Rotten Apples

Jonathan...

Why did you drink so much alcohol last night?

Slowly, Jonathan's eyes opened.

The hangover he was getting was really bad, to say the least. He felt it was the equivalent of repeatedly getting punched in the head from every which angle, all at the same time.

He sat up, regretting ever downing five mugs of...

...Whatever it was.

Ah, just go back to sleep.

...

Nope, gotta pee.

Badly.

But I really don't want to get up.

Maybe I should just have a toilet dream.

Yeah, I wouldn't even have to get up. Just let loose.

No, wait, don't do that!

He jolted himself awake, realizing that he almost just wet a stranger's bed.

Wait... Whose house is this?

He couldn't really remember what happened after the fight.

"Must'a passed out," he mumbled groggily.

After sitting up and hopping off the bed, he opened the curtains and examined the room.

At first, the sunlight blinded him beyond being able to see.

Stupid hangover...

After a moment though, he could see enough to inspect his surroundings.

The walls were painted white, with simple but exquisite designs over the doorway and around the windows. There was also a plush chair in the corner of the room, and now that he looked, the bed he had been sleeping in was a beautiful canopy bed. Red velvet curtains were folded over the top of the canopy, and the bedposts were even rimmed with gold.

Whoever this is must be very rich.

Marius.

Jonathan stumbled out the door, wobbly between being about to piss himself and still slightly drunk from the night before.

Never again...

Regaining his balance, he scanned the area for any sign of a bathroom.

His eyes went wide when he finally observed the scenery.

The place was huge. He stood on an open balcony, with golden rails lining the edge of a glorious view. Looking up, there were two floors above him, each having similar balconies/hallways. Looking down, there were four more identical floors, the lowest story being the only different one. It was covered with a large red carpet, and from how high Jonathan was it looked like a quilt, inlaid with pottery and various furniture.

However, the only thought that came to Jonathan's mind was, Oh crap I'll never find the bathroom!

He zipped up and down stairs for a bit before he finally came to a room that showed signs of life.

The smell of burnt toast distracted Jonathan from his pee-thoughts for a moment, but only a moment. Stepping into the room, he found Marius sipping away at a mug of coffee and reading a newspaper.

He half-liddedly looked up from his paper, and when he saw Jonathan, immediately smiled.

"Good morning, old chap. Sleep well?"

He furrowed his brow when he noticed Jonathan prancing antsily prancing about, then grinned wide when something came to mind.

"Ants in your pants, son?"

Jonathan groaned at the unbelievably horrible joke. "No, I'm not even wearing pants. Just tell me where the bathroom is."

His grin shrank a bit, but it was still there as he sat there, enjoying his moment of power. "Well, that'll happen to ya when you drink a whole dragon bitter and a few cups of whiskey. And then some. Second floor, two doors down the hall from the stairs. Can't miss it."

Jonathan was gone before Marius had time to blink.

He smirked and returned to his paper. "And he didn't even notice the one in his bedroom."

Jonathan walked back into the dining area, where Marius seemed to just be finishing his breakfast.

Marius sipped on his coffee, and smiled smugly at Jonathan. "Trip went well, I see?"

Jonathan's own smile showed that he had something on Marius as well. "Well, when you said stairs, I wasn't sure if you meant the stairs in the living room, the ones near the kitchen, or the other ones in the living room. But then I noticed a door with a sign that said, 'Do not enter,' so, naturally, I entered."

Marius' smile faded and he began to blush red.

"I have never seen such an ornate bathroom in all my life. I guess Benethor wasn't joking when be mentioned your solid gold toilet."

Steam was practically coming out of Marius' ears.

Jonathan knew he had him at this point. He leaned in close, whispering into his ear, "Today, I shat like a king."

At this Marius slammed his hoof on the table and shouted, "The door said 'Do not enter'! Can't you read?"

He simply sat down across from Marius, and replied, "Of course I can. If I couldn't, I wouldn't have entered."

He grumbled something about hillbillies from Ponyville, then buried his nose back into his newspaper.

A maid brought in some buttered toast and coffee for Jonathan. He ate his meal happily, the coffee taking off some of the edge from his hangover.

After Jonathan was finished, Marius finally looked up. His mood seemed to have improved, because he was now smiling as if nothing had ever happened.

"So, Jonathan, do you know what regiment you're being placed in yet?"

The question took him by surprise, as he nearly spewed coffee all over the table. "No."

"Hm. I figured you would, considering you're friends with the," he paused for a moment, saying the next word with venom, "aristocracy, and all."

"Well, not all rich people are bad..."

"Hmph!" Marius scoffed.

"Uh huh..." Jonathan raised his eyebrow.

"Oh..."

"Exactly."

"But I am a friend of the people!"

"So is Shining Armor. His younger sister lives in Ponyville. And he greeted me, a middle class resident, just fine."

"Ah! Fine. But we need to find out today. We're supposed to report to our platoon leaders."

Jonathan finished his coffee, and a maid quickly came and whisked it away. Faster than one could open their mouth to speak, she came back in with another full mug.

Before she set it down, Marius stopped her. "Est-ce que café, Miriam?"

She smiled at him. "Oui, monsieur. Tu veux du?"

He held up a hoof. "Moi non plus." He pointed towards Jonathan. "Il ça va."

She gave him a confused look, then facehooved. "You really should stick to Equestrian."

He frowned at her. "But I'm getting better, right?"

She tried to suppress a grin, but failed. "A little bit. Just a little."

Jonathan finally got a look at the mare. She was a yellow unicorn, with a white mane and tail. Her cutie mark was a rose, half-open but not in full bloom. Barely visible within the rose was a heart, appearing to be ready to escape as soon as the rose opened an inch more.

