My Little Stoney: Friendship is Cool...I Guess

                  My Little Stoney: Friendship is Cool...I Guess

            Written by:TheBahamaLlama

                                                    Based off of a highdea of MediocreBrony's

                                                                                           Prologue

Tugging at his collar, Extra Spicy looked around the room. He DID NOT want to be here. Such a morbid place. The room was made almost entirely of wood stained nearly black with bookshelves all around. A large window near the front of the room was the only source of light and in front of it was a big desk one might imagine a political official would sit at when he was busy being blown by his secretary. The bleak environment was fitting really; what better place to discuss the words of the dead than a lifeless room...that and it smelled like old.

To the left of Extra Spicy sat his older brother. He’d always been lazy and inattentive, hell, Spicy was surprised he remembered to show up! Currently his brother sat back nearly asleep. Extra Spicy couldn’t blame the jerk though, it HAD been almost a WHOLE 15 minutes! To his right sat his mother and sister both looking so disinterested it disgusted him. He knew that they were all here just for the money but for Celestia’s sake one could at least pretend right?

It wasn’t too long until an elderly pony stumbled in wearing all black. The gentleman looked to be on his last leg himself for it couldn’t be long until he will be the topic of discussion at a table much like this one.

“A moment of silence for the dead if you please” declared the decrepit pony as if the room had just been buzzing away moments before.

The frail pony’s booming voice surprised Extra Spicy. It reminded him of his father. Up until his dying day Beefy Burrito had had a booming voice always projecting confidence. He felt that his dad must be still in the room projecting the will readers voice stronger than it really have been capable of. That or he was just really sad he lost his dad and whatever he could do to hold on he was gonna do. Whatever floats your boat.

“Alrighty, you folks look all business so let’s get started.” the will reader observed through his 3 inch thick glasses.

Hell, even somepony as blind as a bat could see the disinterest in the room. After shuffling through a suitcase for quite some time, the elderly pony let out a sigh of relief and pulled out a piece of paper. He seemed relieved having remembered to have brought the will.

“Are we ready to begin?”

Silence

“Well yes, um, let’s see...Ah! Dearly beloved and Rose Thorn, since you never seemed to listen I shall keep this short. Rose Thorn, you get 1/3rd of my wealth including my main estate in Canterlot mostly because I feel sorry that you posses no real talents, not to mention hideous as sin. Now go home and get the hell out of my dead face.” read the crematorium pony, flabbergasted by what was on the piece of paper. Rose Thorn, Beefy’s divorced wife, was much less shaken and a little smile crossed her face.

The poor old pony had to catch his breath after having read the rest of the relatively short will, not looking much happier with it’s remaining content. Still, he read on.

“To my two oldest I give to you the remainder of my wealth with the exception of my restaurants. You two can sort out the details I’m sure.”

NOW they were awake. The brother and sister stood up and almost immediately began tussling. By the time the will reader asked them to leave it had almost erupted into a hoof fight. Needless to say the dispute was continued outside of the room. Rose Thorn saw this an invitation to take leave, not truly caring much about her former husband’s remaining will.

All the self interested assholes had left the building and only Spicy remained. The will reading pony paused for a long while once more, still a little shocked by the family’s barbaric behavior. Extra Spicy was more than used to it at this point, having moved out not 3 years ago he was still used to the dysfunctionality of his old life. It was safe to say that the only enjoyable part of those miserable 18 years was a wise-crack here and there from his father, Beefy Burrito. Beefy always knew when to throw his two-bits in and, apparently, after he had kicked the bucket was one of those times.

After the dust had settled the old pony sat back down and picked up where he had left off with new determination, wanting to just finish this up and go and chug a gallon of prune juice or whatever he thought would keep him alive another six or seven extra days.

“Ahaha, If that didn’t get them to fight I don’t know what will. Okay, they should be out of the room by now.”  At this both their hearts skipped a beat...or the will readers heart was going into cardiac arrest but Extra Spicy was damn sure his did. The elderly pony took a deep gulp and read on.

“You must be wondering why you didn’t get anything Extra Spicy. Well it’s really quite simple. You aren’t the one I worry about. I’ve never had to give you anything to make you happy because you, my son, are your own stallion. I wish I could have been more like you. All that this old man ever accomplished was building my restaurant empire and look at the happiness it brought me; a bitch of an ex-wife and two good-for-nothing kids. You are the only good thing in my life and as such I give you the gift of freedom. Go out and do something fun, something you love. It’s not all about the bits it’s about the laughs you have along the way. That being said I DID give you my restaurants, feel free to get rid of them in a way that would make me laugh. I love you son, don’t you ever forget that.” finished the now panting will reader, growing fatigued from speaking so much.

