Fantastic Beasts and How to Avoid Them by Professor Crypto Theory

Foreword

I was deeply depressed when I was first contacted to write this foreword for this twelve edition of Fantastic Beasts and How to Avoid Them. At first I thought they wanted me to go out in the field again. I was most relieved when I realised I would just be writing this foreword and updating my old notes. I believe now is as good a time as any to clear up some misconceptions about this book.

First, I came up with the idea for this book when I was lying in the Fields of Happenstance, dying from a dragon bite. It occurred to me that, if I wrote a book about how our world is a horrible place filled with horrible creatures, it may persuade ponies not to bother with the whole thing. Unfortunately, it seems many readers (read: all of them) misinterpreted my book and to this day I still get fan mail praising me on my “love and passion for animals.”

Dreadful, isn’t it?

Second, yes, the dragon bite still hurts and so do all of the scorpion stings. Thanks for asking, by the way.

Lastly, many ponies over the years (most of them students) have asked me if there is a message to Fantastic Beasts and How to Avoid Them. Yes. Yes there is. The message is not (as many ponies refuse to stop believing) that nature is beautiful and fascinating. The message is, in fact, this:

Please stay indoors.

Professor Crypto Theory

Danger Ratings

In order to better help you avoid them, I have rated each beast in this book. Beasts with a gold rating should be avoided at all costs. If you run into one of these, you can forget about making it to next Hearth’s Warming Eve. Those with a silver rating are dangerous, and you should certainly avoid them, but you will most likely only be horrifically mutilated rather than killed. Creatures with a bronze rating are just dull, really. Feel free to give them a good, hard kick.