Chapters The Rats, The Cats and The Callahan
The summer day was blisteringly hot, the temperature was 35 degrees Celsius outside and it was very humid. Police sergeant Derreck Callahan wiped the sweat from his forehead, he looked around his small office. The little fan rotated side to side and blew air around the room but didn’t really help with the heat. He grabbed a package of cigarettes and closed the window blinds so the police officers outside his office didn’t see him have a smoke.
He rolled his office chair towards the outside window and opened it wide, warm air blew through the 3rd story window and filled the room, it was a little cooler than the air inside but not by much. Noises from the big city filled the air, although the city had a high reputation and most ponies called it the ‘Big City’ it wasn’t all glamorous like the rumors would have it. Callahan was serving in a bad police district and gunshots could constantly be heard in the distance, along with windows being broken and the screams of random ponies being mugged or possibly raped.
Callahan sat back at his desk and lit his cigarette with a zippo lighter and began to write up his after-action report. ‘HA, after action my ass, all I did was bust a shop lifter’ Callahan chuckled to himself. Cigarette smoke accumulated in the office but was soon drawn out the window.
Callahan rubbed his forehead, the heat was really starting to get to him and he figured he’d probably have a bad headache tomorrow morning. Callahan was a large earth pony stallion with an exceptional muscle mass, easily being the strongest officer in the precinct, he usually use his features to install fear into culprits and make them surrender. He was an average height with white fur and only 29 years old yet he had a brown mane with small streaks of grey on the sides, though he usually kept his mane cut short so it was harder to notice. He wore suspender trousers along with a dress shirt and a tie which was currently undone.
A knock echoed in his office, “it’s open” Callahan replied and another officer opened the door and entered his office shyly. “Uh Sarge?” the officer asked, Callahan looked up from his desktop computer “yeah” he gruffly replied and the officer dropped a stack of papers on his desk and Callahan looked at it with disgust. “Sorry sir, uhh the new requisition forms came in” the officer apologized, “it’s not your fault that you have to give the bad news. Tell the Captain I don’t want any of the new crap” Callahan replied. The officer stood in attention, “sir if you want to keep your current equipment you need to complete part 7” the officer informed him.
Callahan sighed and looked through the paperwork, he found part 7 ‘Request for further use of current equipment’, Callahan groaned as he realized that the paperwork for part 7 was at least 20 pages of random crap. He dropped his head onto his desk with a THUD and groaned again. “Thank you constable, that’ll be all” Callahan groaned and the officer nodded and quickly left, closing the door behind him.
Callahan finished his after-action report and started with the Requisition forms, “Part 7” Callahan said outloud and he took a puff on his cigarette and let it rest on the edge of his lip and he started filling out the form, ‘Name (Last, First) Callahan Derreck…
* * *
Callahan finally finished the requisition forms and he looked to the digital clock on his desk, it read 11:39pm. He let out a tired sigh and shuffled the papers together and looked out the window into the streets below. The sun had set hours ago and now street lights and the moon illuminated the dirty streets of the neighbourhood. He put out his cigarette and closed the window. Even though it was night time the air was still hot and humid, he shut down his computer down, grabbed his dark brown trench coat and hat and slowly made his was out of his tiny office, with a small sway in his pace.
Most of the other officers had gone home, minus a few officers that stayed for night shift or were the emergency officers. “Night Callahan” one of the officers called out, “yeah see you tomorrow” Callahan grumbled and made his way to the Captain’s office.
He opened the door without knocking and Captain Danvers looked up “don’t you ever knock?” he asked, annoyed by his lack of manners. Callahan sighed and dropped the pile of finished paper work on his desk, “reckon you requested to keep your antiques?” Danvers implied as he looked through the work. The captain’s office was air conditioned and gave Callahan goose bumps from the cold air that circulated the room, ‘lucky bastard’ Callahan thought to himself as Danvers sorted through his paperwork.
“Well Callahan I guess that’s all, have a fine night” Danvers said with a smile, “yeah you to” Callahan grumbled and left the office, closing the door behind him. As soon as he left the office the hot air seemed to hit him like a blast furnace, Callahan let out a sigh of discomfort and walked over to the staircase and made his way down to the lobby.
As he passed the receptionist’s desk the female officer called out to Callahan “calling it a night Cal?” she asked flirtatiously. Callahan simply shrugged off her flirtatious attitude towards him “yeah, have a nice night Scarlet” he said bluntly and walked out the front door “you too Cal” she called out as Callahan left into the streets of Brooklyn.
He heard gunshots echo in the city and chuckled knowing that somewhere, probably in this very neighbourhood, some-pony was going to die and the police would simply write it off. “That’s the police for you” he muttered to himself and rounded into a fenced area, which was the police garage.
Callahan walked up to an old rusty 1974 Gran Torino and pulled out a set of keys, at one point the Torino had a beautiful paintjob but years of service and 1million miles later the car’s body wasn’t in the greatest of shape. He opened the door and started the car, it rumbled to life and the engine sounded as if it was brand new, despite the lack of care for the body Callahan had taken care of the motor and the interior of the car. He had leather seats and custom steering column made directly from a Ford dealership in Detroit along with grill bars for police duty and a reinforced rear and front bumper.
The car smelt nice because of the air freshener and Callahan drove it out of the garage. He approached the gate to the garage and the officer looked at Callahan “Callahan when are you going to get rid of that rusty old thing” the officer teased, “never because I know that next day I’ll see you driving it” Callahan laughed. “Alright fine” the officer sighed as he opened the gate bars and looked to Callahan “have a nice night Callahan” the officer said, “yeah you to Bill” and drove his car into the streets.
As he drove he dialed the radio into 95.1fm, it was classic rock and the music filled the car as Callahan sang along to the song…
She says her love for me could never die
Callahan continued to sing the lyrics to the song as he drove to his home. Eventually he reached the neighbourhood he lived in and drove his car down an alleyway behind the building he lived in. He turned off the car and locked the doors as he got out and let out a tired stretch as he walked towards the front lobby of the apartment building. There were some young teenagers spray painting graffiti on the side of the building.
“Hey” Callahan called out at the delinquents who looked at him with irritated looks, “hey shut the fuck up you old geezer” one of the punks yelled with a threatening voice. “Hey punks stop vandalizing this building” Callahan ordered, the punks looked at him and laughed. One of the punks pulled out a bat and they closed in on him, Callahan snarled, reached into his trench coat and pulled out a .45 cal. M1911 and pointed it at the group “don’t think for a minute I won’t shoot you” Callahan snarled and cocked the hammer back on the pistol.
“You wouldn’t” one of the punks said with fear in his voice, Callahan shot the ground in front of them and chips of pavement blasted up, “just some punks that got into a gang fight, next shot hits one of you… now get the fuck outta here” Callahan ordered in a gruffly voice. The punks turned and ran with their tails between their legs. Callahan chuckled, he probably couldn’t have brought himself to kill the youths even if they were gang members.
Callahan holstered his handgun and went into the lobby of the building. He pulled out a pair of keys and jingled them as he walked up the staircase of the building until he reached the 4th floor and walked into the hallway and continued down the hallway, the halls of the building were littered with garbage and graffiti. He reached the end of the hallway and the hallway ended with a final door. He fiddled with the key ring and found his house key and opened the door.
The Rats, The Cats and The Callahan
Callahan opened his door and the door hinges squeaked as the door swung open. Callahan flicked on the light switch and cockroaches scurried about in all different directions. “Run” Callahan chuckled in a squeaky voice, trying to imitate the squeaks of cockroaches. Callahan took off his trench coat and hat and placed them on the coat rack by the door.
As he entered the ransacked home he kicked the door shut behind him and lit another cigarette. The floorboards creaked underneath his weight, a fine sign that this place was decaying every day. Callahan trotted over to the stove where a can of grease was set on the stove, as he inhaled on his cigarette he let out a chuckle of triumph, “gotcha” he muttered and picked up the can of grease. Every day before he left he would set a can of grease on the stove, the cockroaches would become invigorated by the smell of grease and crawl into the can but after they crawled into the grease they couldn’t crawl out and simply drowned.
Callahan walked over to the balcony doors and proceeded onto his balcony. He leaned over the edge of the balcony and peered to the floors below and then to the alleyway. “Where’s that fucking cat” he mumbled to himself as he looked for his unfortunate victim. He let out a snicker as he saw a white Persian cat prance along with a little bit of a limp in its walk. It approached its climbing post which it used to climb the wall of the building. Callahan smirked as he dumped the grease can’s contents downwards. Grease, along with dead cockroaches, splashed all over the once clean Persian and it let out a hiss of discomfort as it tried to shake the grease and dead cockroaches off its fur.
Callahan chuckled in victory, “stupid cat” he muttered and went back inside, closing the glass balcony door behind him. He
Inside the fridge was a box of cold pizza that Callahan had bought 2 weeks ago, he opened the box and pulled out a slice of stale cold pizza. He looked at the pizza in disgust, ‘it’s probably chewy and gross’ He thought to himself as shuffled across the floor and then a pony began banging on the floor below him.
“Keep it down up there some of us are trying to sleep” yelled a cranky old mare. Callahan sighed in irritation and the old mare banged on the floor again “I heard that you disgraceful little shit, don’t make me call the police on you” she threatened and Callahan simply shook his head in humor.
Callahan opened up one of his cupboards and pulled out 2 Chinese ornament saucers, they were so small they had no practical use for a pony to use at a dinner table. Callahan set the 2 tiny saucers on the table and once again opened his fridge but this time he pulled out some cream mixture and premium salted crackers, closing the fridge door behind him he preceded back to the table.
He set 4 crackers on one saucer and poured the cream into the other then set the cream and crackers on the table. Callahan set his pizza down and out of the corner of his eye he spotted a rat peek its head out from a hole in the wall. The rat scurried across the floor and crawled up the table leg and onto the top of the table itself, the rat was quite large, from nose to tail it was probably 8 inches long and was plump. The rat approached the food but Callahan tapped it on the nose, “hey, don’t touch that” he ordered gruffly and the rat looked to him in discomfort. “You damn well know why I did that” Callahan scolded the rat, the rat stood on its hind legs and squeaked, “don’t use that attitude with me young man, you know we say grace first” Callahan scolded the rat, being alone from most ponies and living solitary meant Callahan had the time to learn to understand this rat.
The rat crossed its front legs and gave out a cheeky squeak, “hey, I may not have the best life but you sure as hell do… now say grace god dammit” Callahan scolded, the rat leaned back down and extended its front legs towards Callahan, Callahan touched his front hooves against the mouse’s tiny legs. “Dear Celestia” Callahan began, the rat squeaked in perfect chorus “we are grateful for you providing us with sun and life, to grow our foods and live amongst each other peacefully and freely, one day may we all live in piece Amen” Callahan prayed and the rat squeaked in chorus.
“Alright you can eat now” Callahan told the rat, who hastily started mowing down on the crackers.
* * *
When Callahan first moved into the apartment room it was pretty much the same as it was now, a dump and that’s putting it nicely. Amongst the cockroach and lice infested home Callahan somehow managed to live. Withing a week of living in the home he saw a fairly large rat and attempted to kill it, like he had the other pests in the home. The rat would constantly take his food and ruin his cigarette packs. After 3 months of endlessly trying to kill the rat he baited the rat by buying high quality dairy cream and placing a small Chinese ornament saucer filled with the cream, the same ornament saucer and cream he fed his rat to this day.
The rat fell for the trap and came out of hiding to taste the cream. Callahan lept on the rat and caught it in his hooves, but as he brought out a knife to end the rats life he saw something in its eyes, he wasn’t sure what it was but he couldn’t bring himself to kill the rat. So he let the rat go freely and it scurried away, however for some reason the next morning Callahan left out a saucer with cream and when he returned home late that night it was gone. He continued this routine for a month and one day came home early and saw the rat feeding from the saucer, it had grown fairly large, however when the rat saw Callahan it scurried away. Callahan would continuously feed the rat, one day however he had woken up late for work, the power had gone out in the building and he forgot to leave the saucer of cream for the rat.
When he returned home the rat was waiting for him at the door, Callahan smirked and poured the rat some cream, the next day he purchased some premium salted crackers, usually Callahan wouldn’t buy crackers but decided to see if the rat would like them. Coincidently the rat did enjoy the crackers, however one day after returning home the rat hadn’t eaten the crackers or the cream, Callahan looked around and found the rat under his stove, the rat had given birth to a litter of baby rats, Callahan chuckled and brought the saucer dishes closer to the rat, never before had he felt this much for something else, well minus his family but they don’t count for this.
The happiness didn’t last however as one brutally hot day Callahan opened his balcony doors and sat back down on his chair as he lit up a cigarette to try and pass the time. Suddenly a Persian cat burst through the balcony door and zipped over to the stove and began clawing at the rat and it’s babies, “you stupid fucking animal” Callahan roared as he attempted to grab the cat, but before he did the cat killed the mother rat, his only true friend, and most of the litter. As Callahan grabbed the cat the cat bit his hoof and Callahan threw the cat against a wall, “FUCK” Callahan roared and looked to the rats that the cat had killed.
The cat, now knowing it was outmatched attempted to escape out the balcony door, Callahan chased it outside but before it could escape Callahan kicked the cat in the side with brutal force, the cat let out a hiss of pain as it flew over the balcony railing and down to the unforgiving ground below. Callahan grunted in discomfort as he looked over the edge, hoping to see a splattered cat on the pavement below, he was disappointed however as it was garbage day and there were tons of garbage bags filled with trash that broke the cats landing. The cat walked with a limp and Callahan snarled and he hoped that the cat would walk like that forever.
Callahan looked back to the dead rats and let out a sigh of sadness, as he walked over he contemplated what to do with the rats, he could simply throw them in the garbage but he couldn’t do that to his friend. He put on his trench coat and placed the dead rats in his coat pocket but as he was finishing collecting the bodies he heard a quiet squeaking, like that of a baby rat in distress, he looked under his fridge to see a lone baby rat. He cradled it in the palm of his hoof and promised that he’d take care of this rat.
Later that day he drove down to Central park and buried the deceased rat family by the small creek that ran through Central park, figuring his old friend would have like to be buried here. From that point on he raised the lone surviving rat, feeding it cream and crackers like he had it’s mother, and also taught it many other tricks, like saying grace before eating, teaching it to let him wash it to keep it clean, he even training it to use a kitty litter box when it needed to go. That was 2 years ago.
* * *
Callahan sighed to himself as he remembered that terrible day and quickly subdued the thought. He finished his stale piece of pizza and realized that his rat was sitting on his leather recliner couch’s armrest. Callahan stumbled over to the couch and sat down, as he leaned back the couch reclined and both he and the rat let out a sigh as Callahan turned on the television and started watching late night T.V.
Callahan heard dripping and looked over to see a bucket he had placed on the ground a few feet from him getting filled with dripping water. He looked up to the ceiling and saw a disgusting toilet bowl stain on the roof, the ponies that lived above them had a problem with their toilet bowl seal and whenever they flushed their toilet dirty water would pool below the toilet and drip into his house. He let out a sigh of comfort knowing that at least if the floor broke that he wouldn’t be underneath it when if it did collapse.
The T.V. was playing some sort paparazzi T.V. show where they showed all of the famous celebrities like Bon Bon or Lyra and showed them in ridiculous and embarrassing moments. The rat grabbed the television remote and changed the channel “hey Squeak, I was watching that” Callahan retorted, he had named the rat squeak on account that it’s squeaking was what allowed Callahan to find the rat. Squeak looked at him and gave out an arguing squeak as he changed the channel to COPS.
“Man I have to do this every-day, I really don’t want to watch this” Callahan groaned, Squeak replied with a tiny squeak, “hey I don’t care some of the mares on that other channel were kind of cute” Callahan retorted and Squeak once again let out another squeak in protest. “Trust me, most mares think I’m 45 and don’t think I’m all that attractive so you damn well know why I don’t just get a mare-friend” Callahan replied but Squeak stuck with his argument, Callahan sighed and laid down on the couch with a sigh of tiredness. He took his shirt and tie off and slipped off his trousers so he was only wearing his boxers. The couch’s leather was cold and sent shivers up his body but it was better than the feeling of the humidity that still irritated the other half of his body. And finally after a long hot day he passed out as Squeak watched the police T.V. show.
* * *
A loud banging thundered through Callahan’s room, Callahan rolled over and looked to his digital alarm clock, it read 3:39am, he had to be to work by 6:30am. Callahan let out and irritated sigh as he rolled off the couch and stumbled towards the door, Squeak had fallen asleep and had left the television on and it now was playing infomercials. The visitor continued banging on the door. “I’m coming I’m comin, don’t get your panties in a bunch” Callahan called out to the visitor, Callahan moaned in tiredness as he thought to himself if he should put on some more respectable clothing. He shrugged off the thought and opened the door to meet his visitor.
The Rats, The Cats and The Callahan
Callahan was greeted by the sight of 65 year old Ms. Abernathy, the cat lady from downstairs. “Morning” Callahan said in an irritated voice, ‘what the fuck does she want at this time’ Callahan thought to himself, his thoughts were soon answered when Ms. Abernathy levitated her stupid Persian cat forward, grease and dead cockroaches were now dried into its fur. Callahan stifled a laugh, the cat looked hilarious in its current state, “something funny” Ms. Abernathy asked in an irritated tone, “yeah your cat’s new hairdo is hilarious” Callahan laughed gruffly.
“And I suppose you had nothing to do with this” Abernathy accused and Callahan shrugged, “wouldn’t know a thing, got
Callahan let out another irritated sigh, “yes Ms. Abernathy?” Callahan asked with irritation in his voice, “I’m always watching you Callahan… always” she said in a freakish old mare voice and walked away towards the elevator. “God that’s creepy” Callahan muttered as he closed the door and went back to his couch to try and get some sleep before he had to go back to work.
* * *
Callahan’s alarm clock started beeping, that annoying alarm beep that drives anyone insane that hears it. Callahan groaned and leaned over and hit the snooze button, the clock read 5:30am, the time that Callahan woke up every morning to get ready for work. Callahan got up and turned on the T.V. news, “and today is going to be another very hot and humid day, the temperature will be 99 degrees Fahrenheit today but with the humidity it will feel like 103, there will be some clouds along with” the news anchor began but Callahan turned off the T.V. and began to dress himself, today he chose to wear a plain white T-shirt with blue jeans.
Callahan groaned to himself in sleepiness and walked over to the fridge and pulled out a jar of grease, after pouring some grease into the grease can he set the jar back in the fridge and placed the can of grease on the stove, like he had every day for the past 2 and a half years. He walked to the washroom, which was by far the dirtiest place in the entire apartment room and relived himself, the toilet stank and didn’t quite flush properly. Callahan washed his hands and splashed cold water on his face and looked at himself in the mirror.
“Aren’t you just a stud” he laughed to himself and flexed in the mirror, his biceps bulged like that of a professional body builder but Callahan simply grunted and looked at his face, “if your face wasn’t so ugly I think you might be a knock out with the mares” he chuckled to himself and left the washroom. He slipped on his boots and holster on and flung his coat over his shoulder, he looked back to Squeak who was standing on his hindlegs on the table. Callahan chuckled as he put his hat on and grabbed the rat a cracker and handed the cracker to Squeak, who took it gracefully and gave a thankful squeak. “Be good” Callahan told the rat and left the apartment room.
He looked to the staircase and then to the elevator, he shrugged and lit a cigarette as he trotted down the staircase, figuring he might as well try to stay in shape. He reached the bottom of the staircase and entered the lobby, a receptionist yelled out “no smoking in the building”, Callahan chuckled to himself. “Hey you deaf or what, I said PUT OUT THAT CIGARETTE” the receptionist yelled, “hey keep it down, ponies are trying to sleep” Callahan scolded as he left the building.
