My Rustled Jimmies

A bolt of fiery light left a trail of black clouds and lightning in its wake, shooting through the air and stopping instantly in front of Applejack’s cart, revealing itself to be Spitfire; this time, she had enough money for a pie. The Wonderbolt captain approached Applejack with the two bits.

“ Okay, I’ve got your bits! Now, how about that pie?”

Applejack merely raised an eyebrow at her. Spitfire smiled and motioned to the pristine apple pie that still sat on her cart’s shelf.

“The… The pie, ma’am, please. You said it was two bits?”

“Uh…” Applejack began,

“Ahm’ sorry, Wonderbolt. But ahm gonna hafta ask y’all to move to the back o’ tha line.”

Spitfire blinked, and turned her head left to see that the massive line to enter the Gala was dispersing slowly, and each body lost from the Gala line was filing up in the growing one beside the small apple cart. The Pegasus cursed under her breath,

“Ponyfeathers….”

She gave a fake chuckle to the orange cart owner, who did not change from a straight frown.

“Well… You couldn’t just let a Wonderbolt like me break the rules just this once?”

Applejack shook her head.

“Y’all are supposed to be role models, y’know. But so far, tha only two Wonderbolts ah’ve met have been a sweet talker, or a line butter like yerself!” she scolded.

“Now, if ya don’t mind, ah’ve got honest customers here that’ve been waitin’ fer a long time to get some grub.”

“Fine.” Spitfire grumbled, and started a limp hover towards the end of the line. As she went, several of the ponies in line recognized and started calling her name.

“Hey! Hey everypony, that’s SPITFIRE!”

“C-Captain Spitfire? C-could you sign my f-flank? That would… P-please me….”

“SPITFIRE HONEY! I NAMED MY SON AFTER YOU!”

The fiery-colored Pegasus smiled and waved to her loyal fans, ever grateful for their love and admiration. She tolerated a few of the ponies desperately reaching out to her from the line, dying to even graze a hoof across her sleek uniform as she passed. But her smile faltered – just for a second, when she saw him.

Sticking out among the awestruck fans was a great white hulk of a stallion. A Pegasus with a short, self-cut amber mane, menacingly intense red eyes, a single golden hoop through his right ear, pathetically stubby little wings, and a grotesquely muscular body that seemed to strain against his skin with every movement. He was grinning at her with a mouthful of yellow teeth and beckoning her over with his massive front legs.

“YEAH! SPITFIRE! OVER HERE! I’M YOUR NUMBER ONE FUCKING FAN!”

“Yeah, I see you there, Snowflake.” She replied without a hint of disdain in her well-trained voice. She slowed her hover as she passed the bulky Pegasus in the line, taking note of his lack of proper dress attire.

“So, I take it you aren’t here for the Gala?”

Snowflake shook his meaty head.

“NO WAY! YOU KNOW I NEVER MISS A WONDERBOLTS SHOW, CAPTAIN!”

“Yeah, I don’t think you’ve ever-“

“AND THOSE PUSSY TAILORS COST TOO MUCH TO DRESS ME UP!”

“Well I doubt that’s an easy task for a tailor with all those muscles to cover!”

Snowflake stamped the ground hard, causing a couple of ponies around him to flinch.

“SUITS ARE TOO TIGHT! AND THERE’S NEVER A DRESS CODE FOR A WONDERBOLTS SHOW!”

Spitfire held her smile and nodded.

“That’s right, Snowflake. The only thing you’ve got to bring is yourself… And a ticket, of course!”

The hulking stallion shook with a hearty laugh, too loud and too long for Spitfire’s meager joke to bring any pleasure to anypony but himself. The star Pegasus returned her hover to normal speed, but a broad leg suddenly wrapped over around her shoulder and pulled her down to Earth. Several ponies in the crowd gasped in shock as Snowflake effortlessly placed Spitfire on her hooves in front of himself. He towered a foot over the captain, and stared down at her with terrifying red eyes and a grin of dirty yellow teeth almost as long as her nose. But she dutifully maintained her outward pleasantness, though in her mind, she was just as shocked and enraged as the others in the line. Snowflake’s heavy head lowered to Spitfire’s level.

“ You know, captain. I… I’ve always had a thing for you.”

Spitfire gently shifted under his oppressing leg, keeping her cool whilst slowly trying to slip from his grip. She held his red stare with her own orange eyes, half-closed under glossy lids and beaming with a deep, soothing affection which could only be produced by a true lover, or a true master of appearances.

“O Snowflake, I know. That’s why you never miss our performances.”

“No…” Snowflake began, letting his hind legs go slack as his mind and soul ventured deeper into Spitfire’s gaze.

“I never miss… your performances. B-because... I love you.”

Spitfire giggled and nudged his hoof off her shoulder; Snowflake shuttered and drooped in bliss as the angelic sound caressed his ears.

“Okay, Snowflake. I’d love to stay and chat, but I promised to get Soarin’ a pie. So I’ve got to go wait in line.”

She buzzed her wings and lifted up again, but as she turned away, a meaty white leg wrapped around her and pulled her down once more.

“YOU CAN WAIT IN LINE WITH ME!” he shouted with a hopeful grin of yellow teeth.

This time, some of the other ponies in line voiced their objections.

“Hey buddy, leave her alone!”

“Yeah! You can’t just put your hooves on her like that!”

“Somepony ought to teach you some manners!”

Snowflake shook his free hoof at the crowd gathering around him, flaring his nostrils and staring down anypony who would be brave enough to stand up to him.

