The Taste of Shenanigans

CHAPTER 5: Getting quizzical in Canterlot 2: The return of Getting quizzical in Canterlot

Princess Celestia sat in her throne, trying to solve a Rubik’s cube, when a royal guard entered.
“Your awesomeness, we have an intruder.”
She looked up. “Oh? Well, what are you doing about it?”
“Several guards are pursuing him as we speak.”
“Good. Now get over here and kiss me.”
“Uh… yes, your awesomeness.”
Just then, a pony burst through the doors.
“Celestia! We need to talk.”
“HALT! Who goes there?!” shouted the guard.
“My name is Loopsworth Infinidox.” he said. “And I need to discuss something with Celestia. Urgently.”
Celestia smiled. “Have you finally seen things my way?”
“No. That machine I built for you. You have to destroy it.”
“That isn’t what I wanted to hear, Loopsworth. I want MORE machines, and you know that.”
“You… you don’t understand. See, these machines-“
“Hold on!” Celestia interrupted. “Could you do me a favour and stand to the left a little?”
Loopsworth hesitated, and then shuffled a bit to the side. “OK, listen. The machines are only going to cause conflict, and-“
“One more thing!” she interrupted.
“…yes?”
Princess Celestia grinned. “Tell me… do you like bananas?”
Meanwhile, the mane 6 minus Twilight had got off the train, and were making their way to the castle. Pinkie Pie was at the front of the group, wide-eyed and frothing at the mouth.
“She must really like those milkshakes.” said Rainbow Dash.
“To be fair, they’re the best I’ve tasted…” said Fluttershy.
“I reckon it’s all about the sugar.” said Applejack. “Maybe she’s running low, and it’s driving her crazy… speaking of, could you slow down, Pinkie? I sprained my ankle. Also I’m missing a leg.”
Pinkie Pie took no notice, and continued at her furious pace.
“Fine. Ignore me then. Whatever.”
Applejack adjusted her hat.
“Ugh. This thing won’t stay on. You know, having one ear really does suck.”
As they approached the doors of the castle, a guard stepped forwards.
“I’m sorry. The princess is busy right now. You will have to make an appointment and come back another time.”
“What is she doing?” asked Rarity.
“Royal matters. I’m afraid I cannot elaborate.”
Rarity put on a seductive voice. “What is she doing?”
“She’s playing with a Rubik’s cube. Want to have dinner sometime?”
“No.”
He nodded. “I understand. Now, if you’ll be on your way…”
“I’ll have dinner with you if you let us in.” she said.
“OK.” he said, and opened the doors. “My name is Guard no. 36, by the way.”
“Yes, darling. I’ll… make a note.”
They walked in, and headed towards Celestia’s throne room.
“You know what I don’t get?” said Applejack. “Why all those guards look the same.”
“Don’t think too much about that, darling. It’s one of life’s unanswered questions.” said Rarity.
“Well, maybe the princess can tell me.”
“Please don’t do that…” said Rainbow Dash. “All we need to do is find the guy who broke the thing, and then we can go.”
They arrived at the door to the throne room. Rarity knocked thrice, but before they got a response, Pinkie Pie smashed through the door. The others looked on in surprise, and then followed through the hole she made.
Princess Celestia was sitting in her throne, surrounded by pieces of Rubik’s cube.
“Hello, girls. How can I help you?”
“WHERE’S THE GUY THAT BROKE THE THING I GAVE TO TWILIGHT AS A PRESENT?!”
“I don’t know.” she replied. “Is that all?”
“Well, actually, Princess, I was wondering something.” said Applejack, adjusting her hat.
Rainbow Dash rolled her eyes.
“Go on.” said Celestia. “…is this about waking up in a dungeon, perchance? Or about a missing ear?”
“No. I just wanted to know why all your guards look the same.”
Celestia laughed. “Silly pony. We ALL look the same.”
“…OK, then how about this?” she said. “Why are they all male?”
“Because I’m female. Duh.”
Applejack said nothing.
“Welp, I guess we’ll be off now!” shouted a nervous Rainbow Dash.
“Before you go,” said Celestia, gesturing at a spot on the floor, “could you all huddle together… right there?”
They did. The fools.
She smirked. “So… do you like ba-“
Suddenly, the ponies were launched upwards incredibly fast.
“Shoot.” muttered Celestia. “Didn’t mean to do it that early. Oh well.”
As the ponies zoomed through the air, their grip loosened, and they let go of each other.
“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!” screamed Rainbow Dash.
“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!” screamed Applejack.
