Chapters The Path of the Righteous Pony
"This is the FTLTV Serpent . Requesting emergency permission to land!" the pilot shouted into his console, trying to keep his trade ship together in the atmosphere. "Is there anyone down there!?"
He looked towards the atmosphere gauges, and they read that the planet had breathable air. He looked towards his cargo of kittens and puppies in the hold.
"Sorry kitties and puppies." he said. "I have to go."
The pilot climbed hurriedly into an escape pod, before evacuating the craft.
"All the Elements are out in space and I can't get them!" Fluttershy said to herself. "Twilight had no idea, Spike couldn't find a book...It isn't their fault, though. I just need to hope."
A blue blur grabbed Fluttershy and whisked her from the street. Fluttershy gasped as a small spacecraft smashed into several houses before settling to a stop. The door opened, and hundreds of puppies and kittens ran out in a panic.
"That's almost too convenient..." Fluttershy whispered.
Before Fluttershy could respond, a second metal pod landed next to the ship. It had "CIVILIAN ESCAPE POD" printed clearly in red, however the ship's name was obscured by re-entry burns. A human in uniform fell out, dead from the impact.
"Oh, not another one!" Dash said. "Why are all these humans falling on our planet?"
"Well, I'd love to know what to tell you, sugarcube, but I don't know what the heck this is." Applejack said, looking at the trade vessel's wreckage. "I mean, it's kinda intact, but honestly, I don't know what to make of it."
Fluttershy emerged from the ship. "It seems intact in here."
"I name this ship...The FTLCV Samuel L. Jackson !" Fluttershy proclaimed. The ship had been modified for a pony to use, as well as having a hold full of standard nuclear torpedoes and a cannon to launch them. Fluttershy decided not to question where Applejack got them.launch! "
Everypony who heard that pun facehoofed.
"...Fine. But I want you to stay safe, Fluttershy...Take this." Rarity gave Fluttershy a small satchel.
Pinkie Pie walked to Fluttershy. "Ohmagosh you're actually going to space can I come too please?"
Fluttershy and her friends hugged, before Fluttershy headed into the FTLCV Samuel L. Jackson.
The ship lifted vertically, before flying off into the sky, disappearing from view.
"...If she doesn't come back, I get her stuff." Spike said. "The stuff not covered in animal crap, anyway."
Fluttershy looked out towards the vast expanse of space. The Elements of Asskicking were only a few days away.
Fluttershy engaged the FTL Engines, and zoomed off in the direction of Planet Zebes...
The Path of The Righteous Pony: The Quest for the Elements of Asskicking.
The Path of the Righteous Pony
AN: I should have not done the Space Pirates since I've never played a Metroid game. Oh well. Interesting picture from Wikipedia: The Observable Universe.
Fluttershy looked at the radar. There was nothing around Planet Zebes. No ships. No life. No Space Pirates. Only two moons.
Fluttershy began to enter the atmosphere of Zebes. The ship's atmosphere gauge showed mostly oxygen, but the weather gauge, added by the Weather Patrol back in Equestria, showed heavy acid rain. The ship's shield system started to report slight damage, but not enough to concern Fluttershy.
An alarm went off in the cockpit. Fluttershy looked at a screen.
"MISSILE INCOMING"
"Oh shi-" was all Fluttershy could say before the missile struck the vessel. The ship started falling. On the ground, Fluttershy could make out a massive metal panel. She struggled to bring the vessel back into control.
The altitude meter fell, various alarms were activated and Fluttershy panicked. There was no escape pod. And even if she activated it, she'd just be melted in the acid rain.
Fluttershy brought the ship around, and landed on the panel. Detecting the weight, the panel started to descend. When the elevator descended a certain depth, a door closed over the hole.
Fluttershy opened the door of her ship, and stood outside it. After a long time, the elevator halted. Fluttershy jumped off the platform, and lowered herself down with her wings.
The cave was eerily light, and Fluttershy could already see two Space Pirates. They looked wounded, and they were talking to each other in a incomprehensible language.
Fluttershy got closer while trying to remain hidden, and as she did, the conversation slowly became more understandable.
"...She got us..." one said. Fluttershy retreated a little into the darkness.
Fluttershy activated her lightsaber and jumped in front of the two wounded pirates.
"Don't kill us!" the first one shouted.
After what seemed like days of wandering because dying Space Pirates are the worst at directions, Fluttershy eventually stumbled upon the body of Kraid. It was a giant lizard. The top of his head had been blown off, and his blood was everywhere.
Fluttershy approached the corpse, and it started to glow with a holy light. An almost ethereal presense was in the room. A ghost rose from it. It was Kraid.
"Til ære for Valhalla." Kraid said, with a voice not his own. "Ta mitt Element. Jeg stige i krig, og i stigninga jeg i ære."
The ghost disappeared in a flash of light, and Fluttershy felt herself become more powerful.
"Stare." a familiar voice in her head commanded. Fluttershy did so at the corpse of Kraid, and the corpse disintegrated in a massive explosion.
"You have the command of all explosions. Feel them in your body. Feel them in your mind. You are the Master of all Explosions. But you are not my student yet. Go now to Teufort. Gain the Element of Dakka."
As Fluttershy's ship left the planet, she plotted into her console a path to Teufort Station, on a planet called Earth. Why it was called a station when it was terrestrial, she did not know.
She engaged the FTL engines, and looked towards the sandwich Rarity had gave her. She picked it up with her hoof and took a small bite. Fluttershy thought about her friends, and looked towards the modified radio Pinkie gave her. She pressed the only button on the radio with her hoof and the radio made a noise similar to the old dial-up modems.
After a while, Pinkie's face appeared on screen. Her eyes almost became bigger than her head when she saw Fluttershy.
"Hey! How's space?" Pinkie asked.