“Huh...well thank you for being the civil one here. I really think I need to lay down now.”

“Um, his ashes?”

“Ah, yes, right here” said the ailed pony after handing over an urn to Spicy.

After doing so he left the room leaving Extra spicy in a cold wooden chair with his thoughts. He sat there a long time before moving, reflecting over what he had just heard. He really hoped that his father’s wise words had not just fallen upon deaf ears.

“So they just all up got up and left? Didn’t even stay for your part?” a curly haired pony muttered between shoveling Cheetos into his face.

“Well ya but the freaky thing is that my dad knew they’d do that. It’s like I got to talk to him one last time ya know?” Extra Spicy said almost spiritually.

“Ah know, fuckin’ niggas man” rebuttaled the curly haired one.

“Buff, how did that have to do with fucking anything?” asked Extra Spicy, a bit pissed at how easily his friend had blown off his deep comment.

“You know what I mean dude” and after a few moment of contemplation Spicy simply responded with:

“Ya..”

The apartment room the two pony’s sat in was dark, curtains blocking most sunlight attempting to peak through. The floor was littered with cloths and take-out food. This, of course, begged the question of where all the clothes came from since neither ever wore any. Regardless, their presence was undeniable and all but overwhelming. The room they sat in was devoid of furniture with the exception of a dirty couch where Buff lay, hung out lazily with a pile of assorted chips on his chest. Extra Spicy hated his best friend’s apartment; he had no idea why he hung out there so much. Spicy had just gotten out a lawn chair that he normally brought over and set it up in the least revolting place he could find. They looked pathetic.

“So what are you doing with the old man’s shops?”

“They’re restaurants Buff, you’d think a horse who ate as much as you might have learned the word by now” he spat back.

“Just sparking conversation, was gonna help you think of a way to get rid of em’ but noooo.”

“Well while the sentiment is appreciated I already know what I’m doing with them.” Spicy said with a little bit of a satisfied tone.

“Aw yea?” asked Buff with a mouth half full. “What?”

“You’ll see.” replied Spicy, not quite ready to give away his plans.

“That means it’s gonna be lame!” laughed Buffalo to himself, nearly choking on his last mouthful.

Extra spicy had been friends with Buffalo since around sixth grade. The mystery of the young colt had been the initial attraction. They were halfway through the school year when all of a sudden Buff just showed up and sat down at a desk in class one day. The teacher asked where his parents were and Buff’s response was definitely one nopony had been expecting. “I don’t have any parents” he said “I was raised by the Buffalo out in the Great Plains and I have been asked to go out on a vision quest. They said I was supposed to leave to go learn something about myself. I figured where better to learn than a school?” Needless to say, his nickname came naturally. Hell, they hardly learned his real name before everypony, including the teacher, just started calling him Buffalo or Buff for short.

“Well, when are you leaving for that meeting thing with those executives?” asked Buff who was now sitting up.

“Tomorrow at 8 they send the chariot.”

“Will you...be coming back?” asked Buffalo in a much more serious tone than previously used.

Extra Spicy thought for a moment, looking around the room, seemingly becoming self-aware. What he saw was nothing. Why come back to the same dead end? Trottingham as a whole held no place in his heart, let alone some run down old apartment owned by a pony Spicy was surprised could feed himself (okay, he did that quite well actually). Suddenly the meaning behind his fathers words rushed into his head like a waterfall and overtook him. He had an idea.

“So?” Buff persisted.

“How about you come with me tomorrow and after I’ll tell you, alright? Just be sure to be up by 8.”

“Hah! Did you just say eight? You can go to hell if waking up at eight is gonna be what keeps you here.”

Spicy just giggled. “How about I grab some donuts from Fluffy Fresh for you?” he bribed.

“Jelly filled?”

“Jelly filled”

“Ehh, alright.” Buffalo finally relented. “You’re lucky you’re so damn cute.” he joked, flopping his body limply back onto the couch.

“Okay, see ya then fag.” teased  Extra Spicy after slugging Buff in the arm.

The meeting in Canterlot with the Taco Executives was tomorrow and they needed to be on time. There was no way Spicy was hanging around much longer than he needed to. After that, who knows! Maybe they would join the traveling circus. One thing was for sure though, he never intended on spending another day in that Celestia forsaken apartment ever again.