He turned the corner and proceeded down the alleyway to his old car. He dangled out his keys and opened the door, as he started the car he looked to the clock. “20 to six, have time for a coffee and a doughnut” he muttered to himself and drove the car out of the alleyway and down the slums of the neighbourhood.
Callahan listened to the radio station which mostly just talked about the shitty weather but it did also talk about how the princess and her nephew prince Blueblood would be in town for a little while. “Figures, they probably want to see the statue of Celestia” Callahan muttered to himself, the statue of Celestia was a statue that was of Celestia holding up a torch, probably to resemble freedom or light or something.
Callahan parked his car in the parking lot in front of the local doughnut shop and turned the car off and went inside. An aroma of doughnuts and coffee filled his nose and drove his senses mad. “Mornin D” a cute Pegasus mare from behind the counter called out, “morning” Callahan replied in his gruffly voice as he sat down at a booth by the window. “The regular D?” she asked and Callahan nodded, the mare left the counter and grabbed him a plain doughnut and brought over a coffee pot and a cup, somehow balancing all of this. Callahan gave her 20 bits, “D, you know that it’s only 10 bits, so why do you always give me 20?” she asked. “Not sure. Keep the change” Callahan replied as he sipped the coffee.
The coffee was cold but that’s how he liked his coffee, the Pegasus sat down across from him, “so D?” she asked. Callahan looked at her with tired eyes “yeah” he replied bluntly. “Any interesting stories?” she asked curiously, “not really” he replied and took another sip out of his cold coffee. “Ech, D how do you drink coffee cold it’s just… gross” the mare asked, “it’s like saying how do you drink it hot” Callahan replied. “D, every pony drinks their coffee hot, it’s just the way it’s supposed to be drunk” she laughed. Callahan sighed “maybe I just like to be different” he replied. The mare chuckled “yeah you sure are different let me tell you” the mare giggled and got up from her seat “well I have to get back to work” she informed Callahan.
Callahan looked to her “you? Work? I would’ve never guessed” Callahan joked, “yeah well unlike some of us, I have an undercover job so you rarely see me working” she joked and made a spooky face. Callahan finished his coffee and picked up his doughnut, eating it as he left the doughnut shop.
“Later D” the mare called out, “later Beatrix” Callahan called back. She laughed and called back “call me B, you old fool” she laughed. Callahan chuckled to himself, he was probably her age, maybe a year older, but she thought he was way older than she was. Callahan finished his doughnut and hoped in his car, as he drove off he rubbed his head and took a sniff of his armpit, “uhhg, okay I’ll have to take a shower as well” he grumbled to himself.
He reached the police station and parked his car in the police parking and trotted towards the entrance. He took a glance towards the city before he entered the building and shook his head “bloody city will be the end of me” he told himself. He entered the building and signed in, “jeeze Callahan take a shower why don’t yah” the officer at the desk retorted, Callahan grunted to himself “was planning to” Callahan replied and trotted off towards the downstairs showers.
Much like change room showers at the recreational center the showers were just a bunch of nozzles in a large room. Callahan opened his locker and got undressed, he set a towel on a towel hook and turned on one of the shower nozzles, the water was nice and warm and Callahan let out a sigh of comfort as he washed himself off.
Callahan stood there and showered for a while then decided he had enough and turned the shower off. Steam had accumulated in the shower room, almost like fog but it was warmer than fog. Callahan grabbed his towel and dried himself off just as another officer came into the shower room, “holy shit, Callahan how long have you been here?” the officer asked curiously. Callahan thought to himself, “about 6” Callahan replied.
The officer chuckled and Callahan paid no attention as he dressed himself back up and left the shower room and proceeded up offices. He looked around the offices but only a few nightshift officers were left, and they were just getting ready to leave. Callahan trotted over to his office and opened the window, noises from the city filled the tiny office. Callahan sat down and leaned back in his office chair as he flicked on his computer which booted to life.
Callahan closed his eyes and rubbed his forehead, it was going to be a long day, and Callahan could just feel it. The computer finished its boot up sequence and Callahan reached over and turned the radio on to the classic rock station and leaned forward and started typing up some more paperwork.
Eventually more police officers entered the building. Callahan looked over to the clock on his desk, the clock read 8:37am. Callahan lit up a cigarette and continued to type up paperwork. It had only been a few hours but to Callahan it felt like ages, suddenly a young stallion appeared in his office doorway and knocked, Callahan looked up at the officer. “Uh Callahan, you coming on patrol today or what?” the officer asked, Callahan nodded and got up from his seat and walked out of his office, leaving the office door open.
As they walked down the flights of stairs the young officer looked to Callahan “how long have you been here?” the young stallion asked, “6” Callahan replied bluntly as they entered the receptionist area. “Damn Callahan you have to stop running yourself so hard and take it easy” the stallion replied, “don’t worry about me Johnny I’ll be fine” Callahan replied. They left the building and trotted towards the police garage.
Callahan entered his Torino but Johnny jumped into a new Dodge Charger police interceptor, Callahan’s police radio crackled “Callahan why didn’t you request a new car” Johnny laughed over the radio, “Because mine is better than those plastic pieces of shit they call cars” Callahan replied bluntly. “Ha, just try and say that when we’re chasing some guy in a sports car then you’ll be wishing you had this one” Johnny replied back. Callahan chuckled “We’ll see” and with that they both pulled out of the parking lot and into the city streets.
The Rats, The Cats and The Callahan
Johnny sat in his police car and tagged vehicles as they drove by, but according to Murphy’s Law ponies never sped when they saw a police car and actually went below the speed limit to avoid getting tickets. Johnny sighed and grabbed the police radio “Callahan you get anything?” Johnny asked, “No they ain’t biting today” Callahan replied. “What?” Johnny asked confused, he had never heard that term before.
Up further along the small highway road along the waterfront, about 4 miles past Johnny sat Callahan’s car. But Callahan wasn’t in the car, Callahan had left a pony mannequin in the driver seat holding the speed gun to make it look like there was a police officer in the car. However down by the waterfront Callahan sat there with the police radio and a fishing rod. “Yeah, uh I meant that no-pony is speeding” Callahan corrected himself as he cast the fishing line into the water.
Callahan sat there and chuckled to himself, “paid to go fishing” he muttered and continued to go fishing. “Callahan you want to call it a day and head back to the station” Johnny asked, Callahan grabbed the radio “no, wait till I catch one” he replied and continued fishing. Johnny could be heard sighing over the radio “10/4 over and out” Johnny replied and Callahan chuckled “Danvers would kill me if he ever found out” Callahan chuckled to himself.
Callahan sat there for another half hour and the sun began to set, Callahan checked his watch, it read 5:21. Suddenly there was a tug on the line and Callahan gave it a tug back and began wheeling in the line and the fish thrashed. “Callahan have you” Johnny began but Callahan grabbed the radio “yeah I caught one give me a second” Callahan replied. “About bloody time. Jeeze I’ve never heard any-pony be so happy over catching a speeder” Johnny replied back, “hey it’s difficult, you try and do it someday” Callahan told him. “What catch a speeder?” Johnny asked a little confused at the statement.
Callahan pulled the fish out of the water, it was just a crappy fish, one of the ones that eat garbage, but it was huge probably weighing close to 6 and a half pounds. “Holy shit he’s a big guy” Callahan replied over the radio, forgetting entirely that he was supposed to be on patrol. “What?” Johnny replied a little confused at his statement, “Uhh I mean that the speeding fine was a big one” Callahan lied as he unhooked the fish and threw it back into the water. Like most all ponies in Equestria, Callahan was vegetarian and didn’t eat meat so there was no point in him keeping the fish, so as always it was catch and release.
“Holy shit, Callahan I’ve got a guy driving at 150mph in a red Ferrari, cut him off will yah” Johnny ordered over the radio. “Shit” Callahan muttered to himself as he picked up his radio and fishing pole and ran back to his car.
Callahan tossed the fishing pole in the back of the car and hoped in the passenger side and looked to the mannequin. “Catch any speeders?” Callahan asked the mannequin and chuckled as he pushed the mannequin a little and its head stuck out the window as he tried to rearrange himself in the car. Suddenly the red Ferrari sped past and tore off the mannequin’s head off. Callahan looked at the mannequin “oh my god” Callahan muttered and tossed the mannequin out the window figuring he’d pick it up later. Suddenly Johnny zipped by in his Dodge Charger, police sirens wailing, and flattened the mannequin under his police car. “Oh my god” Callahan exclaim and turned his car on.
The Torino roared to life, its 460 big block thundering in comparison to the small engines of other cars on the road, Callahan flicked on the sirens that were concealed in the grill and placed a magnetic single red siren on the roof of the car. Callahan slammed the car into first gear and pinned the accelerator pedal right to the floor, the engine roared and the front end of the car lifted off the ground as the car sped forward. The car began to red line and Callahan slapped it into second gear and the car’s front end finally touched the ground, the supercharger emitted a high pitched whine as the car sped along, the car once again began to redline and Callahan slapped the manual shifter into 3rd gear and pursued Johnny and the speeding Ferrari.
The Torino was now reaching a speed of 100mph and Callahan shifted the car into its final gear, the supercharger quieted down and the car let out a low rumble. Callahan’s car came up beside Johnny’s Charger and Johnny looked over to Callahan who gave him a sloppy salute and stomped on the Torino’s accelerator. The car rumbled and passed Johnny and pursued the speeding Ferrari.
The culprit in the Ferrari saw Callahan approaching and stomped on the accelerator of his Ferrari, the 2 cars now reached speeds exceeding 170mph. Callahan drove up behind the Ferrari and gave it an aggressive nudge with his Torino. The Ferrari’s driver couldn’t keep control of the car at such high speeds and the car spun sideways and began to roll, pieces of fiberglass and plastic were smashed off the car and littered the highway. Callahan slowed his car to a screeching halt as the Ferrari continued to roll. Callahan waited for the Ferrari to stop rolling and soon enough it did. Callahan drove his car up to the now overturned Ferrari and turned off his Torino. Johnny’s Charger soon came screaming up beside him as Callahan exited his car, Johnny lept out of his police car, Berretta drawn.
Callahan looked to the rookie “I don’t think he’ll be in any mood to fight” Callahan chuckled and trotted over to the trashed Ferrari. Callahan bent over to look inside the car, the culprit was extremely lucky. Other than a busted nose and a few missing teeth he was pretty much unscathed.
“You’re under arrest” Callahan said in a gruffly tone, the culprit groaned “I’m going to sue you ass” the culprit groaned and Callahan gabbed the door of the Ferrari. It was seized shut so Callahan simply tore the door off with brute strength and pulled the pony out of the Ferrari, slapping hoof-cuffs on him and bringing him to Johnny’s police car and stuffing him in the back. “You knocked off my partners head” Callahan grumbled, the culprit simply chuckled “I was hoping it was you sticking your head out of the window” he said with a sneer. Callahan let out a snarl and slammed the door.
“Hey careful with my car” Johnny retorted, “hey you’re the one to talk, you ran over my partner” Callahan replied. Johnny chuckled, “next time you decide to go fishing instead of patrol, get a better friggin mannequin, I could tell that was a mannequin from a mile away” Johnny laughed. Callahan looked at the trashed Ferrari “Danvers is going to have a shit fit about this” Callahan chuckled and Johnny flicked his mane out of his face “I’ll bring this guy in and write up the after action report, and I’ll be sure not to add anything about a certain fisher-pony who was supposed to be on patrol” Johnny chuckled and drove off towards the station. Callahan sighed and walked over to his car and radioed in for a cleanup crew.
* * *
Callahan spent the next 2 hours explaining to the cleanup crew and fellow officers what happened and tried to get back to the station but they kept asking stupid questions. Soon the news reporters were on the scene and were trying to get an interview with Callahan. Callahan gave his report and quickly hoped in his car and drove back to the station before any-pony else could bother him.
Callahan groaned as he looked at his watch and realized it was 7:45 in the afternoon. The sun was setting and the air smelt terrible, but then again that’s what it always smelt like.
Callahan finally arrived at the station and parked his car in the police parking and turned off the car and went into the building and up to his office.
Johnny had been kind enough to print him off an extra copy of the police report and leave it on his desk to hand in to the captain. Callahan quickly scribbled his name down on the after action report and shut off his computer and quickly left his office and went into the captain’s office. “Afternoon Callahan, I heard that you and Johnny had quite the little pursuit” Danvers inquired. Callahan rolled his eyes and tossed the after action report on Danvers’ desk. “Callahan explain to me how it is so that you just got back yet you were able to write up this after action report?” Danvers asked, Callahan shrugged “fuckin media started bugging me so I had time to write this up while they tried to get an interview” Callahan lied, Danvers nodded “I see, well Callahan if that’s all I suppose you can have a nice night” Danvers said with a low tone as he inspected the after action report. “You to Danvers” Callahan said bluntly and left the office and went back downstairs.
As he left the receptionist area the same mare from last night called out “leaving early Callahan?” she asked with a cute voice, Callahan shrugged and signed out “no, leaving on time for once” Callahan muttered and started to leave, “have a nice night Callahan” she called out. Callahan stopped and looked back to the mare and nodded, “yeah you to Scarlet” he replied and proceeded out to his car and started the car up and left the garage, once again he waited for the pony guard to open up the gate. “Hey Callahan thinking about selling that car yet?” Bill asked, Callahan chuckled “over my dead body” Callahan replied. Bill opened the gate and let Callahan out and Callahan drove home to his shitty ‘paradise’.
Like he had before Callahan drove up the alleyway behind the apartment and parked the car, turning off the car and locking the door he left the car and walked down the alleyway. This time there were no delinquents vandalizing the wall so Callahan simply walked inside the building and began to ascend up the staircase until he reached his floor. There was still litter all around the floors in the hallway and Callahan chuckled “someday I’ll get out of this place” he told himself but then thought to himself for a moment. “What am I saying, I’ll probably die in this shithole” he told himself as he walked down the hallway.
He reached his door but realized it was open, Callahan approached the door and leaned his head against it, there was noise coming from inside, like some-pony was moving things, or stealing them. “Who would want to steal my shit” Callahan whispered as he drew his Colt M1911 and pushed the door open silently, leading his way with his handgun.
The Rats, The Cats and The Callahan
Callahan entered the crappy home, he heard voices coming from the television, talking about the evening news, mostly about the Celestia’s visit to Manehatten along with her nephew Blueblood. Callahan leveled his pistol and crept across the floor into the living room, the lights were turned down low and he couldn’t quite make out any features on the pony that was sitting on his couch.
Callahan pointed the gun at the intruder “don’t fucking move” Callahan ordered and waited a moment, the figure froze and didn’t move. “Turn around slowly, no sudden movements” Callahan ordered, the figure did just that and Callahan turned on the lights of his living room. The pony in front of him had light red fur and a pink mane that he let droop to one side, the pony’s mane had streaks of light purple and blue in his hair as well. The pony, who was a stallion, let out a gasp of excitement “brothey, it’s sooo good to see you” the pony squealed in a flamboyantly gay voice. Callahan let out an annoyed groan, “Jimmy? What the hell are you doing, how’d you get in my house?” Callahan asked his brother.
“Oh come now brothey, I sent you an email like a week ago saying that I was coming down… oh and brothey you might want to get a lock for your door if you don’t want ponies coming inside your home” Jimmy replied, still with his flamboyant accent. “I don’t need a lock I’ve got a gun, I’ll just shoot some-pony” Callahan replied as he holstered his pistol and walked over to the stove, the can still sat there and had dead cockroaches inside the grease. “Brothey, you should really call an exterminator for those cockroaches” Jimmy suggested, “nah, exterminators cost too much money besides this works just fine” Callahan replied. Jimmy stood up and flicked his hoof in a weird way. “Now brothey, we both know that the only thing bigger than that lie…” he began but trailed off as a cockroach scurried across the floor and Jimmy lept back and let out a feminine scream as he landed on the couch and looked to Callahan.
“As I was saying the only thing bigger than that lie is the cockroaches in this house” Jimmy replied as he grabbed a rolled up newspaper and swatted the cockroach, it splattered on the floor and bug guts stained the floor. Callahan looked at the floor with an irritated look, “do you have any idea how hard it is to get cockroach stains out of the floor” Callahan grumbled in his gruffly voice. “Oh calm down brothey, tomorrow we’ll go and buy cleaning supplies along with a new bed, yours needs to be burned” Jimmy replied. Callahan rolled his eyes “I sleep on the couch” Callahan informed Jimmy, “well dearie it just isn’t sanitary to live like this” Jimmy replied as he flicked his hoof again.
Callahan let out a groan of irritation and grabbed the 2 ornament saucers and the cream and crackers from the fridge and made Squeak his supper and placed it on the table. “Brothey what do have to eat around here anyway? I’m starved” Jimmy replied and Callahan let out a grunted chuckle “there’s pizza in the fridge” Callahan replied. Jimmy looked with disgust at the old fridge “brothey that pizza’s old and stale… we should go out tonight” Jimmy suggested. Callahan thought for a moment, a night out with his brother might not be such a bad idea.
“On one condition” Callahan grumbled, “oh anything brothey” Jimmy replied. Callahan rolled his eyes “don’t call me brothey in public” Callahan ordered and Jimmy gave him a weird look “what’s wrong, do you not want ponies knowing we’re brothers?” he asked, Callahan shook his head “no it’s not that. I just don’t want you calling me brothey in public it’s… it’s embarrassing” Callahan replied. “Oh okay, shall I call you sweetie then?” Jimmy asked seriously, “Oh please god no, just call me Callahan… or Derreck” Callahan replied and Jimmy nodded “it’s a date” he squealed and Callahan dropped his face into his hooves ‘this is going to end badly’ Callahan thought to himself.
Suddenly Jimmy screamed, “A RAT” Jimmy screamed and hopped over to the couch again. Callahan looked over to Squeak who exited his hole in the wall and crawled up the table. “Oh my god, brothey kill it” Jimmy screamed, and Callahan shrugged “it’s just Squeak, he’s my friend” Callahan replied. Squeak paced up towards Callahan and stood up on his hind legs and extended his front little feet towards Callahan.
Callahan extended his hooves and touched Squeaks tiny feet, “it’s your turn to say grace” Callahan told Squeak who began to squeak, saying grace in his mouse language, Callahan repeated what Squeak was saying as they said grace together. They finished grace and Squeak began to eat the crackers and cream Callahan had prepared for Squeak.
Callahan stood up “Squeak can you handle staying home alone for a little while longer?” Callahan asked and Squeak replied with various squeaks. “Because I’m bringing my brother out for dinner” Callahan replied, Squeak looked at Jimmy then back to Callahan and started squeaking again. “Hey, just because he talks like that doesn’t mean he’s gay” Callahan replied but Squeak shrugged his shoulders and squeaked again, “yes he is gay” Callahan replied and Squeak nodded and finished his food and hoped over to the couch and turned on the T.V.
Jimmy looked to his brother, “you live with a rat?” he asked, Callahan shrugged “his name is Squeak” Callahan informed his brother as he grabbed the can of grease and walked towards the balcony. “Brothey, you taught it how to use the T.V.?” Jimmy asked curiously, “actually he learned himself by watching me, but I did teach him to use the litter box when he needs to go” Callahan replied and pointed to the litter box. Jimmy got up and followed his brother out onto the balcony as Callahan looked to the alleyway below for his target.
