Chaos For A Day

"Whoa there, Granny Smith, that was REALLY one hay of a good show! Ah think y'all can join a circus!"

Applejack clapped her hooves, and unknowingly, a sour-apple-pucker formed on her face while her pupils darted sideways. The elder mare simply bowed at a 180-degree angle, not bad for somepony who just had finished a ludicrous little jig with a ridiculously large and colorful wig.

"Now will y'all excuse me, Ah am very busy buckin' mah apples. They can't just fly up to the trees on their own, can they?"

Applejack trotted towards the orchard, only to discover that the rest of the Apple family had already gathered there, bucking apples and sending them up into the air and landing among the foliage.

She frowned, "Look guys, Ah know that y'all are always there by mah side buckin' apples for me whenever y'all can, especially on the day when Big Mac got hurt and had to stick to fancy mathematics in the middle of Applebuck Season."

Big MacIntosh popped out from the ground, panting and gave his his sister a big slobbery lick before literally going down-to-earth.

"But for now Ah do not need any help. Ah can finish buckin' all these apples all by mahself in one day, trust me."

Her eyes darted again as she continued, "So why don't cha go to have some fun instead? Ah mean, the barn is currently a great place to party, it's not that it's worn out and ramshackle, right guys? Y'all can blast Sapphire Shores at maximum volume and still get out alive and kickin', and Ah mean alive as in the feeling and kickin' as in the dancing."

Discussion rose among the crowd, and soon everypony was scrambling into the barn, ready for a party of their lifetime. Big MacIntosh, however, decided to dig a tunnel into the popcorn field so he could give a lick to the moon-trotting Granny Smith.

Applejack lied on a tree. The sun plummeted below the horizon and the moon took its place, just in time for the mare to take a nap. Ah am so working right now, she thought to herself. Yep, Ah'm definitely working.

Music began emanating from the barn. It was Sapphire Shores' latest hit --- the Jewel Song from "Faust".

AAAAAH My beauty past compare...

"Now that's some peace and quiet." said the mare sarcastically as an apple fell from the tree she's under, bouncing off her head.

"Aha, Ah knew that an idea don't just hit you randomly." Applejack exclaimed and turned towards the barn. "Now would somepony kindly turn that music louder? I can't a single note from here."

...these jewels bright I wear... Ma-a-aargarita... MERCY! MY JEWELS!

CRACK CLASH CRUMBLE

The mare lied down once more and smiled. A little moaning from the barn won't really bother her. She could finally have some well-deserved res-CRASH!

Applejack jolted up, "What now?!"

Her eyes bulged as she noticed huge fissures on the ground. Following them, she came across something, or more specifically, somepony in the epicenter of a crater --- a little buck-toothed colt.

"Hi, Miss Applejack, Featherweight reporting for duty. Geddit? Because I'm a reporter! Isn't that right, Snowflake?"

A humongous block of muscle landed oh so tenderly beside the little colt, flexed both arms and let out the cutest little "yeeeeaaaaaahhhhh!" Applejack had ever heard. None but only Fluttershy's "yay" can match against his squeak of delight.

"I take pictures and interview ponies, while he takes down notes. Aren't we a perfect reporting team?" Featherweight went on.

"Yeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhh!" answered Snowflake.

"Is Snowflake hunky?"

"Yeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhh!"

"Does he have the teeniest tiniest wings possible for a pegasus?"

"Yeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhh!"

"Does he have a deep, sexy, stallionly voice?"

"Erm... Yeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhh?"

"Is he on stero-"

"Alright, sugarcube, what is it y'all want?" Applejack finally had a chance to pipe in.

"Oh, I almost forgot. We are currently searching for the latest gossip for my school's newspaper, and my friend Snowflake here is helping me out."

"Yeeeeeeeeeeeeaaa-"

"Thank you Snowy, but that's enough." the colt cut in. "Anyway, do you know anything interesting which can be featured in our paper? We could totally use some information from such an honest pony like you! The Foal Free Press will soon be the most reputable and trusted newspaper in the whole of Equestria!"

Applejack's face lit up, and so did the surrounding as the sun rose again, "Of course it will be. Ah know lots of stuff which other ponyfolks don't. And moreover, they're all true!" Her eyes darted.

Featherweight couldn't hide his excitement, "Oh boy, I sense huge scoops incoming! Tell us everything, will ya?"

"Absolutely, sugarcube, now here it goes. Do you know that Scootaloo, a friend of mah sister," her talking turned to whispering all of a sudden, "is actually a... chicken?"

"I don't think so," the colt said, "she's the bravest filly I ever know!"

"No, sugarcube, I mean a real chicken, like the ones Fluttershy kept."

Featherweight drew in what it seemed like a metric ton of air. "She is?!"

"Ya think Ah'm lying?" Applejack asked back.

