Cousin Vinyl

"I hooked her up with this sweet guy and she totally snuffed him!"

Vinyl Scratch

There are only a few instances in my short twenty two years of life that I have ever been frightened for the wellbeing of not just myself, but Equestria as a whole. The first was when my father found out I was a filly-fooler, the second was when Aunty Velvet found out that he had kicked me out of the house because of my being a filly-fooler, and the most recent was when the awesome power of my wubs disintegrated Octavia's prized cello while she was attempting to tune it.

With that said I was not looking forwards to getting home, The idea of visiting Twilight in Ponyville was a heat of the moment thing, I only said it to get Aunty Velvet to stop being so mopey! So as I took the trek to my apartment in the mildly humid Canterlot air I had to come up with a way to break it to my mare friend that I, the great and all-knowing Vinyl Scratch, was going to visit Ponyville, the town her sister, Pinkamena Diane Pie lives in and the town that Octavia has literally stated shall not be entered by any mare friend of hers or they risk death by stoning.

I entered the apartment with as much silence as I could muster; I thought that if I could be as quiet as possible Tavi wouldn't ask me about my time with Aunt....

"Hello Vinyl," the sound of her voice rung from the kitchen "How was your visit with your Aunt?" she asked walking into my line of sight.

Son of a bitch talking shit monger how'd she hear me come in! I turned to look at my mare friend and smiled trying not to sweat "H...hi Octi, I didn't know you were home" probably the stupidest thing I could have said.

"What do you mean? I have been home this entire time,you were only gone for two hours," Octavia stated pointing to a nearby clock "I was just finishing up lunch, come eat and then we can talk about your time with Aunty Velvet." Octavia had taken to calling Twilight Velvet her aunt ever since she  had helped Octavia  work up the courage to tell her own parents about us, on a side note it was very surprising to see how alike Velvet and Octavia are when they are freaking out and overreacting, Octavia's parents actually took the news that their second oldest daughter was a filly fooler quite well, the only thing that I could say was a downside to telling her parents was that her father, Clyde threatened me with eternal rock farm duty if I ever broke Tavi's heart.

Stalliongradi Ponies are some of the scariest I’ve ever met, anyway I reached deep inside myself to find the inner awesome that I hold within my soul so I could tell Octavia, my love, the only mare I’ve ever cared about who wasn’t related to me, and the mare of my dreams that I was going to be going to Ponyville; the town she’d burn down in an instant if she was given the godly powers of an alicorn, to visit my cousin.

“Umm Tavi I have something I need to tell you.” I took a sharp inhaling breath to savoir the air before I announced my plans to the mare I love, enjoying the taste and sensation of it filling my lungs for what I thought would be the final time.

Octavia must have smelt the fear emanating off of me, she glared daggers into my very soul as she spoke “Yes Vinyl?” was that her accent coming back? It was! She only lets her Stalliongradi accent slip into her speech if she knew I was going to say or do something stupid!

“Umm….Well you see, I kind of, maybe, promised my aunt that I would go visit Twilight in Ponyville…for a week”  I rushed the last part hoping that her ears couldn’t keep up with what I said.

But I was wrong, she had heard everything and her eyes began to twitch, I inhaled deeply as she turned and trotted into the kitchen and began chopping lettuce with a knife; she made sure to make her cuts loud and menacing.

My ears drooped down as I followed my mare friend into the kitchen, against my better judgement might I add.  She was still chopping away when I let my voice come out once again “Tavi?” I asked my voice a higher Octave than usual, HA! See what I did there? It was a pun? No? well buck you too, just tryin to lighten the mood a bit before I get murdered.

That was when she decided to release all the pent up rage she had been boiling inside her stew of anger and hatred by turning around and throwing, oh wait no I meant CHUCKING the knife at the side of the kitchen door impaling it into the GRANITE AND STEEL WALL THAT MADE UP OUR HOME! Let me reiterate that, she bucking just pierced a kitchen knife, through a wall, made up of steel and granite! how does a pony, let alone an earth pony do that!?

Stalliongrad eat your Celestia damn heart out, you have created the scariest mother bucker history has ever seen since the short rule of Nightmare moon!

Octavia looked at me as her eye twitched, anger becoming evident as she trotted towards me, ripping the knife from the wall and beginning to speak “Что было, что вы наглый дурачок?(What did you say you little fool?)” her words came out in her native language but I’m pretty sure they were an evil curse directed at me.

“Tavi, I love you and you know I’d never do anything to hurt you, I’m just going to visit Twilight…” I trailed off as the knife edged closer to my throat, by Celestia’s blazing orgasms she really, really hates her sister if she’s getting this mad about me going to Ponyville.  It felt as if the sun itself had abandoned my home because the granite and stone felt colder than it should and I think the room’s temperature dropped by ten degrees.

Octavia brought the knife up to my throat and whispered into my ear “So you think that you can get away with leaving me, to go to a town I told you never to go to, and expect me to be perfectly okay with it?” her accent was both attractive and frightening…..what? A pony can have her priorities before death dammit!

I just gulp and nod “ummm yes?” she continued to stare at me for what seemed like an eternity when she got up off me and began trotting back toward the counter.

“Very well, you can go.” And like that the boss battle was over and the world was safe! It was that easy, she went from Stalliongrad KGB agent of destruction, to indifferent loving mare….what?!

“Really?” I’m pretty sure my jaw had unhinged and fallen into the floor by my surprise.

“Yes really, Pinkie Pie and I made up two years ago after the Grand Galloping Gala, we decided to play on your paranoia and fear for a little fun” She smirked at me.

“Play on it? Octavia you chucked a knife through stone!” I shouted at her pointing at the hole in our wall.

“I had to make it convincing didn't I?” she asked with an innocent pout.

“STONE OCTAVIA! BUCKING STONE!” I couldn't get it out of my head, she chucked a knife…wait is that a butter knife? She chucked a knife of some sort through stone! HOW!!!??? I think she broke my brain…Twily told me about the time Pinkie Pie broke her brain…maybe Pies all have the ability to break members of my family…maybe that’s it. Before I could finish my thought Octavia coughed.

“are you quite done thinking? Good because you need to write Twilight a letter before you head off tomorrow” she flicked her tail at me.

“Aww do I have to…” I grumbled “I just got a knife thrown at me, can’t I have time to relax?” I asked with a groan.

She turned to me and winked “If you can finish the letter soon enough and hurry up with your dinner then maybe you’ll get a chance to come…relax.”

That last part sounded sexual….BY CELESTIA’S TEETS IT WAS SEXUAL! I love her…I love her… I love her! I ran into my study (because bitch I have one!) and began jotting down my letter right away, all the while my thoughts went around in circles about that sexy plot of tavis….I think I drooled on the paper, but who cares! With a flash I sent it and went to feast on my prize…if you know what I mean.