Expeditis Equitibus

A/N: Thank you very much for the constructive criticism last chapter, especially you, Evillevi! YAY!

Okay, now last chapter you may have noticed the chapter name had (Almost) nothing to do with the story. I’ve decided to be slightly interactive here, so each chapter name will be from a different band. As soon as someone gets it, I’ll switch to a different band and the person who guessed it will get a shout-out in the next chapter! I’ll give ya the last one... it was HammerFall’s song Heeding The Call, off of the Legacy of Kings album. I like metal, hush. :P

Anyway, good luck and enjoy!

‘Ugh...’

‘Oh, my head...’

‘Someone wanna stop the world spinning please? I’d like to get off now...’

The white pegasus slowly opened his eyes, blinking multiple times to bring the world back into focus. Once he managed to get a look around though, he wished he hadn’t seen it.

He was strapped to a bed in some dark basement, complete with a rather soft pillow and blanket. The black straps wrapped themselves around the blanket, binding him down in a soft cocoon of what felt like velvet. Testing the straps, he sighed heavily, closing his eyes again. In bondage again? Why did this keep happening?

Completely unable to move, he slowly opened his eyes and looked around the place. The walls and floor looked like they were crafted right out of a tree, and there was a staircase in the corner. All in all, it was rather barebones... that is, if you left out the huge, almost laser cannon-type machine aimed directly at his head.

“Uh... What the hell is that thing?!” he asked incredulously, not expecting to be answered... so of course he was, by the purple unicorn from earlier as she came down the stairs in the corner of the room.

“THAT, mister, is a machine originally planned to help me understand one of my other friends’... unusual predictions. Now, it’s been re-purposed for more... ‘specific’ examinations!” the glee in her voice made him shudder.

“Wh-what are you looking for, p-precisely?” he asked.

“Well, if it works... your real identity!” she hopped into a seat next to it, stared into a display screen, and rubbed her hooves together almost maniacally.

“My real... WHAT?!” he shouted, confused. “Don’t you have, like... I dunno, a spell to do almost the exact same thing, miss lavender nutjob?”

She huffed. “My name is Twilight Sparkle... And I do actually have a changeling detection spell, but I want to test this thing at least once!” she hovered a hoof over a lever, about to start it.

The stallion caught his breath. “Changeling... what now?” the sheer bewilderment in his voice made Twilight second-guess herself. Wasn’t it in her character to have all the facts BEFORE making conclusions? She sighed, calming down. Looks like she wouldn’t get to find out if scientific progress went ‘Boink’ after all... also, there was still no guarantee her machine worked. She hopped off her seat and trotted over to him, undoing his straps with flicks of her horn and explaining as she went.

“Changelings... They’re a race of hive-minded, pony-like, insectoid creatures that attacked Canterlot during the wedding of my brother, Shining Armor, and his wife. They disguise themselves as the pony you love the most, then suck the love right out of you.” the white pegasus dropped to the floor, nodding.

“I see... and where better to get love than a wedding?” he asked, Twilight nodding back in reply. “Not to mention the fact that the ‘bride’ was a fake. Their queen kidnapped and disguised herself as Princess Cadance, the Alicorn goddess of love, and my bro’s wife. She spent DAYS brainwashing him until he was basically her love slave.” one particular point left the pegasus confused, however, and he raised a hoof.

“That doesn’t make sense. Wouldn’t it have made more sense to have kidnapped and disguised herself as your brother, then let the goddess of their food source pump ‘him’ until ‘he’ was full, then erased Shining Armor’s memories of being kidnapped and put him back? You wouldn’t need to plan an invasion for THAT!” Twilight paused... then shrugged her front legs.

“Who knows, who cares now. They’ve been repelled from Canterlot... but that’s where you came in.” She levitated the blanket and pillow, folding the blanket and setting the pillow on top, then putting both in a corner. “Right after we’d returned from the wedding, my friend Rainbow Dash... she’s the one who punched your lights out.” she clarified, smirking as that descriptor elicted a ‘HEY!’ from the stallion. “Anyway... Dash noticed a pony-shaped being plummeting through the air and crashing down near the Everfree Forest...We were still kinda on high alert, so we went to check it out. And... well, you know the rest.” Twilight smiled at him, a little apologetically. “Sorry about our hasty actions, uh... What IS your name, anyway?”

He stopped, looking down at the floor. ‘Crap... gotta think of SOMETHING!’ He thought, then looked back at his white fur... “Um... Ivory.* It’s nice to meet you, Twilight...When I’m not on the business end of that horn of yours.” He joked, eliciting a laugh from her. ’Yep... I STILL got it...’ For some reason, after she was done laughing, Twilight took a look at Ivory’s flank... and gasped. Ivory cocked his head. “What? Is my butt too big?”

Twilight shook her head. “You don’t have a cutie mark?” Ivory looked back at his flank, seeing nothing but fur. Looking closer at Twilight, though, revealed her cutie mark to him: several small white stars around a larger, purple star. He was now completely confused.

“Okay,  you just lost me... the hell is a cutie mark and why is it such a big deal that I don’t have one?” Ivory asked. Just as Twilight opened her mouth, the door burst open and the blue one with the prismatic mane... Rainbow Dash, she’d said? Anyway, she flew down the stairway, blasting into Ivory and knocking him into a wall.

“I’ve had it with waiting! Gimme one good reason I shouldn’t just pound this changeling freak into green goo right now, Twi!” She exclaimed, pulling back a forehoof. Twilight sighed and shook her head.

“Hot headed as always, Rainbow Dash... Long story short, he’s not a changeling.” Dash looked at Ivory... then back at Twilight... then dropped her hoof, sighing in disappointment.

“Darn it...”

*:YAY! I don’t have to keep dodging around his name now!

A/N: As always, Constructive criticism is welcomed, encouraged and damn near demanded! If you sneezed during this chapter, bless you!