My Little Stoney: Friendship is Cool...I Guess

                                                    My Little Stoney: Friendship is Cool...I Guess

                                                               Written by:TheBahamaLlama

                                                    Based off of a highdea of MediocreBrony

                                                                              Chapter 1

“How long is this going to taaaaaake!” complained Buff from the back of the chariot.

It had been nearly 3 hours and Canterlot was still nowhere in sight. All the donuts were vaporized by Buffalo almost as soon as he set foot onto the chariot so he’d been bored for nearly the last 2 hours and 45 minutes. Why did Trottingham have to be so far away?

“I already told you Canterlot is on a mountain cliff thingy. We won’t see it until we’re there.”

“Well we better be close because I’m really getting tired of these in-flight peanuts. So stale.”

Wrong choice of words

“HEY!” shouted one of the pegasi driving their chariot “those peanuts come fresh from the farm so don’t you tell me those are stale! Maybe if you didn’t swallow it whole you could tell you fat slob!”

“Why don't you come back here and say that to my face?” Buff said, challenging the far more muscular mare.

“Buff, please stop” Spicy pleaded, half pissed and half embarrassed.

“You know what!” she hollered from the front “Okay!” With that the chariot took a sudden dive to the field below, landing roughly.

“You wanna go bro?” taunted Buffalo further who obviously had far too much confidence in himself.

“Well I can assure you that I am not your “brother” nor do I want to “go” but what I will do is beat the living hell out of you!”

“Oh, for Celestia’s sake” murmured the other chariot driver, about as amused by the whole confrontation as Spicy.

“He always does stupid shit like this. I’m so sorry.” Spicy apologised on his friend’s behalf to the other driver.

Starlight popped Buffalo in the mouth, sending him to the ground.

“Oh, it’s no problem at all. Trust me, this is not the first time Starlight has started something with a passenger.” he leaned in and cautiously whispered “She’s a bit hot-headed”

Looking on all Extra Spicy thought was “Are you freakin’ kidding me? A bit?” but all that came out was “Ya...I can see that”

Both spectators were watching a very lopsided fight. Extra Spicy was more or less just rooting for Buffalo to be able to walk afterwards.

“Hey, she’s not going to...kill him or anything” Spicy asked the stranger.

“Nah, she can’t handle a third strike against her, she’d get fired. She just figures that you guys aren’t the type to turn in a report I guess.” the tall white pegasus answered.

“Well how do you guys get repeat business?”

“Well it sure isn’t the peanuts!” joked the pilot causing both pegasi to break out into fits of laughter.

Only once the laughter settle down did the wailing let up and did Starlight return to her post.

“How’d the fight go champ?” the driver asked Starlight in such a manner that, had she not been so caught up in her win, she might have seen a bit patronizing.

“Same as every other earth pony out there! All bark and no bite!”

It took Buff a good two more minutes to get to his feet and wobble over to the chariot. He was a bruised and bloodied heap, looking just a little bit better than hamburger meat.

Just to tug at his chain some Extra Spicy decided in favor of asking “How’d the fight go champ?”

“Shut the hell up and fly me to Canterlot” was all he mumbled out, not happy with the notion of just being made a mare’s bitch.

“Hey now, you watch your language! Don’t want me to come back there again now would ya?”

This time though, instead of a snarky remark back he just gutturally moaned.

“All right then, are we gonna get going or are we just gonna pretend like we’re strong?” asked Flyby who was a little more than irked about being so behind schedule.

"Yaya, hard to contain myself sometimes you know? Well I guess you wouldn't huh...either way I'm ready to go."

God Flyby couldn’t stand that about Starlight! Did she really have to make everything in the world a foil to herself? Only 6 weeks on the job as a driver and already he wanted out of it. He'd always wanted something stable in his life but did it all have to be so mundane? Might as well just get this show on the road. The two pegasi readied for takeoff and began running. Jumping, their wings propelled them maybe thirty feet in the air before Starlight wailed "OWW! Land land land!" Starlights body was limp as the chariot dropped like a rock into the field below. Extra Spicy and Flyby ran to her aid, lifting her up to her feet once more.

