*pop*arrazzi

     "Are you ready Michael?" Twilight asked, preparing her teleportation spell. She had never used it on me, and while I teleported numerous times in dreams, this was the real deal.

     I thought for a second, I could hear the news crews all eager to see me leave the castle, knowing I didn't have any form of magic to protect myself. "Actually Twilight, I think I'll walk." The nine ponie's eyes got giant.

     "You want to go out in that?" Scootaloo asked.

     "Don't worry Scoot, what could they possibly do to me that can stop me?" I said, rubbing her purple mane.

     Pinkie jumped in the air "GREAT! I have more time to set up the party!" She said, then disappeared.

     I looked at Twilight "Party?" I had concern on my face.

     "Long story. Well, if you really want to walk through that, be my guest." She said, she was concerned, she had every right to be.

     "Maybe if I strike some fear into them, they won't be as aggressive towards me?" I suggested.

     "And how do ya plan on doin' that?" Applejack asked.

     I looked at the large castle doors. The ornate designs, and luxurious handle. "Twilight, can you give me an estimate d price on these doors?" I looked over my shoulder. I chambered a round into my pistol.

     "Not too much, why?" She had concern in her face.

     "I need you to go now, sorry, but this is required for my safety." She nodded, a bright flash of purple filled the room. And they were gone. "Perfect" I said to myself.

     I put the pistol on the handles, pulling the trigger. The large pistol rang through the castle, and shattered the handles. I kickedthe doors open and walked straight into the crowd. Fear in some faces, but some were determine d to get my picture. As I walked, I pointed the pistol at the ground, and fired a round. They all jumped, and some even ran away. "Perfect" I thought to myself. I was walking towards the train station, then I remembered something. Those bastards have my socks!

     I looked at their eyes. Every report's eyes told a different story. I scanned each one, I had scared half of them away, but these were either brave, stupid, or required to stay. I looked for the eyes that would lead me to my article of clothing. I found them. A set of ocean blue eyes. Her coat was a mint green with a orange mane. She had a camera attatched to her body, seing as she was an earth pony. I started walking towards her. It was as if the stars aligned. As I walked toward her, her ears flattened and she looked for a way to run, but she was backed into a corner. She had nowhere to run. I gave her to most evil smile I could manage. I felt my eyes change from their normal shade of light blue, to their deadly white appearance. A trick that took years to master.

     I got but three inches from her face, sweat had started to accumulate on her forehead. "What's your name, dear?" I said, as soft as possible.

     He gulped. "M-my n-n-n-name?" She managed.

     "Yes, what is your name?" I ran my finger under her chin. "Surely you have a name?"

     She was in a full blown state of shock. "S-S-Story..." She cowered down even more. She would have nightmares. No doubt about it.

     "Okay, and story, I have one more question"

     "Y-yes?" She got out.

     I grabbed the newspaper from my back pocket. "Where is the institution that published this?"

     She pointed a hoof towards a building not a hundred yards away. "T-there" she got out.

     "Thank you Story." I got up, and started towards the building. Every reporter was in complete shock. I just laughed.

     About fifty yards from the building, a black stallion with a pen as his cutie mark, jumped in front of me. "Stop! You will answer my questions!" He screamed at me.

     "And why is that?" I asked.

     "Because, I am THE most prestigious and best journalist in all of Equestria, and it would be an honor to be interviewed by me.!"

     "Oh really? Can I think about that for a minute?" I cut him off right before he could answer. "No, fuck off."

     His eyes were filled with shock. "How dare you curse at me! I should strike you down right here!" Oh he was funny.

     I looked to all the other reports "Take note, I do not attack unless I am ordered or it is in self defense. If he lays his hoof on me, he will be taken out, but only for my own safety." I turned back to the stallion. "Still want to fuck with me?"

     He pawed at the ground, like a bull getting ready to charge. "Should have just taken the interview." He said, rushing at me.

     His skull impacted with my right knee. He rolled on the ground in pain. "Told you not to fuck with me." I said, before continuing my journy to the press.

     I walked up to the door, and no surprise, it was locked. "We're out today, got a big story on the monster!" A voice inside called.

     "You have exactly five seconds to open this door, before I do. Five..."

     "Buck off." The voice said.

     "Four..." No response. "Three..." Nothing. "Two..." I heard whispers from inside. "One..." the whispers stopped. I checked the door again. Still locked.

     "Ha, you really think I'm go..." He was cut off my multiple explosions from my pistol, blowing the lock and handle off the door. I then kicked it in, bending down to enter the building.

     "Where are my socks?" I asked, death lingering in my voice.

     "Oh, I didn't know it was you... right here." He grabbed a picture frame and brought it to me. My socks were on display like a signed jersey.

