Weird Spider-Wormy Twilight

Big Macintosh sat uncomfortably in his chair across from the slimy bug thing, alternating between playing with the silk table cloth and nervously tugging his bow tie. All the snooty employees were getting under his skin.

He looked to TwiSpider, who’d failed at getting under his skin, for support. She wasn’t a bother to him and was, like most things, his fetish. Coloring on the children’s menu, he decided ten minutes without conversation was enough. He manually switched the gears he’d taped to his side.

“Intense place, huh?” Big Mac asked with a lopsided grin. He tried to adjust that too with his hooves.

“Gbbbbbllldkr,” She professed, gazing hungrily to the foal at the next table.

Macintosh blushed at her forwardness. “Wow, uh shucks.” He took a bite of salad, and attempted to chew in a sexy manner. But he choked with the grace of a stupid puppy and drew several stares.

Lucky for him, invertebrates have no backbone so she was not disturbed, remaining motionless and observant, poised to strike. The foal at the next table began to sweat, inching away.

Okay, cool it Big M. You’re a playa, you got this. Just like with Smarty Pants and the bedwetting incident.

Leaning forward, he put on his best non-pervert smile, which wasn’t saying much. “So, I couldn’t help but notice you don’t got no feelers . . . Don’t worry Poopsie, that won’t be a problem tonight.” He wiggled his eyebrows suggestively.

That did the trick. Venombreath Sparkle writhed and groaned, eyes rolling violently, adding some of her silk to the table cloth.

“Oh boy, wow uh, yep.” Macintosh grinned like an athlete who’d just won a medal for being a good sport. Except he was being even more worthless than usual. And was trying to seduce a spider thingy.

Props, I got her in my web now. He giggled like a schoolgirl at his dumb joke and drew more stares. But this time the stallion didn’t care. She’d silked, now things were serious. It was time to take things to the next level.

Which Mac figured he’d discover when he got to it. Due to his parents untimely demise and the perpetual senility of his grandmother (Her name is Granny for a reason), the extent of Big Macintosh’s sexual education had been watching the dog hump his leg. But for now, he’d enact the parts he was sure of.

“Time to feed the baby,” Macintosh suavely declared. He speared some more salad, this time offering it to his date like a pro. Meaning he only dropped it twice.

However, TwiWeaver Spiderkle was once again unresponsive, contemplating the ethics of eating live insects. But at least her mouth was open, so Big Mac just dropped the fork into it. Her  jaw snapped shut, grinding apart steel and broken dreams.

And the earth pony sat back in satisfaction, goofy grin on his face and erection tilting the table. She was taking all the bait, at this rate they’d be honeymooning in Las Pegasus by morning. And spider babies. However, he couldn’t help but notice the foal at the next table was no longer there.

Whatevs big boy, we’ll be out of here before they even notice Rarity couldn’t get the reservation.

Playing with his salad, Mac asked, “So, uh, you like that?” He waited for an answer. He had enough waiting. “Eeyup, that’s some good salad.” A true casanova. He looked up.

TwiLonglegs Eggsackle stared coldly at him from across the table.

He stared back.

TwiLurker Sparkukulcania stared with the intensity of a hundred screaming children.

His heart began to beat violently, sweating coating his skin. He’d never felt more aroused by a metaphor.

TwiLarva Silkshitter grabbed a fly and sensually put it in her mouth, thoroughly licking it and simulating fellatio.

Jaw dropping, he felt a heart attack coming on and took action. “Oh Celestia, mah little heart can’t take it!” Big Mac shrieked, leaping onto the table with the fervor of a retired and jaded astrophyscist that’s seen one too many stars implode, and he furiously kissed his one true spidery love in a sticky embrace.

True love requited, the spell was broken and he turned back to his true form: Gummy the gator.