Angel looked at Pinkie, then at the camera, before flipping the bird at Pinkie and hopping off.
"Oh he's just sad because his mama's not here. Where are you going now?"
The screen turned off. Fluttershy trotted into the hold, found her makeshift bed, and went to sleep.
The Path of the Righteous Pony
Fluttershy opened her eyes, and sat up. She jumped out of the bed, and walked into the bridge. Earth was in visual range.
Fluttershy looked at the planet. Massive clouds obscured the landmasses, and a virtual shield of satellites and space stations defended the planet.
The console beeped with an incoming transmission.
"This is the United Nations Extraterrestrial Tourism Board. State destination and purpose of visit."
Fluttershy wondered why they didn't ask for a passport, or identification, but she decided it was all the better they didn't.
The ship locked into a landing mode, and started descending to Australia. Fluttershy looked out the window as it did. She gasped when a giant snake reared up from the ground, only to be struck with a barrage of missiles. The console beeped again.
"This is Captain James of the Australian Army! We need help with these bloody Deathsnakes!" a desperate voice shouted.
"Captain James, request approved. Let me land a second."
Fluttershy didn't answer him. Instead she landed behind the Australian line. The door opened, and Fluttershy ran out. The Australian troopers looked on disbelief.
"She's...she's a..." one said, pointing. "How do I put it?"
They were answered when Fluttershy activated the lightsaber and cut into a Deathsnake. Another came up, and Fluttershy Stared at it. The Deathsnake disappeared in a glorious explosion.
"This is what you get when you misbehave!" Fluttershy shouted, as she twisted the lightsaber and the Deathsnake screamed and roared. Eventually, the snake bled out, and Fluttershy deactivated the lightsaber. Captain James ran up to her.
"Uh..." the captain stuttered. "I'm not sure of where to start here..."
Fluttershy turned to go back in her ship. As she walked into the door, a soldier came up to her. He held out a small metal object. It was an Australian Dollar coin.
"Here. It isn't worth much ever since the mutated wildlife basically turned us into nomads, but if you're going to Teufort, you can get a packet of crisps or something. It's basically the last piece of civilisation left." the soldier said. "We're still holding out for the US."
Fluttershy walked back into the bridge, and lifted the ship up. As she left, the squad of soldiers waved her off.
Captain James turned towards his men.
"Alright lads. We keep going. Onwards!"
Big Macintosh looked up into the night sky. He connected the stars in his head. He saw all the constellations from this small clearing. The Heart. The Mare. The Rabbit. He knew them all off my heart. He knew that Fluttershy was off on a dangerous, near-suicidal mission. What if she never came back? What if she is killed by an asteroid, or a space criminal? Or even Ballbreaker the Psychotic?
Big Mac shook his head, trying to get rid of the thought. No. She's coming back. In everything she's done, she comes back safe and sound. She's fought monsters the size of cities. She's fought entire invading armies. And Discord only inconvenienced her.. A few space criminals can't hurt her.
Big Mac didn't even notice Pinkie pop up besides him. She looked up into the sky too.
"Hey." Pinkie said, quietly. Big Mac jumped a bit, then settled.
They both looked up at the stars. Somewhere, Fluttershy was having a grand adventure.
The ship's navigation system guided Fluttershy to land. As she did, she noticed that the station that it reported was in fact a train station, albeit dilapidated and littered with human corpses. Fluttershy exited the ship, and looked around.
The train was on its side, and burnt out. A few corpses were on the tracks. One was surrounded by a pile of mutant corpses and holding a light machine gun. Fluttershy thought about that corpse, and how he or she must now be in Valhalla's Battlefields. Fluttershy trotted nervously through the wreckage of Teufort Station. The sun was beating down heavily on Fluttershy, and a terrible stench was rising from the dead. Fluttershy edged over a collapsed fence and walked out into an abandoned street. A long-dormant tank stood over Fluttershy.
There was a scuffle, then voices. Fluttershy looked around and saw a group of human children. Some had sticks and batons. Some had swords and knives. Their leader, the tallest, was holding a shotgun.
"H-h-hello?" Fluttershy stuttered.
Fluttershy readied herself to fight, if necessary.
"No. If it's talking, then it has to be intelligent." the leader said. Fluttershy relaxed.
There was a massive roar. The children turned around and saw a ten-foot tall dog with large teeth protruding from it's ruined jaw. "Oh shit! It's a dingo!" Jake shouted.
The children ran away, with Jake firing a few shells past Fluttershy. The dingo winced in pain, then turned it's attention to Fluttershy. The children braced themselves for the alien visitor to be ripped to pieces before them.
"Oh, what's wrong?" Fluttershy said softly to the dingo. The dingo roared in Fluttershy's face.
Pain.
Fluttershy gasped. The dingo looked at her, not with anger, but with sadness.
It hurts. My fucking jaw! What happened to me?!
Fluttershy looked at the dingo's overgrown teeth, and the way it tore open the entire face of the animal.
Help me! Help!
Fluttershy choked up, and activated her lightsaber.
Kill me! Kill me! Stop it!
She hovered close to the mutant, and hugged it, before stabbing it in the throat, trying to sever the jugular, the cartoid and the windpipe all at once. The blood soaked Fluttershy, and she let out a loud sob. The dingo fell to the ground, dead. The children all looked at Fluttershy, who was lying down, crying.
Jake approached her, and put his hand on her back. "It's alright. We all cried the first time we had to kill a mutant."
Fluttershy looked at the boy. His tears was forming a clear line through the dirt and the blood on his face.
"I should go...I have to get to Teufort."
Questions floated through Fluttershy's mind. If she killed the Heavy Weapons Guy, Australia might never recover, and the survivors would die. But if she didn't, then she would never be Samuel L. Jackson's student.