     "I never want any of your ponies to take my things, or we are going to have a very bad time." He nodded and I made my why out of the building. I heard a train whistle. I started running for the station. I made it right as the doors were closing, the reporters knowing exactly what I was doing, they tried blocking my path. I just ran around them. I jumped into the first car, as it had its door still pretty open. I dove in right as the door shut. I was out of breath and out of shape. I lay on the cold floor. It was so comfortable.

     I just smiled to myself. I looked around the car, strange though, there wasn't a soul in it. I stood up, observing that there was luggage. But no sign of their owners. I walked to the end of the car, opening the door to the next. Same story. Luggage all over, no ownee. I made my way to the next car. I looked in the window on the door, it was darker than the previous ones. I cautiously opened the door, and shut it behind me. The lights shot on, followed by multiple ponies yelling "surprise!" lead by Pinkie.

     I kinda laughed. "And what did I do this time to deserve a party?" I remember when I arrived in ponyville, after I got settled in, she threw me a "Welcome to Ponyville" party. It was kinda childish, but it brought up my mood.

     "Silly, don't you remember? Only about twenty ponies know!" She smilled and pointed to a big banner.

     "Fuck me..." I said as I read the banner. "Happy engagement!" it read.

     Rarity walked up and whispered "No, that's Luna's job."

     "You are the dirtiest pony I know." I looked at Twilight and pointed. "We need to talk." She nodded and we went started to head for the previous car.

     A pink blur ran in front of my, putting hooves to my chest. "Wait! You can't go yet, we havent even started!" She pleaded.

     "Pinkie, I want to give you my most sincere apologies. But I have to figure some things out." I rubbed her mane.

     "But you'll be back soon, right?" She still had that smile on her face.

     "Promise." I started to walk again, but was stopped again.

     "Pinkie promise?" She gave me a glare.

     I looked at her hooves. "Ummm.... sure, pinkie promise." I said, raising my little finger.

     "What are you doing?" She gave me a weird glare.

     "Ahhh... a pinkie promise?" I brought my hand to a fist amd brought it to my side. "But I guess it doesn't work like that here."

     She giggled "Silly, no it's like this!" She started doing the most random movements I had ever seen. "Cross my heart, hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye!" She then looked up at me.

     "Ahh... cross my heart, hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye?" I looked at Twilight, making sure I did the motions right.

     "Alright, see you too later!" She started bouncing around me. I continued into the next car.

     Twilight sat down and looked at me. "I know you've got questions." She started.

     "Damn right I have questions. What the fuck was that about?" I started looking out the window, pegasus reporters still following the train. I pulled the blinds on all the windows down.

     "Well.... we thought that even with your memory loss, you would still be able to remember that."

     "No! When I say I can't remember anything, I can't remember ANYTHING!"

     Her ears went flat. "Sorry Michael." She managed to get out.

     "How the hell does that slip by all of your questioning this morning? I would have thought one of you would have brought it up."

     "You asked to keep it a secret. And guards were in the room."

     I rubbed the back of my head. "Who all knows?"

     "The ten of us, Luna, Celestia, and the eight other ponies on the train." She mumbled something else under her breath, but I couldn't hear it.

     My mind hit the brakes hard. "Scootaloo." I said to myself. I turned to Twilight. "What does Scootaloo think about all of this?"

     "She won't talk to anyone about it. She found out on the train."

     "Where is she?" I stood up, preparing myself for the party that most likely stood between me and my daughter.

     "Caboose." She said.

     "Thank you." I started for the caboose, but as soon as I opened the door to Pinkie's party, I knew it would be difficult.

     "Michael! I'm glad you're back! Now it's time to party!" She threw confetti everywhere.

     "Pinkie, I'm sorry, but I'll be gone a little longer." I said, pushing past the mare.

     "You'll be back right?" She looked at me.

     "Pinkie promise." I said, doing the strange motions.

     "Okie-dokie-loki!" She said, before returning to her party. I finally reached the caboose, to see the three fillies all on the back railing.

     I snuck up behind them, being super quiet. To hear their conversation. Applebloom was first. "Scootaloo, don't worry none. Ain't you just a little happy for 'm?"

     Scootaloo replied. "A little, yeah, but he didn't even tell me. I found out from Pinkie on the train."

     "Maybe he didn't even know? I heard he doesn't remember anything from last night." Sweetie suggested.

     "How could he forget that? It's a giant thing for him! He hasn't shown any type of affection for anypony exept me. And now he's about to marry Princess Luna!" She hit her head on the rail.

     "You know what, I think he's in the party right now. We can go talk to him for ya?" Applebloom said.

     "Thanks girls, but I really want to talk with him myself." Scootaloo said.

     "We're always here for ya. Just know that." Applebloom and Sweetie Belle said in unison, then hugging Scootaloo. I took this as my opportunity. I scooped all three girls up in my arms.

     "Scootaloo, I have zero memory about last night. I had no idea what I did. But I promise, I am sorry for not telling you, even though I had no knowledge about our myself." I said.