“Brothey what are you doing?” Jimmy asked as he watched Callahan look downwards. “Found you, you little piece of shit” Callahan chuckled as he dumped the contents of the can downwards onto one of Ms. Abernathy’s cats, however this one was a black cat with semi long hair. “BROTHEY, why would you do that” Jimmy screeched and Callahan chuckled as he went back inside and placed the can back on the stove. “Brothey, that was rude. Why would you do such a thing” Jimmy asked and Callahan looked at his brother with cold eyes “one of that bitch’s cats killed my old friend” Callahan replied.
“Well brothey you can’t hold on to hate forever. That leads to bad things” Jimmy replied and Callahan shrugged “they started it” he replied simply and began to put on his coat. Callahan looked to Jimmy “you coming or what?” he asked Jimmy who quickly grabbed his shoes and ran up to him “okay sweetie let’s go” Jimmy replied but Callahan shot him a cold glare. “Oh sorry Derreck” Jimmy replied but suddenly Squeak crawled up to Callahan’s foreleg and tugged on his sleeve.
Callahan looked down and Squeak gave out a small squeak and stood on his hindlegs and began to beg. “Why not” Callahan said as he picked up Squeak and placed him in his coat pocket, Squeak’s head poked out of the pocket and a small smile appeared on the rat’s little face. “We can’t bring him with us” Jimmy replied but Callahan simply shrugged “Why not” Callahan asked bluntly, “Are you for real? You can’t be serious about this” Jimmy asked. Callahan let out a hearty chuckle “Why not? It’ll be fun”
The Rats, The Cats and The Callahan
“What is this thing?” Jimmy asked as they approached Callahan’s ‘74 Gran Torino, “uhm a car” Callahan replied as he unlocked the doors, “no its scrap metal, you don’t really drive this thing do you?” Jimmy asked and Callahan chuckled “sure do”. They got in the car and Jimmy held his hoof over his nose, Callahan sniffed the air “What’s wrong? Doesn’t smell bad does it?” Callahan asked curiously. Jimmy’s voice was muffled but his reply was clear “I know what your house smells like so I’m not taking any chances with your car” Jimmy told Callahan.
Callahan pointed to the air freshener “smells like mints in here” Callahan replied and Jimmy took a daring breath of air from the car then sat there absolutely still for a moment. “Why is the outside of your car so beat up yet the inside is perfectly fine and clean?” Jimmy asked, “Because I haven’t the time to get this baby restored” Callahan replied as he turned on the car on and drove the car out of the parking lot. “Where to?” Callahan asked and Jimmy thought to himself, “Well I did some research before I came over, do you know where Casio Monica is?” Jimmy asked.
“Whoa hold on… you want to go to Casio Monica? That place is a five star” Callahan gasped, “yeah but the critiques mark it as one of the best places in the city” Jimmy replied, “yeah and most expensive, it’s like 100 bits for friggin lasagna” Callahan replied. “Oh please brothey” Jimmy pleaded, “fine, fine, fine… just stop calling me brothey” Callahan replied, Casio Monica was over in downtown Manehatten and was approximately an hour long drive but with traffic the way it always is it wouldn’t surprise Callahan if it took him 2 hours.
* * *
After an hour and a half of city driving Callahan pulled his car into the parking lot by Casio Monica. Jimmy squealed in delight “oh I’ve always wanted to go to a place like this” Jimmy told Callahan as they entered the restaurant. There was a small line up but nothing too long and soon they approached the receptionist “afternoon gentle-colts” the receptionist greeted and Callahan gave him a nod “table for 2 please” Callahan replied and a butler came up “this way, I will show you to your seats” the butler replied and they followed the Italian pony butler to a fine quality table, “here is our menu” the butler informed them and handed them both a pamphlet.
With that the butler left Jimmy and Callahan. As they looked at the menu Callahan decided he would have lasagna. The butler returned “may I take your orders?” he asked politely, “yeah I’ll have lasagna, premium crackers and…” he trailed off and looked to Jimmy who looked at the menu intensely “oh there’s sooo many wonderful things… okay I’ll have the salad with a glass of apple cider” Jimmy replied and the butler gave a polite bow and walked away.
“Oh this is sooo exciting… so Derreck tell me everything, how is life in the big city?” Jimmy asked, but several large sized ponies gave Jimmy and Callahan cold glares, Callahan leaned over “would yah mind keeping it down?” Callahan whispered. “Okay how’s this” Jimmy whispered and Callahan hit himself in the forehead “just don’t talk overly loud this place doesn’t take too well to… you know” Callahan replied and Jimmy shrugged “what? I don’t know, the website didn’t say anything about how to talk” Jimmy whispered and Callahan once again hit himself in the head. “Jimmy this is an Italian restaurant they don’t take to kindly to… homosexuals” Callahan replied and Jimmy’s eyes widened in realization “oh sorry, I’ll talk quieter I promise” Jimmy replied.
The butler came back with their food, “he you are, we will have your bill shortly” the butler informed them and Callahan nodded in appreciation. Jimmy started eating his salad but Callahan grabbed a cracker and put it in his pocket, Squeak grabbed the cracker and began mowing down on it. Callahan started eating his lasagna and Jimmy once again piped up “so Derreck tell me what’s it like living here?” Jimmy asked curiously. Callahan rolled his eyes and handed Squeak another cracker “like living at a dump” Callahan replied bluntly and began to eat his food again.
Jimmy flicked his hoof again “well I didn’t mean that trash heap you live in, I meant what’s life like in the big city?” Jimmy asked again. Callahan handed another cracker to Squeak and took another bite out of his lasagna “loud, noisy, miserable, stinky, crowded… must I go on?” Callahan asked and Jimmy rolled his eyes “well this restaurant is nice and fancy isn’t it?” Jimmy replied and Callahan handed another cracker to Squeak “yeah but it’s across town and very expensive” Callahan replied.
Jimmy flicked his hoof again “oh you’re just a party killer. You need to liven up a little, see the sights” Jimmy replied, Callahan looked around, several ponies now were looking at Callahan and Jimmy, “hey Jimmy” Callahan began but Jimmy continued on his rant. “Jeeze I mean like, you should totally get your car refurbished, then clean up your apartment, and then get some proper facilities at your house” Jimmy continued and several large stallions stood up. “Jimmy” Callahan hissed but Jimmy didn’t listen.
“Then you could like totally spruce up your life and your house could be in a” he continued but a gruff voice yelled across the room “hey FAG” the voice yelled and Jimmy turned around, only to be hit in the face by a piece of cake. Jimmy let out a feminine cry as the cake splattered on his fine clothes. Callahan stood up “hey asshole piss off” Callahan said in a gruffly voice, but several other stallions laughed hysterically, “oh and what are you gonna do? Get your gay parade to come after me?” the big stallion laughed as he approached boldly towards Callahan.
Callahan reached into his pocket and pulled out Squeak and placed him on Jimmy’s shoulder, resulting in many screams of disgust from ponies in the restaurant. “Ewe I don’t want to hold him” Jimmy argued but was too late, Callahan approached the other stallion. “Sit down” Callahan ordered gruffly but the other stallion simply laughed “or what?” he sneered, “or I’ll sit yah down” Callahan replied.
The stallion laughed and swung a punch at Callahan but Callahan caught his punch and twisted the stallion’s foreleg and flipped him onto his back. He landed with a THUD and had the wind knocked out of him. Several other stallions lept into the fight, but Callahan was very talented in hoof to hoof combat and effectively fought back. “Brothey be careful” Jimmy yelled out but a stallion picked up a pie and threw it at Jimmy, it splattered in his face and Squeak lept off his shoulders and began running around the restaurant, resulting in the screams of many ponies, stallions and mares alike. Callahan broke one of the stallion’s arms and slammed a hard punch into another’s gut and they both fell to the ground in pain. Two ponies grabbed Callahan by both forelegs and lifted him off the ground.
A very muscular stallion approached and punched Callahan hard in the stomach, Callahan grunted in pain. The stallion threw another punch but as he cocked his hoof back for a third punch Callahan leaned back and kicked him in the chest with both his hindlegs, the large stallion fell back onto a table which broke under his weight. Callahan used the force of the kick to propel himself upwards and he flipped backwards, the stallions holding him lost their balance and Callahan came crashing down on both their bodies.
Callahan got up to see all the other ponies standing back and the butler standing, wide eyed with their bill. Squeak crawled up Callahan’s leg and into his coat pocket, the butler just stood there wide eyed and Callahan lifted his hoof “Cheque please”
The Rats, The Cats and The Callahan
Callahan pulled into the alleyway behind the building and chuckled as they both got out of the car. “I can’t believe we got banned from that restaurant, it was sooo divine, next time we’re not bringing the rat” Jimmy told Callahan who chuckled “I guess I should leave you behind to since you were the one that got us into this mess” Callahan replied and Jimmy turned away with a ‘humph’.
They proceeded upstairs and Callahan flicked the lights on in his home. He knelt down and let Squeak out of his coat pocket, Squeak hurried over to the couch and turned on the T.V. to the police show. Callahan closed the door behind him and hung his coat on the coat rack and flopped down on the couch, he looked to his brother “one second” Callahan replied as he got up and went over to the closet and found a sleeping bag.
Callahan set up the sleeping bag on the floor and laid down “yeah I guess you can take the couch for tonight but we’ll have to find you a cot or something” Callahan replied but his brother nudged him. Callahan looked up at his brother who had a dissatisfied look on his face, “hey if you want to sleep on my bed go ahead, but uh be warned the cockroaches bite” Callahan chuckled but Jimmy didn’t take part in the humor “if you think I’m goin to sleep on the couch with your pet rat you’re highly mistaken, I want the sleeping bag” Jimmy replied and Callahan got off the sleeping bag “suit yourself, couch is comfy” Callahan replied as he hoped onto the couch and laid down as Jimmy slipped himself into the sleeping bag.
“On this episode of Manehatten COPS, two females try and go off-roading through central park in an attempt to escape police, then 3 drunks try and outmaneuver the police and then later a hothead in a Ferrari tries to outpace the police in a high speed chase down a small highway” The T.V. show narrator said I a deep tone. Squeak started squeaking as he pointed to the television.
Callahan looked up and saw footage from Johnny’s police Charger from the day’s police chase during his patrol. “Oh my Celestia, brothey is that you?” Jimmy asked in excited curiosity. Callahan simply groaned and laid back down. The show went through the episode, the mares tried escaping the police by driving their 1999 Chevy Trailblazer through central park but ended up getting it stuck in the small river that ran through central park, the 3 drunks crashed their car and attempted to run away but were too drunk to properly walk and then the part finally came on about the Ferrari chase.
The T.V. show narrator began his introduction to the chase, “on highway 37, on the outskirts of Brooklyn, a hothead in a Ferrari is taking a little joyride in his new stolen supercar. Constable Johnny is on the highway doing a routine patrol when the Ferrari flies by at speeds exceeding 120mph, Johnny quickly begins to give chase in his brand new Dodge Charger police car but despite the cars big engine it can’t quite keep up with the fleeing culprit” The narrator went on but the show went from the police chase to an interview with a fellow officer “In high speed chases you have to be extremely careful, not just for your own safety but for that of others” the officer told the interviewers. The screen returned to that of Johnny’s police recorder “knowing he is heavily outmatched in this chase Constable Johnny radios ahead to a fellow officer who answers his call and gets ready to cut off the hothead, but as the Ferrari approaches the fellow officer it would appear at first glance that the officer is sticking his head out the window. The hothead takes no regard for the officer and hits the figure, luckily it was just a mannequin and not a real officer, the officer in the car tosses the mannequin out the window and Johnny can’t swerve out of the way in time and flattens the mannequin. Withing seconds the other officer accelerates at a high pace, he knows that this guy isn’t stopping and needs to be stopped forcefully before he hurts any-pony, the officer in the other car is driving an older police vehicle with a large V8 supercharged engine and is easily able to keep up with the speeding hothead. Giving the Ferrari an aggressive nudge from behind the hothead driver loses control of the Ferrari due to the high speeds which are exceeding 170mph. The Ferrari flips and rolls, the light body of the Ferrari is completely destroyed, both officers screech to a stop and approach the vehicle, this hothead is extremely lucky, though the car was completely destroyed he somehow lived through the devastating crash” The narrator said in a deep tone and the T.V. went to an interview with Johnny “Sometimes desperate times call for desperate measures, that guy is just lucky that he wasn’t seriously hurt and I’m lucky I had a partner with such a good car” Johnny told the interviewers. The show then switched over to some other chases and the narrator once again began “next time on Manehatten COPS, can these hotheads really escape the Royal guard in a heated police chase that leads to a sea chase and will these 2 bank robbers go for broke or have they hit the jackpot, next time on Manehatten COPS” and with that the credits started playing, Callahan chuckled to himself as he turned over.
“Wow brothey you really are something” Jimmy replied but Callahan began to fake snore and Jimmy let out a sarcastic laugh “okay brothey tomorrow we’re going shopping” Jimmy told Callahan, who shot up “NO” Callahan burst out. “Brothey I thought you were sleeping” Jimmy retorted, “I’m not going shopping” Callahan replied. “Oh come on brothey besides you need some cleaning stuff for your floors and besides you need a new bed” Jimmy informed Callahan, “fine cleaning stuff and bed but that’s it” Callahan replied and laid back down to try and get some shut eye before the upcoming day.
* * *
There was a banging at the door and Callahan groaned, Jimmy had earplugs in and couldn’t hear the noise. Callahan laid there and the banging continued “I know you’re in there, come out” screamed the wretched voice of Ms. Abernathy. Callahan looked at the clock, it read 3:37am “right on time” Callahan muttered to himself but still didn’t get up.
“Hey are you listening to me? Get out here so I can scold you, you little ungrateful shit” Ms. Abernathy yelled. “Fine I’m up, I’m up” Callahan yelled back and got up “don’t get your panties in a bunch” he muttered to himself as he staggered over to the door and opened it. He was greeted with the hideous sight of Ms. Abernathy in a night gown with one of those face mask things that are supposed to rejuvenate the face or something.
“Gah” Callahan gasped as he nearly fell over from the sight, “I know, just look at poor Mr. Cuddles” Ms. Abernathy replied as she levitated out a grotesque cat, well at one point the cat had been well groomed but now it had dried grease and dead cockroaches in its fur and it had an irritated look on its face. Callahan couldn’t help but to burst out in laughter “you think that’s funny?” Ms. Abernathy asked in irritation and Callahan nodded “just look at its face it’s priceless” Callahan laughed but Ms. Abernathy didn’t have the same sense of humor as he did “that’s it I’m calling the cops, I’ll see you in court” Ms. Abernathy scowled as she turned to leave. “Yup I’ll be waiting” Callahan laughed and shut the door behind him.
He looked over to his brother sleeping on the floor and saw a drip of water hit his brother in the mane. “Uhhg gross” Callahan
* * *
The alarm started blaring and Callahan leaned over and hit the Snooze button and got rolled off the couch and began to get dressed. He shook his brother gently and Jimmy awoke tiredly “what time is it?” he asked sleepily, “uhm 5:30” Callahan replied and Jimmy rolled over and got up and stretched out “I didn’t know you wanted to go shopping so badly” Jimmy replied but Callahan shrugged “I don’t, I have to get to work” Callahan informed Jimmy. Jimmy looked at him “then why did you wake me up, stallions need their beauty sleep to you know” Jimmy replied. “Nah, you’re coming with me to the police station today” Callahan informed Jimmy who looked at him with confusion.
“Why, I didn’t do anything” Jimmy replied innocently, “no, but you smell like shit and need a shower, and considering that my bathroom is like the bathroom from hell… I’m making you take a shower” Callahan told his brother. “Hey just because I like mare perfume doesn’t mean I smell bad” Jimmy argued and Callahan chuckled, “it’s not funny” Jimmy yelled. “Smell your hair” Callahan told his brother, Jimmy grabbed a ruffle of his mane and smelt it, he gagged and nearly puked, “not on the floor” Callahan yelled as he grabbed his brother and ran him out to the balcony and leaned him over the balcony. Jimmy puked and coincidentally his puke landed on one of Ms. Abernathy’s cats. It let out a screech on buggered off down the alleyway.
“Nice shot” Callahan praised Jimmy for puking on the cat. Jimmy wiped his mouth and looked weakly over to Callahan “I need a shower”
The Rats, The Cats and The Callahan
Callahan and Jimmy both entered the shower room, Jimmy had brought extra clothes and a towel and hurried to get in the shower. Jimmy turned the shower nozzles on and let out a loud sigh as he washed himself off. “Brothey aren’t you going to wash off too?” Jimmy asked, “NOOOO” Callahan replied quickly, “ohh come on brothey what’s wrong, do you want to be a stink?” Jimmy argued. “I’m not showering with you” Callahan replied.
“But you’ll shower with the other officers that aren’t even related to you?” he argued, “I don’t shower with the guys, I come early and am usually the only one in the shower room” Callahan informed Jimmy. “Fine be like that, I’ll just have to shower alone and lonely” Jimmy called out. Callahan shuddered at the comment.
Callahan sat there for what seemed like ages before Jimmy finally came out of the showers, steam had accumulated more than ever before and literally flooded the shower room. “Okay brothey what now?” Jimmy asked his brother. A few officers entered the shower room “hey Callahan what’s going on… who’s this guy” one of the officers asked. “Jimmy, he’s my brother” Callahan replied as he got up and Jimmy began to dress. “Hey Jimmy what’s going on, yo Callahan you never told me you had a brother” one of the officers said as he shook Jimmy’s hoof.
Callahan shrugged and motioned for Jimmy to follow him, “see yah later Callahan, and nice meeting yah Jimmy” one of the officers called out. “Of course sweetie, the pleasure was all mine though” Jimmy replied and Callahan hit himself in the face with his front hoof and left the change room and proceeded upstairs to his office.
He sat down but within 3 minutes of settling down Danvers opened the door and walked in, a serious look on his face. “Callahan… I was watching Manehatten Cops last night and couldn’t help but to notice that you had a mannequin who met and unfortunate end” Danvers informed Callahan. Callahan nodded “ohh yes good old Chucky, he shall be missed dearly” Callahan chuckled. “Would you mind telling me why exactly you had a mannequin with you?” Danvers asked curiously, “Oh well you know I kind of needed some-pony to talk to and the mannequin wanted to sit in the driver’s seat” Callahan chuckled. “Right anyways, I also received a call early this morning from a Ms. Abernathy… she was complaining about cockroaches and grease on her cats, you wouldn’t have anything to do with that would you?” Danvers asked and Callahan stifled a laugh “no sir, don’t know anything about that” Callahan chuckled and Danvers nodded “I see well… have a wonderful day, oh and uhm nice to meet you Mr.” Danvers trailed off and extended his hoof to greet Jimmy. “Jimmy… Jimmy Callahan” Jimmy replied and Danvers shook his hand “now we have 2 Callahans… wonderful” Danvers said as he left the office and closed the door behind him.
* * *
For the next few hours Callahan sat with his brother and did paperwork. The door to the office swung open and Johnny looked in “yo Callahan I’m going on a lunch run to the doughnut shot… you want anything?” Johnny asked and Callahan thought for a moment “yeah get me a coffee and a doughnut” Callahan replied as he looked to his brother. “Want anything?” Callahan asked his brother, “Oh I don’t know maybe just tea” Jimmy replied and Johnny nodded “see yah in a bit” Johnny replied and left the office. Callahan continued his paperwork and Jimmy left the office but Callahan paid no notice.
