My Not So First Jump

        Time to pull an old joke in a new world! As you may know I always crash with Twilight, its a thing, shut up.

        Anyway, remember when I did the bop to the nose thing then got punted into orbit? I’m going to do this again, but this time I’m going to teleport. I kicked in the door to the library, which scared the shit out of Twilight and Spike. “Dark!? What are you doing?! You just kicked down my door!” Honest mistake. I walked over to her and took a knee.

        “Twilight Sparkle, there is something I must get off my chest.”

        “W-what?” The confusion, its delicious.

        “Ever since I made eye contact with you I have had this feeling, a strong feeling! One that outweighs all other feelings.” I spoke in my man voice, a deep, commanding voice that I used for situations like this and for when I’m pissed beyond belief. “Twilight Sparkle...” As you all know, she is blushing enough to set off a volcano. “Boop.” I poked her on the nose and quickly teleported to Canterlot, on a balcony in the castle on one of the towers. From what I was witnessing a nuke went off in Ponyville. “I bet thats just visual effects.” I chuckled and looked down. “Huh, Canterlot castle, LETS VISIT THE KIDS!” I jumped over the railing and landed rather softly *Cough* in front of the gates. The guards currently at the front looked like they were about to wet themselves.

        “Excuse me my fine gentlecolts! I would like to visit the royal pony sisters! Mind opening the gate for me?” They flared their wings at me and got ready to charge. “TIA! YOUR GUARDS ARE BEING MEAN TO ME!” The gate then opened while being covered in a soft golden glow, and the guards were lifted up in the same glow. “Can I go in now?” They both nodded with nervous looks. “Thank you, and have a nice day!” I walked through the gates and into the throne room, where a grinning Celestia sat. “Greetings my fine lady, it is nice to see you again.” I bowed.

        “Same here, I am thankful you saved my sister.” I quit bowing because that was getting boring.

        “Think nothing of it, it was your students power that did it honestly, where is the little moon pi-” I was then tackled to the floor for the second time in a week by a hyperactive moon princess with a rounded horn that I was still thankful for not being sharp. “There she is! Still trying to harpoon me I see?”

        “Get over it, you're made of stronger stuff.” Glad to see she hasn't relapsed into the royal canterlot voice thing yet, its only a matter of time...

        “True, but don’t think that gives you the right to keep doing that, cause it still hurts.” I rubbed where her horn had threatened to turn me into a cabob just moment before. “Anyway, I have to stay here a while until Twilight simmers down after a joke, I don’t feel like going to outer space right now.” I said looking at Tia.

        “Of course you can stay!” To my surprise it was Luna that spoke up instead of her sister, it surprised Tia as well. “We can hang out all week!” Well, it might take a week for Twilight to calm down, so...

        “Why not? LET US SHOW THE WORLD WE ARE FUNNY!” I placed her on my head and stood proud. “Let not bounds of mortals slow our actions!” I was beginning to have fun with this. “But first...” I quickly took out a quill and parchment.

        Dear Twilight Sparkle,

                Sit in a chair and levitate it, it will be the best thing ever.

        Your wonderful teacher, Celestia.

        With that I sent the letter of wise to the pissed off student. “Alright! What should we do now?”

---Twilight---

        ‘How dare he pull a joke like that! When I get my hooves on him I’m going to-!’ A lettered poofed into existence in front of me, my anger all but gone at the sight of it. When I read what was on it I gained a confused look. “Well....Alright.” I moved over to one of the chairs I had in the library and sat down. “Here goes nothing...”

---Dark---

        I think I heard a wall break down somewhere, I’m not sure. Luna was now perched on my head like a adorable hoodie. “So what are we doing?” I asked, getting strange looks from the guards we passed.

        “Um...Lets play some videogames!” She cheered, What she had done on the moon makes me want to go there.

        “Your talking my language, LETS DO IT!

        ---Day 2---

        “You sure this is a good idea?” I asked as I brought the slingshot back further.

        “Trust me, Blueblood is even more stuck up then most of the ponies in Canterlot. Imagine what he’ll do covered in mud?”

        “Oh I smell rage, I LOVE IT!” I adjusted the large slingshot a bit, a balloon filled with, you guessed it, mud, was sitting there, waiting to get shot at the stuck up pony. “Alright mud balloon, this is your destiny, the reason you were created, you shall be missed my friend.” Luna and I both let off a small tear as I unleashed it upon its victim. Time seemed to slow down as the balloon approached, in that split second, the balloon got its cutie mark, a white pony silhouette with a balloon flying towards it. It was the most beautiful thing I have ever seen.

        And then it exploded, and we ran.

        The screams of rage were glorious, wherever mud balloon is now, he is smiling down upon us, grateful we could make his life worth living.