Fluttershy looked at the children, and it looked like they went to Tartarus and back. She couldn't doom them because of her own selfish need...
There had to be another way. One way to get the the Element and ensure Australia's revival, if not for her, than for the children that stood around her...
Author's Note
Yeah, I went with the "Australia is filled with nasty things" route. It'd be boring if it was just Fluttershy getting her bags searched at Nothing to Declare. Although I wish I thought of that now.
The Path of the Righteous Pony
Fluttershy walked through the empty streets of Teufort. Strange metal boxes with wheels stood, some with corpses in them, others burnt and destroyed. Fluttershy looked in the window of a house, and the room inside was covered in giant spider webs.
A loud whirring noise erupted from behind Fluttershy. She turned around and saw a large bald man, with a belt of bullets around his chest. He was wearing a red shirt with badges on the upper arms. He held a large gun, which was the source of the noise.
"What is this?!" he bellowed, with a terrifying accent.
The Heavy Weapons Guy lifted his gun. "You talk?"
Fluttershy flew into the air, narrowly avoiding a stream of bullets. She looked down at the Heavy, his face twisted in anger.
"Hahahaha!" the Heavy yelled. Fluttershy dove, and struck the Heavy with her hoof. He grunted, and Fluttershy galloped away from the Heavy. She jumped behind an abandoned car.
"Where are you!?" the Heavy shouted. "What is the matter? Scared? Cry some more!"
Fluttershy peeked over the car bonnet. The Heavy had his back to her. She crept out of cover, and sprinted over to the Heavy. He turned around as Fluttershy swiped with the lightsaber.
An orange line appeared across the gun, as it fell in half. The Heavy dropped the minigun. He looked at Fluttershy, with pure rage and grief in his eyes.
"You...kill Sasha."
Fluttershy continued to stare the Heavy down.
"I will kill you with bare hands! " the Heavy shouted, as he ran as fast as he could over to Fluttershy. Before she could react, the Heavy struck her with an uppercut. Fluttershy lifted into the air, before landing onto a car windshield, cracking it. Blood trickled from her nose and mouth, and she could feel glass shards in her back. The Heavy stood above her on the car bonnet. He raised his fist to finish Fluttershy off. She felt a rush of adrenaline. She opened her mouth, and lunged at the Heavy's leg. She clamped her jaw on the Heavy's leg, as his fist smashed through the glass. He screamed, and kicked outwards, throwing Fluttershy off. She landed on the road. The taste of blood revolted her, and she spat several times onto the ground. The Heavy Weapons Guy limped over to Fluttershy. "You! You must die!"
Fluttershy ran towards the Heavy, and jumped onto him. She raised her left hoof in the air and struck him on the cheek, before shuffling around him, and stabbing him in the back. The Heavy screamed, and he fell on his front. Fluttershy deactivated her lightsaber, and got off the body. She looked up, as a spirit rose from the body.
"Til ære for Valhalla." the ghost said, still with the Heavy's accent. "Ta mitt Element. Jeg stige i krig, og i stigninga jeg i ære."
The ghost flashed out of existence, and Fluttershy landed again. Samuel L. Jackson's voice entered her head. "Fluttershy." he began. "You now have the ability to use every firearm in the Universe. Guns will adapt themselves to your anatomy. Needless to say, this is a very powerful ability, one that the Heavy Weapons Guy prided himself on, even if he never used it to its full extent."
Fluttershy looked upwards. "Thank you, Samuel L. Jackson...but..." Fluttershy paused. "What about this country?"
Fluttershy decided not to question Samuel L. Jackson as she flew upwards, and headed for the train station.
Fluttershy landed at the station. She walked to her ship, and opened the door.
A human aimed his shotgun at her, then lowered it. It was Jake. He looked worse than before, and his leg was bleeding.
"F-fluttershy?" he said. "Fuck..."
The ship landed in front of the cemetery. Fluttershy lowered her wings, and allowed Jake onto her back. He directed her through the graveyard until he told her to stop. He dismounted Fluttershy and sat at a grave. The headstone read Valerie Taylors - 2103-2110 . Fluttershy concluded that this must be Jake's sister.
"Sis...I'm sorry...They're dead." Jake said, laying his shotgun on the grave. "But I can get outta here. I'll make the world know. They will know."
Jake climbed back onto Fluttershy. "Can you fly me to New York? I need to get to the New League of Nations."
Fluttershy nodded, and walked back to the ship. Jake sat down in the hold, and he pushed onto his leg, and Fluttershy set the course to New York.
After a few hours, they arrived in New York. Jake stumbled out of the ship, and he collapsed in the road in front of the New League of Nations. Several humans ran over as Fluttershy lifted off, and zoomed into space.
"Kid, you alright?" one said, before looking at his wound. "Shit...You!" he said, pointing at a woman. "Call 911!"
Fluttershy looked at the bag Rarity gave her. She touched the laser rifle, which was a human design. A strange feeling came from her hoof, before the rifle started to levitate. Fluttershy looked in wonder as the rifle's trigger hoop became big enough to admit a hoof and the stock became slightly smaller. Fluttershy stood on her hind legs and raised the rifle. She looked down the sights, then put the rifle down again.
Fluttershy looked out towards the space before her, and set the ship to Faster Than Light.
Author's Note
If you ever wonder what's being said when Fluttershy takes an element, it's broken Norwegian. I don't know Old Norse.
The Path of the Righteous Pony
Fluttershy looked at the Komato ships in the distance of space. They must have responded to the ship that she destroyed. Fluttershy hurridly searched up images of the Komato military. Most were shockingly violent. But one depicted all classes of Komato ship. Fluttershy checked the images against the force she was up against. Two destroyer escorts, one assault carrier and a Phantom Reaver.