Jimmy started walking around, “wow, this place is so cool” Jimmy said to himself and a female officer looked over at Jimmy, “excuse me mister? Can I help you?” the officer asked and Jimmy looked over. “Oh my, sorry I was just admiring the scenery” Jimmy replied and the officer rolled her eyes “yeah it’s something else isn’t it” the officer replied sarcastically. “I know isn’t it beautiful” Jimmy replied, and the officer chuckled to herself as Jimmy came over to sit beside her.
“So darling anything special been happening? I asked my brother but he never tells me anything” Jimmy asked the female officer. “I’m sorry, what’s your name?” the officer asked, “oh how rude of me, I’m Jimmy and my brother is Derreck Callahan” Jimmy informed her and she let out a hearty laugh. “Well hot damn, no wonder he never tells you anything, but don’t give it to your brother too hard he’s just like that” The officer said as she extended her hoof “I’m Cherry Red, and it’s a pleasure to meet you Mr. Jimmy” Cherry informed Jimmy who shook her hand with delight.
“Oh please darling the pleasure is all mine I assure you” Jimmy replied, and Cherry blushed. “Well I’ll tell you, you’re the gentle-colt of the family, Callahan is pretty dull and isn’t very talkative” Cherry said, and Jimmy let out a feminine squeal. “Well tell me darling, is there anything really cool happening?” Jimmy asked Cherry who shrugged “just the usual, gangs shooting each other up and… oh wait the princess and her nephew are in town and are doing an appearance downtown today” she began but Jimmy squealed and jumped up, running towards Callahan’s office. Cherry shrugged “nice meeting you to” she muttered and continued with her paperwork.
Jimmy burst through Callahan’s door, “why didn’t you tell me that the princess and her nephew were doing an appearance in downtown today” Jimmy scolded and Callahan looked up with irritation. “We’re not going” Callahan replied bluntly but Jimmy ran over and pulled on his foreleg “but please brothey” Jimmy pleaded but Callahan paid no attention and continued his paperwork. “Brothey come on, I want to see them” Jimmy pleaded but Callahan shrugged him off his foreleg “you’ll see them on T.V. tonight” Callahan muttered and continued his paperwork. “But I want to see them in person” Jimmy pleaded. “No” Callahan replied but it was no use, Jimmy started pulling on his foreleg again “please brothey, I want to go see the princess” he pleaded.
At this point several officers peered inside the office to see what the commotion was about, Callahan groaned to himself. “BROTHEY I WANT TO GO SEE THEM” Jimmy screamed like a four year old having a temper tantrum. Danvers peeked out of his office and looked to Callahan’s office, “Jimmy shut up” Callahan whispered but it was no use. “I WANT TO GO SEE THEM” Jimmy screamed out again, several officers started snickering. “ALRIGHT” Callahan roared and Jimmy had a big smile on his face. Johnny looked in “hey Callahan here’s your stuff” Johnny called out and Callahan grabbed the items and stormed out of his office with Jimmy close behind.
Callahan gave Johnny 20 bits and closed the office door behind him, “tell captain I’m sick and I’m going home early” Callahan told Johnny who nodded. Callahan looked to his brother who was hoping along happily “why’d you have to do that?” Callahan asked his brother, annoyed at the fact he had just had a temper tantrum in his office. “Because I knew you wouldn’t bring me unless I did that, oh and we’ll stop at the mall to get your stuff before we go see them” Jimmy told Callahan as they walked out the front of the lobby area of the building.
They both went and got in his car and Callahan let out a sigh of irritation “if you ever do that again… I’ll kill you” Callahan told his brother. Jimmy laughed “oh brothey don’t be like that, besides it’ll be fun” Jimmy told Callahan as they drove away towards the mall.
* * *
“I can’t believe I just spent 1000 bits on random crap” Callahan groaned as they drove away from the mall and towards downtown. “Oh come now brothey, it was essential” Jimmy replied and Callahan laughed “oh really how about the friggin window washing stuff?” Callahan replied as he drove towards where the princess was supposed to do whatever it was she was going to do that had every-pony so hyped up. “Please dearie we both know that that place needs to be lightened up” Jimmy replied back. “Whatever just don’t ask for something stupid… like new bath curtains” Callahan replied and Jimmy went silent. “Oh for the love of… you didn’t get bathroom appliances did you?” Callahan groaned and Jimmy let out a shy nod. “How the hell did you get them past me?” Callahan asked, a little pissed that his brother was buying things he didn’t really need. “I used your credit card” Jimmy replied and handed Callahan his credit card “what the fuck… oh forget it… no more shopping” Callahan grunted.
They finally reached downtown but the roads were blocked off for the princess. Callahan parked his car as close as he could to the road blocks and he and his brother joined the crowd of ponies that were watching Celestia on the stage as she stood there with her nephew prince Blueblood. “Every-pony I am so glad that you all attended this ceremony, it overwhelms me with joy that you all came out for to see the cutting of the ribbon for the grand opening of Le petite spa in Manehatten” Celestia began and Callahan rolled his eyes. “We came all the way downtown to watch Celestia cut the ribbon on a grand opening?” Callahan asked his brother with irritation in his voice.
“Hush, she’s talking” Jimmy told his brother and Callahan rolled his eyes, he couldn’t believe that he had been dragged into this. “I am proud to announce the grand opening and hopefully it spreads into a large business and helps our economy grow” Celestia said to the crowd and cut the ribbon, the thousands of ponies in the crowd cheered and Callahan turned to leave “it’s not that exciting, god you’d think that they’ve never seen a ribbon get cut before” Callahan muttered to himself. Up on stage Blueblood leaned over to his aunt “auntie I want to go, can we please hurry up” Blueblood asked in irritation. “Please nephew, wave, they love us” Celestia told Blueblood who obliged reluctantly.
Callahan grunted to himself as he approached the car, Jimmy came racing up behind him “brothey, Celestia is signing autographs” Jimmy yelled out. “NO” Callahan yelled back but Jimmy lept in front of Callahan and blocked him from unlocking the car. “Oh for Celestia’s sake” Callahan yelled but a voice came from an alleyway, “did I hear my aunt’s name” came a very respectful voice. Callahan and Jimmy turned to see the pony whom the voice had come from. A dark figure came forth from the darkness of the alleyway and revealed himself to be none other than prince Blueblood.
Jimmy squealed with delight and started hoping around like a 4 year old on Christmas. Blueblood extended his hoof “it’s a fine day to meet you Mr. Callahan” Blueblood greeted and Callahan gave him a suspicious hoof shake. “How do you know my name?” Callahan asked curiously and Blueblood shrugged, “when I was watching Manehatten COPS last night I saw you driving this beautiful automobile and I just HAD to meet the owner so I asked the police captain and he so kindly gave me your name” Blueblood informed Callahan who nodded.
A voice came from the alleyway “Blueblood, Blueblood” the voice echoed and Callahan looked down the alleyway as Jimmy walked up and squealed. “Oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my gosh, don’t be a fan-colt but oh my Celestia it’s Blueblood” Jimmy screamed and Callahan once again buried his face in his hoof in embarrassment. Blueblood took no notice and shook Jimmy’s hoof “so nice to make your acquaintance Mr. Jimmy Callahan” Blueblood said in a voice, that that clearly said ‘look at me I’m royalty’. Celestia burst from the shadows “Blueblood I’ve found you, why did you leave?” Celestia scolded and Blueblood shrugged “oh dearest auntie I was just socializing with my friends here” Blueblood said in a charismatic voice.
Jimmy squealed “prince Blueblood called me his friend” Jimmy squealed but apparently it was too much for him and fainted rather flamboyantly. Callahan looked to his brother than to Celestia and Blueblood, “what’s your angle?” Callahan asked, “I beg your pardon” Blueblood exclaimed. Callahan sighed “no-pony has ever had a particular interest in me, especially not royalty” Callahan muttered and Blueblood nodded. “Indeed, well if you put it that way… I was interested in your car” Blueblood informed Callahan.
“What about it?” Callahan asked, both of them completely ignoring Celestia completely. “Well, it apparently takes a genius to know that your car is something special” Blueblood replied and Callahan chuckled “ain’t nothing special about my car, just a regular Gran Torino with a 460 big block” Callahan shrugged. “Indeed and I suppose you have nitrous in the car?” Blueblood asked, Callahan shook his head “no, just a supercharger, like I said nothing special” Callahan replied and Blueblood chuckled. “Well let me get straight to the point… I want your car” Blueblood informed Callahan who shrugged “not for sale” he informed Blueblood.
Blueblood smirked “I’ll give you 50000 bits” Blueblood offered and Callahan shook his head “no sale” he told Blueblood. “100000” Blueblood offered and Celestia gasped “Blueblood that’s too much for that rusty old thing”, “hush auntie I know what I’m doing” Blueblood ordered his aunt and Callahan chuckled. “500000” Blueblood offered and Callahan shook his head “not-for-sale” Callahan chuckled and Blueblood became a little irritated. “1 million bits, final offer” Blueblood scowled and Callahan picked up his unconscious brother. “Nope” Callahan replied bluntly and Blueblood let out a scream.
“Auntie make this fool sell his car” Blueblood ordered but Celestia simply shook her head “we cannot force any-pony to do our wishes if they do not wish to” Celestia replied and Blueblood stormed off. Callahan turned to leave but Celestia put a hoof on Callahan’s shoulder “thank you for putting Blueblood in his place, he is too used to getting what he wants” Celestia thanked Callahan who shrugged and extended his hoof “pleasure meeting you Celestia, maybe some time you could help me out” Callahan told he and shook her hoof, though she was taller than most ponies Callahan stood only a few inches shorter than Celestia. “If you ever need my assistance just call” Celestia informed him and gave him a card with her number on it, ‘score, I just got the princess’s phone number’ Callahan thought to himself as Celestia walked away and Callahan drove home.
The Rats, The Cats and The Callahan
Jimmy awoke on the couch and looked around, he spotted Callahan dumping grease off the balcony followed by the screech of a cat and the chuckling of Callahan. Callahan came back inside and looked at his brother “bout time you got up” Callahan replied and set the can on the stove. Jimmy got up and looked to Callahan then around at the house.
“Brothey I think it’s time to fix this place up” Jimmy told Callahan. “Don’t push your luck” Callahan said as he sat down on the couch beside him and Jimmy gave him a nudge “come on it’ll be fun” Jimmy said to Callahan, “I don’t know Jimmy” Callahan replied but Jimmy shrugged “oh come on we have all the stuff to fix this place up so let’s do it” Jimmy said to Callahan. Callahan thought for a minute and then nodded “okay tomorrow morning, it’s the weekend so I don’t have work” Callahan replied and Jimmy laid back down on the couch “I want the couch this time” Jimmy replied and Callahan shrugged and laid down on the sleeping bag but made sure he was far away from the dripping water.
Day 1
Callahan got up and smelt eggs being cooked and saw Jimmy cooking, the stove hadn’t been used for the longest of times. “Come on brothey I made breakfast” Jimmy offered and Callahan sat up and grabbed himself a plate along with Squeak’s little ornament saucers. Jimmy scoffed “you can’t be serious about giving him this food” Jimmy replied and Callahan nodded and Jimmy simply scoffed. They all sat together at the table and ate breakfast.
After breakfast they pulled out the bathroom appliances and cleaned the washroom, giving it a new shower head and cleaning the toilet along with the sink. Jimmy grabbed some water and splashed water at Callahan who looked at his brother with irritation. “Oh come on brothey” Jimmy replied and Callahan smirked “okay” Callahan snickered and splashed a large quantity of water at his brother, soon they had the entire bathroom soaking wet but at least it was clean.
Day 2
Callahan woke up on Sunday to the smell of fried potatoes, Callahan once again grabbed himself and Squeak plates for the saucers and Jimmy once again let out a scoff in protest but knew it was no use to even argue. They sat together again and ate breakfast together. This time they started cleaning the kitchen, cleaning grease stains off of the stove and fridge, throwing out the old pizza that sat in the fridge. They started to clean the underneath of the sink when Jimmy poured a pot of cold water on Callahan, “oh you’re so dead” Callahan laughed and splashed water onto his brother, they both splashed water onto each other like they were 4 year olds playing in the kitchen.
They even managed to fix the refrigerator from rattling, it was as simple as placing a small piece of wood underneath the fridge to keep it level, “who would’ve guessed the fridge was uneven” Callahan laughed with his brother.
Day 3
Once again Callahan awoke to the smell of cooking but began to panic as he realized it was 7:30 and he was late for work. “Shit my alarm didn’t go off” Callahan exclaimed as he began to grab his coat. Jimmy stopped him “don’t worry brothey I called in for you, I told them you were sick” Jimmy informed his brother and Callahan let out a deep breath “you shouldn’t do that, I need to go to work you know” Callahan scolded his brother but Jimmy simply shrugged. “I couldn’t really let you go, I needed help fixing that disgusting wax bowl ring in the roof” Jimmy replied pointing to the disgusting water stain ring in the roof where the water constantly dripped from the neighbours above. Callahan nodded and grabbed himself and Squeak some plates to eat off. Jimmy looked over and rolled his eyes as he saw Squeak sitting on the table.
After breakfast they went upstairs to ask if they could repair the water damage, the neighbour from upstairs turned out to be an ex-military stallion and was actually quite old but Callahan and the stallion, whose name was Brody, became quick friends and Callahan told Brody that if he ever needed help with something to just call. This pleased the old stallion and made him very happy, apparently the happiest he’d been since the last time his children came to see him, which was 10 years ago.
Callahan and Jimmy fixed the damages and replaced the sealant rings and floorboards and chatted with old Mr. Brody the entire time.
Day 4
Callahan awoke to the smell of eggs and potatoes and realized he was late for work, again and lept up, Jimmy looked to him “I called in for you again, I need your help cleaning your room” Jimmy replied and Callahan let out a sigh of relief. Like he had done the past few days Callahan grabbed himself a plate for himself and Squeak and Jimmy simply shrugged.
After breakfast Jimmy and Callahan threw the old mattress in his room outside into the dumpster, which was infested with cockroaches. They also threw old things that Callahan no longer used and completely refurbished the room, killing off the cockroach nest and shooing the roaches out of the building. They placed the new bed in the room and Jimmy flopped down on the bed “I get the bed tonight” he laughed and Callahan jumped on the bed “no way, you’ve gotten my couch the entire week so I get my bed” Callahan argued. “If it wasn’t for me you wouldn’t even have this bed” Jimmy argued and the two began to wrestle like little colts play fighting.
Day 5
Callahan awoke and was about to leap up when Jimmy called out “don’t worry yourself dearie, I called you in again, I need your help with the living room, we need to lighten things up” Jimmy told him, setting his worries at ease. He got up and grabbed himself and Squeak some plates but unlike before Jimmy didn’t even seem to mind.
After breakfast they tore down the old drywall paper and replaced it with beautiful drywall paper that had roses and butterflies on it. They also cleaned out Squeak’s wall hole and gave him a cozy little bed that they picked up from the Chinese ornament store.
That night Callahan went to dump the grease can onto one of the cats below but Jimmy stopped him. Callahan looked to his brother but Jimmy pointed back down and after a few minutes a few other cats came outside and began playing together, they were all a large family and took care of one another, just like Jimmy, Squeak and Callahan had the last few days. In an act of kindness Callahan didn’t dump the grease onto the poor cats below and instead dumped the remains of the grease into a garbage bag, despite having gotten rid of the majority of roaches the odd few were still scurrying around.
Day 6
Callahan awoke and at first was panicked by the fact he was late for work but settled with the idea that Jimmy had probably called him in sick again. Callahan arose from the couch to the smell of home cooking, like he had all week. He walked over and picked up a plate for himself and Squeak and grabbed some fresh milk out of the fridge. “What’s today?” Callahan asked and Jimmy looked to his brother “well we have to refurbish the walls and get some air fresheners in here” Jimmy replied, at this point Callahan had gotten used to his brothers flamboyant accent. As they had for the past week they all sat down together and at breakfast.
After breakfast they began to refurbish the hallways and Callahan gave Squeak his first proper bath, only filling the bathtub 2 inches so that Squeak wouldn’t drown, Callahan and Jimmy let out a laugh as Squeak played in the water happily.
Day 7
Callahan awoke but laid on the couch without a care in the world, he knew that once again Jimmy probably would’ve called him in sick. Callahan arose peacefully but Jimmy gave him a worried look “brothey hurry, you’re going to be late for work” Jimmy exclaimed and Callahan’s eyes went wide. “Didn’t you call me in?” Callahan asked frantically, Jimmy shook his head “no I don’t need your help today” Jimmy replied and Callahan rushed to his coat frantically but Jimmy put a hoof on his shoulder and snickered “just kidding brothey. Of course I called you in, I need help cleaning the remainder of the house” Jimmy replied and Callahan let out a relieved sigh and went to grab himself and Squeak plates but realized that Jimmy had already set the table, even setting a plate up for Squeak. They all sat down and enjoyed breakfast.
Callahan and his brother along with Squeak cleaned the rest of the house and they nodded in triumph. “Job well done brothey” Jimmy told Callahan who simply nodded. That night Jimmy brought in some fancy scented candles and they invited Mr. Brody down to have supper with them. They had a nice dinner, all sayin grace together and enjoying the meal. Mr. Brody told stories about his time serving in the military and about his children. At around 9:30 Mr. Brody left with a thank you.
Callahan sat on the couch and began watching T.V. Squeak quickly grabbed the remote and switched the channel to that police T.V. show. Callahan chuckled but was actually quite interested in what was going to happen. They watched the television for the majority of the night until they all were too tired to continue.
Day 8
Jimmy awoke early to try and make breakfast but when he entered the kitchen he was greeted by the sight of his brother Callahan making breakfast. “Hey Bro, listen uh I figured that I’d make breakfast this morning since you’ve been doing it all this week” Callahan told his brother. “Oh brothey this is so fantastic, I didn’t know you could cook” Jimmy said as he sat down at the table and Callahan served them all breakfast.
As they ate Jimmy looked to his brother. “Brothey I have some bad news” he told him sadly, “what?” Callahan replied and Jimmy let out a sigh. “Brothey I have to go back to Fillydelphia tomorrow” Jimmy informed Callahan. “What, why?” Callahan asked curiously and Jimmy let out a chuckle “you really should read your emails I told you that I would be leaving today” Jimmy informed Callahan who groaned at the information. “Don’t worry sweetie I’ll come visit you for Christmas, I promise” Jimmy told Callahan who looked up and nodded.
“So brothey I know this great place that we should go out to tonight”
* * *
It was another 5 star restaurant but this one wasn’t prejudice towards gays, at least not to Callahan’s knowledge. They got their table and started conversing, Callahan feeding Squeak crackers while Squeak stayed hidden in his coat pocket. Callahan didn’t even bother to pay attention to the stallions that were giving them weird looks. “Oops sorry I didn’t know this place was prejudice against homosexuals as well” Jimmy apologized and Callahan looked around to the stallions giving them looks. “WHAT, have you guys never seen a gay pony before?” Callahan yelled out and the stallions quickly turned around and minded their own business. Jimmy and Callahan laughed the night away and before they realized it they were going home and the night was over.
The Rats, The Cats and The Callahan
Callahan awoke peacefully but didn’t smell any home cooking like he had before, he got up and called for his brother but didn’t get a reply. Callahan entered his room and saw a little note on the table, it read ‘sorry brother, I was going to say goodbye but you looked so cute when you slept that I couldn’t bring myself to wake you, breakfast is in the fridge. Love Jimmy’. Callahan put the note back and sat on the bed, he never thought he’d be sad to have his brother go but now he was gone and Callahan felt a little saddened.
Callahan walked into the washroom and took a nice long shower and freshened himself up for the morning. He took the breakfast out of the fridge and fed himself along with Squeak. He reached over and grabbed the telephone and called the police station.