     "But why Luna? I mean, it's not that I'm not happy for you, because I am, but why her?" She asked. "She almost killed you the first time she saw you in Ponyville."

     "Oh I don't usually judge people by first impressions. And she cheated, she shouldn't be able to use magic." I laughed out.

     "Oh..." she said.

     I put the girls on the ground. "Scootaloo, you aren't mad at me are you?"

     "Oh no, course not, just a little concerned is all." She said.

     "Alright, I'm going to get all this straightened out." I stood up, and attempted a link with Celestia.

     "Hello Michael, you wanted to talk with me?" She rang through my head. I was getting better at it.

     "Is it possible for you to teleport me back to the castle from my position?"

      There was a pause. "It may cause you a great deal of pain. Are you sure?"

     "Positive." I said. I waited for ten seconds, then I was engulfed in a bright white light. I saw the light fade, and the pain hit me. It felt like I had just been hit by a freight train.I opened my eyes to see I was in the middle of a random hallway. I rolled onto my back. A spear pointed at my face.

     "Halt! How did you get in here?" The guard screamed at me.

     I pushed the spear out of my face. "Fuck off, I'm busy." I then rolled over to vomit on the floor.

     "I'm taking you to the dungeons!" He said, I felt his teeth grab my shirt.

     "Fine, get chewed out by Celestia and Luna, I don't care." I said. The pain wss rapidly fading away.

      He let go of his grip. "How do you know our the names of your Princesses?" He was rather confused. He was obviously new aswell.

     "Long story." I stood to full height, and began looking for some kind of landmark.

     I felt the spear on my back. "Oh no, you're not going anywhere until you tell me how you know their names."

     I turned to the guard. "I am Celestia's most deadly security force, and I'm engaged to Luna." I felt a chill run down my spine. "Now fuck off."

     He never stopped looking at me. "Or what? I should turn you into Celestia right now!"

     I sighed. "Fine, you brought this on yourself." I grabbed the spear, using the end to swipe the feet from under the guard. He wasn't expecting me to be that fast. I then brought the blunt end of the spear onto his head. Leaving him unconcious, but alive. I started walking around the castle. I somehow made it up to Luna's room. The new guard was standing by the door.

     The guard walked in front of the door. "Move. Now." I said.

     "Luna is asleep right now, I have a du..."

     "You have five seconds to get out of my way, before I snap your neck."

     He hesitated, then moved out of the way. I opened the door, Luna lay peacefully on her bed. Her jewelry on her bedstand. I had no idea how I was going to kindly wake her from her sleep. My idea came when I got a wiff of myself, and I smelled terrible! I looked over to see an open door, leading to a bathroom. "Excellent." I said to myself as I made my way towards the shower that was inside.

     I stepped into the shower, thankful the controls were the same as the ones in my home. The water felt good as it released the tension in my shoulders. It also cleared my nose, which I didn't know was clogged, and the soap she used had a unique smell. I shrugged it off. I was about to get out when I heard the doot creek open. I thought to myself "Oh, this is going to be a surprise for sure." I was preparing to ask Luna for a towel, when a black bolt of magic hit the bear of the shower, sending water, and me, through the air.

     She laughed. "You assassins are getting worse with every try." She stated, walking towards the pile of rumble. Completely oblivious to it being me. "I guess I will have the honors of seeing your face this time, however." She started moving around rumble, looking for the assassin. She eventually found me as she moved a large rock from my face.

     I smiled, coughing a little bit. "Hey Lu." I managed to get out.

     Her face collapsed in an apologetic way. "Michael! I'm so sorry, I had no idea it was you!" She picked me up from the pile of rumble. Her shower was completely destroyed.

     I looked down at myself, now covered in dust and blood, the nice shower I just took was meaningless. I looked at Luna, still apologizeing. Then I realized something. I was naked! "Luna, could you grab me a towel please?"

     "Sure." She levitated a towel towards me, I wrapped it around my waist. Engaged or not, I wasn't exactly comfortable with a random princess that just blasted me with magic to see me nude.

     I walked out of the bathroom, kinda following Luna. She sat on the edge of her bed, bags under her eyes. "Damn, you don't look too good, are you alright?" I asked, picking my clothes off the floor.

     She looked at me, some tears started forming. "You still don't remember do you?" She asked, levitating the same teddy bear as before to he chest, and holding it.

     I shook my head. "I did, however, learn something."

     Her eyes lit up. "You know then?"

     I rubbed the back of my head. "Wel, yeah I know. But I'm not exactly sure how I feel about it." Stupid choice of words.

     Her ears started to fall, and eyes welling again. "What do you mean?"

     I sighed. "Luna, we both know I was very very drunk. I had little control over my actions."

     Tears started to creep out of her eyes. "You mean... you don't really love me?" She gripped the teddy bear even tighter.