“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!” screamed Pinkie Pie.
“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!” screamed Fluttershy.
“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!” screamed Rarity.
Then they landed.
“Ugh…” Rainbow Dash groaned. “Is everypony alright?”
Pinkie Pie and Fluttershy nodded.
“I’m fine.” replied Applejack, adjusting her hat. “Except for this immense pain in my back.”
“Um… Applejack?” said Fluttershy.
“Uh-huh?”
“I think I know why your back hurts…”
Applejack looked behind her, and there, lodged into her back via her horn, was Rarity.
“Well, how about that?”
She nudged Rarity. There was no response.
“Oh, and she’s unconscious, too. Great.”
Rainbow Dash looked around. “Where even are we?”
“The moon.” said some random dude.
“Who are you?” she asked.
“Just some random dude.”
“Do you have a name?”
“Loopsworth.”
“Ahhh… so this is the famous Loopsworth. That’s a stupid name, by the way. Why are you called that?”
“That’s what my parents named me.” he said. “So, what did you do to get sent here?”
Applejack did her best to sit up. “This pink one went and broke her door.”
“HEY! DON’T BLAME ME!” screamed Pinkie. “YOU’RE THE ONE WHO ASKED DUMB QUESTIONS ABOUT HER GUARDS!”
“Oh, come on. Your thing was way worse.”
Just then, Derpy Hooves came hurtling towards them and faceplanted on the ground. She stood up, and walked over to Applejack.
“Message from the princess.” she said. ”It says ‘It was the orange pony’s fault.’”
Then she left.
“TOLD YOU!” screamed Pinkie.
She looked at Loopsworth with a blank stare for a few seconds.
“Oh! Hey! It’s Loopsworth!”
“Hi, Pinkie.” he said. “Did you… only just recognise me?”
She ignored the question and went on to explain her problem.
“You know that milkshake machine you gave me?”
“Oh… about that…”
“Well, I gave it to a friend as a present, and then some random dude came and DESTROYED IT! Can you believe that?!”
He laughed nervously. “Well, uh… you see, the thing is… that was me.”
An awkward silence passed.
“OK.” she said. “I’m sure you had your reasons.”
“Oh, I most definitely did. Let me explain.”
They sat down, got as comfortable as possible, and activated story time mode.
“Last year, I invented a machine that was capable of producing an infinite amount of liquid. Any liquid, in fact. You just chuck a glass of whatever in there, and it copies it. I entered the machine into a science competition and judged the reactions. Everypony loved it, so I decided to make a few of them, and sell them to make more money for lab equipment. I installed GPS on every one I made, in case they encountered a problem.”
“That’s great and all,” said Rainbow Dash, “but why did you destroy the one you gave to Pinkie?”
“I’m getting to that. The machines got very popular. Even the princess wanted one. She paid me quite a lot for one that dispensed… a special kind of drink. I knew I shouldn’t have done it, but she offered me so much money.”
He looked at the ground.
“Recently, she got in contact with me, and asked for more machines. Ones that would hold several different concoctions she’d mixed up… among other things. You don’t want to know what kind of liquids she wanted them to hold. Anyway, I knew giving her what she wanted would be wrong, so I refused. Then she tried to bomb my house.”
“Wait.” said Rainbow Dash. “Tried? What do you mean by that?”
“The bomb hit someone else’s house.”
“I think… that was MY house.”
“Ah… sorry about that. Shall I continue?”
“Sure.”
“The attempted bombing opened my eyes. It made me realise that my machines were only going to lead to bad things. They would cause major conflict. And I’m talking WARS. At that moment, I knew what I had to do.”
“Destroy them all?”
“Destroy them all.”
“But… why did you have to destroy mine?” asked Pinkie Pie. “It only made milkshakes.”
“They all had to go. Somepony intelligent enough could study the design and produce more of their own. I couldn’t take that risk. I even went to try and destroy the one I gave to the princess.”
“Ooooohhhhh.” said Applejack, adjusting her hat. “Is that why you’re here?”
“Yes. Her machine is now the only one in existence. If only I could get back, I might be able to do something…”
At that moment, a small rocket made from glasses of milkshake descended. It landed on Loopsworth and killed him. Out from it stepped Dr Madbrain.
“Vell, vell, vell.” he said. “Ve meet again.”

END OF CHAPTER 5