The videophone activated. A armored face, similar to the first Komato Fluttershy spoke to, appeared.
"Individual. You are charged with a declaration of war against the Imperial Army. This crime carries the sentence of total destruction." the Komato started. "If you resist, you will be charged with the crime of treason. This crime carries the sentence of historical deletion."
The destroyer escorts advanced on Fluttershy's craft. She could see the turrets turn around and lock onto her.
The destroyers fired a volley of Shocksplinters. Fluttershy gulped, and flew upwards. She remembered how she dealt with the other ship. She flew between the destroyer escorts. The Shocksplinters hit the destroyers. Fluttershy took the chance, and fired a warhead at the engines of one. Fluttershy gasped, as the destroyer exploded in a massive fireball. Fluttershy grabbed the steering wheel, and dodged the debris. The second destroyer shook, before some of the structure floated away. The destroyer's engines stopped glowing, and the turrets ceased firing. Fluttershy assumed it to be crippled. She decided that she didn't need to kill the assault carrier or the Phantom Reaver. She set the ship to FTL, and continued on her path.
General Tor looked over the battle reports. Three ships, two crippled, and one destroyed in deep space. He slammed his fist onto his desk, and looked at the Berserker in front of him. "How could this be happening?! A human vessel is attacking our Army, and yet no one has eliminated it? How can a destroyer escort, no less two, fail to destroy what appears to be a converted trade ship!?"Marauder's black box indicates that a transmission took place between the enemy, the FTLCV Samuel L. Jackson , and the Marauder cycles before a homing missile and a nuclear fission warhead struck the ship."
Tor looked with interest. He thought about the enemy ship's name. "Hm? Do you have a transmission recording now? I would like to hear it."
"You have trespassed on Komato space, human. The penalty of which is swift death. The Komato High Command expresses its sincerest mirth at your incoming demise." a Komato's voice said."We'll see." The voice was obviously female."Wait...Identify your species." "I'm a pony."
There was a pause.
"You have trespassed on Komato space, pony. The penalty of which is swift death. The Komato High Command expresses its sincerest mirth at your incoming demise."
General Tor stopped the recording. "And that was the last transmission?"
The Berserker left with his new orders. General Tor followed him out of the door, before locking it behind him.
He raised his hands into the air. "Samuel L. Jackson! Why have you betrayed me? You offer me unlimited glory, but then send your servant to kill me?! What of our deal!?"
A voice entered Tor's head, swimming around his mind like a distant memory. "I have altered the deal, General. Pray I do not alter it any further."
The Path of the Righteous Pony
Fluttershy looked at her navigation computer. She keyed in the location of the High Command building. A dialog box popped up. Forbidden: By Order of High Command.
Fluttershy grunted in annoyance. She looked towards the videophone. If Twilight helped build the ship, she might be able to find a way around the computer's block.
She pressed a few buttons, and Pinkie's face popped up on screen. Twilight's face then appeared very close to the screen. "Oh, Fluttershy!" Twilight said. "I haven't seen you in days!"
Fluttershy opened up the console. Suddenly, the radar pinged. Fluttershy looked at the scanner, worried. She looked outside. "Oh, what the flying feather is this?"
Fluttershy's ship shook. She turned around, just to see her airlock door open, and a Komato berserker aim a gun in her face. Fluttershy could hear Twilight and Pinkie scream, before the berserker fired a purple pulse from his gun. Fluttershy flew backwards into the console, and slammed her head on the console. The Berserker talked in a strange language, before the console translated it, and sent it to Twilight and Pinkie.
"Target is down. Bringing target back for interrogation and execution. Mission closed."
"Oh no...Oh fuck no!" Pinkie shouted, turning off the videophone. "We need to help her!"
"Before they kill who?" Big Mac said, poking his head around the door frame. "Pinkie, what's happening?"Canterlot Nights a few weeks ago."
With that, Big Mac walked from the room. Twilight looked at Pinkie. "She'll get out of there...I know that."
Fluttershy opened her eyes slowly. There was a dull pain in her skull. She looked around the room she was in. It was a bare room, with a long mirror on one wall. A door was behind her, although it looked as if it was heavily armored. Two turrets flanked her. Fluttershy looked into the mirror. She had a broken nose, a black eye, and when she opened her mouth, three of her teeth were missing. She looked at her hooves, which were held in ports on the floor.
The lightsaber band was still there. Fluttershy couldn't believe her luck. The Komato must have assumed it was attached to her, which as far as Fluttershy was concerned, was true.
A deep voice entered the chamber, speaking Komato. The lightsaber band beeped, and then translated the langauge.
"Pony, you have caused us a lot of trouble."
Another bolt of electricity fired. Fluttershy granted in pain, but held in her scream.
"Please, pony. Keep it civil." the torturer mocked. "We Komato love civil discussion. Haven't you ever been taught to respect your host?"
The mirror shattered in a large explosion. A few shards of shrapnel hit Fluttershy, but she was too angry to care. The Komato torturer looked at Fluttershy. "What the fu-"
Fluttershy interrupted him with a Stare, and watched as his shield self-combusted. An alarm activated, and Fluttershy noticed what appeared to be a power box on the wall. Another Stare freed her from her bonds. She activated her lightsaber and cut through the two electric turrets.
Fluttershy jumped through the hole in the wall, and ran out into a corridor. She noticed an air duct above her. She flew up, cut open the grill, and hid inside. A Berserker appeared below her. Fluttershy jumped down, and sliced the Berserker's head off, before kicking the corpse into two Komato soldiers. The Berserker exploded, killing the two troopers. Fluttershy noticed three floating, light blue balls. As Fluttershy approached them, they jumped at her. Fluttershy jumped back, but didn't feel anything. She turned the corner into a storage room. Fluttershy saw one enemy in there. It was at least twenty feet tall, and its armor was green, pink, and grey. The visor on the head glowed, and it looked at Fluttershy.