        ---Day 3---

        I found something out today, Luna kicks ass at Halo, next time I need to get the sniper before she does. Welp, today we’re going to take Celestia’s cake and hold it hostage, its just so much fun messing with ol Tia! She was at court, so Luna and I snuck into her room and disarmed the traps. “Does she really need to set up traps? I mean come on no one but us are idiots enough to steal her cake.” I whispered as he continued into the sun goddesses room.

        “She is rather cautious, tis something that she has retained over the years.” Oh fuck shes going back to ancient talk, oh well. We approached a set of drawers that smelled of cake. “I forgot which one it was!” She face hoofed.

        “Then we shall check them both!” I steeled myself and opened one.

        Cake....Patterned....Panties...

        “Oh my...” Luna blushed slightly as I stretched them out a bit.

        “I fucking knew it! She put up those damn traps for these!” I hissed and put on a troll face. “I have a plan.” I checked if they were clean, which, surprisingly, they were. I stuck them in my pocket and opened the other drawer, which had the actual cake in it. “So it’s not a lie.” I joked, getting a chuckle from Luna. Luna took out her bag of holding, and we emptied the whole drawer into the endless bag. “Alright! Bail!” I threw down a smoke bomb and teleported us back to Luna’s room.

        Tomorrow is going to be fun.

        ---Day 4---

        All you need to know is that I put the panites on my head and ran around the throne room with them on. Tia was PISSED! Especially when I ran through all of Canterlot with them on while she chased me.

        That can give people the wrong idea you know.

        ---Day 5---

        Today was a slow day, so Luna and I decorated the throne room.

        It did not end well.

        ---Day 6---

        “I have an idea!” I declared and yoinked Luna’s crown, who had grown in the night, her mane was now all wavy and glowy. I opened a window and took aim.

        “What are you doing?” She asked curiously as she walked up next to me.

        “Inviting another friend, just one more second...” With that, I threw the crown with the power of 7.2 titans. It flew almost fast enough to break the sound barrier, it stopped when it hit some invisible bubble, which popped from the fource. From inside the bubble, the being sitting inside was not expected the crown to actually POP his bubble, stranger things have happened he guessed.

        “WHOA!” He yelped and began to fall towards the ground. I grabbed the curtains of the window and pulled an Applejack, using them as a lasso to grab the falling man and drag him up into Luna’s room, not before he hit the castle wall like a ton of bricks. “How did you even do that...?” He spoke while rubbing his face.

        “I’m full of surprises, you should know that.” I chuckled. “Luna my dear, allow me to introduce you to the biggest douche in the known everything! The Imposter! I call him Peter.”

        “You know damn well I don’t like being called that.” He glared slightly at me, I swear I could kick this guy in the nuts and he would only be slightly angry at me. Luna was sorta confused, I can’t blame her.

        “Oh well! You're hanging out with us, come on! I still have that pair of Celestia’s panties!” I picked him up and ran as fast as I could to the throne room. I set him down and placed the panties upon his head.

        “NOT AGAIN!” Tia, from where she sat on the thorne, howled in rage and began powering up.

        “RUN MOTHERFUCKER, RUN!” I ran away from the scene, leaving the poor imposter confused and more than likely shitting himself at the full wrath of the sun.

        Oh who am I kidding that guy can take a reality breaking fist to the jaw, trust me, I tried once.

        ---Day 7, end of week---

        So it was just about time to leave, incase Tia decides to get her vengeance. Peter was sizzling slightly, I think she hit him with the sun itself. He had a slightly annoyed face while I was getting ready to go. “That must have been the best week I ever had.”

        “Good for you, and do you REALLY need to take more of her panties with you?” I quickly slammed my hand over his mouth.

        “Shh! Yes I do! Twilight will flip her shit if she sees her teachers panties!” I laughed and slung the bag over my shoulder, it mainly full of the panties. “She’s going to be so pissed when she finds out I took all of them.” I said with the stupidest fucking grin on my face.

        “Just....Let’s go before I take another sun to the face.” Peter said, softly facepalming. Luna was sitting by the door, ready to bid us farewell. What I did not expect was a tackle hug, thank who ever is currently watching over me the horn did not hit its mark.

        Somewhere, in front of a shitty laptop, a man drinking soda began to think of horrible thing he could do to his creation.

        “Twas nice seeing you again sir Dark!” She spoke while rubbing her head into my chest, which was beyond adorable.

        “I still have no idea where we met before, but I’m sure I’ll find out soon.” I ruffled that cosmos of a mane she had, to be honest I thought doing that was going to blow up a few worlds or something.

        “I’m sure you will, happy trails!” The little bugger teleported us before I could. We were now in Twilight library, currently looking over Spike who looks like he just had a heart attack.

        “Hey little dude! I’m back! Wheres Twilight?” After a few deep breaths, he pointed at a hole in the wall. “...I know why, and I chose not to share.”

        Next time on My Not So First Jump!

        “I thought we had something special!”

        “Dark! I’m a rock! I don’t have emotions!”

        “WWWWHHHHHHHHHHYYYYYYYYY!?”

        (Those have nothing to do with the net actual chapter.)