Field Notes of a Winning Bug Collector

Hello. My name is Flitter, and I'm a virgin... still. Don't get me wrong, I'm not a prude, or anything. I just want the moment to be special, you know? Like with candles, soft, romantic music, and my big sister not interrupting during the foreplay... which she manages to do in the most horrible ways. And unfortunately, this is where our story begins. A nice date, a bit of romance, and an unknown (though I expect rather excessive) amount of alcohol.

It was a quiet evening. The stars were out in full force, creating this amazing romantic mood. My date, and I were heading home from a nice, romantic, albeit cheap dinner. The food kinda sucked, but it's the thought that counts. So, we get back to my place, which was a nice little cottage down the street from the local bakery. We stopped at the gate that led into my front yard, and shared a few moments of just staring into each other's eyes. I smiled, and said "I had a really good time with you, tonight."

"Me too," he replied. He was actually quite handsome, especially under the moonlight.

I blushed nervously, and dug my hoof at the ground. "Um... would you like to... come inside?"

I would almost assume he had never been asked that, before, from the way he was acting. "Um... sure."

Hook, line, and sinker. Well, I led him into the house, and we sat on the couch, in an awkward silence for a few moments. After a few minutes, my romance novel training kicked in. I hopped up from the couch with a smile. "I'm going to go slip into something more comfortable," I said, as I trotted toward my bedroom. Looking back, I was already naked, as most ponies normally are, and that's pretty darn comfortable. I just needed an excuse to go set everything up. As I trotted into my room, closing the door behind me, I quickly went to work setting up all the candles, lighting them, and making sure my smooth jazz record was ready on the player. I took a moment to admire my work, with the lights off, then headed back to the living room and sat back on the couch next to the stallion. Thankfully, he didn't notice the lack of difference in my appearance.

After a second or two, I smiled at him, and he inched closer and closer until finally, we were one big pile of pony. We started making out, then we slowly made our way to the bedroom. I managed to turn the record player on with my tail ever so smoothly,  and the scene was set. We finally made our way to the bed, and things were starting to get steamy... then everything went wrong.

Suddenly, the door flung open and in pranced Cloudchaser. I could tell she had just had a fun night with her friends, from her staggered movements. She was so shmammered that she staggered into the dresser, and knocked over a few of the candles... right onto the carpet. I stared at the burning carpet in shock, as my oblivious older sister was more preoccupied with what I was doing. "Wow, it's gettin pretty hot in here. Be careful little sis or you might burn somethin." Did I mention her coolness quotient drops about twenty percent when she's drunk?

Minutes later, CC and I were sitting outside watching a group of weather ponies use rainclouds to put put the fire that was our house. I looked over at my sister, with a mix of frustration that she had ruined yet another perfect moment, and a feeling of happiness that all three of us had made it out alive. My date, however, left with a case of blue-balls and a very vocal wish to never see me again. "CC? Did you know that you could ruin a wet dream?"

My still inebriated sister threw an arm over me, and laughed. "Flitty, I'm the stuff wet dreams are made of."

"Whatever helps you sleep at night."

I don't know what gear started spinning in her head, but it definitely wasn't the one I expected. "Aww, Flitty don't be mad," she somehow got out. Next thing I knew, I could feel her breath on my ear, as she whispered in a drunken attempt to be seductive. "You know, if you're that set on losing your V-card, I'd be more than happy to help."

I laughed, and jerked away from her. "No way, Cloudy. You're drunk. And you're my sister. That would be wrong."

"Then I don't wanna be right."

This one was going to need a healthy shove to escape. I gladly delivered said shove, releasing me from the grasp of Cloudchaser the Insatiable (read: "unstable")

I guess that little shove sent the rest of the gears in her head into motion, because after that, she looked back at the wreckage of our home, and her jaw dropped. "Oh shit... we're homeless."

So, after a bit of brainstorming over an ice cream sundae, Cloudchaser and I (minus the Cloudchaser part) did the math, and figured how long it would take for the insurance group to rebuild our house, then CC threw her hungover bit into the cluster to get us a place to stay until then. On the plus side, it would be free. On the downside... we'd be living with CC's coltfriend. Goodbye, fair sleep schedule. I knew ye well.