And Suddenly, I'm Fluttershy

I'm Going to Regret This

Bartholomew

Just as I began to launch into an extended ramble on the fact that humans always wore clothes in public, much to my (and Rarity's) chagrin, Lyra burst through the door.

You heard me correctly, the same mare who decided to kiss me out of the blue. She barged into my (amazing how quickly I became attached to it) house. Lovely.

"Bartholomew, I have a confession," she said.

I surely hope so, you tried to miss me earlier. I still don't have an explanation for that.

"What is it?" I asked.

"A-actually, can we go to a more private setting? A back room, perhaps, I don't want everypony listening," she asked.

"Of course," I said.

This was beginning to look somewhat suspicious, but curiosity killed the cat, or in this case, the alien.

As soon as Lyra and Bartholomew were out of earshot, the five remaining ponies huddled.

"We're going to listen in on them, aren't we?" asked Rainbow.

"Well of course, darling, assuming Twilight's okay with it, we do need her magic after all," Rarity replied.

"Yes, we are going to eavesdrop," said Twilight. As much as she hated the plan, the princesses did tell her to keep on eye on Bartholomew.

"Ooh! Ooh! Are we going to actually drop from eaves? Because that sounds like fun!" exclaimed Pinkie excitedly.

"No Pinkie, all we need is a spell," replied Twilight.

"Aww..."

Everypony waited as Twilight cast the spell.

"Bartholomew..."

"Yes?" I questioned.

"Willyougooutonadatewithme?" Lyra blurted out.

What? Did I hear that correctly? A date? Then again, she was speaking rather quickly...

"I didn't catch that," I said.

"Will. You. Go. Out. On. A. Date. With. Me." she said carefully.

That's what I was afraid of. How to put this gently.

"Well, Lyra, I really didn't date much back home, with my own species. Really, I didn't date after Sophmore year in college. So..."

"Please? Just one date? I'll never trouble you about it again."

Time to analyze this carefully. On one hand, (hoof?) I hardly new her, and I wasn't really attracted to ponies. On the other hand... Actually, there is no other hand.

I looked into her eyes. And I saw something.

~~~Flashback~~~

February 21st, 1994, Princess Celestia's School For Gifted Unicorns

I looked at them, my tormentors. I listened to their words, their hate filled speech.

"Lyra's a freak!"

"You don't deserve to go here!"

"Filly fooler!"

"You're just a freak obsessed with foal stories!"

"No, they're real!" I stammered.

"No they're not, you filly fooling, monkey loving, freak!"

I was tempted to cry. I wanted nothing more than to break down right there. But I wanted even more to deny them the satisfaction.

"At least I actually pass my classes," I said.

The ponies gathered around me gasped, some saying "ooh!"

"What did you say?" she asked.

I was to scared to say anything again. After all, as much as the words hurt, hooves hurt more.

"That's what I thought, monkey kisser!"

That did it. As he turned to go, I elaborated upon my earlier statement;

"You're only here because your parents are rich. I got in because I'm actually intellegent, not because I'm a spoiled brat like you, Blueblood. Or should I say, Francois Sot Bleusang."

"Your name is Francois? That's so gay!" someone in the crowd.

"Graah!" he roared, launching himself at me.

The first (and only) punch landed in my face. I fell to the ground, and I lay there, feeling something warm and wet flowing from my nostrils.

"How do you like that, you-"

"Blueblood!" I heard somepony shout, "What's going on!?"

I opened my eyes just a sliver. Standing near Blueblood  was Yellowed Pages, school librarian, and a white coated colt.

"She-"

"I don't care what she did, you have no right to treat anypony like-" he stopped when he saw me. "Oh sweet Celestia. Fancy Pants, get nurse Sweetheart." The colt ran off.

~~~Later~~

"Hey, thanks for getting the teacher," I said to Fancy Pants.

"Think nothing of it, he's an insufferable twit," he replied, "But I'm more worried about your face, are you going to be alright?"

"Yeah, I'm fine," I said.

"You sure?" I nodded. "Very well then. I didn't catch your name, by the way."

"Lyra," I replied.

"Fancy Pants," he said to me.

"So I've heard."

"Well, I didn't think that I was that famous!"

"What do you mean? I just heard the teacher say your name."

"Oh well."

"Why did you think you were famous?"

"I guess my fame doesn't extend beyond the boundries of math class."

"What did you do?"

"I aced the entrance exam, for math, at least."

"Really?"

"Yes, but sadly, I am lacking in the magic department." The bell rang.

"Goodness me, look at the time! I need to get to History!"

"Goodbye!" I called.

"Oh, yes, it was a pleasure," and with that, he walked off.

~~~Several Years Later~~~

"Oh, come on, ask her out!" I said.

"No, I'd just muck it up," Fancy Pants replied.

We sat in the cafeteria in one of the corner tables, away from most other ponies.

"You are probably the most gentlemanly person I've ever met, you'll do fine!"

"In case you didn't notice, I'm not exactly a hit with the lad-, I mean fillies. Blast it Lyra, you've got me talking like you now!"

"Yeah, I do that," I replied.

The object of Fancy's affection was one Fleur-de-Lis, duel champion of junior year, and third most talented student magician in the school, behind Twilight Sparkle and Trixie Lulamoon, but they didn't duel.

"I don't know about this..."

"If you don't, I will," I replied.

He waited a few moments. "Confound you, Lyra," he said, getting up.

~~~Present Day~~~

"Bartholomew?" Lyra asked.

I started.

"What the hell just happened?" I asked noone in particular.

"What do you mean?"

I realized that I had peered into her memories, not unlike what I had done with Luna earlier.

"You've been staring off into space for a while now, are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine."

"So..." she blushed furiously.

One date couldn't be that bad. I'm going to regret this. Gods, am I going to regret this.

I sighed in defeat, "When?"

She practically squee'd.

"Well, Hearth's Warming Eve is coming up soon, so we could do something then, maybe?"

"What date, or, more importantly, how many days from now?"

"Three days from now," she replied.

Let's see, this is the twenty-first, so that would be...

"Christmas Eve?"

"Is that what humans call it?"

"Yeah," I said.

She leaned in to kiss me again.

"No, no, stop. I'll go on a date with you, but absolutely no kissing, got that? Or hugging. Or..." I realized that I was being just a bit... odd. Hey, I'm still not really down with the whole 'intimacy with ponies' thing.

She seemed to deflate at my words.

"She we go back out?" I asked.

"Yeah," she replied.

What could possibly go wrong?

Ditzy watched the whole thing for the air, having had to move when Lyra and Bartholomew went into a back room.

Ditzy was no master, but she could read lips well enough, and she was elated when Bartholomew said yes to Lyra. Then again, she was a bit sad, but for entirely different reasons. She then realized that she needed to pick up Dinky from school.

"Oh, I need to pick up my muffin!" she exclaimed, flying to the schoolhouse, and nearly impaling herself on some decorative spikes on somepony's rooftop.

"Well, Ah can't believe it, they're goin' on a date on Hearth's Warmin'!" said Applejack.

"How romantic! There must be something we can do to help them," said Rarity.

"Quiet down, they're coming back!" said Twilight.

I walked into the living room, only to see the Elements frozen in place doing party related tasks. Pinkie's party hat fell into her drink. Something was amiss.

"What's everyone staring at me for?" I asked.

Rainbow started whistling.

Something was definitely amiss.