Interesting...

He smiled back. "Alright. Just no more coffee, okay?"

She nodded quickly, and disappeared back into the kitchen.

Maurius sighed. He turned back to Jonathan. "Well, I suppose we've kept Daniel for long enough..."

"Wait, what?"

"Daniel has been waiting for us outside so we can go with him to the nearest military outpost."

"Are you serious? How long has he been out there?"

"Oh, for about an hour, at least..."

"So you really couldn't have just invited him in?"

"Well, I could have, but then I would have to walk to the front door, ring the buzzer to open the outer gates, ring the buzzer to open the porch gates... It's just so much work."

Jonathan and Maurius approached the front door. Marius pressed two buttons, then opened the door and walked out.

Jonathan groaned.

"Why, hello there, Daniel... Sorry to have kept you waiting, but Jonathan had to sleep off a major hangover."

Jonathan scowled at Maurius, but he payed no mind.

Daniel folded up a novel and placed it into his pack. "Don't worry, it wasn't too long. Besides, Caterina and Benethor stopped by, and we chatted for a bit."

Maurius grinned devilishly. "Ooh, gettin' it on, I see?"

Daniel mirrored his expression. "Are you talking about Benethor? Yes, he's a handsome stallion, but I don't have feelings for my own gender like you do."

Jonathan barely kept himself from bursting out laughing.

Maurius took the joke well, however; glad to see that Daniel was lightening up. "Haha. Well, we'd better get going. Don't want to leave our lady friend waiting now, do we?"

The gate closing behind them, the three trotted off towards Little Foxtrot, the military base they were designated to report to.

"...And then, she just walks off, like we were in the wrong for being mad at her."

Benethor was in the midst of telling one of his 'mare stories'. They were all getting into it, actually. All except Daniel and Caterina.

Daniel never really had any fillyfriends. He was a quiet, awkward type, and those types of colts don't get the fillies that often.

Caterina, well, kind of was a mare. A straight one.

"Come on, Daniel. Let's get away from these morons," she whispered into his ear.

He turned and smiled nervously at her. "Okay."

She turned away from the crowd, walking in the other direction and motioning for Daniel to follow her. He did so, but not before he began receiving a barrage of whistling and remarks.

"Go git 'er tiger!"

"Woo, wee!"

"Good luck, ol' chap!"

He flushed red, and quickly escaped from the group.

The embarrassing remarks didn't hinder him from admiring the mare before him. As he caught up, he couldn't help but look at her flank.

Her gorgeous, beautiful flank. Her blue tail swished back and forth with her rump, the toned and slender-looking parts complementing her wide hips. Her cutie mark, a black saber, meant to symbolize a fighter both literally and figuratively, stood out against the white fur of her thighs.

He trotted to her side, thankful she hadn't caught him staring.

She smiled at him, and he recalled her backside not being the only thing that was good about her. She had a perfect face, with beautiful ocean-blue eyes that you could get lost in for hours, and a mane the same color as her tail that oftentimes draped across her forehead. She also had a cute patch of blue around her left eye, a unique feature he simply adored about her.

Time seemed to slow when she looked at him. Unfortunately, it never slowed for long enough.

"They givin' you smack over there?"

He shook himself out of his gaze, and tried to make it seem like he was just shaking his head no. "Nah, it's just them being them. You know."

She giggled, draping her wing around him and bringing him close. "Yeah. Y'know, I don't even know why you hang out with those nitwits. I do it for my brother, but if you weren't there I think I'd go insane. I guess Jonathan's okay, but he gets influenced too easily by..."

Caterina's words were lost on him. All be could think about was her soft, blue, velvety feathers brushing against his side and how close he was to her living, breathing soul.

Our sides are touching. Oh Celestia this is amazing! She's so warm, so surprisingly soft. I can even feel her breathing.

"Yo, Daniel? You there?"

He blinked, and there she was again, looking at him. He gazed longingly into her deep blue eyes.

Her face seemed to move closer and closer to his, paralyzing him with fear. Time went in slow motion, and he could feel his heart racing, yet seeming to beat at a slow, steady pace.

Thump thump. Thump thump.

No way. No way no way!

Yes yes yes!

"You two should kiss!"

That's just what I was think-

Aw, man.

"Oh, you again," she snarled at Julius, removing her wing from Daniel in the process.

So close... So bucking close!

"Yeah, me. You'd better get used to it, because you're going to have to see my face every day for a long, long time."

"What are you talking about, motherbucker?"

"Well," he grinned, "I consulted my father, Field Marshal Haig, concerning the new platoons being formed. I recommended that you and all your buddies," he motioned to the far-off group in the distance, "Would be put under my command for the time being."

"You bastard."

"I know, right? I'm going to make life a living hell for you. For all of you."

"What's going on here?"

A white-coated, blue-maned stallion stepped into the circle with an air of authority about him.

"Oh, Shining Armor, sir! I was just telling these troops here about how they were going to be under my command for the next couple of weeks."

"Your command?" he arched an eyebrow. "Unless I am mistaken, these ponies were put under my command. I arranged the platoons, so I should know."

Julius' jaw dropped. "B-b-but...!"

"Is there something you would like to say, officer?"

He simply stamped his hoof into the dirt, and darted off in the other direction.

"You two," Shining Armor turned to the very surprised Daniel and Caterina, "You are going to report to tent six at oh-five-hundred hours tomorrow morning. Don't disappoint me. And tell your friends from the bar, too."

"You saw that?" Daniel gasped, eyes wide in shock.

"All of it." Shining Armor winked, trotting off to attend some business elsewhere.

Caterina and Daniel sat in silence, mulling over what had just happened.