My Rustled Jimmies

The solid gold door closed behind Princess Celestia and Twilight Sparkle who were now standing at the entrance of a wide, round lounge room with unspeakably lavish amenities. The entire room had a lavender hue; the round walls were painted with depictions of stars and wispy clouds that seemed to move ever so slightly on their own; ahead of them, a rather large mini-bar extended out from the wall with a selection of alcohols that at least matched the more public bars downstairs; the floor was soft and shifted under every step, being made of some sort of super-condensed cloud-like material that must have cost a fortune; several large cushions lay on the floor for ponies to rest on that were made of some exotic, reflective silver fabric that looked finer than silk; one other door was connected to the room to their right that looked as if it were made of solid silver. Twilight looked up and noticed that the ceiling was shaped like a dome and was a much darker shade of purple that turned to blue the closer it came to the top. At the top, a pale moon shined light down on the room, surrounded by twinkling stars that were DEFINITELY moving; the slow shifting of the stars were enough to cause Twilight to lose balance and stumble on her drunken hooves, landing on her side on the cloud floor.

Princess Celestia grinned at her and walked to the centre of the room.

“ Pretty swanky, huh? This is what I call the Evening Room. It’s a nice, cozy place to drink’n’shit.” She said; Twilight nodded her head, though the princess had her back turned. Celestia emitted a bulb of light from her horn that traveled to the moon on the ceiling and vanished into it.

“ Of course, this shit’s got a… A fucking OTHER FUNCTION!”

The moon flashed and exploded into a mesmerizing lightshow, splashing the entire room in vibrant, dancing colors. Celestia swayed herself side to side as a fast beat started from nowhere in particular; Twilight gave an attempt at swaying too, but merely sank closer to the floor. The beat picked up, getting faster, louder and more intricate. Several bottles floated off the bar and opened, flying to Celestia’s side; she examined one of them briefly, and then guzzled the entire bottle in mere seconds. The princess passed the next bottle to Twilight, who could hardly handle it in her magic grasp; she brought the drink to her lips and tipped it upside-down. One gulp, two, three, a struggling four, then she spewed the rest all over the floor. Celestia laughed and tried to take the bottle back, but the Unicorn clamped her front legs around the bottleneck and groaned in protest.

“ Fuck off… Not done, p’incess.” She moaned, sliding with the nearly empty bottle towards Celestia. Then another voice boomed from outside the silver door.

“ WE WILL PUNISH THE TRESSPASSER THAT HAST SO FOOLISHLY INTRUDED INTO OUR PRIVATE CHAMBERS! “

The silver door burst open and an alicorn with a dark sapphire blue coat and rippling, translucent blue mane barged in; her eyes were a solid white and her long horn surged with magic electricity. Twilight gasped and staggered towards the golden door, but Celestia knocked her back to the ground with a hoof and motioned for her to stay.

“ Sister, stop it. You’re scaring my student.” Celestia commanded the aggressive alicorn.

“ SISTER! FOR WHAT REASON HAST THOU ENCROACHED ON MY PERSONAL LOUNGE? DIDST THOU NOT BUILD IT SPECIFICALLY SO THAT I COULD ENJOY SOME PRIVACY?” the alicorn retorted in her booming voice.

“ This AIN’T EVEN your fucking lounge, Luna! This is the Evening Room and it’s MINE!” Celestia yelled back. Luna scoffed and eased her stance; her horn ceased glowing and her eyes cleared to reveal mild cyan eyes.

“ Thou art a pathetic drunkard, sister. This is the Night Room, and it is MINE. Thou hast the Morning Room, the Afternoon Room, and the Evening Room.” She explained, shooting a bulb of light into the ceiling moon and stopping the fast music. Celestia stared at her in silence for a minute before replying.

“ I’m not a fucking dr-drunk… You bitch.” She finally said, her multiple open bottles of liquor clinking together at her side. Luna turned and recognized the Unicorn that was still lying on the floor and pointed an accusing hoof at her.

“ TWILIGHT SPARKLE OF PONYVILLE! IT WAS THOU WHO UNLEASHED THE POWERS OF HARMONY UPON US AND TOOK AWAY OUR DARK POWERS!” Luna boomed, rattling Twilight’s drunken brain. She covered her ears with her hooves and hunkered down closer to the floor.

“ Ishgood…eh?” Twilight mumbled; Luna looked to her sister for help.

“ I dunno what she meant.” Celestia answered, shrugging.; Luna shook her head at the two inebriated ponies.

“ What happened, sister?” she asked; Celestia scratched her head with a hoof.

“ Whaddya mean, ‘what happened’? We jus’ thought we’d crash here for a bit and have some drinks, fuck.”

“ No, sister.” Luna continued, “ I mean what happened since my banishment to make thou such a pitiful ruler?”

“ WHOA! Let’s not get ahead of ourselves, here. I built this castle, and I kept this land safe and I cared for all my little ponies while you, ‘miss Night’, were trapped in that massive flying eyesore that you love so fucking much called the MOON!” Celestia retorted. Luna seemed more disappointed than angry at her older sister, who was surrounded by a flock of floating liquor bottles and was shielded behind her reflective aviator shades.