"Wh..what the...YOU SONUVA BITCH! YOU BIT MY WING! screamed Starlight, intended for the lazy earth pony who was now on his feet with a sneering smile plastered on his face.

"Common baby, you know life's a dirty game, you gotta play dirty to win it!" Buffalo chirped now quite a bit more chipper seeing that his bite indeed was super effective.

"I'm going to ki-" is all she could get out before another wave of pain overtook her whole body which was much worse as result of the crash.

"What? You're gonna kiss me? We'll I've got something you can kiss!" Buffalo was giddy. He did not win many fights.

"Buff! Shut up!" they all said in unison.

Extra Spicy and Flyby helped Starlight onto the chariot and lay her down.

"Huh..okay next we need to get her some medical attention. Where was the last town we passed over?" Flyby asked.

Extra Spicy took to the air and scouted their position. "Uhh there is one about two miles south"

"TWO MILES!?!" Buff moaned.

"Buff! Shut up!" was said in unison once more.

"Seriously guys, I need to ride too" Buffalos injuries too seemed to be actually debilitating enough to keep him off the trail upon a second glance.

"Not if you want to live dude" Spicy told him.

"Well I can't walk"

"Do you see another solution"

"Eeyup" answered a tall red stallion who had overheard their dilemma. The farm pony then trotted over the hill up to the bunch wearing a cowboy hat and hauling a cart. He then motioned for Buffalo to enter the cart. Spicy and Flyby saddled up and began pulling the chariot as they all set out for Ponyville to the south.

"Thanks again man. Hey, what's your name anyway?" Buffalo inquired.

Big Mac cocked his head halfway around to face Buffalo and in a very effeminate voice answered "Why I'm AppleJack a'course! I'm mighty glad I found ya'll out here! Always glad to help out a friend, that's me, Applejack"

"Uhh..." is all he let escape his lips. Buffalo was shocked, they all were. Not as much at what he said as much as the drastic change in tone in his voice. Two seconds ago he was talking sparsely and in a deep tone of voice. Now he spoke highly with a southern twang.

"I'm the element of honesty you know? I'm like George Washingburn and that other guy ya learned about in grade school." Apple Mac stated.

"Oh! The one that banished nightmare moon?" asked Flyby, half entertaining the lunatic, half curious as he just remembered the elements of harmony lived in Ponyville"

"Eeyup...erm I meant yes, you're lookin' at her."

"Do you think your friend Twilight could help us out teleporting my two friends here to Canterlot?"

"Boy I dunno. All that magical mumbo jumbo is way over my head sugar cube. That and shes been mighty stressed with somethin' lately. Maybe if ya'll help her out she'll return the favor" answered Apple Mac

"Sounds like a quest!" Buffalo exclaimed.

"Think it'll be like WoW Buff?" Spicy asked, knowing better than to egg him on.

"Nah I was thinking more RuneScape. This one has Mod Paul written all over it."

"Can we stop it with the stupid references already?" Starlight hollered out, obviously not an MMO fan. Ah yes, where were we...

On the way there he decided to give them the rest of his life story. It went a little something like this: "Apple, apples apple. Apples apples. Apples apples."

It continued that way until the party of five entered Sweet Apple Acres on their way into town. Big Mac tossed his little sisters hat back into the cart with Buffalo as they approached. The company was soon stopped by a hat-less and not so happy AppleJack (the real one).

"Big Mac, you wouldn't happen to have my hat again would you?"

"Nope." Big Mac stated, now using his normal voice again.

"Uhhuh. Well lemme just ask your new friends here. Did ya'll see him actin'...suspicious?" Applejack asked the group.

Extra Spicy, not being one for ratting others out (and especially not wanting to pull Buffalo the rest of the way into town on his own) quickly answered no.

