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CH 1: In Which... ACHOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Day 27

        There are few villains in the MLP universe that I think were actually evil or deserved what they had coming to them, the main one being Trixie.  Anyway, story time now. Sit the fuck down...AND NO POPCORN.

        It was a bright and sunny day and unfortunately I was forced outside to get more ice for my fridge. The technology is seriously screwy around here.They use candles for lights but then Twilight has a fucking super computer in her basement...sorry got off on a tangent. Anyway, I was in the middle of town and none of the pony folk were glaring at me or calling me a freak...so obviously something was horribly, horribly off. I hadn't gotten my ice yet so it gave me a little time to find out what was wrong. Surprisingly, it wasn't that hard.

        “THE GREAT AND POWERFUL TRIXIE!” echoed from the center plaza of the town. This marked the first of the troubles.

        Getting ice being the most entertaining thing I had to do that day solidified my choice to go find out why Trixie was back. I cut through a side alley and made it to the center of the village just as Trixie blasted Rainbow Dash with some red magic, causing her right wing to grow to twice its size. I caught AJ as she was ushering Rarity off to her boutique. “Yo AJ, what's going on?”

        “Trixie’s back and she's picking on us! Again!” she half-shouted as she continued to drag the fashionista away.

        “Who is next to face the Great and Powerful-oh sweet Celestia, what IS that hideous beast?” she shouted, waving her hoof in my direction.

        “Me?”

        “Oh, gross! It’s looking at me! It’s all pink and fleshy...oh, what sort of creature are you?”

        “Fuck it, I'm out ya racist bitch.”

        “Oh good, it’s leaving.”

        “Hey! No need to be that way. I've had a hard couple of days.”

        “Ewww it’s coming towards me!” Before I could react she had lowered her head and shot a beam of magic at my chest. The impact sent off sparks but that was about it. I braced myself for the nausea which never came. “Woohoo! I’m not ...ACHOOOOO!!” The force of my sneeze knocked me off my feet, landing me flat on my ass.

        Okay, now this is the part where Twilight comes in and duels her. I could write it but...just watch the episode, it’s easier on both of us. I will pick up about twenty minutes after Twilight got kicked out.

CH 2: In Which I'm Not A Proud Lee

Day 27

        “‘How are we going to escape! Oh no a fucking giant fish bowl!’ ‘I have an idea lets dig under it!’ ‘That will never work Lee.’ WELL, HA! Take that! I'm digging a hole and I'm getting out of this crazy-ass town and back to my house.” If you couldn't tell, I was digging a hole. Trixie had pulled a Simpsons and encased the town in a giant bowl and my house was like ten feet from the other side of the damn thing.

        “Halt! What's going on here?” I spun around, shovel in hand, to see Trixie on a wheelless chariot pulled by Snips and Snails.

        “I’m digging out of this fish bowl!” I shouted through shovelfuls of dirt.

        “You can't. I forbid it,” she stated in her ever-so-matter-of-fact way.

        “You forbid it, now? Oh, woe is me...fuck you!” I shouted, throwing some dirt at her.

        Before I knew what happened I felt a heat on my back and was blasted forwards, smashing my face against the glass wall. A searing pain spread across my face and blood began to pour from my nose, and then I sneezed. A fine film of blood painted the glass as I writhed in pain from my broken nose and the sneeze.

        “That’s what you get for disobeying Trixie.”

        I got to my knees, grabbing the shovel with my right hand and using it to support me. “Hey ass-butt.”

        I'm not proud of what I did next, but damn it felt good. “What is it?” Trixie turned around just in time to take the metal end of the shovel to the face, knocking her out cold.

        “Oh fuck I killed Trixie.” Just then, Trixie’s leg twitched. “Never mind.”

        Have I told you guys that ponies are like super heavy before? Well they are. Anyway, I got Snips and Snails to help me drag Trixie to the library. It was surprisingly easy. I learned later that they thought I would kill them with my shovel if they didn't help.

        I barged into the library as the remainder of the girls and Spike crowded around a book. “I need some help. Trixie broke my nose so I hit her with a shovel.”

        Fluttershy was the first to turn around, recoiling slightly. “Oh my goodness! What happened to your face?”

        “I'll say it slower: ‘Trixie...broke...my...no-”

        “I think she means what happened before that?” AJ interrupted while handing me her handkerchief she had in her hat.

        “Hey Lee, over here!”

        “What is it Dash?” Dash’s hooves found their way to either side of my nose, and in one swift motion she wrenched them to the side, setting my nose back into position.  “MOTHERFUCKINGJESUSCHRIST FUCKINGHELL SHIT SHIT SHIT OH FUCK!”

        “Calm down, Lee.”

        “I will not calm down! I have had a shitty day! All I want to do is go home and sleep! FUCK IT! Spike I'm using Twilight’s bed!” I stormed up the stairs, shoving books off as I went. “Goodnight.”

        Okay, well here is what happened next: they threw Trixie outside, she woke up and had no recollection of our encounter, and then the episode finished.  The next day, after being kicked out of the library, I called the girls and Spike to the library for a special viewing of the previous day.

        “Okay, now. AJ, Rarity, Fluttershy, and Dash: to make a long story short I have a device that has information on everything in the known universe, including you. Now watch this.” I clicked play on the video. “As you can see, this all happened yesterday. I have already watched this and I found something: I’m not in it anywhere. Not even my house is there or the poster by ‘Sofas and Quills’ that says ‘humans not welcome,’ which I found weird. Now, I have a theory about that: I'm thinking that I might not even be here right now. This could all be a dream...but that would be stupid, so then I thought: ‘what if this is an alternate dimension in the video’... Girls, excluding Twi and Pinkie, why are you all so calm?”

        “Twi already told us about that thing you have,” AJ spoke up.

        “Ah. Anyway, alternate reality. I just thought I should bring this up because I thought it was interesting...welp I'm going back to my house.” I started to pack up my stuff before I remembered the second reason I asked them to come. “Oh, one more thing. Twi, out of the spirit of fun the lessons I'm giving you are now open to all the Elements and Spike... See ya monday.”