Equestria's Greatest Hero.
Henry Galtz, that is the name of this story's hero Henry, a fine chap good and respectable he is. Fleecewood,California is where, Henry humbly resides in his abode. How do I describe our specimen, Henry? To you fine looking aristocrats reading this exquisite story? In your finest clothes as all young aristocrat do when they read a tale at home. Yes quite the problem I have before, me ... quite. Well... Henry is um well very different, not socially awkward but just different, and what I'm trying to get at his that Henry is socially adept, but he is just very weird but others just find it...well funny, and just see it as how Henry conducts himself. Henry also has lots of interests medially speaking, Henry for example is a fine aristocrat such as you fine ladies and gentleman, and loves listening to fine arts, such as Mozart and Beethoven, Henry also listens to other types of sound waves, such as the ear raping tunes of the Gangsta rap, NWA and Ice Cube being two of artists that violate Henry's ear drums on a daily basis. It is as they say once you black you can't go back. Henry also watches the foul Plasma Screen monster and its subordinates the movie and TV show.
Now lets dwell into Henry's environment, Fleecewood is a suburban setting sprawling with buildings that have been forged for more humans to dwell, in these estate's which are made of wood, bricks, and other materials which conglomerate to make the shelter we dub the house. This is especially true where Henry lives many homes,and apartment complexes have been put up in 5 block radius encompassing where Henry lives.But, then again I really don't know where Fleecewood,California is.
Oh yes you must be wondering who your riveting narrator I am Sir Reginald I am a Gentleman, aristocrat,scientist,and world renowned explorer. How did I become such renowned explorer you ask? Why GPS of course! How else does anyone get from point a to point b? Fleecewood is also ten miles North of Hollywood. I mean that's what my GPS is reveals to my explorers eyes.
Now I must paint a picture for you of what Mr.Galtz looks like using only words, it is quite a difficult task, but people say I'm like Skrillex with words. I do not know who this is artist is, but I believe he is someone of great dignity and only plays soothing sounds. Henry Galtz as the name suggest a male, age twenty four, currently employed as someone who helps people get over their ridiculous fears. Galtz is a tall slender man, white of course, was ever any doubt, these story's never have a minority as a the protagonist, Henry as brown messy hair that reaches just above his ear lobes, but the length of his hair follicles which reach further down. Henry lives in 124 Conch Drive which he shares with his female pet dog a shiba inu who Henry named Joan of Bark, but he usually calls her Joan. This settlement is a medium size, four floors, the basement, first floor, the second floor, and the attic. Henry sleeps in the attic for some reason because he feels it is farthest place from the monsters that lurk in the darkness of the basement. Yes Henry is still worried about monsters coming out of the basment.
This is quite ironic when you consider Henry's job, OH what is this its Henry and his two friends at the local bar The Sober Oyster. Be mindful that Henry can dwell upon you with his eyes so please be respectful the story is about to begin. Maybe we will be reunited soon.
SIR REGINALD AWAY!!!
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------=
" The people I have to fix have some really messed up problems." Henry told his friends Tom Ato, and Anne Chovy, his two childhood friends.
"Says the guy who is still afraid of monsters coming out of the basement!" Tom marked mockingly at Henry.
Tom is Henry's best friend from elementary school, they went to the same middle school, the same high-school, and of course the same college. Tom and Henry like typical best friends fuck around with each other a lot (No Homo) . Henry works as a music teacher at one of the high- school near Henry so they get together a lot. Henry could have become a great composer and could have had his pieces playing all around the globe, but he gave it up because he loved to teach music, it was his passion to unlock musical potential in kids, and Tom could make anyone a musician. Tom unlike Henry had a buzz cut, but he also had a pretty nifty beard, many people believed that the only beard that could rival Toms beard was the beard of Gandalf the white, it was just that glorious.
" Hey don't make fun of Henry" Anne said defending Henry.