"Alright Big Mac you're safe for now. Just remember that, much like homosexuality, we have ways of dealing with role-playing" and with that Applejack retreated to her barn to plan the upcoming KKK meeting or something equally as racist and silly.

After Big Mac thanked Extra Spicy in a way that made him think it wouldn't be long until his sister burned him at the stake the group was again moving.

They all passed through town towards the hospital without further incident. They checked Starlight and Buffalo in after quite a bit of waiting. The place must have been swamped since the nurses didn't even ask if they wanted cookies. A lot of ponies must have had cancer.

After the check in Big Mac was dismissed back to the farm, leaving Extra Spicy and Flyby to their own devices for a couple of hours.

"So, who's this Twilight chick you and half-wit were talking about earlier?" asked Extra Spicy.

"Oh, she is more or less the most powerful mage in Equestria...Celestia and Luna aside. She helped banish Nightmare Moon and Discord when they attempted to overtake the land a while back. You watch the show don't you? You should know this stuff!" answered Flyby

Extra Spicy thought for a moment. "The purple one?"

"Ya"

"Ooooh, gotcha!"

"So what to do in this dinky little town?"

"On the way into town I heard something about a town block party thing. Wanna go bro?"

"Sure...brother"

"It's just bro" Spicy corrected

"Ah, thank you bro" said Flyby, struggling with the casualness in his colloquial.

"Closer...you'll get it" encouraged Spicy

Flyby wasn't used to such kind, casual conversation, especially from strangers. No, most of his normal customers were aristocrats with an attitude bigger than Starlight's. These two though, they reminded him of his lazy college roommates... how are Silver Jam and Dirty Dan anyway? Last time he saw them was Silver's wedding nearly two years ago. God he missed them.

"Zoning out much there? We're here" Spicy told him, snapping Flyby from his thought.

The whole square was filled with ponies doing various activities from the fillies and colts playing kickball to the parents having drinks by the coolers just attempting to escape the little ones for a while. One pony in particular stood out though, the pink one trying to beat the zebra at a game of "Pin The Tail on the Pony". Her method for finding the poster was...eccentric at best. Seriously? Does inflating like a balloon really help the situation? There seemed to be a cute yellow pegasus working the petting zoo to the right of the "Pin the Tail" fiasco.

"I think we could start at the petting zoo" Flyby suggested.

Extra Spicy glanced over, "Ahh! To the petting zoo to get some tail I see."

"I'll have you know that I was in the Equestrian guard a bit back and that I've seen ponies executed for such punnery." retorted Flyby coldly, not liking being the butt of the joke.

The two approached the petting zoo attendant

"Very cute animals you have here" Flyby said, breaking the ice.

"Oh yes" she replied softly.

"Are...um, are they yours?" Flyby asked

"Mhmm, all the bunnies and the goats"

Extra Spicy glanced over at the goat eating the can and had a flash of inspiration.

"Okay, you got this champ" Extra Spicy said to Flyby, running off.

Flyby ignored him, focusing his attention on the yellow mare before him.

"Hi, I'm Flyby." he said, entering the petting cage with her.

"Umm, I'm Fluttershy." she mustered out, just past a whisper.

"Well" he said, beginning to pet the bunny held in her arms "that's a very pretty name" Flyby said in an equally soft tone, as if testing the words.

Fluttershy retreated for a second at this comment, blushing bright red. Her instincts told her to put the bunny down and run, fly away, anything. Instead she stood right there, Flyby petting the bunny and Fluttershy blushing. They smiled. The couple stayed this way for what felt like an eternity for both, that is, until the world's best wing man interrupted.

"Bahahah! Flyby you have to see this!" Spicy hollered, ignoring the little moment he and Fluttershy were having. Extra Spicy had grabbed a magic marker and scratched out the name "Stephen" on the goat's collar and wrote "Buffalo". Stephen was now working on the "meaty" part of a tire that was in the cage.

"Whew, good times. Alright, lets get going dude. I'm hungrier than the goat" looking back he corrected "Alright, maybe not that hungry."