“ Remember the early days, dear sister? Remember when we ruled with such grace and majesty as to actually warrant the love and admiration of our subjects? Now just… Well, just look at thyself! Inebriated, stained, wobbly on thy feet; to think I once saw you as a role model! To think we once had so much in common with each other, that the only true differences between us two were in color and time of day over which we ruled.” Luna lamented, bowing her head in shame as gracefully as she could. Her sister stood awkwardly, setting down her bottles and adjusting her shades upon her face. Suddenly, a bottle flew through the air and knocked into Luna’s head with a resounding bonk. The Night Princess reeled from the attack that left a large purple bruise above her left eye and cursed in her booming Canterlot voice.

“ WRETCHED SOULS OF TARTURUS! WHAT IS THE TRAITOROUS DEVIL THAT HATH FORFEITED ITS MISERABLE LIFE TO OUR FIRE?”

Luna snapped her head up with the same white eyes and surging horn, her nostrils flared and she gritted her teeth hard in blind rage. The princess looked over the room, but the culprit was not hard to spot; over by the golden door, Twilight Sparkle stood shakily, but glared hard at Luna.

“ You shut your loud mouth, Nightmare Moon! I kicked yer fuckin’ ass in the forest and I’ll kick it again right here in the EVENIN’ ROOM!” Twilight threatened; Luna growled and expanded her magic aura into a blinding ball of blue light. Celestia stepped in between the two and tried to calm her furious sister.

“ You two cut it out, now. She through a fucking bottle at you, sister – it’s not the end of the world. We’ll just gather our shit and hop over to my rooms and leave you to your… business.”

Luna lowered her magic aura and pointed at Twilight.

“ I don’t want to see thine little minion once more tonight, or I swear on the moon that I’ll have that Unicorn tortured to death.”

Celestia nodded and started for the golden door, magically snagging Twilight by the hairs of her mane and dragging her along. Though the two royal sisters may have settled their dispute for the time being, the drunken purple Unicorn was still hot tempered.

“ You bet- you better run, you fu-....” Twilight started, but Celestia stopped her by shoving another big bottle of liquor into her mouth; the Unicorn went to work draining the bottle’s contents down her throat as fast as possible, getting closer and closer to the exit.

Celestia was still quite far from sober, but she could walk relatively straight and think somewhat clearly; now, she realized her mistake. She looked down at Twilight, who had already downed most of the bottle; a hostile glint was in her eyes, and her dilated pupils were set dead on Luna. Celestia brought Twilight close to her mouth and hissed into her ear.

“ Don’t you dare, Sparkle. Don’t you fucking DARE.”

In hindsight, giving a large bottle of liquor to an angry, drunken Unicorn who’s already proven that she can throw such a bottle with speed and accuracy at her enemies – WHILE she’s still in the presence of the enemy she’d previously thrown a bottle at… May not have been the best idea.

Twilight gripped the emptied bottle in her magic aura and flung it savagely at Luna’s head, aimed right at the same spot where the welt from her previous attack was still swelling. However, the princess was ready and blocked the incoming bottle with a magic shield; the bottle shattered on impact and shot pieces of glass all over the cloud floor. She retaliated swiftly, building a swirling ball of aura with a flash of her eyes, and firing it right into Twilight’s belly. The small purple Unicorn was ripped from Celestia’s magic grasp- or, at least from what she’d grasped, as Celestia looked down to find that her aura still held onto a large clump of Twilight’s mane-hair. Twilight was sent flying at the golden doors, knocking one of the heavy doors open; she tumbled along the polished hallway on the other side, finally coming to a halt in a battered heap against the right side wall. Celestia snarled at her younger sister,

“ FUCKING BITCH!” she growled as her aura swept up several shards of glass from the floor and shot them towards Luna. The Night Princess flapped her wings once and dodged upwards, outside of Celestia’s attack. She sent another ball of aura at her sister, thwacking hard against her nose and knocking her aviator shades onto the cloud floor. Celestia staggered and shook off her dizziness from the blow; her white horn glowed and fired a salvo of bright rays of light at her sister, who was now hovering in the air. Luna projected her shield against them and blocked them out easily, and then she expanded it far enough to make Celestia back away.

“ We’re gonna get really fucking mean here, sister. You sure you wanna step?” Celestia uttered as her glowing horn gleamed brighter.

“ You really want to go downtown? All right, bitch. We can go downtown, then.”

With that, Celestia roared and stabbed at Luna’s shield with her horn, piercing and instantly shattering it; Luna gasped at the sudden break of her spell. She saw Celestia speed up into the air and charge at her, eyes glowing a similar white with massive amounts of magical energy. The two sibling princesses flew about the room exchanging bolts of energy and fire; smoke and electricity filled the air as the two powerful alicorns relentlessly battled in the Night Room, shocking the paint off the walls, burning out the lights, tearing apart the cloud floor in the fight.