Anne was someone Henry and Tom met in High school, the reason they became so close was because she would take the same bus home for 4 years, with Henry and Tom, ans Anne lived so close by which help build their friendship. Anne is a year younger than Tom and Henry, Anne has good figure, skinny, but not overboard skinny. Anne had long lank blonde hair, that made it was halve way down her back, Anne worked as a secretary for the Fleecewood mayor, Ziggy McDonald, the first black mayor of Fleecewood.
"Thank you Anne, but Tom you so my fear" Henry uses his fingers making air quotes "helps me connect with my patients on a deeper level." Henry rebutted at Tom.
"One drink please, white Russian." Tom yelled out to the bar-keep,ignoring what Henry's response to his snarky comment.
"Well like I was saying people really have some weird fears." Henry stated, swirling his drink with a toothpick so he was making a mini whirlpool with his drink.
"Well they can't be that weird. Like come on. What was someone afraid Hitler was hiding in their toilet?" Anne asked giggling at herself.
"Yeah had five of them, don't know why its so common." Henry said plainly still mixing his drink.
"Thanks." Tom told the bar-keep as he handed Tom his White Russian. "Well Fleecewood is a weird place, I wouldn't be surprised about any case you tell me." Tom tells Henry almost as he trying to challenge Henry to tell him the weirdest thing.
"Well yeah your right it really is weird, for me the weirdest one was someone, who thought, they were the reincarnation of the testicle that Hitler lost and also that they were a duck. I just realized something. why are all the really weird ones related to Hitler in some way?"
" Well I must say I did nazi that coming." cracked Anne " And that's a knee-slapper!" Anne chortled picking up her knee and slapping it,uncontrollably laughing and wobbling all around on her stool.
'Yeah she's drunk' Henry thought to himself.
"Dude look at that chick, she is so checking you out."
"Oh that's nice Tom"
"Man why the fuck do you never show any interest in woman, are you gay?" Tom pointed at Henry with his White Russian in his hands. "I mean I'm married and Anne just got engaged, but you man I never seen you once flirt with a girl you really need to get a girl, likely badly"
"Tom I am not gay, if I was I would have declared my great love of penis and taking it in the ass a long time ago. Fine where is this woman.
Tom pointed the woman who was supposedly checking him out.
"There she is go get her." Tom roared slapping Henry on the back.
" Yeah I can do it. Yeah!! Go me." Henry said energized from Toms drunken encouragement, he was ready to pick up some random woman, I mean what could go wrong.
Henry got up from his stool and began shimmying over to this woman Tom had pointed out. Henry turned around to see Tom grinning and giving him two thumbs up. Turning back to face the woman, Henry began squat walking and started shaking his arms like he was playing maracas, getting closer to the woman.
"Why hello, I am the prince of Mars, be humbled my presence wench." Henry declared to the woman, still squatting and bouncing his hands up and down.
"Oh, a prince and I am a princess, are meeting here must be destiny." said the woman. She had a hot face and huge rack that was covered by a white ruffled dress that reached just above her kneecaps, and barely covered her enormoungous cleavage. The woman also had great hair it was aurora color just like the polar lights and it was dyed really well almost as if it was natural, her hair had great volume and length.
'I wonder what shampoo she uses.' Henry thought to himself.
"YOU GO HENRY!!! HELL YEAH!!" screamed Tom's support from across the room.
" Thank you. Thank You" Henry blew kisses at Tom as gifts for his support.
Henry turned back to the woman who was laughing at Tom and Henry antics.
"I must say Mr.Galtz you are quite a strange man, and I like strange men" The woman winked at Henry flirtatiously.
"Wait are you number one fan? I don't even have a fan club yet, darn it" Henry mused.
"Here's my address, if you come you sure won't regret it." The woman hands a piece of paper to Henry. " Also my name is Celeste, but call me Celestia all of my subjects do."
"Oh I will enjoy visiting your castle milady and storming your castle, mm, oh yes indeedy." Henry replied watching Celeste start to walk out the Sober Oyster.
"Oh and please any pets if you do have them, I think one of my subjects will be quite pleased if you do." Celeste quickly shouted out before walking outside.
