The Taste of Shenanigans

CHAPTER 9: The thing that was happening the whole time the other things were happening

Twilight Sparkle walked over to Applejack and head-butted her, knocking her down, but not unconscious.
“Ow. You cut my face.” said Applejack. “Thanks…”
“HA! VENGEANCE IS MINE!” Twilight shouted, and then calmed down. “So yeah, anyway, what happened with you lot?”
They told her about everything that happened. Well, most of the important stuff, anyway.
“Wow. That’s all very interesting. Can I tell you what I’ve been doing?”
“Please do.” said Rarity. “We haven’t had an anecdote in a while.”
“Right. K then. Here it is. Prepare yourself for my really good story.”
“We’re prepared. Tell it.”
“OK. After I woke up from the unconscious state that SOMEPONY put me into, I began to search for an exit from the dungeon. It took a while, but eventually I found it. Once I opened the door, the princess was waiting on the other side. She said she needed my help for something, and then led me to a secret room in the castle. In it was a machine… like the milkshake one I had. Princess Celestia then asked me if I could recreate the blueprints from it, because… you know… I’m so smart. So I did. It didn’t take me very long to finish them.”
Rainbow Dash looked worriedly at Applejack. “This is exactly what Loopsworth was talking about.”
Twilight continued. “After I’d done the blueprints, the princess then asked if I, her favourite student, could help design and build a machine that implemented the blueprints. A much, much bigger machine.”
“So you did?” asked Fluttershy.
“Yep. I built it over in the wastelands. I’m pretty proud of it.”
“What… is it?” asked Rarity.
“A giant Celestia robot that shoots lava from its mouth.”
Applejack fell over due to shock. “H-how giant, exactly?”
“It’s as tall as… I dunno. But it’s really big.”
“You fool!” shouted Applejack. “Don’t you see what you’ve done?!”
“I’ve done the princess a small favour.”
“YOU’VE BUILT HER A GIANT ROBOT VERSION OF HERSELF THAT SHOOTS LAVA FROM ITS MOUTH!”
“Yeah… and why is that a bad thing?”
“She’ll use it to dominate the planet! She’ll start wars, and gazillions of ponies will be killed!”
“Come on, Applejack. This is Princess Celestia we’re talking about. She’s the nicest pony in Equestria.”
“She sent us to the moon, Twilight. That’s not something nice ponies do.”
Twilight shook her head angrily. “I’ve had enough of this. I’m going. And you know what? I’m telling the princess what you’ve been saying about her.”
“NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO! Please don’t do that!”
“Then apologise.”
“OK, OK. I’m sor-“
An extremely loud engine noise drowned out Applejack’s apology. The ponies rushed outside and looked toward the sky. There, casting a shadow over the majority of Ponyville was the Celestia robot. Twilight Sparkle smiled proudly as the others looked on in awe.
“There she is. The Celesti-matic-a-tron 5000. Beautiful, isn’t she?” said Twilight.
“Very creative name…” said Rainbow Dash.
Rarity leant in towards Twilight. “You didn’t tell us it could fly.”
“Didn’t I? Oh. Well it can. It’s practically an airship.”
The noise of the engine died down as it got farther away.
“I wonder where she’s going…” said Twilight.
“Probably to destroy her enemies.” said Applejack.
“I told you. She’s not going to do anything bad.”
Derpy Hooves approached them. “Letter from the princess.”
Twilight took the letter and opened it. Then Derpy left.
“What does it say?” asked Pinkie Pie.
Twilight read it aloud. “Dear my most faithful student, thank you for building that giant robot me. I’m going to crush my enemies with it now. – Princess C (P.S. That’s Celestia, not Cadence)”
Twilight looked up from the letter. “Applejack… you were right.”
“Well yeah.” she replied.
Rainbow Dash shot up and started flying in circles. “Come on then! Let’s go after her!”
“Nah, I’m alright.” said Applejack. “I’m going home.”
Rainbow Dash landed back on the ground. “Oh you have got to be kidding me! After all this you’re just going to give up?”
“Give up what? It’s not our responsibility to save the world, you know.”
“I hate to say it, Rainbow, darling, but she’s right.” said Rarity. “Besides, I have a lot of work to catch up on.”
Rainbow Dash was unimpressed. “Fine. Well I’m going, anyway. Who’s coming with me?”
“That depends,” said Pinkie Pie, “Will there be cake?”
“What?”
“…will there be cake?”
“Uh… yeah. Probably.”
“OK then!”
Rainbow Dash looked at the two ponies who hadn’t given an answer yet. “Twilight? Fluttershy? What about you?”
Fluttershy shook her head. Twilight Sparkle just looked sad.
Suddenly all of a sudden, ZXCVB appeared.
“ZXCVB?!” exclaimed Rainbow Dash. “What are you doing here?”
“I realised being emo is childish and silly, so I decided to go for a walk. You know, in the sun and everything.”
“Nice! Good for you! Do you want to come and help us defeat Princess Celestia?”
He looked confused. “You what now? Defeat? Why?”
Before she could answer, he groaned and buried his face in two of his six hooves. “She’s going to kill her enemies, isn’t she?”
“Yeah. How’d you know?”
“She does this every so often. I usually have to go and convince her not to.”
