Bond's interestingly amazing journey to the land of the pone

Bond wakes up in the middle of the street in the ponyville market. He notices someone had stolen his pants and left eyebrows. Twilight is standing next to him, looking at him as he stood up shaking his head, “What happened mister, you just fell on the ground and your pants disintegrated!”, exclaimed Twilight in confusion.

“Yeah, that’s standard procedure. Agents lost in mission have a chip in pants that teleport them back to base. They are made of very expensive and flexible polyester fiber. Bad day to go free balling. This is really weird though, disintegration shouldn’t have happened for many years to the future from last contact.”, explained Bond

“But, why don’t you have a similar chip as your pants?”, asked the pony puzzled.

“Well they aren’t cheap either of course. It would cost millions to get one for every agent”, said Bond. “But, where’s my eyebrows”, he asked feeling the place where they normally were.

“Oh, Pinkie wanted a memory of you when she remembered she doesn’t have a phone you could call”, said Twilight. “Why did you faint in the first place though?”

“I think I saw dragon. If I something am afraid of, it’s dragons. Luckily those don’t really exist. I can believe talking ponies but dragons, pssh, that’s pure madness and impossible thing to happen in so many levels.”

“Right!”, shouted the pony quickly. “But, who knows, maybe those do exist too, haha ha... anyway, let’s go see the mayor already!”

“Yeah, I’m pretty sure they don’t. Like, if I really saw one, I would first piss my nonexistent pants and then butcher it. Then wear it’s skin as my cape and be constantly afraid of myself when I look in the mirror”, said Bond following Twilight.

She gulped.

“And here we are!”, she said as they stepped on the city hall’s porch.

“Thanks miss Sparkle. I think I can take it from here.”, Bond took Twi’s hoof and was going to kiss it as the sign of chivalry and such things that he represents, but it was a bit unsanitary from all the pond’s of mud and poo, so he just shook her hoof.

“Oh Bond, go already!”, she said and looked away to hide her blushed smile.

Bond still sent her blow kisses though, from the door of the city hall, before stepping in. Bitches love blow kisses.

Bond stepped into the very boring room, with a blue wall, and red pot, and green tree, and angular chair, and fan on the roof. Maybe I’m lazy, maybe I’m bad at explaining stuff, nevertheless you can use your imagination on this bit. And while you’re at it, imagine a very stereotypical looking secretary pony behind the desk on the opposite wall of the door.

“Good day...”, Bond checked her nameplate, “...miss, Honey Buns?”

“Don’t start, I’m from a baker family.”, she replied indignantly. “What do you want, whatever you are?”

“U-huh, hospitality obviously not being the trait that got you the job. I need to see the mayor, love. Anyway, here’s my badge, urgent stuff.”, he said a bit impatient.

She took the badge, and inspects it in his hand. James Bond. Secret service agent. So secret we won’t even say it’s name here. It’s totally not because we wouldn’t remember the name right now, and we were too lazy to check it from wikipedia or something., it read. “I haven’t heard about any kind of secret service, mister Bond.” she said giving him a cold look behind her glasses

“that’s what makes it so secret ma’am”, he said smiling and leaning a bit forwards.

“Listen wise guy...!”, secretary said, before screams could be heard from mayor’s office. “Everything alright Mayor?”, she asked clicking on the intercom.

“She’s screaming in there, what do you thin is she alright!”, Shouted Bond and ran to the door of the office, and pulling the pistol from his inside pocket.

“Just calm down sir”, the secretary pony said, before Bond kicked the Mayor’s office’s door in. “Great, I can guess who’s gonna get blamed for that...”, she thought.

As Bond stormed the office, he saw Mayor lying on her table. She was looking at him with a mix of confused and terrified.”What is the problem ma’am!”, he shouted searching the room with the tip of his pistol.

“M-m-mouse.” Said Mayor without her face moving from it’s previous state.

“Mouse?”, asked Bond. “Like, with some kind of weapon, with ability to talk and wear clothes and such like you and pretty much everyone else I’ve seen here, kinda mouse?”

“No, no just a mouse”, she said pointing at the direction she saw the mouse last, without breaking his eye contact on Bond.

“Oh... well yeah, mice are, pretty badass too. No probs there”, he said and put the pistol back on it’s place

“Uhh, mister Bond James wanted to see you, claims to be agent or something”, said the secretary from office’s door.

“Right, thank you Honey”, said Mayor as she sat back behind her desk

“also, just gonna randomly put it out there, for no reason whatsoever, that I got my paperwork finished early today”, said the secretary.

“Nice Buns!”, complimented Mayor.

(Author is really sorry for that terrible joke)

“Now, what brings you here, agent Bond, was it?”, asked Mayor, finally giving a smile to the pantless visitor.

Then they proceeded to make sweet, tender love. Or they would have if Bond babes wouldn’t need to be even about the same age as Bond himself. Guess he never was much into older women. Or then he just rarely meets women differing from his age group at his job. Except for M, he could totally tap her. Though, dunno what purpose shagging her would serve, since it’s not like Bond would need to get closer to her, being on the same side and all.

Oh, right, the story, ahem: Then Bond told the story so far to the Mayor, and Mayor said that she doesn’t know how to help with that. But she adds that Bond could meet the local librarian, who also happens to be Princess's student.

“Twilight Sparkle is her name, you can see her house there on the map, the big inhabited tree”, Mayor explained

“Ah, I met her already. But, could you help me with another problem. I’d need to find a tailor. As you can perceive, my donger is dangling for all to see.”, Bond explains.

“Isn’t it supposed to? Huh, well Rarity has a clothing store, even though I said that it would be crazy in community which is naked almost all the time”, said Mayor, walking to the city map next to Bond. “This house here, you can’t miss it.”

“Right, it was a pleasure ma’am.”, said Bond and lifted his imaginary hat, as he walked out of the door.

“Please, be so kind that you don’t let the door to hit you on your way out, who knows if you’d revenge and mutilate another door for us”, said the secretary pony behind her desk.