Finding Self

Sivad went up to his room, and collapsed on his bed. The schoolday had just ended. He had been insulted throughout the day, and just needed to be alone. Yesterday hadn't been any better. After sitting on his bed for a few minutes, he decided to take out his journal. He took it out of the drawer, along with a quill, and put it on his desk. The first page was used up by his first entry, so he flipped to the next page.

*****Entry 2. 12-4-12.

I don't know why, but this time the insults are actually getting to me. Normally, I would just ignore anything they would say. I think the reason behind this, is because not only are they insulting me, but my friends and parents as well. Usually, they'd just call me a 'freak' because I'm different from my parents. Well, now they insult my friends for associating with me, and my parents for...well, being my parents. It's not like it's their fault anyways. It wasn't their fault their son ended up a Unicorn. They didn't choose what I was going to be. Nopony did...Well, it's either that, or they adopted me.

My parents never really told me. Maybe they didn't think it was important? Maybe they think I already know, or that I don't care? Maybe they're afraid of what my response would be, or that I'm not ready to know yet? I have to ask them about this, but I don't really want to sound like I'm accusing them of hiding something from me (Even though they are) It may be one of those "It's for your own good" things. Regardless, I have to ask them. I have to know. I feel like the whole world knows something that I don't. (Okay, not the whole world, but you know what I mean) My parents just never talked about my birth...Then again, I haven't ever brought this subject to them...They've never told me, because I've never asked! That must be it. I've been overthinking this issue, and missed the obvious answer. I overthink things often. It's a habit that comes with loving science I guess.

It's decided. All I have to do is ask them. I never should have suspected my parents of hiding something from me on purpose. Especially my Dad. He's always been honest with me. Even inappropriately so. To give an example, years ago when I was little, I asked my Dad the question every parent dreads (except him apparently). "Dad, where do baby ponies come from?" He looked at me, not at all surprised, and told me. Like, actually told me. Not the "When a mommy and daddy love each other very much, they make a wish..." or any other copout. He told me the real answer. Why? Because I asked him. So because of my Dads' plain honesty in all things, I was a very educated young colt. He never kept anything from me if I asked, but he didn't feel the need to tell me other things if I didn't ask. It got annoying at times, but I learned quickly to ask about anything and everything. The few times (very few times) he didn't know something, he would get the answer any way he could. Research, experiments, observation, etc. The outcome was always the same. Me getting an answer.

My friends thought I was lucky, and that my Dad would give me all the answers to my homework and stuff. They were wrong. If I asked about homework, then he'd end up saying something clever, and turn the question back at me. Sometimes he'd play dumb and say he didn't know, and once I got the answer, he'd say "Oh. You were talking about that kind of problem? I thought you were talking about something else." Then he'd smile at me, and get back to what he was doing before. He enjoyed messing with me. It'd get annoying very quickly. However, if he saw I was actually struggling with homework, then he wouldn't hesitate to jump in and help...as long as I asked.

My Mom couldn't help me much when it came to school, but she didn't need to. (Dad was the expert on schoolwork) No, my Mom helped me with anything musical. If I was having trouble playing a certain rythm right, or a particular note I couldn't get correctly, she would help me with it. She also helped me emotionally, and was always there to talk to. She didn't need to be asked though (unlike my Dad) she just...knew. I don't really know how, could be "Motherly Instinct".

Which raises the question...If she knows that I talk to her about emotional problems and whatnot, why did she get me this journal?*****

It was a legitimate question for Sivad. What was the point of this journal? His Mom wouldn't be as honest with him as his Dad. 'Ugh...Too many questions, and a shortage of answers' Music. Music was the answer. Sivad would always turn to music when he had alot on his mind, or when he had a problem he couldn't get past. It would make him forget about his problems and the world. Afterwards, he could think clearly and would be able to get past the obstacles in life. Plus, his Mom enjoyed hearing him, as he enjoyed hearing her as well. 'She has a great singing voice' Sivad began to recall moments from years past. 'She used to sing to me. One song in particular. Why did she always choose that song?'

Then he heard a voice coming from the living room. It was his Moms'. She was singing. Sivad immediately recognized the song. It was the song she used to sing to him. "Oh, float away. Known so low, you'd run away. Desolate all, desolate us. No love is lost, you know we're weightless. Climb, under my wing, climb. Grown so slow, and you've run away. Desolate all, I'm sailing away." Sivad could think about nothing else. This was the song they shared.Their song. When she had finished the song, Sivad walked up to her and asked, "Mom, I've always wondered, what do the lyrics mean?" She said that song meanings are different for everypony. "Well, what does it mean to you?" She looked at him with eyes filled with compassion, and said "A mothers' love for her son."

After that statement, neither spoke. The two of them sat quietly for minutes, hours, neither kept track. Then she broke the silence "It's getting late. You'd better get to bed." Sivad looked up at the sky. His Mom was right. The sky was dark and the stars were out. Sivad wouldn't admit it, but he was exceptionally tired. Forgetting all about the many questions he had planned to ask, he went to his room and slept.