' Was that the sun?' Henry pondered as he saw Celeste walk outside he could have sworn he saw sunlight. 'How could that be it was only 9 pm when he walked in with Anne and Tom, and they have only been here for thirty minutes, even though Anne somehow got wasted. Guess I'll head back over over to Tom and tell him what happened.'
"Tom I must make my departure, I will now proceed back to this woman's house where we will engage in glorious intercourse. Maybe one day you will read of this love making, in an erotic novel." Henry boasted.
"Good for you man you deserve this." Tom said patting his friend on the back congratulating him. "What about Joan she is still out there what are you gonna do with her? I mean I could walk her home."
"No don't worry. Thanks though. I'm bringing Joan with me. Celeste, the woman I was talking to said to bring her with me." Henry answered. "Oh and make sure Anne gets home I bet her fiancee doesn't like her being out late at a bar."
"Yeah sure, just make sure you don't ejaculate in less than ten seconds." Tom mocked.
"Well I'm leaving."
"Bye."
Henry started walking to the exit, Henry pushed the door open and was immediately jumped on my his ecstatic shiba-inu,Joan of Bark. Who was waiting for him since he came inside the bar, to get a drink with Anne, and Tom.
"Move bitch, get out the way, bitch, get out the way." Henry ordered his dog pushing her off him. "Alright let see where do we go?" Henry asked himself looking at the piece of paper he received from Celeste."Ok 32 Frost Street.Lets go Joan."
Henry leaned down to untying from Joan putting her leash in his hands and begun walking towards Celeste's house. Henry looked around and realized that the sun wasn't up, maybe he just imagined it. It took Henry only ten minutes to reach Celeste house that's what he estimate. Celeste house was a medium modernly built house, which was spotless white on the outside. Henry walked over to the door to ring the door bell, but just like a psychic Celeste opened the door before he could even touch the doorbell.
"Oh your here, and you brought a dog whats its name. I'm surprised, I have to tell you, I didn't think you would come." Celeste sang with joy seeing Henry at her door.
" Yeah I did, I quite shocked myself. Oh and this is my doggy, Joan of Bark." Henry answered walking into Celeste house.
The inside of her house was filled with marble just marble, well the furniture wasn't marble, that would be uncomfortable. All around where horses, horses in art, horses in the glass, horses up the ass. Horses everywhere.
"You must like horses." Henry remarked seeing all of the horses around Celeste house
" Well you can say it's like I'm like one of them." Celeste noted. " Please leave your dog down here and follow me upstairs." Celeste requested motioning herself to the stairs. " I will be waiting for you upstairs."
"Alright you stay here Joan, daddy's gonna get some poon." Henry exclaimed to his dog." This is a joyous occasion. Give me five." Henry ordered, bending down and holding out his hand.
Joan lifted up her paw, and giving Henry "five". After that Henry jumped back up and Joan started walking around just sniffing random things like all dogs do when they go somewhere.
"Ok well here I go." Henry told himself as started walking upstairs,towards whatever was gonna happen tonight.
'Why am I in a woman's house I just met, also how did she know my name?' Henry thought, but realized that he couldn't turn back it was like his penis was dragging him up the steps. It wasn't like he wanted to leave, but he never would do something this stupid like this. 'So why did he come in the first place?'
When Henry gets upstairs he looks around he looks around for which room Celeste might be in. All the lights are off ,except for one room which the light is just shining dimly through the closed door. Henry opens the door and see's the room is different from the whole house, their was no marble anywhere in the room, there's a plush rug covering what is probably a marble floor underneath it. In the room was a bed,which Celeste was in, under the silky red covers which were hiding her body. The bed was only big enough for two people, but those two people where always gonna be in physical contact with each other, there was no room to go anywhere, at the side of the bed was a bottle of wine, with a horse on the label and two glasses.
"You ready to get going, I'm not really into foreplay, but please have drink." Celeste requested begining to pull herself from underneath from the covers revealing her splendiferous body to Henry. She had nothing on and she was showing it all to Henry, her legs were crossed so you couldn't see her poon that well, but you could see part of it, and her godly boobs being brought down by the force of gravity.