"Annihilate."
The Path of the Righteous Pony
Fluttershy locked in fear. The walking tank advanced on her, before firing a purple wave of energy. Fluttershy was shaken from her frozen stance by the wave of burning plasma. Futtershy flew back, and slammed against a storage box. Fluttershy looked up at the Annihilator.
"If you're gonna kill me, kill me before I get bored."
Fluttershy looked down the barrel of the Annihilator's cannon. She could see the inner workings of the gun assembling a projectile. She waited until the gun was ready. Just before the projectile fired, Fluttershy Stared.
The gun exploded. The annihilator didn't even flinch. Fluttershy stood up, and activated her lightsaber. She swiped at the Annihilator furiously, cutting large wounds in it's legs. The annihilator still didn't react to the ferocious attack. Fluttershy slowed down, and panted in exhaustion. The annihilator looked at Fluttershy, before starting to swipe at her with it's massive claws. Fluttershy jumped back, before jumping up, spreading her wings, and slashing the annihilator in the head. She jumped onto its head, and stabbed it repeatedly. The annihilator sparked. Fluttershy jumped away and took cover behind a storage box. The annihilator exploded in a brilliant blue and orange explosion. Parts of its armor flew away on fire. The room was completely devastated. Four large groups of nanomachines flew towards Fluttershy.
Fluttershy looked at herself and deactivated her lightsaber. She looked at her various wounds. With a grunt of pain, Fluttershy pulled some of the larger shards out of herself. Finally, Fluttershy kicked a nearby window out, and looked outside.
The Komato cityscape stretched impossible distances into the sky. Fluttershy looked in awe, before noticing a platoon of Komato rolling up in an APC and entering the building. Fluttershy leaned out of the window, spread her wings, and ascended to the roof.
Fluttershy landed on the rooftop. She saw a Komato there, looking over the city. His armor was black and purple. General colors.
"General Tor?" Fluttershy said.
Fluttershy narrowed her eyes at Tor. "You cannot best the Gods of Valhalla. That is blasphemy."
Fluttershy shook her head. "They were in my way! If they surrendered, I would have spared them!"
Fluttershy dived behind an air conditioning unit. An arc of electricity exploded over her. When it stopped, Fluttershy charged at Tor. He swung his arm and knocked Fluttershy back. It was impossible to get close enough to him to get a good swipe at him with her lightsaber. Fluttershy sneaked as quietly as she could around the AC units, and the rooftop access. Tor looked around, waiting for her to pop up and charge again. "Where are you!?"
Fluttershy remembered how she defeated the Heavy. She flew up, and dived at Tor. As he raised his gun, Fluttershy slashed with the lightsaber. Some teal blood followed the lightsaber as Fluttershy landed behind Tor. He turned around, a wound across his face. Fluttershy slashed again, and struck Tor's leg, taking it clean off.
"Mercy!" he cried. "I yield!"
A spirit rose from the corpse. Fluttershy once again felt herself levitate in the air. Her eyes glowed a brilliant dark blue.
As Tor's spirit went to speak, two icy claws gripped him. Fluttershy watched as his spirit was dragged into a dark, cold portal. The portal closed.
Fluttershy landed back on the floor. Samuel L. Jackson's voice entered her head once again. "It is a great sadness to watch such a brilliant warrior reject his destiny. Still, you have bested him in combat, even if you did not land the killing blow. His element is yours."
Fluttershy looked at her body, as her wounds healed in the holy aura of Valhalla. "Thank you, Samuel L. Jackson."
Fluttershy's lightsaber activated, seemingly on its own. The blade was no longer blue. It was now a brilliant green. The blade of a Jedi Knight.
"You are halfway through your quest. You must now find The Boss of the Third Street Saints, a vicious gang. Once you obtain the Element of Style, you will finally be ready to obtain the Element of Audacity. May the motherfucking Force be with you."
Fluttershy blinked, and looked around. She wasn't on the roof anymore. She was in the cockpit of her ship. She looked at the console, stained with dry blood, and looked up at the sky.
Engaging her ship to FTL, she lifted off, and zoomed into space.
Author's Note
God I love writing this. The sheer amount of Coca-Cola and teenage violence hormones needed is immense!
Normally I wouldn't ask this, but if you can/want to, link this to your friends.
The Path of the Righteous Pony
Big Mac looked up at the stars, in his small clearing in the orchard. The stars were once again out in their radiant glory. Luna had outdone herself on this night.
The last time he saw Fluttershy, she was going to Komato space. He didn't know what a Komato was, but for some reason, it sounded like a vegetable. Maybe a cross between a kiwi and a tomato...
While he pondered these questions of the Universe, he didn't notice a lavender mare walk to him, levitating a telescope and looking upwards. He didn't notice her until a telescope hit him in the face.
"Sorry!" Twilight said, a panicked expression on her face. "Sorrysorrysorry I didn't mean to hit you!"
Big Mac and Twilight sat in silence while she set up her telescope, until a brilliant light flashed. Twilight's expression turned to utter joy as the comet flashed by. Big Mac himself couldn't help but smile at the comet. If it was the Comet of Victory, three days after he wished upon The Heart, then surely it meant something. Even if he told Pinkie that he never believed in the stars.
"Gat!" The Boss called out.
Fluttershy looked over the city of Stilwater. It was definitely smaller than the Komato city, and much less advanced. She had been asked by the UNETB about her sudden return, but they were understanding when she lied about a family emergency in Stilwater.
A human military helicopter flew over the city, before firing a barrage of rockets at a group of cars, underneath Fluttershy's ship. Several tanks, marked with the word "SWAT" sped over, before firing at several purple-suited humans. The purple humans fired back, wiping out the SWAT team in minutes. Fluttershy found the airport, and landed.