“Brooklyn Police department how may I help you?” said the voice from the telephone. “Scarlet I’m not sick anymore, I’ll be there in an hour” Callahan replied and with that he hung up the phone and got dressed. He looked to Squeak and gave him a brush upside his cheek as he left “be good” Callahan told Squeak as he left downstairs towards his car. He took a glance at his watch and realized it was 7:45am and he would have to hurry.
He raced downstairs and outside into the alleyway where he always parked the car. He hopped in his car and drove off down the slums of Brooklyn but made a stop at the local doughnut shop. “Hey D, it’s been a while… how have yah been” Beatrix asked, Callahan walked up to the counter and thought to himself “not bad, how have you been?” Callahan asked and Beatrix shrugged. “Things weren’t the same without you around, so the regular?” she asked and Callahan shook his head, “nah, make it warm and I’ll have a chocolate glazed doughnut” Callahan told her and she nodded “that’s a first” she replied and grabbed him a cup of hot coffee and a chocolate glazed doughnut. “Well I’d love to sit and chat but I’m gonna be late for work” Callahan muttered as he gave her 20 bits, like always and began to leave. “Never thought I’d see the day” Beatrix commented and Callahan looked back “first time for everything right?” Callahan asked and jumped in his car and drove off to the police station.
He finished his coffee and doughnut and proceeded inside to sign in. “Don’t sweat it Cal, I signed you in already” Scarlet said with a smile. “Why thanks Scarlet” Callahan replied politely and scurried up the stairs to his office. He sat down at his desk and let out an exhausted sigh, he didn’t know why but for some reason he felt good for being at work. He looked to his cigarette pack and grabbed it, for the last week he hadn’t smoked and figured it might be time to quit. He tossed the pack of cigarettes in the garbage and leaned back and relaxed.
“Things are going along nicely” Callahan muttered to himself as he opened the window and a breeze of cool air brushed inside his office. Suddenly Johnny burst into his office “hey Callahan you’re back” Johnny exclaimed and ran over and patted him on the back. “Yeah, bout time I got back… what you guys been slacking on me? Crime has nearly doubled in this town since I left” Callahan joked and Johnny laughed. “Hey listen I’m going out on patrol want to tag along?” Johnny asked and Callahan jumped on the offer “oh hell yes let’s go” Callahan replied and they both ran downstairs and outside to their cruisers. Johnny called out “hey this time try not to take all the fame when we bust a criminal” Johnny laughed and Callahan started up his car and grabbed the radio “then next time try and keep up”
* * *
Callahan sat in his cruiser in an alleyway with Johnny’s cruiser close beside him. They had their windows down and were eating doughnuts from the local doughnut shop. “So Callahan what the hell kind of sickness did you catch, you were gone for quite a while” Johnny asked and Callahan looked over to him.
“Cleanly-itis” Callahan joked and Johnny rolled his eyes “what the hell is that?” he asked jokingly. “Oh you know where you have to clean your house up little by little” Callahan replied and Johnny laughed “I would’ve never thought that you would’ve cleaned that place up” Johnny laughed and Callahan shrugged. “Yeah Jimmy and I spent the week cleaning it up and it looks real nice, you should come out sometime” Callahan told Johnny.
“Yeah I meant to ask, where is Jimmy I thought he’d be with you” Johnny asked and Callahan sighed. “He had to go back home today and left early this morning” Callahan informed Johnny who nodded “damn, I kinda liked that kid, he was friggin hilarious” Johnny laughed. They sat there for few more minutes and conversed until their radios crackled.
“We have a hothead driving a grey Porsche 997 turbo, he’s driving in Brooklyn at speeds exceeding 120mph, all available units please respond”. Callahan grabbed his radio “this is Callahan I’m on it” Callahan called into the radio and started his car. Both he and Johnny turned on their sirens and Callahan placed the magnetic single red siren on the roof of his car and they sped towards the coordinates the radio-pony gave them.
Within 5 minutes they found the speeding Porsche and began to give pursuit. The radio in Callahan’s car crackled “we have new information on the culprit standby… the felon is prince Blueblood, all units all units the felon is prince Blueblood” the radio-pony informed them. “Oh fuck” Callahan hissed as he sped towards the Porsche at high speeds. The Porsche however was no slouch and Blueblood really knew how to drive a car.
Callahan grabbed his radio “this is Callahan, I’m going to PIT maneuver him over” Callahan called into the radio. There was a moment of silence but then he heard captain Danvers voice “Callahan don’t you dare try anything, we’re working out negotiations right now to have him pull over and surrender” Danvers yelled over the radio. “How long?” Callahan asked and a Danvers replied quickly “we haven’t been able to patch through to him yet but when we do” Danvers began but Callahan cut him off “no time captain, I’m taking him out” Callahan replied. “God dammit Callahan if you so much as nudge his car I’ll have you suspended” Danvers threatened and Callahan chuckled “don’t worry captain, he’ll live” Callahan replied and flicked the radio to a different channel.
Callahan attempted to PIT maneuver Blueblood but Blueblood raced his Porsche ahead and stayed far enough ahead of Callahan that he couldn’t do anything. The radio crackled and Blueblood’s voice came over it “well let’s see whose car is better, winner gets the others car” Blueblood wagered and Callahan stayed silent, “come on Callahan what are you chicken?” Blueblood asked tauntingly and Callahan snarled and slammed the accelerator to the floor, the car’s engine roared and the supercharger whined as his Gran Torino began to exceed 150mph. “That’s the spirit” Blueblood laughed and his Porsche zipped forwards and turned left, Callahan snickered, he knew that after that turn Blueblood only had a single road to follow. Callahan cranked the steering wheel and the car tipped onto 2 tires and Callahan drove it down an alleyway that attached to the road Blueblood was diving on, 2 wheels touching the ground and 2 wheels driving on the wall Callahan drove down the alleyway and hit car burst from the alleyway, Callahan cranked the wheel in the opposite direction and the car landed on both wheels And squealed to a stop. Blueblood’s Porsche flew towards Callahan’s Torino and he simply chuckled and grabbed the radio “time for a game of chicken, and for the record I don’t want you plastic piece of shit” Callahan taunted and slapped the car into first gear, he slammed the accelerator right to the floor and the car’s front end rose off the ground.
Callahan dropped the car into second gear and the car became flush with the road. “I’ve never lost a race in my life, and like hell I’ll lose one to some washed up old cop” Blueblood sneered over the radio but Callahan kept driving directly at Blueblood’s Porsche. They both reached speeds of 70mph.
Callahan gritted his teeth and he saw Blueblood’s eyes go wide as he realized that Callahan wasn’t even going to play chicken, he simply wanted to ram him. Blueblood realized this too late and both their vehicles clashed together, the Porsche’s front end was completely annihilated by the metal grill bars and steel of the 74 Gran Torino. Blueblood’s Porsche was stooped in its tracks but Callahan’s Torino kept going, pushing the Porsche backwards. Callahan drove the Porsche into a brick wall and the rear end of the Porsche, along with its motor, where completely trashed. Callahan put his car in reverse and drove backwards, at first Blueblood’s car was hitched to Callahan’s Torino but soon the weak fibers broke and Callahan’s car pulled away. Multiple police sirens could be heard in the distance as Callahan got out of his car and approached Blueblood in his trashed Porsche.
Callahan tried to open the door but it was broken and wouldn’t open, Callahan simply ripped the door off and grabbed Blueblood. His nose had been broken by the airbag and he was missing several teeth. Callahan ripped him out of his seat and brought Blueblood over to his car and slammed him against the hood and cuffed his hoofs behind his back, Callahan spun Blueblood around “looks like you lost this race”
The Rats, The Cats and The Callahan
Callahan raced his car up as close as he could and hid Squeak in the glove box, since Ms. Abernathy had he cats outside. Callahan raced up to one of the firefighters, “what the hell is going on?” Callahan gasped and the firefighter turned to him, “some scented candles were left burning and caught fire to the drywall in a house on the fourth floor” the firefighter informed him and Callahan felt as if his stomach sank, he had forgotten to put out the candles before he left like he always did.
“Is every-pony okay?” Callahan asked worriedly and the firefighter shook his head “no there’s still an elderly stallion unaccounted for from the fifth floor and we can’t get to him” the firefighter replied. Callahan’s heart sank even deeper and he rushed into the lobby of the burning building and the firefighter yelled at him to stop. He knew that the elderly stallion had to be Mr. Brody. He raced up the stairs but as he reached the 3rd floor smoke started to sting his vision. Callahan tore a piece of his shirt off and wrapped it around his mouth like a bandana and got lower to the ground.
He proceeded to the 5th floor as fast as he could, staying low to avoid the thickening smoke. He reached the 5th floor and literally had to crawl along the ground to breath, even with his improvised bandana. He reached Brody’s door and opened it, being right above his room Brody’s home had suffered catastrophic fire damage and the floor boards where either burnt away or very unstable. He looked around and but couldn’t spot Mr. Brody.
“Brody, where are you” Callahan yelled, there was a hacky response “over here, in my room” Brody coughed. Callahan crawled cautiously along the floor and carefully made his way to the old stallion’s room and saw Mr. Brody huddled up in a corner, covering his mouth with some bed sheets. Callahan reached Mr. Brody and tugged him “Come on, I’m getting you out of here” Callahan told him and the old stallion let out a hearty laugh. “You shouldn’t have risked your life for me” he laughed but Callahan shook his head “no-pony deserves this kind of fate” Callahan told him and put Mr. Brody’s foreleg around his neck and carried him out, but the smoke was becoming intoxicating.
Callahan fell to the ground and coughed violently. “Hold on, can you get me to my closet across the hallway?” Brody asked and Callahan nodded and staggered himself and Brody across the hallway to the closet. Mr. Brody opened the door to the closet and pulled out an old military canvas sac and presented 2 old gas masks. “Here, put this on, it’ll make breathing a whole lot easier. Kept these after the war thinking my kids might like them… I’m glad they thought they were ugly and didn’t take them” Brody laughed as he slipped on his mask and Callahan put his on as well.
“I can barely see out of this thing” Callahan muttered, his voice distorted by the breathing apparatus. “Trust me it’ll be worth it, now let’s get outta here” Brody told him and wrapped his foreleg around Callahan’s neck and they both started walking to the exit. However as they began to leave Mr. Brody’s home the floor collapsed beneath them and they both came crashing down into Callahan’s apartment room. “Oh fuck” Callahan groaned as he looked over to Mr. Brody, who was grunting as well.
Callahan picked up Mr. Brody but realized that Mr. Brody’s hindleg was broken and he couldn’t walk. “Leave me kid… you won’t make it if you try and bring me along” Brody said valiantly. “Like hell. I ain’t leaving any-pony behind” Callahan told him as he threw Brody over his back “especially not a good friend” Callahan told Brody.
His mask’s goggle’s had cracked and smoke burnt his eyes but thanks to the design of the mask smoke wasn’t able to fill the entire mask and Callahan was able to breathe properly. He grunted as smoke burned at his eyes and his cuts on his face and he paced slowly towards his door.
“Oh sweet Celestia fuck me” Callahan groaned as he approached his doorway, Brody turned to see what Callahan was swearing about “what’s wrong?” Brody asked curiously and Callahan turned and walked Mr. Brody to a safer spot to set him down. Callahan set Mr. Brody on the floor and leaned him sitting upright against a wall. “Some burning beams of wood are blocking our way out, I can’t get us both out” Callahan told Brody with sadness in his voice. Brody grabbed Callahan and brought him in for a hug “Kid, don’t worry about me, I’ve lived a long enough life and besides my kids don’t even visit me anymore” Brody told Callahan and Brody began to cry softly and pushed Callahan away “now get outta here before the roof collapses on us both” Brody ordered.
Callahan looked around desperately, he wasn’t going to leave Mr. Brody, he couldn’t. Then a memory played through his mind of when he and his brother Jimmy were refurbishing the kitchen, Jimmy looked to him and laughed “brothey you can never be too careful, it was a good idea for me to get this fire extinguisher” Jimmy laughed and the memory faded away. Callahan raced into the kitchen and found the fire extinguisher and ran to the front entrance of the house and tried to put out the flames with the extinguisher but it was no use, the flames were just too thick.
Callahan let out a defeated roar and dropped to his knees in failure. “FUCK” he roared. Suddenly he realized the fire extinguisher was getting hot in his hands, “maybe” Callahan began but then remembered that all fire extinguishers had release valves in case they built up too much pressure. Once again Callahan roared out and threw the fire extinguisher at the burning wood beams.
He felt heavy, and the heat of the fire began to make him feel nauseas and he started to sway back and forth. He pulled out his M1911 figuring he’d rather die a quick and painless death than a painful and long one. He crawled over to Mr. Brody who coughed “why are you still here?” Brody asked and Callahan brought out his handgun for the elder stallion to see. Brody knew what he was referring to “one for me… and one for you” Brody gasped and leaned his head back.
Callahan began to tear up and began to sob then looked at his pistol. “I’m getting us outta here” Callahan told Brody and looked back to the fire extinguisher. Sure it had a safety release valve for high pressure but that didn’t mean puncturing it wouldn’t set it off.
Callahan lined up his shot and pulled the trigger, the pistol let out a loud BANG, the pistols shot was muffled by the explosion of the fire extinguisher, which erupted and sprayed fire retardant everywhere, effectively putting out the fire at the doorway, for the moment.
Callahan holstered his pistol and tossed Brody over his back and ran out the door. Just as he entered the hallway the roof
He reached the lobby and heard another explosion rip through the building, along with screams from outside. Callahan ran up to the lobby doors but realized they were locked, and there was firefighters keeping ponies away from the building, the firefighters must’ve locked the doors to prevent ponies from entering the building. Callahan placed Brody on the floor and gave a mighty buck to the glass panel, it shattered to pieces and Callahan picked up Mr. Brody and ran outside, several ponies screamed and pointed to Callahan as he rushed outside and paramedics met him even before he reached the firefighters.
They took Mr. Brody off his back and placed him on a stretcher and wheeled him away. They attempted the same with Callahan but he simply shrugged them off and walked over to his car and ripped off the gas mask, it had probably saved his life.
Suddenly media came rushing over to Callahan and flashes from cameras began erupting. “Sir what do you have to say about this catastrophe?” one of the reporters asked and Callahan looked to the reporter “sorry” Callahan apologized, remembering that it was his stupid candles that started this mess. “Sir how do you feel now that you’re a hero?” another of the media ponies asked holding out a microphone for Callahan to talk into.
Callahan sighed an exhausted sigh and looked to the media “I’m not a hero, any pony would have done what’s right, it just so happened to be” Callahan began but suddenly the pony interviewers were pushed out of the way and another pony stepped forward. She had a dark indigo fur color and her hair was a light grey. “Move, move, get out of my way” she said in a British accent which made Callahan laugh. He recognized this pony from a T.V. show he watched once, this was the ever famous Photo Finish.
“Get this pony ready for action” Photo ordered and several ponies with fashion products approached Callahan. “Get away from me, I don’t want any special photos for some stupid calendar or something” Callahan grunted and pushed the ponies back. Photo Finish pointed to her camera-pony, “now take pictures of him before and after” she ordered and the camera-pony got right up in his face and started taking pictures. Callahan tried to push him back but he wouldn’t back off. “Buddy get out of my face” Callahan ordered but the pony kept taking pictures.
Callahan snarled “last chance bozo” Callahan growled but the pony took no care to his warning and Callahan got up onto his hindlegs and punched the front of the camera and the camera smashed back into the camera-pony’s face, the force knocking him out cold. Callahan scratched his ear and walked away, the media stepping back in fear.
Callahan walked over to where the paramedics had Mr. Brody. “How is he doc?” Callahan asked and the paramedic looked to Callahan. “Other than some smoke inhalation he’s fine, he’ll be up and about in a few hours” the paramedic informed Callahan and got up to write his report.
Callahan placed the gas mask Brody had given him on Brody’s chest “here, you can have this back… maybe for a memoire” Callahan told him. “How you feeling?” Callahan asked, and Brody let out a cough “like Celestia just hit me in the head with a sledgehammer” Brody replied and they both chuckled. “Callahan, what are you going to do?” Brody asked Callahan who looked off, he sure as hell wasn’t staying around anymore, on account that he had lost his job and that his home had just burnt away. “I gotta find some-pony who can help my rat, he’s sick and the vets here don’t know anything about rats” Callahan told Brody who nodded. “Didn’t you tell me that you met the princess?” Brody asked and Callahan recalled telling Mr. Brody about how he had met the princess. “Yeah why?” he asked and Brody chuckled, “listen after I left the military I kept myself busy by looking up current events in Equestria, things like Nightmare moon’s return and what not… anyway there is some mare that works for Celestia or something” Brody informed Callahan who nodded. “Her name is Uttershy or something… I can’t remember, but I do remember reading that she’s an animal freak, you know like one of those vegan save the earth types… she even lives in a fucking tree” Brody laughed but began coughing violently.
“You think she’ll know about what’s wrong with Squeak?” Callahan asked and Brody nodded “oh yeah, positive… but I forget where she lives, anyway contact the princess and arrange a meeting with her and tell her about your little predicament. I’m sure she’ll help you out” Brody told Callahan who nodded. “What about you?” Callahan asked and Brody looked to him with softened eyes, “I called my kids, they said they’d take me in” Brody told Callahan who nodded. Brody grabbed Callahan and brought him in for a hug “thank you for saving me” Brody whispered his thanks to Callahan who returned the hug. Brody let go off Callahan and Callahan looked to his elderly friend, both with tears in their eyes. “Well I have a pony to find, goodbye Brody… hopefully our paths cross again one day” Callahan told Brody who looked to Callahan and called out to him as he left “be safe on your journey Callahan”
The Rats, The Cats and The Callahan
Callahan sat at the booth in the doughnut shop reading a map and groaned to himself as he realized it would be at least a 3 day drive to Canterlot. Beatrix put a warm cup of coffee and a doughnut on the table for him and Callahan looked up to her and smiled “Thanks B” Callahan said softly and continued looking at the map.
Beatrix sat down across from him “what are you looking at?” Beatrix asked curiously and Callahan handed her the map, “what are you looking at this thing for?” Beatrix asked and Callahan pointed to the T.V. “you don’t watch the evening news do you?” Callahan replied and she chuckled “not much” she laughed grabbing the television remote and turned the television on. A news anchor was talking about the weather and Beatrix snickered “real exciting, going on vacation somewhere a little more relaxing?” she laughed and Callahan shook his head. “My pet is sick and I need to go to Canterlot to get him better because the vets here don’t know shit” Callahan replied.
“Oh I see” Beatrix replied and suddenly the news switched over to news anchor, “recently today in downtown Brooklyn a building caught fire, in the midst of the chaos an elderly stallion was stuck in the fifth floor of the burning building and firefighters were unable to reach him” the news anchor told the camera crew, the burnt building in the background. “A lone pony by the name of Callahan arrived on the scene, disregarding the firefighter’s warnings he dashed bravely into the burning building, after a few minutes Callahan burst out of the building, carrying the elderly stallion on his back. He had this to say” the news anchor informed who ever watched the news and the video feed was changed to one of the ponies that had interviewed him “Sir what do you have to say about this catastrophe?” the news interviewer asked, and Callahan turned to the screen like he had done just hours ago and replied “sorry”.
Beatrix snickered “jeeze you’re a bad actor” she laughed and Callahan chuckled as the T.V. returned to the other news anchor. “Truly a magnificent and heroic stallion” the news anchor said and Callahan groaned. Beatrix laughed “you were the one who wanted to watch the news” she giggled as she turned off the T.V.