'At least their not fake'
"Don't mind if I do." said Henry as poured himself a glass of the wine next to the bed, which came a place called Canterlot.
'Canterlot,Canterlot, Can-ter-lot, sounds fancy and extravagant, must taste like shit.'
Henry tilted his head back, and begins chugging a full glass of wine, Celeste sitting in the bed watching him, Henry looked over and saw that she wanted the "D". After he is finished Henry takes the drink tossing on the floor the drink , it doesn't break because of the plush carpet.
'Yeah the wine sucked. Also, make sure to lay on this carpet, it looks really comfortable, maybe I could roll out of the bed and try sleeping on it.'
"So anything else?" Celeste asked Henry with a tint of fury in her tone, but it was apparent she was trying to hide that fury.
"Is the basement door closed?"
"I don't have a basement."
"Good I don't want the monsters coming in the room while we are doing it. Especially if they are bigger then I am. That would be very embarrassing for me. Though it would be god for you seeing as you would get a monster cock. If you know what I mean." Henry winked.
" Like I said before are you ready?" Celeste asked again, she wasn't and Henry's weird humor,and this time she wasn't hiding the fury in her voice maybe she really wanted the "D".
"Yes my body is ready-"
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"Good where the fuck am I." Henry asked himself as he looked around his surroundings had completely changed he was outside,in what Henry believed to be the countryside, there weren't any big buildings around, just some small town houses out in the distance and some giant castle with water falls and shit on the side of a mountain. "DO YOU SEE WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU FUCK A STRANGER IN THE ASS." Henry yelled at himself because it was the perfect time to reference that quote.
'Am I in Europe? Also did I storm the castle?'
"OH my lord your awake, the princess made sure I watched you carefully and I did so because I am a knight." barked a voice full of joy and excitement. Henry looked around and only saw his dog Joan of Bark who was covered in chain mail armor. "Ah my master, isn't it a joyous occasion that I can now finally talk to you?" Joan asked wagging her tail rapidly, jumping up a down. "Also look at my armor I received from the Princess, now I can protect you from the evils of the Mail man." Joan indicated spinning in circles to show of her doggy armor to Henry.
'First I got figure out what drugs I took, because this so fucking amazing.'
"Whoa Joan your talking, that is FUCKING NICE." Henry commented a little shocked and very happy, at his dog's sudden understanding of the English language. "Also the Mail man is not evil, I tell you that every time you bark at him."
"Hey what about you and the monsters in the basement?" Joan retorted.
"Well that's different. So where are we in my drug illusion of mine?"
"My lord I must tell you that isn't an illusion brought on by a drug, it has too many smells to be a simple illusion. Also we are the land of Equestria. Princess Celestia told me to bring you to her castle in Canterlot."
"Celestia, oh you mean Celeste right, and this can't be real. Lets go to this Canterlot place."
"Alright, well make sure you tail me."
Suddenly Henry and Joan were covered by a magical veil of some kind, lifting them both of the ground. Henry started to smile like an idiot, his smile seemed to big to fit on a normal human face. Henry and Joan were know flying over towards this Canterlot , Henry looked over and saw Joan doggy paddling. 'How fucking adorable, to bad this is a trip or I would take picture of that.' Then out of now where three Pegasi colts that reminded Henry of the Bee Gees and joined Henry and Joan.
"Joan do you see this." Henry asked Joan giggling and with a big dumb smile on his face.
"What I don't see anything. You must be hallucinating from the shock brought upon you by this land."
Henry didn't listen to what Joan said, instead he faced the ground, and swayed side to side, extending his arms outwards. The trio of Pegasi started to sing a song, Joan ignored them like they really weren't there at all. Henry saw them though and that's all that mattered to him. As the Bee Gee Pegasi were singing Henry closed his eyes imagining the real Bee Gees.
Henry is of to Canterlot, to meet his lover that he doesn't remember spending the other half of the night with, in this great world given to him by what he still believes to be a wondrous drug he does not know about.
A/N
This story was so fun to write for me. Comments and stuff are nice.