Fluttershy walked out of the restricted area. Humans pointed at her, others whispered to each other. A human with long hair, wearing very little produced a camera and took a photo of Fluttershy. She did her best to ignore the humans, but in the end, Fluttershy took off on a full sprint away from the crowd.She ran down an alleyway, before colliding with a man in a purple suit.
"Oh, I'm sorry!" Fluttershy said. The human looked down at her.
"Hey! You're not like anything I've seen before!"
Fluttershy walked away from the hobo. She walked into another street. It was less crowded, except for a lone Saint.
Fluttershy walked behind the Saint. He stopped, and began tying his shoe. Fluttershy activated her lightsaber, and leapt onto his back.
"What the fuck!? Get the fuck off me, man! I ain't got shit! This is bullshit!"
Fluttershy burnt a small wound into his cheek with the lightsaber. "One more time!"
Fluttershy let the Saint go. He reached into his pocket and produced a pistol. Fluttershy cut the Saint's arm off, and flagged down a taxi.
The taxi arrived at the Saint's Hideout. Fluttershy saw a group of Saints outside, drinking and smoking. She crept up to them, before dispatching them all in one sweep of her lightsaber. She looked over to the entrance, to see a single man, with a shaved head, holding a set of keys, and a katana.
"Oh, the fuck is this!?" he said, in a different accent to every other human in Stilwater. "Right, whoever cut these poor bastards in two is getting a bloody hiding!"
Fluttershy swiped at him. The man jumped back. "What the hell are you?"
The Boss drew a Desert Eagle, and fired. Fluttershy felt a sharp pain in her chest, before looking down and seeing a gunshot wound. The Boss smiled, before he coughed up blood, and lay still.
Fluttershy felt the world fade, before falling to the ground, a puddle of blood forming around her.
The Path of the Righteous Pony
Fluttershy opened her eyes. There was only light. She thought she might have been in a human hospital, until she heard a familiar voice.
"Welcome, Knight Fluttershy Braveheart, Element Bearer and Maiden of Valhalla."
"Samuel L. Jackson! I have failed!" Fluttershy cried. He said nothing, but he smiled and gestured for Fluttershy to stand up.Omnicide still going?"FTLCV Omnicide has been on autopilot since the mutiny that killed Ballbreaker, as well as all of the crew. She killed all the crew, but not before they inflicted grave injury on her. She died the instant the last mutineer was slain."
Fluttershy nodded, and turned to walk out of the Great Hall. A hand stopped her. She turned around and saw the kindly face of Billy Mays, the God of Commerce.
"Hi! Billy Mays here with some advice! They say that Ballbreaker has a weakness for music. I'm saying she is literally harmed by it. I don't know why."
Fluttershy arrived at Hade's Fury. The landscape had been scorched by millennia of war. There was not a single living thing in the area. Except one.
Fluttershy looked at the human woman. She had blood red hair, a tattered set of armor and she was much taller than any other human Fluttershy had seen. She swung a large sword and planted it into the burnt ground.
"What the hell is this?" she shouted. "Are they letting pink-haired motherfuckers into Valhalla now? You cannot possibly be here to defeat me, Ballbreaker the Glorious!"She began to feel lyrics form in her head, of a song that no mortal had ever heard before.
Dovahkiin, Dovahkiin, naal ok zin los vahriin,
Wah dein vokul mahfaeraak ahst vaal!
Ahrk fin norok paal graan fod nust hon zindro zaan,
Dovahkiin, fah hin kogaan mu draal!
Ballbreaker recoiled. "How do you know that song!?"
Huzrah nu, kul do od, wah aan bok lingrah vod,
Ahrk fin tey, boziik fun, do fin gein!
Wo lost fron wah ney dov, ahrk fin reyliik do jul,
Voth aan suleyk wah ronit faal krein
Ahrk fin zul, rok drey kod, nau tol morokei frod,
Rul lot Taazokaan motaad voth kein!
Sahrot Thu'um, med aan tuz, vey zeim hokoron pah,
Ol fin Dovahkiin komeyt ok rein!
Ballbreaker dropped her sword. "No mortal knows this song...It is only known by...Dragonborn..."
Dovahkiin, Dovahkiin, naal ok zin los vahriin,
Wah dein vokul mahfaeraak ahst vaal!
Ahrk fin norok paal graan fod nust hon zindro zaan,
Dovahkiin, fah hin kogaan mu draal!
Ahrk fin Kel lost prodah, do ved viing ko fin krah,
Tol fod zeymah win kein meyz fundein!
Alduin, feyn do jun, kruziik vokun staadnau,
Voth aan bahlok wah diivon fin lein!
The space warlady clutched her head, as the clouds and flames grew larger, and a torrent of rain battered the landscape.
Nuz aan sul, fent alok, fod fin vul dovah nok,
Fen kos nahlot mahfaeraak ahrk ruz!
Paaz Keizaal fen kos stin nol bein Alduin jot,
Dovahkiin kos fin saviik do muz!
Fluttershy looked at Ballbreaker, now cowering before the mare. She looked in the distance, as massive tornadoes began to devastate Hade's Fury. The tornadoes caught alight, before sparking.
Dovahkiin, Dovahkiin, naal ok zin los vahriin,
Wah dein vokul mahfaeraak ahst vaal!
Ahrk fin norok paal graan fod nust hon zindro zaan
Dovahkiin, fah hin kogaan mu draal!
The flaming, electric tornadoes began drawing water, and flooding the ground beneath them. Ballbreaker the Psychotic turned around, only to see a flaming, electric flood of tornadoes engulf her. Within an instant, the warlady was gone, and the weather had returned to normal. Fluttershy looked around, only to see Samuel L. Jackson warp to her.