“So Callahan… you’re going to Canterlot?” She asked and Callahan nodded “I really just don’t want to drive there is all” he told her and she smiled. “Then take a train silly” she laughed and Callahan scrunched his nose “I don’t want to leave my car behind” he replied and she laughed again “silly pony, the train has a cargo train car that you could reserve for your car” she informed him and looked at her watch “better hurry though train leaves in an hour” she informed him and Callahan grabbed his coffee and doughnut and handed her 20 bits, like always.
“Thanks B… I guess this is goodbye” Callahan said with a bit of sadness in his voice, although he didn’t feel a love interest in her he was still kind of fond for her, like a sister maybe. As he left she called out to him “don’t forget to write to me you old coot” she laughed and as he left a tear came to her eye and she whispered to herself “goodbye you old teddy bear”.
Callahan jumped in his car and gave a final wave to Beatrix and yelled out the door window off his car “don’t worry I’ll write to
* * *
Callahan sat by himself in one of the seats further back in the train, by the train cargo car that carried his Torino, it had cost quite a fair bit to get the car but he figured it was worth it. One of the train attendants came back to him “ticket please” he ordered politely and Callahan passed him his ticket, the attendant looked at it, stamped it and gave it back to him. Callahan watched as the scenery passed, though the majority of Manehatten was dense urban city, past the city limits was significantly more beautiful scenery. A food dolly came by and Callahan purchased a small package of two salted crackers and a bottle of water. He took waited for the pony pushing the dolly along to leave and pulled Squeak out of his pocket and placed him on the seat next to him, he still wasn’t feeling well.
Callahan filled the water bottle cap with water and let Squeak take a drink, he also handed Squeak a cracker which he ate rather reluctantly. Callahan poured Squeak another cap full of water and leaned his head against the window and watched scenery go by, he looked to Squeak and placed him back in his pocket. He looked at his watch and realized that it was 11:30 at night and he should probably get some rest.
* * *
Callahan felt a tugging at his foreleg and he awoke tiredly, he looked up to see a train attendant “sir we’re in Canterlot now” she replied and he nodded tiredly and looked at his watch. It read 9:04am, “wonderful” He muttered to himself and thanked the train attendant and trotted off the train to the cargo area. His Gran Torino had been unloaded and he trotted over to it. A security pony stopped him, “sir can I have proof that this is your vehicle?” he asked, well more like ordered. Callahan groaned and pulled out his wallet and showed him his license along with the registration for the car. “Thank you sir, you have yourself a wonderful day” the security guard said in an annoyingly charismatic voice, “you to” Callahan grumbled and hoped in his car.
Several ponies gave Callahan strange looks and Callahan realized that there were literally no other vehicles on the street, only carriages. “This… is going to be awkward” Callahan muttered to himself and drove off into the city streets, in search of the princess’ castle.
He suddenly felt the call of nature, or rather he just had to piss really bad. “Oh shit” Callahan muttered and pulled in front of a fine restaurant. He turned his car off and walked into the restaurant, surely they had a washroom or something. He was greeted by a finely dressed butler “may I help you monsieur?” he asked in a French accent. Callahan looked to him and nodded “yeah I gotta pee, where’s your washroom?” he asked and the butler gave him a strange face and pointed to the sign that read ‘washrooms are for customers only, thank you’.
Callahan grunted “man I gotta piss” Callahan hissed to the butler but he simply shrugged “that is not our problem monsieur”
“Oh my Celestia that’s revolting” yelled a pony from the street and Callahan looked to see a small crowd formulating. Suddenly the butler from the restaurant came rushing out. “How dare you urinate on the building” he screamed and Callahan zipped up his pants and picked up Squeak in his hoof “hey every-pony look I found a rat in this restaurant” Callahan lied and every-pony screamed “RAT” and began to scurry about like a rat was the plague or something.
Callahan chuckled as the butler tried to calm the group down as they rushed into the restaurant screaming ‘RAT’, “Well my work is done” Callahan chuckled and got in his car and drove off down the city streets towards the castle that he presumed was the princess’.
* * *
Callahan chuckled and looked at the fabulous castle as he approached it. Several guards stood guarding the castle, almost like henchman. As Callahan approached the castle doors two guards slid their spears in front of Callahan and blocked his way. “State your business” one of the guards asked in a deep tone, “hey chill out, I’m here to see the princess” Callahan replied in his gruffly voice. “What business do you require with the princess?” the guard asked and Callahan shrugged “she said if I ever needed her help to just call, so here I am… now you gonna let me in or what?” he asked. The guards raised their spears and Callahan entered the palace.
Callahan roamed around looking for where the princess. “Now if I was a princess where would I be?” Callahan asked himself as he browsed through the castle. Suddenly Blueblood appeared in the hallway and looked at Callahan with an irritated and hateful look. “Callahan” he yelled and Callahan chuckled “I can hear you just fine, you don’t have to yell” Callahan laughed but Blueblood charged aggressively at Callahan, but before Blueblood struck him Callahan lept up through the air, front flipped and landed behind Blueblood, who turned back to watch Callahan begin to walk away.
“Don’t you walk away from me” Blueblood roared and began to charge at Callahan again. Callahan sighed in irritation and just as Blueblood was about to strike him Callahan back flipped over Blueblood and let out another irritated sigh. Blueblood snarled and looked to Callahan who chuckled softly, “fool, I will crush you for making a mockery of me” Blueblood yelled. Callahan sighed as Blueblood once again charged at Callahan, but instead of flipping over him Callahan stood onto his hindlegs, using his hindlegs to trip Blueblood and his forelegs to slam him to the ground. Callahan fell back down onto all fours and began trotting off again.
Blueblood got up and grabbed a monumental sword off the wall and charged at Callahan. Callahan turned and went wide eyed as he ducked the swing of the blade. He took a few quick steps back from the insane prince Blueblood and lept up to his hindlegs again. Callahan ducked as Blueblood swung the sword again, the sword tore through some old painting of Star Swirl the Bearded. “Oh shit that looked like it costed a lot of money” Callahan chuckled and Blueblood snarled and charged and Callahan again, Callahan once again effortlessly dodged the deadly blade of the sword, which tore through an ancient relic flag of the old Equestrian Republic.
“BLUEBLOOD STOP THIS MADNESS” boomed a voice from down the hallway. Callahan turned to see the dark blue alicorn known as Princess Luna. “Shut up Luna, you’re not my mother” Blueblood said in a disrespectful tone, she let out an angered scowl and attempted to grab him in a magic spell but somehow Blueblood either missed the spell or he negated it with his own magic. Callahan looked back to Blueblood and lept back just as he swung the sword again. It missed Callahan by at least a yard and cut apart an old vase jar filled with some sort of mystic dust. “Man this fight is going to cost you a hell of a lot of money” Callahan teased.
Once again Luna tried to cast a spell to stop Blueblood and once again the spell failed. Blueblood cocked the sword back and swung it violently at Callahan, with lightning speed Callahan drew out his M1911 and shot the blade of the sword, which shattered and Blueblood only ended up swinging the handle with less than a foot of blade left, which missed Callahan by a substantial amount.
Callahan holstered his pistol and fell back down onto all fours, “now if that will be all I have a” Callahan began but was cut off by a thundering voice “BLUEBLOOD GET TO YOUR QUARTERS” boomed the voice and Callahan spun around to see that it was Luna yelling, strange it sounded louder than before. Blueblood laughed “fuck you aunt Luna I don’t have to listen to you” he sneered in a disrespectful tone, suddenly another voice was heard “Blueblood… get to your quarters, or I will have you severely punished for you insolence” the voice said in a calm voice and Callahan looked back to see Celestia standing behind Blueblood who gulped. “Go” Celestia ordered and Blueblood ran with his tail between his legs.
“Sister we apologize, we tried to stop him” Luna apologized but her sister gave her a reassuring nod and looked to Callahan. “Mr. Callahan… how may we assist you?” Celestia asked in a calm tone and Callahan pulled out Squeak. “He’s sick and I heard you knew of a pony that specializes in helping animals” Callahan informed her and she nodded and looked to the shattered sword on the ground and chuckled “that was the Sword of Wisdom, constructed by Star Swirl himself” Celestia said with a frown. Callahan flinched “please don’t have be severely punished” Callahan chuckled and Celestia gave him a nod, “I was actually going to ask for your forgiveness for my nephew’s… unacceptable behaviour” Celestia informed Callahan who nodded, “oh don’t sweat it” Callahan reassured her as they made their way to a balcony.
“So… about my friend?” Callahan asked and Celestia pointed to the distant horizon where a small town sat, “do you see the town?” Celestia asked and Callahan nodded. Celestia turned to him “ask for a mare named Fluttershy, she will help you… and get those cuts on you face cleaned, they’re infected” Celestia told him and Callahan touched his face, true to her word the cuts on his face had begun to swell and were painful to touch
The Rats, The Cats and The Callahan
Like a needle in a haystack
Callahan grunted to himself and started to feel sick himself, ‘probably this damn infection’ Callahan thought as he raced along the dirt road that was supposed to lead to Ponyville. The car had a rigid suspension and wasn’t meant to be driven on this sort of road but that didn’t stop Callahan from exceeding 100mph. The car flew over a small hill in the road and Callahan felt as if there were butterflies in his stomach. He grunted as the car bounced along the trail and he looked at his face in the rear view mirror “god ain’t you a handsome devil” Callahan laughed at the sight of his scratched up face.
He had filled up his car before he left, coincidently despite not having motorized vehicles Canterlot still used gasoline for random things, ‘lucky break’ Callahan thought to himself as he looked to the gas meter, it read that he still had half a tank of gas. “Guess I’ll have to fill up in town” Callahan muttered as he pressed the accelerator to the floor, the car roared and the supercharger let out a high pitched whine as the car thundered over the hills and towards Ponyville.
As he raced along the dirt road he saw the town come into view and he slowed his car down to a more suitable 60mph and approached the town, as he entered the town he realized it was the same deal as Canterlot, now vehicles just carriages. He slowed his car down and drove into the town’s center where there was, what he presumed to be, the town hall. He drove up and parked his car in front of town hall and turned his car off. As he got out several ponies looked to him with curious looks. Callahan trotted up the stairs and into town hall.
A receptionist stopped him in the lobby. “Excuse me sir… may I be of assistance?” she asked curiously and Callahan walked over “yeah I’m looking for some-pony who can help me find…” Callahan trailed off and pulled out a picture of Fluttershy that Celestia had given to him as a reference “this pony” he finished and the pony looked at the picture and handed it back to him “sorry, I’m new here, you might want to ask the mayor though” the receptionist suggested. “And where might she be?” Callahan asked as he took the picture back and placed it in his pocket.
The receptionist pointed towards a stairway that he presumed led to the mayor’s office, Callahan nodded and began to trot along. He paced up the stairs and looked down the hallway, “hmm mayor’s office…” Callahan trailed off and looked to all the doors and finally found one that said mayor’s office.
He opened the door and peeked inside and the mayor looked up and gasped “sweet Celestia doesn’t any-pony knock anymore” she gasped. “Oh sorry” Callahan muttered and closed the door and knocked. “You fool I already know you’re here” the mayor scoffed and Callahan came back inside the mayor’s office. “Okay… so how may I help you Mr.” she began but trailed off as she realized that his face was pretty scratched up “sweet Celestia what happened to your face?” she asked and Callahan scrunched his nose “cats” he muttered and took a seat. “Well I’m no doctor but I can tell you that your cuts need to be disinfected” she informed him and Callahan nodded, he had felt a bit under the weather but it wasn’t too serious, just a small fever. “I’ll be fine” Callahan said and shrugged off her worry, “an infection on your face is very dangerous because of the close proximity to the brain” she informed him and Callahan rolled his eyes.
He pulled the picture of Fluttershy out of his pocket and showed it to the mayor “I need her help… think you can help me out?” Callahan asked and the mayor took the picture and examined it thoroughly. “Ah yes, Ms. Fluttershy, she lives in a cottage on the outskirts of Ponyville” the mayor replied. “I’d bring you myself but I have work to do, but I’m sure the librarian Twilight Sparkle would be delighted to help you out” the mayor replied and Callahan got up “thank you mayor… I need to be going” Callahan replied but as he left the mayor called out “you should really consider going to a doctor about your face”.
Callahan chuckled at the suggestion, it kind of sounded like he needed facial surgery the way she said it. Callahan trotted back down to the lobby and out to his car where a Cyan Pegasus with multicolored hair was looking at his car. “It’s not for sale” Callahan grumbled and the Pegasus turned to him and laughed “ha, you mean this piece of junk” she laughed and Callahan grumbled to himself as he walked towards his car. “Ha yeah I bet your car wouldn’t even make it across town in a day” she laughed and Callahan let out a silent snarl, this mare was pushing it. “Ha, yeah well under the hood is a 460 big block with a supercharger, thing goes at least 170” Callahan replied and the Pegasus laughed “yeah what like 170 inches a day” she taunted playfully and Callahan opened the door on his car and sat in the driver seat and slammed the door.
Callahan looked to her “yeah, well some of us weren’t gifted with wings and this is the next best thing” Callahan said as he got in the car. The mare let out a hysterical laugh and fell to the ground, rolling in laughter “ha a Ford, oh please give me a break… you know what Ford stands for right? Fix or Repair daily” the mare laughed and Callahan grunted “well in all my years of driving this thing I’ve never had to fix it, and she still runs like a charm” Callahan argued back and turned to start the car, he looked back but the Pegasus was gone. “About time” he muttered to himself but suddenly the passenger door opened up and the Pegasus hoped in the passenger seat “you should’ve bought a Chevy” she laughed and Callahan snickered “yeah, can hear every valve rattle over long extended trips” Callahan replied making fun of Chevrolet’s name in a similar way to what the mare had done.
“Ha, I bet this hunk of crap doesn’t even start” she taunted and Callahan started the car, it rumbled to life and the mare laughed. Callahan looked over to her and smiled slyly. The mare laughed “fine, but let’s see if it goes anywhere… oh and by the way I’m Rainbow Dash” she said as she introduced herself. “Callahan” Callahan replied and put the car in reverse and backed up the car and straightened out the car on the street. “Where’s the library?” he asked and Rainbow Dash laughed “ha, need a manual on how to fix your Ford she laughed and pointed over to a tree that was made into a house “that’s the library” she informed him. Callahan looked at the street in front of him, it was relatively clear, save a few ponies on the sidewalk.
Callahan slipped the car into first gear and slammed on the accelerator, the car’s front end lifted off the ground like it always had when he did that. Callahan raced the Torino down the street in first gear, keeping the car’s front end off the ground. He slipped it into second gear and the car’s front wheels touched the ground and Callahan slowed the car as they reached the library and looked over to Rainbow Dash with a smug look on his face “let’s see your Chevy do that” Callahan retorted and Rainbow Dash shrugged. “Actually, I don’t mind Ford it’s just that I saw you drive into town and wanted to take a joy ride in the car but knew you probably wouldn’t let some stranger into the car… that and I need to get to the library and didn’t feel like flying” Rainbow Dash replied and hoped out of the care.
“Lazy bastard” Callahan muttered and Rainbow Dash looked to him and chuckled “hey I might strike you as lazy but I’m smart, look I got both things that I wanted” she told him and Callahan thought to himself, she was right, she had gotten him to let her take a joy ride and got to the library without using much energy. Callahan turned his car off and followed Rainbow Dash into the library. “Hey Twi… Twilight...” Rainbow Dash trailed off as a lavender colour unicorn approached. “Oh hey Rainbow Dash, I didn’t know you were stopping by today” she replied and Rainbow Dash shrugged “yeah but I weaseled some fool into giving me a ride in his car” Rainbow Dash laughed and Callahan muttered “I can hear you, you know that right?” and Rainbow Dash turned to Callahan and hit herself in the head “well duh… hey don’t worry about it, some ponies just aren’t as smart as me” she laughed and turned to Twilight “hey you got the new Daring Do book yet?” she asked Twilight who nodded.
They walked over and Twilight pulled out a new looking book “just came in this morning… Daring Do and the Shadow’s light” Twilight informed Rainbow Dash who grabbed the book and looked at the cover intensely “oh yeah baby, I’ve been waiting for this book for a long time” Rainbow Dash replied and Twilight looked to Callahan. “Can I help you Mr. uhm…” Twilight asked as she extended her hoof to greet him. Callahan returned the gesture and shook her hoof replying “Callahan, uhh I need you help if you don’t mind”. She nodded and looked at his face “Well I’m no doctor but if you can’t go to the hospital for whatever reason I think I have some disinfectant upstairs” she informed him and Callahan face-hoofed and he let out a grunt of pain as the cat scratches seared with pain from the touch of his hoof, the cuts were definitely infected but Callahan figured he could wait a little longer.
“No what I meant was, could you help me find this pony?” Callahan asked as he brought out the picture of Fluttershy and Twilight examined it “oh of course, hold on a minute while I close the library and we’ll go to Fluttershy’s right away” she replied helpfully and Rainbow Dash’s ears perked up at the comment. “Hey Callahan good buddy good pal… if you’re heading out that way I don’t suppose you’d mind giving me a lift, I coincidently need to go that way” Rainbow Dash asked and Callahan scrunched his nose.
“I don’t know I clearly remember you calling me a dork” Callahan replied and Rainbow Dash shrugged “no, I called you a fool and besides it was all in good fun” Rainbow Dash explained and Callahan let out a sigh of defeat “Fine you can come with us” Callahan replied and Rainbow Dash let out a silent ‘yes’.
“Spike I’m going out, don’t forget to wash the dishes when I’m gone” Twilight called out and a purple dragon popped out wearing a cleaning apron and was holding a mop. “Of course Twilight, I’ll get right on it” he replied and zipped off. Callahan walked out of the library and Rainbow Dash zipped into his car even before Twilight had closed the library doors. “Shotgun” Rainbow Dash yelled and hoped in the passenger seat. Squeak poked his head out of Callahan’s coat pocket and let out a weakened squeak. Callahan looked to him “don’t worry buddy, I think I’ve found some-pony who can help you”
The Rats, The Cats and The Callahan
Callahan parked his car up alongside the gas pump, amazingly this place had a gas station. Callahan grabbed a cigarette from his glove box, though he had started to quit he was about to start again. He got out and began to pump gas into the car and lit his cigarette and took a deep inhale, it tasted awful but made him feel somewhat less stressed out. “You know smoking is bad for your health?” Twilight informed Callahan who grunted in response, “so if you know then why smoke?” she asked and Callahan shrugged “helps calm the nerves” he replied and she got up closer to him “but that simply means that your body is craving the nicotine and you get stressed out because your body is craving it” she informed him and Callahan sighed.
“Alright… just… I’ll stop soon” Callahan replied and a gas attendant rushed out “sir there’s no smoking aloud at the pumps” he exclaimed and Callahan let out a laugh and tossed his still burning cigarette away. He finished pumping the gas and looked to the price “$1.20 for a liter of gas” he muttered to himself and walked over to the gas attendant and handed him 65 bits, the price had come out to 64 bits. “Keep the change” Callahan said in his gruffly voice and he hoped back in the car and drove off.
As they reached the outskirts of town Rainbow Dash looked to Callahan “stop here” she told him and Callahan slowed the car to a stop. “Hey thanks Callahan I owe you one… see you around” she said as hoped out of the car and flew off towards the clouds. Twilight hoped into the passenger seat and pointed to a small forested area “that way” she informed Callahan who drove the car towards the forest, the car bouncing along the dirt road.
