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CH 1: In Which I Don't Save The Day

Day 35

        Having your legs frozen into ice from the knees down hurts. Like, a fucking lot.  The pain only set in after I had been stuck for about half a minute.

        After I composed myself I thought through my options but quickly dismissed them in lieu of a more direct approach.  I grabbed the Wabbajack from my back and delivered an overhand swing to the ice hoping a stronger hit would lead to a better outcome.

        The bat struck the ice, chipping it slightly. the familiar sound rang out and the ice changed.  My footing shifted, sending me face first into a two foot deep vat of vanilla pudding.

And yes, it tasted delicious.  I learned two things while making my way through the icefields: one, pudding is hard to walk through and two, it sticks to your clothes strangely well.

        After the first incident with the pudding, I continued sloshing my way through the ice, each strike changing a fiveish foot area of the frozen pond into a different flavor of pudding.

        Chocolate.

        Strawberry.

        Banana.

        Manilla.

        Chocolate again.

        By the time I made it to the farm I had left a half mile of pudding in my wake, and by the looks of the farm it was only going to get bigger.

        I lifted the Wabbajack for another swing when a brilliant idea came to me. ‘Walk on the ice you retard’ it said in a slightly angry tone. So, I crawled all the way to the farm (I have shit balance), leaving a trail of multi-colored pudding streaks on the ice.

CH 2: In Which I Become History's Greatest Monster

Day 35 (Big Surprise)

        I had made it to the farm and I could see Discord and the girls off in the distance...and then the ice disappeared and I fell ten feet to the ground in the prone position, knocking myself out again for like the nineteenth time since I came to this fucking place.

        I woke with a start what I can only assume was an hour later and everything was blue.  I slowly got off the ground, allowing my joints to pop back into place, and after giving myself the once over I began walking back to town.

        Using the Wabbajack as a support I made my way back and I neared the library (where I planned to sleep till I was fifty). I heard an angry voice ranting about something, and as I got closer I could make out more.  “We just had to see where it would go, we couldn't just exterminate the problem like I suggested now that damn boy has made a mess of things and there's nothing we can do to fix it. Mr.1 will not be pleased with this.”  I made through the alleyway and saw something disturbing: Discord, the Mane Six, and Celestia were all frozen in place.  A beige pony with beige hair and a black Cutie Mark stood in the middle of the area in front of the Library. His Mark looked like a circle cut in half with one side slid down and the number thirteen in the center. (pic below)

        The beige pony turned around and began pacing towards me when he noticed I was there.  “YOU, Mr. 5, said you were going to be stuck in the freeze, damn it. Why won't you just die? We have tried to exterminate you multiple times but somehow you always survive.  We knew it would only be a matter of time before you or one of your sick cultish freaks figured out how to get here, but we thought our plan would come to fruition by then. But then you appear AND RUIN EVERYTHING! Do you know how many of us had to bail when you arrived...” The beige pony paused from his rant and looked into my eyes. “You don't know what I'm talking about, do you?”

        “No not really and I'm kinda scared right now.”

        “Good. Stay that way, stay out of any major events, stay out of the lives of any of the important ones, and stay out of Canterlot and you may just live to see the end of your pathetic life.  And remember: this is our world. We found it, we will do with it what we want.  One more thing: if we meet again, my name is Mr. 13. Next time you see me you will die.” Without warning, everything snapped back to where it should be and the events unfolded before me.

        “Oh, alright...Friendship is Magic.”

CH 3: In Which I Try To Figure It All Out

Day 35

        The Princess had left by the time I had began to try to make sense of the day and by that I mean I rambled off what happened to Twilight. “And then he started yelling at me about some crazy conspiracy shit then he threatened to kill me and then Discord said Friendship is Magic.”

        “Lee, are you sure you didn't hit your head a little too hard this time...and why are you covered in pudding?”

        “Discord gave me a magic bat that has unpredictable abilities. I was using it to make a pudding path when I fell and woke up to a blue world with the conspiracy pony.  Also I need a place to stay because a magic beaver ate my house.”

        “I know a pony you can talk to about these kind of things. I know, he has helped me through some tough times...I'll write down his address.”

        “Is it a psychiatrist?”

        “Yes.”

        Hi, Lee here. Sorry for the delay but well...you know how we get episode spoilers several weeks before the episodes? Well, I just learned about Twicorn and I had some shit to say to some ponies and that took a long time.  Anyway, next chapter will be out faster...I hope...also Pinkie said she wanted to write a story and have me submit it so that might be coming soon.