     "I just.... I don't know how to put it. I mean, what will your kingdom think when they learn you are going to marry an alien killer?" I was not in any ways a lady's man.

     "They don't care for me anyways, it really wouldn't matter." She said.

     I sighed. She wasn't making this easy. "Truth is, Luna, while I may have said I love you, I was drunk. I really don't know how well I can adapt to love somepony, I've always loved humans." Way to go jackass.

     "But...." She tried to say something, but couldn't get it out. Instead, I heard little sobs.

     "Fuck...." I said to myself as I made my way to the now emotionally unstable princess. I wrapped my arm around her, that made the sobs less frequent. "Hey, what's so important about that bear that you've got there?" I asked, hoping to change the subject. She just burst into tears.

     She finally brought herself around, just long enough to tell me. "You didn't have enough money for a ring, so you won this in a game." She said, throwing herself into her pillow, crying her eyes out.

     "How I met your mother..." I said to myself. I really had no idea what to do. I just sat on the bed while Luna cried herself to sleep. The poor soul needed rest, it was obvious she had been thinking on the matter for a while now, keeping her up. I just sat there. Thinking. My mind was racing. Should I go through with marriage? Should I cancel the wedding.... was there evn going to be a wedding, or did they do things different here? My mind was racing, I needed air.

     I got up and walked over to the balcony. I looked out at the beautiful landscape. "I don't belong here, the ponies all say it, I'm a monster. On Earth, it's okay, it's other humans. These are ponies." I said to myself. I rested my head on the railing. How did they even do weddings here? What would the honeymoon be like? Where would we go, I've only been to three cities? My mind was going so fast, I didn't even realize a yellow pegasus had flown up to the balcony.

     "Wow! You're the monster!" The female voice said.

     "This monster has a name, asshole." I said, I turned to go back inside m I didn't need this.

     "Oh, I'm sorry! I was thinking out loud, please, wait!" She pleaded.

     "Fuck off."

     "Michael, just let me ask you something."

     "No."

     "Please?"

     "No."

     "Pretty please!"

     "Yes."

     Her face got bright. "Rea..."

     "No." I was about to shut the door, but a yellow hoof kept it open.

     "Please, I work for the Appleoosa paper! My pay isn't that great, and if I was to get an interview with you, that would just make everything a little easier."

     "Just a little more, that's all you ever need isn't it? 'If I make just a little more money, everything will be alright.' News flash, make do with what you've got, make it work. Stretch it to the limit. Instead of throwing a pity party, trying to get 'just a little more,' find out where you are now. You don't need a lot of money to survive, you could probably actually make it just fine as is. You're working hard, and trying to get ahead. I'll give you that, but until you can learn to love with the fact money doesn't matter, is when you will be overwhelmed by it."

     "I've divorced three times. THREE! I can barely love someone, and you expect me to not worry about money?"

     "Here's another piece of advice. Before you try to love another, you must first love yourself."

     "You're just full of wide words aren't you?" She said with a smartass tone.

     "You're just a pain in the ass aren't you?" I replied.

     "Just one interview and I'll be out of your hair."

     As much as I didn't want to, I really couldn't touch the mare. "You've got two minutes." I said, opening the door and walking outside.

     She squealed with excitement. "Alright, question number one, how did you first show up in Equestria?"

     "Classified."

     "Okay then, question two, why did you assault Blueblood at the play?"

     "Orders are orders."

     "Three, do you feel a connection between you and Luna?"

     "Next question."

     "But I..."

     "Next. Question."

     She mumbled something under her breathe, and continued. "When did you first encounter Luna?"

     "Shortly after my arrival."

     "What do you think it's the best thing about Equestria?"

     "It's peaceful. Quiet."

     "You say that you like that it's quiet, yet you use the loudest thing in the world as your weapon?"

     "My tools have nothing to do with what I like."

     "So you don't like killing?"

     "No."

     "Then why do you do it?"

     "A very close friend actually pointed out why I kill, before I even realized it. Whenever I kill, it's not because I hate what's in front of me, but instead..." I looked over my shoulder at Luna. "Because I love what's behind me."

     "So you love Equestria?"

     "I love just one or two of the ponies in it."

     "Would you me willing to say who they are?"

     I shook my head. "For their safety from the press and possible assassins, I will not be releasing their names. And your two minutes are up." I stood and went to walk inside, but was stopped by a hoof on my shoulder.

     "Thank you Michael."

     "No problem." I said, motioning for the door.

     "Oh, and one more thing?" She said.

     "Yes?"

     "I hope you rot." Confusion took over, but was quickly countered by pain. A sharp pain in my abdominal region. I looked downt see a bloody red knife protruding from my gut. I turned to see the yellow pegasus fly off, leaving no trace she had been there. Then I came to a sudden realization.

I was bleeding out.