“Seriously?” asked Applejack. “Convince her how?”
“Special favours. The kind of which I’m not putting into detail.”
“Will you come with us, then?” asked Rainbow Dash.
“Sure. Where is she?”
Rainbow Dash tilted her head towards the trails that the Celesti-matic-a-tron 5000 had made. A thick stream of black, smoky clouds, giving off a strong sense of doom. Rainbow Dash and ZXCVB flew up, and hovered in the air as Pinkie Pie retrieved and climbed into her flying contraption from S1E05. Then they all went up. Applejack, Rarity, Fluttershy and Twilight waved goodbye as they disappeared into the doomclouds.
“I hope they stop her before it’s too late.” said Fluttershy.
“As do I, darling.” said Rarity. “I hope they bring back some of that cake, too.”
Meanwhile, on the Celesti-matic-a-tron 5000, Princess Celestia was reading a magazine in the eye section/cockpit.
“Nice day, isn’t it, your awesomeness?” remarked the guard driving the thing.
“Yeah. Sure is. A nice day to GO ON A MURDEROUS RAMPAGE! AHAHAHAHAHAHA!”
“Hahahaha. You comfortable?”
“Yes, thank you.”
She returned to her magazine. As she turned the page, Rainbow Dash bit it and ripped it out of her hooves.
“Hi Princess. Whatcha readin’? EVIL PLANS OR SOMETHING?!”
Celestia sighed and looked up. “How did you get in?”
“Through the door.”
“It’s password protected.”
“Yes, but the password was your name.”
Celestia was not amused. She pulled a lever, and from the ceiling came a gun. It pointed directly at Rainbow Dash’s forehead. As she prepared to press a ‘shoot’ button, ZXCVB shouted “WAIT!”
She looked at him, and then smiled. “ZXCVB! You’re out of your cave! It’s nice to see you!”
“Nice to see you too.” he replied. “Listen… don’t kill her. Don’t kill ANYPONY. Please.”
“I’d love to let them live,” said Celestia, “but it just so happens I’d enjoy killing them more. Keep in mind that these are ponies that have done me wrong, though. I’m not a heartless monster.”
“Please! I’ll even do you special favours!”
“NO!” she shouted. “Enough with the special favours! You always do this to me! I’m sticking to my plans this time. End of story.”
“But… I’m your friend. Do it for me.”
“WHO ARE YOU TO TRY AND TEACH ME ABOUT FRIENDSHIP?!” screamed Celestia, and pointed the gun at him.
“Just… just calm down.”
“I am calm. And I’ll still be calm after I’ve poured lava all over the whole of Phonyville.”
Pinkie Pie giggled. “Phonyville?! What’s that?!”
“The changeling kingdom.” said Celestia. “Anyway, I’ve had enough of this. You’re all going to die. Sorry.”
She pressed the gun button. It shot ZXCVB multiple times, killing him quickly and leaving his body full of holes.
“Now you look like a changeling! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!”
She pointed the gun at Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie, who were already running away. She then fired at them for several seconds, but no bullets hit. They were too far.
“Dash! What do we do?!” screamed Pinkie.
“I dunno. Hide or something.”
“Where?!”
“Uh… here!” Rainbow Dash said, and climbed into a suit of armour.
Pinkie Pie hid behind a lamp. The two ponies kept very still as a guard walked past them. When he was out of earshot, Pinkie whispered “Psst!”
“What?” said Rainbow Dash quietly.
“When can we un-hide?”
“Not yet! Just wait.”
Back at Ponyville, Twilight was sitting glumly in the Carousel Boutique as Rarity rushed about making a dress or whatever. Applejack was also there, but she was just eating an apple.
“Twilight?” called Rarity, head in a drawer as she rummaged through it.
Twilight didn’t reply.
“Twilight? Have you seen my ruby-encrusted diamond silk with golden sequins anywhere?”
Rarity lifted her head from the drawer and glanced at the sulking pony.
“What’s wrong, darling?”
“I’m sad, Rarity.”
“Well yeah. Why?”
“I trusted the princess. And now she’s going on an evil crusade… I DIDN’T EVEN KNOW!”
Twilight Sparkle then began bawling cryfully.
“Calm down, and help me find my material.”
“OK… sorry.” sniffed Twilight.
She stood up, revealing the ruby-encrusted diamond silk with golden sequins. “I was sitting on it.”
Applejack found this hilarious, and started laughing hysterically, bits of apple evacuating her mouth in the process.
“Applejack!” shouted Rarity. “Please, keep your food to yourself!”
“Sorry.”
Rarity shook her head in disgust, and then picked up her material. Twilight Sparkle was pacing around the room, and Rarity had to weave around her to get past.
“Hmm…” said Twilight. “Do you think the princess would stop in exchange for something?”
“Like what, darling?”
“Rarity’s boyfriend won a shedload of money.” Applejack pointed out.
Twilight’s face lit up, and Rarity glared at Applejack.
“Yay!” shouted Twilight. “Rarity, get your boyfriend and bring him to the library. Applejack, get Fluttershy. We’re going to bribe the princess!”
Rarity let out an exasperated sigh and headed towards the door. “He’s not my boyfriend, by the way.”
Applejack chuckled to herself, and also went for the door. She bit into her apple enthusiastically, and then winced.
“Agh… bit my tongue.”
“Lol.” said Twilight, and walked out of the door with Applejack. She closed it behind her and then set off for the library.

END OF CHAPTER 9