"I saw the battle from the Great Hall. You have all the Elements, except for one..." he said. "Join our court as the God of Animals. You will be given infinite power, and every day is a battle!" he said.
Fluttershy turned her back on Samuel L. Jackson. He offered no resistance as she walked away, until he called over to Fluttershy.
"What now, lord?"
Fluttershy felt herself become immensely powerful. Her eyes glowed, and her lightsaber deployed itself, to show a deep violet.
"You have all six elements. Now..." Samuel L. Jackson said, opening a portal. "Go home, victorious."
Fluttershy stepped through the portal. A bright light blinded her.
The Path of the Righteous Pony
Fluttershy closed the old diary with her hooves, and looked at the amazed face of her grandfoal, a blonde-maned, light pink filly.
"Woah, Nanna! You saw Valhalla?"
She looked over to the left, and saw a picture of Jake, with two other, older humans.
The frame contained a band, just enough to admit a hoof. Fluttershy looked at the young face of her grandfoal. "That's my lightsaber."
"The path of the righteous pony is beset on all sides by the iniquities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he who in the name of charity and goodwill shepherds the weak through the valley of darkness, for he is truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost foals." Fluttershy said intently, watching her grandfoal. "And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know my name is the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon thee."
Summer Rain's face held a serious expression. These words weren't just one of Nanna's old stories; this was a command from the beyond. "I promise I'll remember that."
Fluttershy's grandfoal ran out the open door, into the meadow. She watched her go with a smile on her face.
In the distance, a cloaked, black human watched the old pegasus. He turned around, and walked away, before finally disappearing in a flash of holy light.
He appeared back in the Great Hall. The God of Plenty, Santa Claus, tapped his shoulder.
"You have visited her again, have you not, brother?"
Author's Note
And there we are. Been an absolute laugh writing this. Thanks for the favourites, and the comments. This is the first fanfic I have ever completed, which says a lot about my attention span. But seriously, this was fun as all hell.
Next project will come soon.
The Path of the Righteous Pony
"Hello, friends." the yellow pegasus said. Opening the front door to her little cottage, the animals inside all replied with a telepathic message of: "Hello!"
Fluttershy trotted past all the animals, and settled next to a dormant fireplace. She found a quill, and a piece of paper. Every day, since she was a little filly, she would write a letter to Samuel L. Jackson, detailing her various exploits of badassery. She waited, when the mailcolt came along, for his reply. None ever came, but it both kept her occupied and happy. Gripping the quill in her mouth, she began to write:
Dear Samuel L. Jackson,
Today, my friend Twilight Sparkle and I both defeated an Ursa MAJOR! It attacked the town, and while Rainbow Dash and Applejack were distracting it, Twilight hit it with a stun spell, while I stared into his very soul, and put the fear of Celestia into him. I feel bad about hurting him, but sometimes we have to do things no other pony can.
Fluttershy.
Fluttershy's ears pricked up, as the mailbox's door opened and closed outside. Fluttershy rolled up the letter, sealed it with a ribbon using her mouth and ran outside.
"Morning, miss. You got your letter?"
She found the closest resting place, a two seat sofa, and curled up, before gently drifting off to sleep.
A great crack of thunder woke Fluttershy, and she jumped a mile. She looked around the dark room. The animals had gone to sleep.
Taking care not to wake any up, she walked to the kitchen for a glass of water, and a sandwich.
On the counter, there was a sealed scroll. Fluttershy examined the scroll, before unrolling it.
Dear Fluttershy.
It is I, Samuel L. Jackson.
At that, Fluttershy felt giddy. It was him. It was really him. All the other foals in Basic Flight made fun of her for years, writing to an "imaginary friend". For seven years, until she was fourteen, she took the abuse, yet she always stuck to it. Now, ten years on, he had finally arrived. Fluttershy wondered how the Valhalla postal service was so slow.
I have watched you for seventeen years, as you grew, and survived, and adapted, and most importantly, kicked ass. Now it is time, dear Fluttershy.
I would like for you to become my personal student.
Fluttershy screamed in delight. All the animals in the cottage reared up, and sent her various psychic profanities.
"S-sorry." Fluttershy whispered.
However, in order to do this, you must gather the Elements of Asskicking.
The Element of Explosions, held by the Space Pirates. The Element of Dakka, held by the one known as The Heavy Weapons Guy. The Element of Audacity, held by the most prolific villain of the Orion Arm, Ballbreaker the Psychotic. The Element of Glory, held by the Komato General, known only as Tor. The Element of Style, held by a space criminal, the Boss of the Third Street Saints. And finally, the Element of Heroism, which resides within you. It breeds from your kindness, and your loyalty, and your will. You must unlock this secret power.
Gather all six of these artifacts, and you will challenge the might of the greatest gods of Valhalla's Eternal Battlefields. You will challenge the power of Celestia Dawnbreaker, of Alduin the Worldeater, of Sheogorath the Daedric Madgod, of Charles Barkley, of Kamina, and of myself.
I suggest you contact the Shadow Broker for the details of the current possessors.
May the motherfucking Force be with you.
Samuel L. Jackson.
Fluttershy looked out the window towards the stars of Luna's beautiful night.
"I accept your challenge, Samuel L. Jackson." Fluttershy said. "If my name isn't Fluttershy Braveheart! I will gather the Elements of Asskicking and I will be the biggest badass of the Milky Way!"
At that moment, a metal band materialised around her right foreleg. As she looked at it, a brilliant blue beam shot from it, away from Fluttershy. The band had several buttons on it, but none appeared to be a power switch. Fluttershy realised she had a Jedi Padawan lightsaber. Her weapon in this quest.