"Huhh" Flyby sighed "I'll see you later Fluttershy?"

"Oh...okay" Fluttershy answered in a lower, sadder tone.

Flyby exited the petting zoo and began walking away. She watched him walk away for a moment and once she saw he wasn't about to turn around Fluttershy grabbed his arm, almost dropping the rabbit in the process.

"Actually Extra Spicy, I think I'll stay here a while if that's alright." Flyby told him

"Suit yourself." Spicy said shrugging, making his way to the bakery stall solo.

A blue mare with hair like a dab of pink icing manned the bakery stall. She sold food with her left hoof and held a baby in her right. After getting his blueberry pie and double checking for drool Spicy decided to wander from stall to stall. He did this until realizing that the “Library Stall” was vacant and while not quite one for books he found this strange and decided to stop by his local library to read up on the subject.

Extra Spicy knocked on the door to the Ponyville Library. Moments later the door was answered by Twilight’s small green baby slave, Spike, who had obviously been crying.

“Umm, yes, is a Ms.Sparkle here by chance?”

“Tw-Twilight! Some pony is he-here!” hollered Spike up the stairs of the library.

After a bit of commotion from upstairs the cane colored mare emerged whimpering with eyes redder than Spike's.

"Umm, Ms.Sparkle? Is everything alright?" he asked out of genuine concern

"Yes *sniffle* quite alright. Now did you need something or did you just want to waste my time?” sternly responded Twilight.

"Yes I came here to ask If you knew a spell to teleport a couple of friends and me to Canterlot. We have to...are you sure you are alright?” Spicy asked again, having a pretty clear answer of what the real answer was.

This time Twilight didn’t even try and mask the truth.

“No, no everything is not alright, in fact it’s all wrong!”

“Oh, I...”

“Just when I was all settled, when I was happy!”

“Well if...”

“I mean I know that my last few reports were lacking of much real “material” but I really can’t believe I’m being relocated!”

“HEY!” Extra Spicy yelled, finally ending Twilight’s rant. “Okay...good. Now can you just briefly explain to me what is wrong?”

Between sniffles Twilight explained how her current assignment to study Friendship had been put on hiatus in order to venture west into the new Equestrian territory recently purchased by Celestia. She said again got a little off topic with how happy she had been with her current assignment and how much she loved her friends but quickly corrected herself, explaining how Celestia had purchased this land from the Griffon Kingdom in order to further expand and dominate the continent. She was now to go out and catalogue any new species of animal or plant and how she was to make contact with any native tribes she came across seeing as the Griffons did not largely inhabit the now sold land.

Extra Spicy thought for a moment. “Does it have to be you?”

“Yes, me or anyone I appoint. I’ve been trying the last 3 weeks to try and get somepony else to take the job up. Hay! I even wrote the two or three acquaintances I had back in Canterlot to see if they wanted to try a hoof at it! Spike and I were just packing for the trip now actually, considering I don’t think anypony will be responding in the next two days.”

“Well...If you work on a spell to teleport my friends to Canterlot I think I may have a way to keep you here in Ponyville.”

“REALLY!?!” Twilight shrieked. “If you could do that for me I would be so grateful! But how are you going to find some kind of replacement for me in just two days?”

“I already have, just work on that spell to Canterlot alright?” Spicy reminded her as he was halfway out the door.

“Okay! Thank you kind stranger!” Twilight said to him, her tears now dried.

The sun was setting in the west by the time Spicy reached the hospital to check his friend and Starlight out. Extra Spicy pushed both out of the hospital via wheelchair as it was the hospital’s policy. Starlight, not thanking him, quickly emerged from the chair with bandages around her wings and rotated back barking.

“Alright, I assume that Flyby has sent for another chariot to take all of us to Canterlot.”

“Actually I don’t think he has. I haven’t seen him since the petting zoo and I know he didn’t do it prior to that.” Spicy assumed.

“What! Bring him to me right now!” Starlight demanded as she slammed one hoof on the ground.