They reached the small cottage but Callahan had to park his car a little ways back on account that this Fluttershy mare lived in the forest and the trail to her home was too small for his large car. They walked up to the front door and Twilight knocked, suddenly a thunderous roar echoed from beside them, Twilight lept into the air and Callahan lept onto his hindlegs and caught Twilight in his forelegs, who tried to hid herself in Callahan’s chest. The bear jumped forward so it was literally inches away from Callahan’s face and let out another ear piercing roar. Callahan looked the bear in the eyes, “boo” Callahan laughed and the bear fell onto the ground laughing a deep bear laugh.
Twilight looked to the bear then to Callahan, “You’re not afraid of bears?” Twilight asked and Callahan shrugged “not this one, he was just trying to scare us, he was saying ARRRG” Callahan informed her and set her back down and fell to all fours. “Weird, I always thought Fluttershy could talk to animals because she had a natural born gift… it must have something to do with your natural habitat” Twilight concluded and Callahan chuckled “yeah, it’s what happens when you live in Brooklyn with small animals most of your life” Callahan chuckled and suddenly a light yellow Pegasus mare came around the corner “oh Mr. Bear I thought you were… oh uhm hello Twilight” Fluttershy replied and both Twilight and Callahan turned to see Fluttershy.
“Oh hi Fluttershy, listen I brought a pony who needs your help” Twilight informed her. “Oh I see well… I uhm… I” she stuttered and Callahan extended his hood “name’s Callahan, delighted to meet you Ms. Fluttershy” he informed her but she stepped back and hid her face in her flowing mane. “Uhm… I’m sorry?” Callahan said as he retracted his foreleg and looked to Twilight. “Shy huh?” he asked and she rolled her eyes “like you wouldn’t believe” Twilight said. Callahan thought to himself ‘Fluttershy eh… hmm guess her name speaks for itself’. “Fluttershy, don’t worry Callahan is a good pony and he needs your help” Twilight said reassuring her timid friend.
Fluttershy stepped shyly forward and Callahan once again extended his hoof “like I said before Ms. Fluttershy, pleasure to meet you” Callahan told he and she very slowly and timidly extended her own hoof to shake his. As she began to shake his hoof she whispered ever so softly “I’m… flutter… Fluttershy” she stuttered shyly. Squeak poked his head out of Callahan’s pocket and let out a weak squeak.
Fluttershy gasped and darted to Callahan’s side and carefully pulled Squeak out of Callahan’s pocket “oh my gosh poor little guy” Fluttershy cooed as she cradled Squeak. “Your pet was a rat?” Twilight asked Callahan who shrugged “yeah”. Fluttershy continued to cradle Squeak then looked to Callahan “what’s wrong with him?” she asked and Callahan shrugged “I don’t know he told me that he had a stomach pain” Callahan informed her and she gasped “you can talk to animals too?” she asked curiously and Callahan nodded.
“Yeah I know I’m a weirdo… listen can you help my friend… will he be okay?” Callahan asked worriedly and Fluttershy quickly entered her cottage. “Well I’ve gotta get back to the library and make sure Spike isn’t eating all the ice-cream again” Twilight informed Callahan and began to walk away. “Hey wait a minute… how am I supposed to talk to this mare, she’s so shy?” Callahan asked and Twilight simply shrugged “well I don’t know she seems to like you now” Twilight said as she walked away.
Callahan sighed and walked into the cottage. Fluttershy had a table cleared off for Squeak and was examining him thoroughly. Callahan sat down on a couch and a little white rabbit hoped up beside him and let out an angered squeak that rabbits make. “Oh sorry… didn’t know this was your spot” Callahan replied and got off the couch. Fluttershy looked to him “wow… you really do talk to animals” she commented and Callahan sighed “yeah I know… is my friend going to be alright?” Callahan asked, worried for his small friend. “I don’t know yet… if you want you can sit down over there and…” she trailed off and looked at his face. Callahan turned around before she could get a clear look at his face.
Callahan leaned back on the chair and Fluttershy walked over very shyly and hovered her face over Callahan who currently had his eyes closed. Callahan felt her presence and opened his eyes “Gah what the hell” he gasped and Fluttershy blushed and hoped back in fear. “What… what was that about?” Callahan asked curiously and the mare stepped back shyly and her tail went between her legs. “I’m so sorry… I… I didn’t mean to offend you” she stuttered sheepishly and Callahan shook off the scare she had given him ‘what was all that about?’ he thought to himself. He got up and walked over to Fluttershy “uh listen I’m not mad or anything I was just wondering why you were that close to my face… it was kind of strange… if you don’t mind me saying” Callahan replied and the shy mare brushed some of her mane out of her face.
She leaned forward again and Callahan leaned back “uhm… I don’t suppose you’d mind telling me why you’re getting so close to my face?” he asked curiously and Fluttershy brought her hoof up and gave his face a light tap. “Oww” Callahan grunted as pain shot through his face from the infected cat scratches. “What was that for?” he asked and Fluttershy back away again, frightened by his sudden reaction, though it wasn’t a loud reaction it still frightened her. “Sorry, it’s just that it kind of stings when you press on my cuts” Callahan told her gently and started to have headache, probably from the fever. “Are those from a feline?” Fluttershy asked and Callahan nodded and she gasped “how long?” she asked and Callahan shrugged “A few days” he replied calmly and Fluttershy let out another gasp and hurried upstairs.
Callahan sat down on a chair and groaned and he hoped that Squeak would be okay. Fluttershy quickly returned with a small first aid box. “Uhm if you wouldn’t mind… that is if it’s okay with you... uhm could you lay down on the table… if you want” she replied and Callahan scrunched his nose “uhm don’t suppose that you’re going to try and heal me?” Callahan replied and Fluttershy nodded.
Callahan got up and laid down on the table and Fluttershy pulled out a needle and Callahan sat up “whoa… okay now maybe rubbing alcohol but why the needle?” Callahan gasped. Fluttershy whispered to him “hush now it’s okay… your cuts are very badly infected and I’ll need to clean them out thoroughly but it might hurt a lot so I’m going to put you to sleep so you don’t feel the pain” she informed him and Callahan laid back down. “How bad do you think it is?” he asked and Fluttershy thought to herself. “Uhm well not really bad but it is sort of bad” she said, Callahan new from her voice that she was sugar coating it, his wounds were probably bad.
She looked to him and he put his hoof on hers and nodded “okay doc… do it” he replied and she looked to him with a shocked face “you… you trust me? But we just met” she asked shyly and Callahan chuckled to himself “why not, I mean you’re so timid that you probably wouldn’t hurt a fly and besides… you strike me as the pony that is very kind… so yeah I trust you” Callahan told her with a heartwarming smile.
Fluttershy let out a deep breath “I’ve never done this before… you sure?” she asked and Callahan chuckled “it was your idea” he laughed and she stepped back in fear that she might mess up. Callahan reached out and grabbed her hoof with his “hey don’t worry doc… I’m sure you won’t mess up and besides I’m old” he chuckled but she looked to him. “You can’t be more than 30” she replied and Callahan gave her a curious look “how’d you know?” he asked and Fluttershy blushed “your body just looks like that because of nicotine abuse… sorry I didn’t mean that in a bad way” she replied and Callahan nodded “don’t worry… I’m quitting” he chuckled and Fluttershy nodded.
She pulled out the needle and gently stuck the syringe tip into his neck and injected him with the sleeping agent. As his mind began to phase out he looked to Fluttershy who still had a weary look on her face. In his last act of strength Callahan leaned upwards and gave Fluttershy a gentle kiss, but his mind finally gave into the sleeper agent and he passed out
The Rats, The Cats and The Callahan
Callahan groaned as his vision blurred into view, but only his right eye could see. Callahan gasped and reached for his left eye but realized that the majority of the left side of his face was covered in medical bandage wrap. He looked to his hoof that Ms. Abernathy’s cat had bitten and realized it was wrapped to, but at that point he realized he was no longer wearing any of his clothes, minus his underwear.
He sat up and looked to his chest, it was covered in bandage. Callahan grunted to himself, when he had saved Mr. Brody from the burning building he had received burn wounds but neglected to tell any-pony, he supposed that when Fluttershy was healing him she realized that he was burned and fixed him up. Callahan looked around and spotted a mirror, he hoped off the table he had been passed out on and walked up to the mirror.
He chuckled, his face looked like something from an old horror movie but it gave him a little bit of character in his look. Callahan looked around and called out for Fluttershy but no-pony answered, judging by the amount of sunlight he guessed that it was late morning. He looked to his watch but realized it was missing to, he sighed and continued to look around the small cottage for his belongings and Squeak.
As he finished his quick look around, he hadn’t found Squeak but he had found his clothes and his pistol. Callahan put his clothes back on, even his trench coat on account that it wasn’t ridiculously hot here. He placed his handgun in his holster, concealed by the trench coat and went outside.
The fresh air smelt wonderful, a huge improvement to the city air he was used to. He looked at the surrounding trees and heard a faint humming coming from around back. He looked into his coat pocket and pulled out his package of cigarettes. “After this is through I’ll quit” he told himself as he placed the cigarette in his mouth and took out his zippo. He flicked the striker multiple times until the lighter lit. He brought the lighter flame up to the cigarette and lit the end of the cigarette. Taking a deep inhale, cigarette fumes filled his lungs and he took the cigarette out of his mouth and looked at the cigarette package which was now empty. “Last smoke… better enjoy it” he muttered to himself.
Suddenly a small monkey hoped up beside him and started making monkey noises, reaching for his cigarette the entire time. Callahan immediately turned away “hey, don’t you know smoking is bad for your health?” Callahan told the monkey who rolled his eyes and continued to reach for the cigarette. Callahan thought to himself, well if he was going to quit might as well start now.
Callahan reached up and took the cigarette out of his mouth and handed it to the monkey, who immediately and started squealing in joy as it took a huge drag off the cigarette and hoped around like it was insane. Callahan pointed to the monkey “hey, enjoy that… it’s my last one” Callahan told the monkey who nodded in response and took another drag off the cigarette and blew the smoke into the air.
Callahan walked towards the area from which the voice was coming from. In a small garden he saw Fluttershy doing random gardening, from what he could tell she was weeding her garden but he couldn’t be sure. He walked over to her and saw Squeak on her shoulder, he looked extremely well and had a cheeky smile on his face. Callahan chuckled and Fluttershy turned around. At first she was calm and Squeak lept off of Callahan’s shoulder and ran up to him, “Hey buddy how yah feelin?” Callahan asked his small rodent friend who let out a little squeak in reply “well it sounds like you feel much better” Callahan replied and looked to Fluttershy.
“What was wrong with him?” Callahan asked and Fluttershy stepped shyly forward “oh well uhm… you see rats generally eat a wide variety of trash and leftovers… not rich foods and uhm he seemed to have been eating a lot of rich foods lately and his stomach wasn’t meant to have all that rich food… so uhm that’s why he was sick” Fluttershy replied, still obviously shy talking to him. “Well thanks… for everything, I feel better too” Callahan replied but suddenly Fluttershy let out a gasp of horror. Callahan followed her gaze as she raced passed him towards the smoking monkey.
“How dare you… what do you think you’re doing, smoking is bad for you don’t you know that” Fluttershy scolded the monkey but the monkey started making monkey noises and pointed to Callahan. Fluttershy shot him a semi angered look, but Callahan figured that with how shy she was that this was probably like a very pissed off look for her. She flew over to him and landed in front of him and poked him in the chest with her hooves “I don’t care if you smoke but never give my animals cigarettes… if you don’t mind… ever” she yelled, or well to Callahan it was more a stern talking but for Fluttershy it was an aggressive scolding. “Oh I’m sorry… uhm I was quitting and that was my last smoke and the monkey wanted it so I thought I’d be generous and give him the smoke” Callahan replied bluntly.
Fluttershy let out a sigh “I’m sorry for yelling, just please don’t do that again” she pleaded and Callahan nodded and lifted her chin up with his hoof so she was looking him in the eyes “hey, sorry. But don’t worry about it, I’m quitting and have no more cigarettes so I won’t be giving your pets anymore smokes” Callahan assured her and her face lit up. “You’re… quitting?” she asked and Callahan shrugged “yeah might as well… ain’t no good coming from it” Callahan replied “oh and by the way you did a damn fine job with my face” Callahan told her and leaned closer “I even look better than I did before”.
Fluttershy blushed as she looked at the bandages on his face, “uhm earlier before you passed out… you uhm… kissed me” Fluttershy replied softly and Callahan chuckled “oh yeah… sorry about that” Callahan apologized, not really knowing the reason for doing it. “Uhm… if you don’t mind me asking… why did you?” she asked sheepishly and Callahan shrugged “I just thought it was a good idea at the time” Callahan replied and thought for a second “I guess it was because you were so unsure of yourself I thought I might be able to put your mind at ease” Callahan informed her. “Uhm… by kissing me?” she asked and Callahan chuckled “well it was either that or groan and try and put together words but I figured that it would probably make you even more unsure of yourself” Callahan told her. “You kissed my nose” she said with a small laugh and Callahan chuckled “yeah sorry, the whole sleeping drug thing threw my aim off” Callahan told her.
“Uhm… did you mean anything by it?” she asked and Callahan shrugged, “oh I don’t know I was just thinking you might need
He leaned down so he could look into her eyes, “uhm Fluttershy I…” Callahan trailed off as he tried to think of words that could sooth her, though he didn’t quite know what he did to sadden her. “I… I… I love you” she blurted out, Callahan’s eyes grew wide “uhm… okay… uhh I never knew that… thanks for sharing” he said, he slapped himself in the face, which resulted in a searing pain shooting through his face from his sensitive cuts. “Oww” Callahan muttered but Fluttershy back away, somewhat broken-hearted.
“Oh shit” Callahan muttered to himself, he had usually never associated with ponies outside of work and the only time he had ever dated a mare was in high school so he was kind of rusty on how to talk to them. He walked over and leaned down in front of her “uhm… sorry Fluttershy, I uhh don’t really know how to talk to mares… especially shy ones” he told her with a heartwarming smile. She looked up to him, her eyes were beginning to tear up, it kind of made Callahan feel like shit.
“Do you… feel the same way?” she whispered and Callahan thought to himself “well… uhm I just met you and didn’t have a lot of time to think about it… you know on account of the knock out drug” Callahan replied, but she made an unexpected move that threw Callahan off balance, she leaned forward and kissed him full on the mouth.
She pulled away and opened her eyes and Callahan had a clueless expression on his face, “I’ve never… met any-pony like you before, who cared for animals and could talk to them like I could… I know we just met but I can’t… can’t stop thinking about you” Fluttershy whispered. Callahan shook off the confused thoughts racing through his head “uhm… okay I uhh” Callahan stuttered but couldn’t really think straight, things were just happening to fast for him to compensate for things.
“Do you feel the same way for me?” she asked, Callahan thought to himself, he had only just met her but she seemed like the kind of mare he wouldn’t mind settling down for. Then he thought to when he was about to pass out and his exact thoughts he had had. “Yes” Callahan replied, rather bluntly but somewhat romantic. He leaned forward and returned her kiss. Animals let out whoops of joy Fluttershy broke away from the kiss and she led Callahan back to her cottage.
She locked the door behind her and Callahan gulped, “uhm… okay hold on, listen you seem like a nice mare and all but I just met you and you kind of seem like the mare who doesn’t get out a lot” Callahan replied but she cut him off before he could finish “oh uhm… I’m sorry I thought you’d want this” she replied sheepishly and Callahan shook his head, things were still happening way too fast for him to compensate.
A little out of character for Fluttershy, she pushed Callahan back onto the table he was laying on early. Callahan fell back onto the table, he winced in pain as the burn on his back was hit rather hard by a table corner. “Oh… I’m so sorry… I thought it would turn you on if I was a little more… assertive” she apologized, telling him the reason for doing this. Callahan got a hold on what was happening and tried to slow things down “uhm Fluttershy… I really need to know. Do you want this?” Callahan asked and Fluttershy blushed “oh uhm… well I don’t mind… I just thought that maybe you would want it so…” she trailed off and Callahan sighed to himself.
“What do I do” Callahan muttered to himself, trying to get a grasp on what was happening, and Fluttershy walked up to him “you don’t know what to do… haven’t you ever been with a mare before?” she asked, the question took him off guard. “Uhm… I…” Callahan trailed off and thought to himself, through high school he had lots of mare friends but he clearly remembered that the relationships usually went pretty rocky from the start on account of his gruffness. He figured probably not with any of his mare friends but he had been to a couple of high school parties and got so wasted he couldn’t remember what happened, but then again there were never any mares at the parties he went to. “No” Callahan replied finally and Fluttershy blushed “oh well if you don’t want to… I won’t force it on you” she replied and took a step back.
Callahan stepped forward “I’ll be okay with it if you are” he replied with a warm smile, she leaned forward and they began to kiss again, Callahan lost his balance and fell onto his back, Fluttershy was now on top of him. She broke away from the kiss “uhm… what do we do?” Fluttershy asked and Callahan thought to himself ‘how the hell should I know… doesn’t she know what…’ his thoughts trailed off and he looked to Fluttershy “uhm are you a virgin?” he asked with a little bit of a chuckle.
Fluttershy blushed “uhm is that bad?” she asked and Callahan shook his head “no I just thought that you did already, you’re kind of cute so I figured you’d been with a stallion before” Callahan chuckled. “No, I uhm… I’ve always lived away from every-pony and I don’t get out much” she informed him and Callahan shrugged “I guess we could experiment, trial and error?” he suggested and they once again began to furiously kiss, a little out of character, Fluttershy forced her tongue in Callahan’s mouth as she began to strip him of his clothes.
Callahan slid his hooves down her side as she slipped his coat off and began removing his shirt, Callahan’s hooves reached her flank and she let out a gasp of pleasure. She removed his gun and holster and Callahan rolled their bodies over so he was on top. She gave him a cute look and Callahan slipped his shirt off. He leaned back down and they began to tongue kiss again. Fluttershy used the same technique he had and flipped their bodies over so she was once again on top. Callahan slipped his hoof down to her hindquarters as she began to take off his cargo pants.
Suddenly there was a knock at the door, Fluttershy lept into the air, either embarrassed or frightened by the sudden unexpected knock. Callahan groaned to himself and thought ‘who fuck could that be?’ as he looked to his watch. “Figures” Callahan muttered as he realized it was 11:30 and ponies were probably prone to dropping by. Fluttershy rushed to the door and opened it as Callahan tried to put his shirt on to get more decent, but realized most of the ponies in this town never wore clothes anyway.
He tossed his shirt back down and approached the door, to see the unicorn librarian known as Twilight Sparkle. “Ohh, I’m sorry Fluttershy should I come back at a more appropriate time?” Twilight asked and Fluttershy shook her head quickly “ohh no, I was merely… changing Callahan’s bandages so he doesn’t get an infection” she lied, to cover up what had really been going on. Twilight gave Callahan an odd look then saw the bandages on his chest and figured that’s what she probably was doing, considering that Fluttershy was very shy and probably would never engage in such intimate acts with another pony.
“Anyway, as I was saying… Princess Celestia called a meeting with Callahan, it sounded important so I came over as fast as I could… oh and Callahan… uhm Rainbow Dash took your car, she said you wouldn’t mind and that she needed it to get something from somewhere” Twilight informed Callahan who groaned, he hadn’t taken the keys for his car figuring that no-pony would come out this far and take his car. “Yeah… whatever” Callahan replied and Twilight nodded “Well, should we go?” Twilight asked and Callahan shrugged.
Fluttershy followed them, and Callahan looked back to the small cottage “You think Squeak will be okay without us for a while?” Callahan asked and Fluttershy nodded “oh he’ll be fine, he’s already become friends with some of the other animals.
