Cure for Pain

Part 28: You Don’t Know What Love Is (You Just Do As You’re Told)

“Yo!”

I opened my eyes, being jerked out of my euphoric music appreciation session at the local park, to see a multicolored mane and a pair of red eyes gleaming at me. “What’s up?”

I looked at her with forceful eyes. “I was relaxing, listening to music. I’m sorry, what do you need help with?”

“Well… it’s kind of complicated.” She started. I interrupted her. “Does it have to do with whatever happened last night at the boutique?”

She looked at me in disbelief. “How do you know?” I simply shrugged. “You have a very transparent poker face, Dash. Now what happened?”

Dash poked at the soil with her hoof. “Well… it started with Coleton. I guess you could say that I want to…” her voice drifted off. “I’m sorry? What was that?” I asked. I could see her try to muster up the courage to say what she wanted to say.

“I want to marry Coleton.” She said, words flying out of her mouth like a machinegun. If I had been drinking something, I would have spit it out at those words. Hell, I would have used my magic to make a drink just to spit it out if I had thought of it. “Well…” I said, not going to make her repeat that. “That’s not really a problem. Go ahead, marry him. I don’t see anything wrong with it.”

Dash sighed. “Isn’t it customary for the stallion to ask the mare to marry him?” I gave her a look of understanding. “I guess.” I responded. “Continue.”

Dash continued, the tension in the room getting thicker with every word. “Well, naturally, I went to Rarity, because, you know, she knows about romantic stuff.” I nodded. “Obviously.”

“And she made some suggestions on how to persuade him to pop the question.” Dash said, embarrassed. You couldn’t see my face, but the fact that Dash was talking about relationships was blowing my mind on so many levels; this was the most out of character I’d ever seen anyone. “Like what?” I asked, legitimately curious.

“First she suggested a romantic dinner.” She muttered. After I stopped laughing, she continued. “Then a romantic date.” I looked at her incredulously. “Incredibly subtle. Did she have anything a bit more blunt?”

Dash looked surprised. “That’s what I said, and yes she did have one more method. It was to…” her voice trailed off again. “What was that, Dash?” I asked. “Never mind. It’s too embarrassing.” She said, preparing to leave. I stopped her. “Whatever it is, it can’t be that bad. Tell me.”

She took a deep breath, and rapidly spoke her thoughts. “ShesaidColetonandIshouldhavesex!” She blurted out, then covered her mouth with her hooves.

My face turned a bright shade of red. I was not talking about my best friend’s sex life with his girlfriend, was I? I think I was. Dammit.

“Well…” I started, hiding under my hand, not facing Dash’s face while I said it. “You should go for it.” Did I seriously just say that?

Dash just sat there for the longest time. She finally mustered up enough courage to respond. “What?”

Now it was MY turn to stutter. “Well, coming from a guy, the best way to a guy’s heart is through… those types of methods, so you should do it.

“HOWEVER…” I said, stopping her in her tracks away from me. “Don’t do it tonight. Wait until a good night like Saturday or Sunday. You’ll have tons of time together, and you’ll have tons of time to plan.”

Dash walked over and hugged me. “Thanks, Walker. You’re awesome.” We continued talking, awkwardness level rising slowly but surely, about exactly what to do. I didn’t expect that I would ever have to give this talk to anyone but my kids when I had them, so it was very weird. Until my savior Twilight came up to my side. “Hey Walker, Coleton’s looking for you. He wants to hang out.”

“Well…” I said, stretching my hooves. “I guess I got to go see him. Later Dash.” I ran like a bat out of hell away from that entire park, trying to force the scene out of my head.

Coleton was hanging out by the library. “Yo!” I yelled, running towards him. “Hey, man!” He said, giving me a brohoof. “What happened?” He asked, a confused look transfixed on his face. “You don’t look so good.”

“Nothing, man. Just been listening to some interesting music.” I said, awkwardly scratching my hoof. “Hey, man, I have a question.” Coleton looked at me as we walked to the music store. “What is it?”

I looked at him. “Have you ever read a clopfic?” He backed away from me defensively. “What the hell provoked that?” I put a fake smile on my face. “Nothing, just wanted to see your reaction to the question. But have you?”

Coleton looked disgusted. “Hell no! That’s disgusting!” I felt so sorry for him. He had no idea what was going on. “Oh. Okay.” I responded, perishing the thought as we walked to the store.