“I don’t know where he is man! Last time I saw him he was with this Fluttershy mare.”

Buffalo finally spoke up and asked, “She cute man?”

“Ehh, In one of those kinda quiet nature-y ways I guess.”

“Shut up. So where do we find this Fluttershy”

“I don’t know. The fair had to be over half an hour ago.”

“Aww, I missed a fair!”

“Only ponies who don’t get their asses handed to them get to go to fairs.” Starlight joked as we finally saw a tad of humour in her for the first time since the trio left the hospital.

The ponies continued walking down the streets of Ponyville until they encountered a mare on her way back from a candy shop and asked where they may find Fluttershy. After telling them it was pointless to look as their world is a lie anyways she pointed them in the direction of the Everfree Forest.

It really wasn’t all that far until they reached a lone-standing shack the light blue pony had described. Extra Spicy knocked on the door and waited for a second for somepony to come to the door. That wasn’t how Starlight rolls. She checked to see if the door was open and then just barged in with no hesitation. Spicy was about to yell at her for having just broken in but before them stood several creatures in colorful masks hunkered over two tied up ponies on the ground.

Buffalo, again, a bit too confident in himself, charged head on at the kidnappers. He quickly was thrown against a wall by a wave of dark purple magic while, simultaneously, a puff of grey smoke engulfed the room. Once the smoke had cleared kidnapper nor hostage was to be found anywhere. Everypony was stunned silent.

“Flyby!!! Fluttershy!!!” Extra Spicy ran outside and hollered, looking all around the grounds of Fluttershy’s cottage.

“I...I think they’re gone!” Starlight managed to spit out.

“Well we can tell that much!” moaned Buffalo as he emerged from the bookcase he had be hurled at. “Question is: Who wanted to kidnap Flutterwhatsit?”

Running around outside Spicy was now panting the names “FLYBY!!! FLUTTERSHY!!!”

“Give it up. We have somewhere to be.”

“We aren’t just leaving them Starlight!”

“No. But running around town screaming and making an ass of ourselves doesn’t much help the situation either. I suggest we go to this Twilight you were talking about earlier. If she can connect us to Canterlot then we can get a hold of the Equestrian Investigation Squad. They are our best chance at finding those two alive.”

He hated to admit it but Starlight made a lot of sense.

“F..Fine”

The group ran as quickly as they could to the library and informed Twilight of the happenings of that night. The mage promptly ordered her pet green dragon to take a note and inform Princess Celestia herself of the incident.

Not too long after the sending of that note a confirmation note was sent from Canterlot that EIS would be at the house within the hour and “not to worry”. Twilight seemed only slightly phased. It appeared that what her teacher told her comforted her enough that after only twenty-five minutes of discussion on the topic of her friends kidnapping she was able to move onto other subjects.

“So Extra Spicy, you said if I developed a form of teleportation to Canterlot that you would have me some volunteers for that little nature hike we talked about. How’d that go?”

“Well Ms. Sparkle, you’re lookin’ at both of them.” the pegasus plainly stated nudging Buffalo

“Wait...what?” wondered Buff aloud, more than a little confused.

“Oh, I found a job for us to do after we finish up with the Taco Executives in Canterlot.”

“Hey, I know you’ve always been a great friend and all Spice but if you are going to make me do work I will not hesitate to slice your trakia in half.”

“Oh, It’s not much...” Twilight lowly stated looking off to the side.

“Whatever. We can figure this out later right? Lets get to Canterlot before one of us gets kidnapped.”

Seeing that the others wanted to waste no more time Twilight trotted upstairs with haste and brought down a helmet like device. Placing it on her head she began to explain that it magnified her magical abilities to teleport but only for a brief moment. She would have only one charge for the group. The three, Extra Spicy, Buff, and Starlight bunched together to give the powerful unicorn a clear shot. The whole house began shaking from the sheer power. A thunderous clap was all that was heard as a blinding white light swallowed the room whole.