As they came out to the large field between Ponyville and Fluttershy’s cottage they saw a large fume of sandy dust blocking their view of Ponyville, and at the front of the dust was a ’74 Gran Torino, going at least 130mph. “Really should take the keys next time” Twilight told Callahan who face-hoofed. Rainbow Dash must’ve saw them because the car was redirected their way and flew at them at increasing speeds. “Is she crazy?” Twilight asked and Callahan considered taking out his pistol and shooting the tires out but he figured Rainbow Dash may be immature but she isn’t stupid. His thoughts contradicted itself when she didn’t slow down and he thought “is she retarded’.
At seemingly the last possible moment Rainbow Dash slammed on the brakes and the car came skidding to a stop, a large cloud of dust covered Twilight, Fluttershy and Callahan. Rainbow Dash hopped out “this thing is awesome” she yelled out and Callahan grunted to himself “yeah cause Ford is sooo terrible” he chuckled and Rainbow Dash recalled her statements the recent day. “Oh come on… okay fine I take it back, Fords kick ass” she laughed and was about to hope back in the driver seat but Callahan shook his head “maybe another time, but right now I’m driving” he replied and Rainbow Dash sighed and looked at Fluttershy and Twilight “fine but I get shotgun” she laughed and Callahan rolled his eyes.
They all piled in the car and headed to Ponyville so Callahan could refill his car. He looked over to Rainbow Dash, “So, what was this thing you needed to get somewhere?” he asked and Rainbow Dash shrugged “I forgot when I started driving” she told him and Callahan chuckled “Next time just ask… and fill up the gas tank why don’t yah” Callahan chuckled and Rainbow Dash gave him a serious look “you’d let me drive your car?” she asked seriously and Callahan thought about what he was saying and nodded.
Rainbow Dash pointed to the car “you’d let me drive this Ford Gran Torino right here?” she asked seriously. Callahan let out a half reluctant sigh “yeah… I’d let you drive this Gran Torino… but make sure when you do you fill up the gas tank” Callahan sighed. Rainbow Dash let out a loud “YES”.
Callahan drove the car up beside the gas pump and got out to start pumping gas. As he began to pump gas the same attendant from the day before came running out. “Sir no smoking by the… oh sorry” he apologized and Callahan chuckled. He finished pumping gas and handed the attendant 70 bits. Callahan hoped back in the car and Twilight directed his driving to the train station.
“I’m going to go with Twilight… if that’s okay” Fluttershy said shyly, Callahan chuckled “whatever you want, it doesn’t bother me in the least” Callahan told her with a wink, Rainbow Dash looked at them both “ha, forget going on that slow train, I’m going with Cal” she said and hoped into the passenger side.
“What makes you think that I won’t go slow?” Callahan asked and Rainbow Dash laughed “ha, yeah that’s funny, Callahan I can see right through you… oh and if you break Fluttershy’s heart, it won’t matter what kind of weapons you have because I’ll kill you” Rainbow Dash threatened and Callahan chuckled “then I have nothing to worry about” Callahan replied. Rainbow Dash laid back in the seat “spoken like a true gentle-colt… now drive” she laughed and Callahan slammed on the accelerator, and as always the car’s front end lifted off the ground as they raced the car to Canterlot.
* * *
Callahan leaned on the side of his car, standing on his hindlegs as they waited in front of the princess’ castle for the others. “Here they come” Rainbow Dash informed Callahan who nodded. Ahead of him on the street came 5 ponies, he recognized Twilight and Fluttershy but the other three he didn’t. There was a pink pony with fluffy pink hair that bounced around erratically, then there was a white unicorn with purple hair walking like royalty and finally there was an orange pony with a cowboy hat.
Twilight stepped forward “Callahan meet Pinkie Pie, Rarity and Applejack” Twilight introduced each of the ponies and they all returned the greetings. “Well I suppose we should see what she wants” Callahan suggested and they all made their way up the steps of the castle.
As they walked down the long hallways towards the throne room, “what do yah’ll suppose the princess wants” Applejack asked and Twilight shrugged “I don’t really know, she just requested a meeting with Callahan” Twilight informed them. Rainbow Dash let out an irritated groan “then why are we here?” she asked, obviously figuring she had better things to do, like race around in Callahan’s car. “Well… I guess I just thought she might need us as well” Twilight told them and Rainbow Dash’s head drooped in disappointment. “I hope she isn’t made about that sword” Callahan muttered and they all looked to him. “What sword?” Applejack asked curiously, expressing the entire groups thoughts, Callahan shrugged “oh I’m sure it’s not related, I just kind of busted Star Swirl’s sword is all” Callahan chuckled but Twilight gasped. “YOU DID WHAT” she exclaimed and they all stopped.
“I shot Star Swirl’s sword of Wisdom… why is that bad” Callahan asked calmly but then realized it was kind of a stupid question but then again she wasn’t there to see what was happening. “You fool, Celestia might have you imprisoned, banished… exiled away into the Everfree… oh this bad, this is really really bad” Twilight worried. “Bah, don’t worry yourself Twilight, ah’m sure that if he was in deep trouble they woulda sent the guards after him” Applejack assured her worried friend.
They reached the throne room and opened the large doors. Princess Celestia was waiting for them. “Ah, it is so good to see you all” Celestia said in a very calm and soothing voice, she couldn’t really have brought Callahan here to have him punished, could she? Fluttershy ran up to Princess Celestia and began to beg to her “please don’t exile my friend, he’s a really good pony and probably didn’t mean to” Fluttershy pleaded. “Uhm Fluttershy… you don’t have to try and defend me… it’s okay, I’ll be fine with whatever punishment she throws my way” Callahan chuckled.
“Punishment, for what?” Celestia gasped in a shocked tone, “Well didn’t Callahan break Star Swirl’s sword?” Twilight asked and Celestia chuckled “yes but it was in good cause” she replied. “What? What kind of cause could justify breaking an ancient relic?” Twilight asked and Celestia blushed “Well if you must know… my rather disobedient nephew tried to kill Callahan with the sword and Callahan was only defending himself in the process” Celestia informed them. Rarity scoffed “I always knew that good for nothing snot-nosed brat would do something ignorant and disrespectful” she scoffed and turned to Callahan “I hope you gave him the whipping of his life” she replied and Callahan shrugged.
Celestia chuckled “if you all don’t mind I would like to have a moment with Callahan” she told them, they all bowed and left. “Please Mr. Callahan come this way” Celestia offered and Callahan followed her up a flight of stairs. “Mr. Callahan, I have a proposal for you, if you would be so kind to hear me out” she began but Callahan cut her off “sorry princess I already got a mare-friend” he chuckled and Celestia shot him a glance “oh I’m kidding, I know you weren’t really going to propose to me” Callahan chuckled, “how did you know I wouldn’t ask you that?” she asked him and Callahan shrugged “your tone of voice, your eye dilation, usually ponies are a little bit more nervous, even if not by much, when asking a question like that” Callahan replied and Celestia nodded as they continued up the stairs.
“So like I was saying, I don’t suppose it would come as a surprise to you that our army isn’t all that powerful” Celestia informed him, Callahan gave her a curious look “actually that’s news to me” Callahan told her. They reached the top of the stairs which led to a balcony at the very top of the castle. “Well in the last 2 years we have come very close to losing many battles with: Nightmare moon, Discord, Changelings, King Sombre and even some internal conflicts have nearly brought us to the brink of defeat” she informed Callahan who hoped up onto his hindlegs and rested his forelegs on the balcony ledge.
Celestia pointed out to Equestria, to no-where in particular but at Equestria itself. “My sister and I rule this place together but if we were ever to face a threat to great that the elements of harmony couldn’t defeat I’m afraid our army wouldn’t fare much better” Celestia said and Callahan turned to her. “So what’s up?” he asked and she looked off into the distance “I have never met a pony with firearm talents that you have, other than convicted murders and multination criminals” she told him and Callahan turned his gaze from Celestia out to the beautiful lands of Equestria “so what’s this little proposal of yours?” Callahan asked and Celestia turned to him.
“As I was saying, our army isn’t the greatest because we don’t exactly issue firearms to ponies, but if the circumstance did arise that we needed weapons of such destructional capabilities we wouldn’t have enough time to train our army to use firearms” she informed him and Callahan chuckled “so what do you want me to do? Teach the entire army how to use a gun?” he asked, knowing the answer would probably be no. “No” Celestia replied, confirming Callahan’s thoughts. “I would like you to be like a personal ally to use, whenever something so powerful arises we could always rest easy knowing that you are our ally” Celestia told him.
“So what, like a legal assassin?” Callahan asked and Celestia shook her head “think of it as a guardian of peace” she told him and Callahan chuckled and put his foreleg around her neck “Hmm a dictator and a criminal” Callahan chuckled, “we are not” Celestia gasped and Callahan chuckled again “it’s a joke” he replied. “Oh, well okay then, I’ll have to get used to your strange sense of humor” Celestia told him. “You know Celestia I think this could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship, besides you’re a homicidal dictator and I’m a convicted murderer and multinational criminal” he chuckled. The landscape was beautiful and a small smile tugged at the side of Callahan’s lips.
Author's Note
Author's note:
A homicidal dictator and a convicted murder... yep good way to end a story I think, cheers to all you readers for putting up with my story ahahah so have a good one ladies and gents
The Rats, The Cats and The Callahan
“That’s it, Callahan you’re done… out… I’ve had enough of your bullshit” Danvers screamed, his face literally turning red. “Chill out, I caught the guy and everything’s fine” Callahan replied casually. “NO, everything is not fine. You just fucked up the prince and now we might have to go to a court hearing about your actions” Danvers screamed, Callahan let out a sigh “bah, it’ll be fine” Callahan replied.
“You’re right it will be fine, hand in your badge, you’re fired, off the force…get out and don’t come back” Danvers screamed and Callahan’s face went pale. “Well… what are you still doing here, get out of my station” Danvers screamed and Callahan reluctantly got up and went back to his office and started to clean out his small office. Johnny zipped inside his office “hey uhh Callahan listen me and some of the others heard and pitched in and got you this” Johnny told Callahan and presented him with a small gift box.
Callahan nodded and took the box gracefully “thanks John” Callahan said as he finished cleaning up and patted Johnny on the shoulder. “Hey Callahan… see you around eh” Johnny said with sadness in his voice, Callahan nodded “yeah, take of yourself kid” Callahan said as he left his office and walked downstairs to leave the station, hoping that he’d somehow miraculously get his job back.
Callahan placed his things in the back of his car and chuckled, he’d have to get the sirens removed but at least it wouldn’t be that expensive. Callahan drove up to the exit gate and Bill gave him a nod goodbye and Callahan returned the goodbye with a solemn nod and salute and drove out into the Brooklyn streets, returning to his home.
Callahan parked his car in the alleyway but didn’t leave the car, he simply sat there in his car for the next 2 hours, realizing
Leaving the majority of his stuff in the car, he locked the car and proceeded upstairs towards his house. The necklace dangled from his neck and he held the card tightly, making sure he didn’t drop it. “At least I have a nice place to come home to” Callahan muttered and went upstairs. He went to open the door but remembered that he and Jimmy had gotten a new lock for the door.
Callahan chuckled and pulled out a set of keys and opened his door. Closing the door behind his Callahan simply dropped his trench coat on the floor and kicked off his boots. Squeak lay on the table but wasn’t looking the greatest. Callahan rushed over to his rat friend “Squeak… what’s wrong?” Callahan asked and Squeak let out a weakened reply. Callahan looked to the clock and realized it was 8:30 and the veterinarian clinic was closed. “First thing in the morning I’ll bring you to the vet” Callahan promised and Squeak let out a pained reply “yes I know you hate needles but if it’s stomach pain it could be really bad… can rats get a hernia?” Callahan asked and Squeak’s eyes opened wide in fear. Callahan reassured his friend “I don’t think it’s anything serious so let’s just calm down and watch some T.V.” Callahan told his friend as he picked up the rat and laid him down on the couch’s armrest.
He flicked the T.V. on to the Manehatten COPS show and they were playing an episode about Callahan’s chase with Blueblood. Squeak let out a tiny squeak and Callahan nodded “yeah Danvers fired me… don’t worry though things will work themselves out” Callahan replied as he lay down on the couch and fell asleep rather quickly.
* * *
Callahan awoke rather early and looked to the clock, it read 6:12am. Callahan got up, he knew that the veterinarian clinic didn’t open until 9am so he had a few hours to kill. Callahan took a shower and washed the sickened Squeak so he’ be a little more appealing. He laid Squeak down in the litter box and walked over to the fridge and pulled out some milk and poured himself a glass.
It was only morning and yet it was relentlessly hot. Callahan groaned and walked over to the balcony door and opened it, air rushed through the door and it felt slightly cooler. Callahan walked back over to the kitchen and ran cold water through his mane and placed his head in the sink, “maybe I should just drown myself” Callahan muttered. He shook off the thought and took his heard out of the sink and shook his head, water splashing about in the kitchen and Callahan turned off the sink and leaned up against the refrigerator and looked out to the big city.
“This place is going to be different let me tell you” Callahan muttered but suddenly a white flash of fur zipped into his house through the balcony door and let out a hiss. It was that fuckin Persian cat that killed Callahan’s first rat. Callahan rushed into the living room and saw the cat leap for Squeak who sat helplessly in the litter box. “You stupid fuckin animal” Callahan roared as he ran towards the cat. The cat lept through the air at Squeak, its tiny cat claws extended, as it went for the kill.
It would be the last mistake it ever made, Callahan was faster now than he had been before and gave the cat a mighty kick as it flew through the air. The force of Callahan’s kick forced the cat’s trajectory to be changed drastically and it flew in and opposite direction and thudded against the wall. Callahan let out an animalistic snarl and the cat hissed, the Persian cat wanted that rat but Callahan stood in its way.
The cat lept daringly through the air and caught onto Callahan’s face and began to claw at his face, hoping to strike his eyes and blind him. Callahan ran his face into a wall and the cat screeched in pain and let go of Callahan’s face. Callahan’s face trickled with blood, but his eyes were still clear as the sky. The cat lept out again but Callahan grabbed it with one of his front hoofs and slammed its body into a wall, the drywall broke from the force of the impact and a large hole was put into the wall, the cat bit Callahan’s hoof and he released his grip on the cat, who fell to the ground and clawed at his hind ankles.
Callahan gave a strong buck and the cat went flying across the room and slammed into his television, which fell to the ground and broke. “Fuck” Callahan roared and the cat staggered up, now realizing it was outmatched the cat attempted to flee the apartment room and scurried towards the balcony. Callahan staggered a little in pain and the cat lept onto the pole on the building it used to climb up and down the building. Callahan grabbed his M1911 off the table and raced out to the balcony, he lined up a shot with the fleeing cat but realized he couldn’t simply just shoot the cat because Ms. Abernathy would really have a reason to bring him to court.
The cat looked back to him and let out a crooked smile, satisfied that it had scratched up Callahan quite well. Callahan snarled again as the cat began to escape, Callahan looked up the side off the building and looked to the pole that was beside him then back down to the cat. He leveled his pistol and emptied the guns entire magazine into the pole. It withered and broke off its hinges and the pole fell outwards from the building wall. One of the lower braces kept the pole from completely falling off the building and pole suddenly jolted as it reached its full extension that it could fall. The vibrations from the pole made the cat lose its grip on the pole and let out a screech as it began to free-fall to the ground below.
It landed with a THUMP, and blood splattered on the ground as its fragile body was devastated by the pavement. Blood started to pool around its dead body and Callahan grunted as he went back inside to check if Squeak was okay. To his relief Squeak was fine, minus the stomach sickness. Callahan winced as his cuts began to sting, he walked to the washroom and started to pour ointment on his wounds, it bubbled and confirmed that there was bacteria and germs in his cuts. Callahan wiped the wounds clean but didn’t bother covering them, figuring that it wasn’t that bad. He walked back into the living room and put on a fresh white T-shirt along with new cargo pants and placed Squeak in his pocket, “we’ll go to the vet early” Callahan told Squeak and left the apartment room.
He reloaded his pistol and holstered it and grabbed the necklace pendant the other officers had given him. He left the building and got in his car, he still needed to get the sirens removed because of federal law and what not but there were more important things to do. Callahan started the car and drove into town to the veterinarian clinic.
* * *
Callahan waited at the vet doors for 2 hours before a pony finally opened the front doors. The mare at the counter screamed as Callahan placed Squeak gently on the table. “Oh my Celestia a RAT” the mare screamed and Callahan rolled his eyes, “Chill, he’s my pet” Callahan informed her but she fainted. Squeak gave a weak squeaky laugh and Callahan chuckled as he shook the unconscious mare.
She awoke to Callahan’s face, which was bleeding a little from the cat scratches. “Hey… my pet needs your help, can you help him?” Callahan asked and she leaned forward and took a closer look at his face. “Whoa, hold your horses there, I thought this was a veterinarian clinic not a place to meet mares” Callahan chuckled and the mare leaned back embarrassed, she hadn’t meant to get that close but she was curious about the wounds. “Oh, no… uhm I was just looking at your cuts… are they from a feline?” she asked and Callahan scrunched his nose “What like a cat?” Callahan asked curiously and the mare nodded “Precisely”.
Callahan shrugged “yeah, some cat attacked me this morning, wasn’t pleasant” he chuckled. “Oh my… okay let me get some sterilizer and” she began but Callahan grabbed her by the shoulder “what about my friend?” Callahan asked and she looked to the rat on the table and shuddered.
“You do know that feline claws are extremely filthy and the scratches they inflict usually lead to bacterial infections?” the mare asked and Callahan shrugged “I’ll be fine” he replied but she rushed off. Callahan leaned against the counter and soon the mare came back with some sterilizer pads and some rubbing alcohol. “No, help my rat, then I’ll let you experiment on me” Callahan ordered and the mare let out a sigh and shuddered as she picked up the rat and brought him into another back room.
Callahan followed closely behind and the mare, who he presumed was the vet. She examined Squeak thoroughly then looked to Callahan. “What exactly is wrong with it?” she asked and Callahan shot her an irritated look “his name is Squeak and he has a bad stomach pain” Callahan replied and the vet shuddered “okay well usually we don’t get many rats so let me take a close examination, you can wait outside” the vet told Callahan who obliged and sat on the seats by the lobby of the clinic and sat patiently for a couple more hours.
Several other ponies came in the clinic along with a few other clinic workers, they all gave Callahan frightened looks and Callahan looked to a couple who had brought in their dog. “Dogs are better than cats” Callahan chuckled and the group simply sat there in silence, Callahan shrugged and pointed to his face “Feline cut me up” Callahan informed them. Suddenly the mare came out of the back room, holding Squeak and placed him in Callahan’s hoof, “I’m sorry, we just don’t know enough about rats to know what’s wrong with him… but you know there are lots of rats in Manehatten that you could make your new pet” the mare told him and Callahan snarled “this one’s special, well thanks for trying” Callahan thanked her and got up to leave but she grabbed him on the shoulder.
“Now hold on, I still have to patch you up or you’ll get pretty sick” the mare told Callahan but he shrugged her off “No thanks, I think I’ll pass” he replied and walked outside to his car. He started the car and drove back to his home.
* * *
Callahan lay Squeak on the passenger seat and looked to him “don’t worry Squeak I’ll find you some-pony who can help you” Callahan replied as he turned the corner to the road he lived on and saw flashing sirens. Callahan chuckled to himself “old Ms. Abernathy must’ve called the cops saying that I killed her fucking cat” Callahan laughed but his humor soon wore off as he saw that the sirens came from a fire truck, and that there was smoke and fire coming from the apartment.
