...But I'm Ready To Wake Up Now

How do I start this? A journal. The last thing to keep my memory. My brain is overrun with emotion. That is, quickly changing emotion, something I despise greatly. I can't remember many things that are not routine. I know my name: Princess Mi Amore Cadenza. That's an easy one. I know my age: 23 years. I know my husband's name: Shining Armour. We live... between two places. Canterlot and the Crystal Empire. My life is stuck on repeat, if you will.  I wake up every morning at 5:00. The light of Celestia's sun becomes visible within fifteen minutes. I make myself breakfast. Hay bacon and toast is my usual. I eat, shower, and tidy myself. Shining Armour wakes soon after, at about 6:00. He toasts himself a wheat bagel. I kiss him, he smiles. He leaves. He protects Equestria.

Today is different. Abnormal, odd, weird. I awoke normally this morning. I ate. I had hay bacon and toast. I showered. I tidied myself. I am a very pretty pony, if I might say so myself. Shining Armour woke up. He trotted apathetically out of bed and into the kitchen. He made himself a hay bagel. I kissed him. He left with no word. I have spent the day alone - it is my day off. I enjoyed most of it. Something did not feel right though. I looked around our abode to find something. Throughout the day so far I wondered, "Is something out of place?". I could not find anything. Shining Armour is not home yet. It's lunch time. He will arrive home within two hours. Something is abnormal. Something is wrong.

I trotted into the kitchen, carelessly as always. Using my hooves, I pulled a loaf of bread from the counter. I put a piece into the toaster. I turned away. I reached into the cabinet, pulling out a jar of peanut butter using my teeth. The lid came off easily. I could not find a butter knife. Instead, I used a steak knife. It glowed in synchronization with my horn, enveloped with an azure aura. I lost focus. My mind was suddenly filled with random, emotionless thought. I wish that never happened. I dropped the knife onto my forehoof. The knife cut through my coat and through my skin. I let out a loud yelp as I saw a trickle of blood begin to flow. Leaving the bread behind, I walked on 3 hooves into the bathroom. In the medicine cabinet was a bandage. I began to wrap it around my hoof, then pinned it tightly. On all four hooves once again, I made my way back into the kitchen. The toast burned. I did not care, though, because I lost my appetite from the sight of blood. I wasted my time.

I cleaned up my mess, the few drops of blood and peanut butter on the floor. I threw away the burned toast. I walked into the living room, and hopped onto the couch. It cracked and fell beneath me.

It is going to be a long day.

Something is wrong.

Shining Armour is not home yet. It is 22:00. He is late, very late. Something is wrong. I need to sleep. I hope he shows up.

I woke up. It was already light out. Shining Armour was not laying next to me. A bout of fear struck me and flowed through my body. I trotted out into the kitchen. He was heading out through the front door.

"Hey, Wait!" I shouted to him.

"Wh-huh?"

"You were going to leave without saying goodbye?"

"Oh, uh, yeah, I didn't want to wake you."

"Oh." I frowned.

"Yeah. Well, bye."

He trotted off. No kiss, no smile. Something is wrong. I can feel it, I can sense it. I'm determined to find out. This shouldn't happen.

I will start tomorrow. My hoof is not healing correctly. I’m worried about Shining Armour. Something is wrong. Well, I think you get it by now. I need to get to work.

I got home a few hours ago. Shining Armour is late again. I can’t take it. I want to know where he is. I need to know where he is. I will find out, and I will find out soon. I don’t know how. I just will. I need some time to think. I’m worried. I won’t sleep until he arrives. I hope he arrives. Wait, no, I know he will arrive. Nothing is wrong, he is okay. Everything is fine.

Dammit, no, everything is wrong...

I can see him. He’s trotting up the path to our front door. He looks awful happy. I wonder why? His saddlebags look larger than usual. I wonder what is in them? I’ll report back soon, journal.

I just... I implied that my journal was sapient. Oh well. Shining Armour told me that there’s been trouble, a threat to security, which is why he was late. I don’t believe it. He seems much too calm. He was happy earlier, I saw it. I’ll let him sleep. I’ll figure this out. My hoof hurts. There were papers in his saddlebags. Nothing more.

I’m much too worried. Maybe I should try to relax again. I tried that once before. Relaxing didn’t work. Not since the uprising of King Sombra. It’s too hard to be calm. It’s too hard to be relaxed.

I’ve been told that I’m overly paranoid. I think I’m being realistic. No one can be trusted anymore, it seems. Did I do something wrong? Was it me? I’m tired of this. I wish I could feel a more neutral emotion. I don’t like this anymore. I don’t like life anymore.

It’s too much to handle. I can’t escape. There shouldn’t be a reason to want to escape. I shouldn’t have to feel this way. I miss my old life. I miss my days as a foalsitter for little Twilight, when I’d put her to bed and Shining Armour and I would spend the day together in silence, simply enjoying each other’s company. I miss the simple life. I miss my life.

I miss it all, but I’ll never get it back. I’m a “princess”. I wish I didn’t hold this title. Someday it will be over. Someday.