Fluttershy swung the lightsaber around, before cleaving right through a tree. The cut burned and crackled, and the tree fell down, as the occupants of the tree surrounded Fluttershy.
"What the fuck, Ma?" they thought. Fluttershy blushed in embarrassment.
Fluttershy walked through the town of Ponyville. Several ponies pointed out the lightsaber, which Fluttershy had difficulty turning off for several hours until she learnt it was activated by thoughts of violence, and deactivated by thoughts of peace. Eventually, she saw Golden Oaks Municipal Library.
She knocked quietly on the door. Eventually, a small dragon answered.
"Hey, Fluttershy."
Fluttershy activated her lightsaber.
Spike gulped. "Excellent price. Come in."
Fluttershy followed Spike into the library. She turned, and looked for any pony that could've overheard, before closing the door again.
"I don't know where the actual Shadow Broker is, but I can request information from it."
Fluttershy sat down on the floor. "Where is Ballbreaker the Psychotic?"FTLCV Omnicide 's last location."
Fluttershy noted all the locations of her marks down. Planet Zebes. Teufort Station. Alpha Centauri. Tadzocora. Stilwater Station. Or was it Steelport Station?
Finally, she was ready to go.
Once Twilight came back and showed her how to get a FTL Combat Vessel...
The Path of the Righteous Pony
Pinkie opened a small chest. She leaned inside, and rummaged through. Big Mac tried to peek over inside. "Is the radio in there?"
Pinkie emerged, holding half a chocolate bar, with the wrapper folded in half. "No, I just left a chocolate bar in here." Pinkie hopped over to a small television. "This is the radio."
Big Mac looked in confusion. "But it's got a screen."
Pinkie pushed a large button. Three dots appeared, on screen, along with a message reading: Calling.
Fluttershy appeared on screen. She held a laser rifle in one hoof. She looked up at her camera. "Hey Pinkie!" Fluttershy's turned to Big Mac. "Hello, Big Mac!"
The screen turned off, displaying a message that the call was terminated. Pinkie turned to Big Mac. "Why didn't you say anything?"
"Okay, Fluttershy...If the Komato see you, you're finished. You only have a few nuclear warheads. Not enough to down a Komato Battlecruiser." Fluttershy said to herself as she looked around the area in front of her for any ships.
She looked down onto a long-range scanner. There was one blip. Fluttershy pressed a button with her hoof, and the blip was marked as a superior enemy ship. The navigation system plotted a loose curve around the ship.
Fluttershy continued on her course, all the time, wary that a Komato ship would blast her out of existence at any second. She had read about their terrifying weapons. Pulse cannons. Shocksplinter missiles. Cyclic Fusion Ignition Systems. Even Phantom Hammers. Fluttershy tried to remember the Wikipedia page. She knew that their weapons were designed to destroy nanotechnological shields. She could only assume that they would utterly annihilate her.
A missile alarm sounded. Fluttershy looked worridly at the scanner. Two blips were advancing at great speed towards her. She turned the ship around, and performed a barrel roll. It was then that she saw the ship. It was small, but heavily armed. Fluttershy turned to her radio, and tried to establish contact.
Eventually, a face appeared on the screen. It was clad in spiked armor, and colored pink and green. The radio adjusted itself to read his language. Fluttershy wondered where the language translator came from.
"You have trespassed on Komato space, human. The penalty of which is swift death. The Komato High Command expresses its sincerest mirth at your incoming demise."
The Komato ship fired a homing missile, and Fluttershy started to fly towards the enemy at full speed. At the last second, she swerved out of the way. The missile struck the ship on the bridge. As she flew away, she could recognise a Komato in pink and green armor floating away, desperately trying to scramble back to the bridge, before drips and trickles of teal blood leaked from its armor. Fluttershy assumed it was decompression, and that it was the captain. The Komato ship stayed in its original position, although the bridge was wide open. Fluttershy flew away quickly, as multiple escape pods jettisoned from the crippled ship.
Fluttershy knew that the escape pods might summon a larger force, so she engaged the FTL drive, and sped away.
Samuel L. Jackson looked over the Eternal Battlefields of Valhalla. Billions of warriors from every time period fought alongside the Gods. The air was filled with bombers, fighters and airships. The ground was constantly being bombarded with artillery, grenades and gunshots.
Samuel L. Jackson could just about make out the shape of Billy Mays, the God of Commerce. He was swinging two zweihanders at a group of Knights Templar. He looked further into the distance, far beyond human limits, and saw none other than the God of Slams and Jams, Charles Barkley, playing basketball with a group of Hunnic soldiers. He unleashed a Chaos Dunk, and flattened the entire area.
Samuel L. Jackson walked over to his television, and turned it on. The image of Fluttershy appeared on screen, as the scene panned out to show a crippled Komato ship.
He smiled to himself. "You have learnt much..."
The God of Plenty, Santa Claus ran into Samuel L. Jackson's private quarters. "Sire! The enemy nears this place!"
Santa and Samuel L. Jackson ran to Santa's fighter sleigh. "Die, fuckers! Ho ho ho!" Santa exclaimed, as he shot down a squadron of MiG 29 fighter jets. A P-51 Mustang flew close to the sleigh. Samuel L. Jackson deployed his lightsaber and cut the plane in two. Eventually, they were over the enemy army.
"Them motherfuckers gonna wish they were never born!" Santa shouted.
Samuel L. Jackson jumped from the sleigh, and drew water from the atmosphere. He focused the energy within him, and created a ramp out of pure ice. He slid down the ramp, drew an M1911, and shot a enemy pikeman from hundreds of yards away. He holstered the pistol, and leaped into the enemy army.
"The night is long, motherfuckers."
Author's Note
Have I mentioned how much I think the Viking idea of Heaven is actually bloody cool?
