Spike's Granny Smith.

This is just a parody of how there are so màny Spike's insert pony here fics, don't take this seriously.
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Spike was walking down the street, feeling like a real player. In recent weeks he'd had Rainbow Dash, Pinkie Pie, Vinyl Scratch, Luna, and even himself. Now Spike was tired, and he knew he needed rest, but first he'd have to turn off his swag, after all, he didn't want to wake up covered in bitches, at least not yet anyway.

So Spike power walked away from Vinyl's house and back to the library so that he could get some rest. He arrived at the library and was immediately greeted by an angry Twilight Sparkle.

"Spike! What's this I hear about you getting more bitches? The first two times were fine, but the whole concept has been played out!"

Spike glowered at Twilight, then he stood on his tiptoes to get to her level.

"Listen you purple bitch, what I do in my own time is none of your business, now get out of my way before I smack a ho!"

Twilight quickly stepped out of the way so that Spike wouldn't smack a ho, she didn't really know what a ho was cause she wasn't down with the street lingo, but she certainly didn't want to be responsible for any of them getting smacked.

Spike walked up to his room and got into his bed, but right before he was about to try falling asleep his phone rang. He looked at the caller I.D. and saw that it was Rainbow Dash.

"Sup girl?"

"Spike when are we gonna go do something together? I haven't seen you in weeks."

"Sorry babe, I'm breaking up with you."

"What? You can't break up with me, I'm awesome!"

"I'm sorry My Little Dashie, you just aren't as good as everybody says."

"Don't say that!"

"Sorry girl, but all these people talking about how awesome you are,you don't live up to the hype, you're so overrated."

Spike turned off his phone and closed his eyes to get some sleep. Within three minutes he was snoring softly, his swag switch was in the off position, meaning he no longer needed to worry about bitches.

Spike dreamt of Sex Raptors andromance. Unfortunately for Spike, Twilight had been waiting for him to fall asleep and dream about those very things. Over the past few weeks Twilight had grown jealous of how swagalicious Spike had become, and now she wanted revenge, sure she herself was twilightlicious, but those two things just don't compare, Spike was in a league of his own when it came to procuring bitches, and Twilight knew this, so she hatched a devious plan to get her revenge.

Twilight loomed over Spike menacingly. She pulled out a screwdriver and put it into the small screw on the back of his head. She turned the screwdriver counterclockwise until the screw was loose enough to remove by hoof, then she lifted the head compartment that all dragons have(it's basic geology) and looked inside.

There was a two inch indent with a dial labeled "Spike's Fetishes."
It was currently set to "DJs" so Twilight used her magic to carefully change it to "Old Ladies", it stopped on the selected setting with a soft click. She carefully replaced the lid to Spike's head compartment, put the screw back in, and slowly snuck out of the room as silently as possible. Once she had closed the door behind her she dashed to her room and began giggling into her pillow.

"Spike won't know what hit him!"

Then she fell into a blissful sleep, dreaming of a giant super book that took her to a magical land called Booktopia, then she set it on fire and got a Kindle.

When Spike woke up he felt odd, not bad mind you, just odd, he hopped up out of his bed and walked into his bathroom with as much swagger as two Cheetahs tied together. He learned that from Paul, oh how he missed that amazing Sex Raptor. Deciding not to dwell on the past any longer, Spike walked into the bathroom and looked in the mirror.

That's weird, he thought to himself,I still look as flawless as ever! So why do I feel so strange?

Spike chose to hide his discomfort, he knew that Twilight was his most rebellious bitch, and if she sensed any weakness in him she'd take full advantage. So he put on his brave face and headed downstairs. He walked into the dining room and was greeted by a stack of ruby pancakes. He sat down at the table, and using his elongated tongue he pulled them all into his mouth. Then he got up and headed out the door.

"Where are you going Spike," inquired Twilight.

"If you must know I'm off to procure a corncob pipe, bitches love corncob pipes," and with that he walked out and towards a small apparel shop. The very second the door was closed Twilight burst out laughing and fell onto the ground, only to be joined by Pinkie Pie. They laughed for five minutes straight before Twilight noticed something was wrong.

"Holy crap! Pinkie how and when did you get here?"

"Oh Twilight," Pinkie replied,"I'm everywhere."

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"Are you sure?"

"Yes!" Spike yelled at the shopkeeper,"for the last time, I want a corncob pipe, and your finest pair of suspenders!"

"May I ask why?"

"Well it's simple, bitches love corncob pipes and suspenders."

Realizing that if anyone knew what bitches love it would be Spike, the shopkeeper argued no further and pulled out a pair of suspenders made from the finest golden silk, and a large corncob pipe. He then handed them to Spike.

"Will that be all for you today?"

Spike thought for a moment.

"Actually, give me some of those hard candies, bitches love those too."

The shopkeeper pulled out a notepad and wrote down "bitches love hard candies" in his advice journal before giving Spike a hoof full of hard candy. Spike paid the man, equipped his suspenders and corncob pipe, and headed down to the local Bingo hall to pick up some hot chicks.