“SHE’S MINE! SHE BELONGS WITH ME! I’M HER NUMBER ONE FAN!”

Spitfire waved off the crowd, nonchalant as ever.

“It’s okay, fellas; I’m a big girl, and I can handle this myself.”

She reached a hoof under Snowflake’s chin and directed his eyes back to her.

“Now Snowflake, I’m going to leave you now, and we’re not going to have anymore problems tonight, okay?”

The massive white Pegasus made no effort to move, but as the smaller orange mare slipped from his grip, he made no attempt to subdue her. He breathed heavy through his mouth at her as she took to the sky once again, hovering just off the ground.

“Now this doesn’t mean I don’t like you, Snowflake. I just think it’s best for me to wait in the back of the line is all.”

His brow furrowed and his eyes pleaded with her.

“…Why?”

Spitfire nodded towards the apple cart at the end of the line.

“Because that pony selling apples at the end of the line said that I’m supposed to be a role model, and role models don’t butt in line. So I’m going to-“

“Tell me that you love me.” Snowflake abruptly added.

“Tell me that you have the same feelings that I do.”

Spitfire shook her head, but continued to smile disarmingly.

“Snowflake, I love all my fans. If I say that to you, then I’ll have to say it to everypony that wants my autograph.”

“NO!” he shouted and leapt into the sky in front of her, flapping hard with his tiny wings.

“YOU LOVE ME! IT’S-IT’S TRUE AND-AND PERFECT! YOU ONLY LOVE ME!”

Spitfire hovered back from him, cautioning him with her front hooves.

“Simmer down, Snowflake. Just go back in line and continue on with your night.”

But the muscular Pegasus could not be calmed down, not anymore. He advanced on the Wonderbolt with increased speed.

“JUST LET ME HOLD YOU! I’M A GOOD GUY! I-I CAN BE GOOD TO YOU! JUST TELL ME YOU LOVE ME!”

Spitfire stopped hovering back; Snowflake stopped too and watched her curiously. The captain’s lovely smile had transitioned into a hard frown and her eyes, though still as bright and captivating as ever, lost their affection and replaced it with a dominating vigor.

“Alright, Snowflake. If you don’t give me some space, we are going to have problem.”

Snowflake puzzled over the words for a moment, before starting towards her even faster than before. But the captain did not stay still; she lifted a foot higher in the air and began to spin in place with an absurd amount of speed that only a captain of the Wonderbolts could ever achieve and control. Snowflake stopped dead and stared in awe at his beloved’s power, twirling for one second… Two… Three… Four, before a single part of her turning body emerged for a split-second from the blur of blue and orange:

Her left hind hoof, bashing at near supersonic speeds into the right side of Snowflake’s giant face.

Spitfire stopped spinning immediately and watched as the enormous Pegasus careened through the air away from her, leaving a trail of loose yellow teeth in his wake. She touched down on the ground and was instantly met with cheers from the crowd. The captain beamed with assuring confidence at the ecstatic fans.

“ Just remember, fillies and gentlecolts, we Wonderbolts might put on an excellent air show. But at the end of the day, we’re all still trained fighters. Poor Snowflake seemed to have forgotten that about me.” She explained, and then set off on her path to the back of line. But as she started to move, the ponies around her shifted out of the way and granted a clear path to the apple cart.

“Please, Captain Spitfire.” Said one dignified-looking stallion,

“You may go before us.”

Spitfire smiled and nodded to the crowd.

“Aw, thanks, you guys! I’ll just be a second.”

Applejack had just finished with a customer when she turned to the next one; she grumbled and pointed at the line.

“Dagnabbit, Wonderbolt! Ah know you didn’t go all tha way to the back o’tha line! Now go on and wait yer turn like a good pony!”

Spitfire still approached the cart and stood before her with two bits in an extended hoof.

“It’s not my fault if somepony lets me take their spot. Now, I’ll just be buying that p-….”

A shelf protruded from the cart. An empty shelf, without even a trace of a pie left on it. She gaped momentarily at it in shock as the onlookers had at the incident with Snowflake; Applejack’s brow creased with curiosity, and a hint of irritation.

“Uh, Miss Wonderbolt? If yer gonna buy something, ya mind makin’ it quick-like?” she asked the gawking orange Pegasus. Spitfire snapped back to reality and leaned over the cart, putting her face close to Applejack’s own.

“Where’s the pie? I… I needed that pie!” she grilled with utter seriousness.

“ I promised Soarin’ a pie, and you sold it to somepony else while I was getting your money!”

Applejack leaned away from her and shrugged,

“Ah never said ah’d hold it for ya. Anypony with enough bits for mah pie has as much of a right t’buy it as you.” She answered, but Spitfire was not about to let Soarin’ down that easily.

“Who’d you sell it to? What did the pony look like and which way did he go?” she asked.

“Ah don’t know, and ah don’t care.” Applejack replied, leaning in at Spitfire over the cart and forcing her to move off.

“Now, if we’re done here, ah’ve got ponies to serve. Or, y’all can buy somethin’ ah do have in stock.”

Spitfire growled and flared her wings for takeoff.

“I’m going to find that pie. And when I do, I’m gonna pay the buyer three times what I’d pay you!”

Applejack chuckled at the Wonderbolt as she flew up into the sky in a huff. She called out to her as Spitfire sped away, back towards the trailers.

“They’re worth plenty more’n that to anypony who’s ever tried’em!”