"Oh no no no! I just... can't take all of that so quickly. It's too... out of the blue! All these years, being her classmate, being her friend, staring at her cute little wing- I mean I'm at the back of the class, it's impossible to look at the blackboard without accidentally taking slight glances of somepony's wings which are like... right in front of me, right? Just go on, please?" Featherweight then swallowed what it seemed like a gallon of saliva.

Applejack rolled her eyes and continued, "Ya know that a chicken comes from an egg, sugarcube?"

The little colt nodded.

"Well, Ah just found out that Twilight is an egghead. Ya know what that means? Twilight is Scootaloo's mother! And that's not just it. As Twilight only has her head being an egg, so this proves that Scoot comes from her head, and this means Scootaloo is a figment of Twilight's imagination! Her powerful magic is making everypony think that the little filly is real!"

Featherweight sat there, eyes wide open, mouth agape. There was an awkward silence between the colt and the mare, only to be broken by the scratching of Snowflake's pencil against his notepad.

The colt finally came back to his senses, "This is surprising, but I won't let such differences stand in our way! Chicken or not, figment of imagination or not, they can't force me to hide my true feelings. If even Spike the dragon is able to like Miss Rarity, I can't see why I am unable to like a chicken, or a figment of imagination, or whoever or whatever she is."

"Yeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhh!"

"Thank you, Snowy."

"Now you've got me sweating through mah eyes." Applejack sniffed. "Yep, those are absolutely sweat. Shall we go on?"

Feather weight nodded, determination in his eyes.

“Alright, sugarcube, time for more truths... in a SONG! Yep, Ah just love singin’. Do ya know that Ah sang the most among my friends?”

Music played. Wait, where did that music even come from?

Oh, Foal Free Press (sung to the tune of Oh Susanna)

I come from Apple Acres with absolute honesty
And Ah am goin’ to tell ya that Spike hates Rarity
She treated him like pincushions, the dreaded slavery
And that mare’s just plain marshmallows dressed up like a pony

Oh Foal Free Press, oh Ah ain’t half lying
Mah friends were sittin’ on their rumps while Ah do the fightin’”

“Wait, Miss Applejack. Who are you fighting?” Featherweight interrupted, with that random music still playing.

“Discord, of course, and can ya believe that none of my friends even lifted a hoof to help me? Now let’s get back to the song.”

What Ah am tellin’ ya about are all truths and no lies
This mornin’ Ah just found out that Spike’s Rainbow in disguise
Beneath Fluttershy’s yellow hull is magic tree spirit
And save the fourth wall of ya house, don’t let Pinkie in it

Oh, Foal Free Press, oh Ah ain’t half lying
If ya’ll teeth are too dirty, use Colgate’s mane for cleanin’

That Lyra have camouflaged hands, she ain’t got any hooves
Time Turner loves his strange blue box, we call him Doctor Whooves
And Why Ditzy’s no longer in that moving company?
It’s not like she dropped furniture on some purple pony

Oh, Foal Free Press, oh Ah ain’t half lying
And Sweetie Belle is a dictionary which is livin’

Oh horseapples, Ah knew that Ah should be more wary of Apple Bloom's social life. But that's it folks, all of Ponyville residents' secrets revealed!"

Applejack ended with a grin on her face, but wondered why her eye muscles were so darn sore.

Eventually, Snowflake finished his scribbling.

"Yeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhh!"

"Thank you for your time, Miss Applejack, for all your Ponyville's confidential materials. You've never failed to surprise me, but it's still great to know more, especially about Scootaloo's secret identity."

"Anytime, sugarcube, anytime." the mare replied.

"Thanks again, now I better get going soon, I still have work to do." Featherweight then turned to Snowflake, taking the notepad from him, "Good job, Snowy, your job's all complete. What are your plans now?"

"Oh," the gargantuan pegasus shrilled, "I don't want to stay single, I want to get married and let my mane flow in the wind as I fly through the glen, shouting 'yeeaahhs' into the sunset."

...

"Okay Snowy, let us simply just, well, fly through the glen and into the sunset." said Featherweight as he flew off with Snowflake into the sunset which lasted for a mere half-a-second.

Applejack, after finished her song, realised that she was in a ten-hooves deep, orange-syrup-oozing crater.

“Hey Featherweight,” shouted the mare, “ya have to pay for the damage to mah farm. And my barn too. Ya know that ya’ll the ones who did it and Ah hate lying, right?”

The duo was already far away out of earshot. Applejack groaned and walked off, back to her house.

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Applejack sat down and began to munch on her apple cores, in went the cores and out came apples whole. She vented her frustration on her friends' earlier shenanigans to a tap-dancing Granny Smith, "... and so I tried to defeat Discord, but none of my so-called "friends" would lift a hoof to help me."

She didn't notice a lavender unicorn who was coming her way, armed with her horn and a memory spell.

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My Little Pony, Friendship is Magic © Hasbro
I do not own the intellectual properties this fan-fiction is based on.
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