.” said Celestia. “All of this… for me?”
“Yes, your awesomeness.” said Guard no. 36. “I won it at a casino. It’s all yours, provided you end this now.”
“Well… if there’s one thing I like more than power, it’s money.”
The others breathed a simultaneous sigh of relief.
“JK, power’s better. Hahaha.”
Celestia shot Guard no. 36 and took his money away. She then looked at Twilight Sparkle in derision.
“I can’t believe you thought that measly mound of money would sway me. I’m rich! Still taking it, though.”
Celestia then aimed the gun at Fluttershy. She screamed, and dived behind the crate. Rarity and Twilight galloped away. Celestia turned her attention to those two, and shot at them, but they escaped unscathed just as Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie did.
“UGH! THAT’S IT! I’M SICK OF MISSING!” Celestia roared furiously, and ran after them.
“Rarity! Quick, hide behind that lamp! I’ll get inside this suit of armour!” said Twilight.
As they tried to do those things, they noticed the places were already occupied by their friends. Before they could continue running, though, Princess Celestia caught up with them.
“Oh, look! FOUR of you. I wondered where those two had gotten off to.”
Realising they’d been rumbled, Rainbow Dash and Pinkie stepped out from their hiding places.
“P-Princess! Please… go easy on us.” begged Rarity.
“Ha. No.” said Celestia. “I’m so glad I had Twilight install that torture room. This will be fun.”
“What?!” cried Twilight. “You told me that was going to be a happy safe fun room! The safest, most happy and fun room of them all!”
“Oh, it is. IT TOTALLY IS.”
As she finished the sentence, a group of guards appeared and began dragging the ponies towards the happy safe fun torture room. Princess Celestia followed, whistling a creepily cheerful tune. When they got there, they looked around the room in horror at all the nasty devices it contained. The purpose of each device was not clear, but they still looked awful. As the guards chained them to the windowless walls, Celestia picked up what looked like a screwdriver, and began rolling it back and forth between her hooves. The guards departed, and Celestia approached Twilight Sparkle.
She pressed her face against Twilight’s, and the most sadistic smile any of them had ever seen spread across her face as Twilight trembled. “Don’t worry, Twilight. The pain will be shared between all of you. You’ll be able to rest while I’m busy with the other three.”
Just then, Celestia’s look of evil ecstasy switched to a look of panic.
She dropped her screwdriver-esque device. “…THE YELLOW ONE!”
Princess Celestia darted out of the room and back to the cockpit. Fluttershy was sitting in the driver’s seat, next to two guards whose necks had been broken. Out of the window were clear sights of Ponyville’s landmarks.
“You… you turned it around…”
Fluttershy, upon hearing Celestia’s voice, jumped and looked behind her. The deranged pony princess charged at Fluttershy. Both of them screamed (one scared, one angry) as Celestia rammed into the seat. Her horn smashed into the control panel, missing Fluttershy by mere centimetres.
“AGH!” cried Celestia, as she got electrocuted. As she yanked her horn out, the system malfunctioned big time, and everything went quiet.
The engine had stopped.
Neither of them said anything for a few seconds. Then Celestia screamed “NO! MY AWESOME ROBOT!” as the Celesti-matic-a-tron 5000 began falling towards the ground. The sudden angle change threw them off balance and they tumbled about the place helplessly. The robot hurtled towards Sweet Apple Acres pretty darn fast. And then it crashed.
After an ambiguous amount of time, Twilight Sparkle opened her eyes. In front of her were Rarity, Fluttershy and Pinkie Pie, and Big Macintosh with a pair of metal-breaky scissors. Her chains had already been cut, so she went to stand with the others, as Big Macintosh broke Rainbow Dash free.
“Hey, what happened?” asked Twilight. “Why’d my robot fall? I was sure I’d got all the calculations right.”
“Princess Celestia broke it.” replied Fluttershy.
“Oh. Good. I was worried I did something wrong. And hey! The crash landing worked out fine too! That WAS the safest room of them all. You know, I could totally make a living from engineering.”
Rarity burst into tears. The others started too. Even Big Macintosh.
“Uh… what’s wrong? We’re all OK, aren’t we?” said Twilight, using her social skills to notice something was up.
Granny Smith and Apple Bloom approached her. They were crying too. Granny Smith shook her head solemnly at Twilight.
“…where’s Applejack?”
Everypony cried louder.
Then a light bulb spawned over Twilight’s head. “Oh… the robot landed on her, didn’t it?”
Granny Smith nodded, so Twilight joined in the cry-fest. Then she stopped, as she remembered about Celestia.
“What happened to the Princess?!”
Fluttershy stopped crying too, because talking and crying at the same time is really hard. “She flew out of the window before it crashed. So did I.”
“Ah. Well, now that everything is somewhat concluded, what does everypony say to going bowling?”
“YES!” shouted Pinkie Pie.
Meanwhile, at Canterlot Castle, Princess Celestia was sitting in her throne, attempting to solve a jigsaw. A guard entered.
“Your awesomeness, do you have another plan?”
“No…” she replied humourlessly. “I’m done with evil plans.”
“Forever?”
“No. Of course not. Just for now.”
She stared at her puzzle, as if it was going to solve itself. Then she sighed, and smacked it away, causing pieces to scatter around the floor.
“Screw this thing. And speaking of screwing, I have a job for you.”

END OF CHAPTER 10