Cure for Pain

“Hey, I’m sorry, OK?” It was around eleven in the morning when I was trying to calm Twilight down, but she was too scared. It was funny; you leave one little Soundgarden CD in your CD player and it decides to convulsively play the most violent demented song on the CD. In the middle of the morning with a guest from a fictional TV show, nonetheless.

It didn’t surprise me that Pinkie was up when Twilight and I walked into the living room. She wasn’t just awake; she was MEGA awake. She had already ransacked the kitchen, leaving the pantry and the floor a mess. I didn’t even have to guess what she was doing.  From the cracked eggshells on the counter and the spilled bag of flour on the ground, I had a pretty good idea.

“Cupcakes, everybody!” she yelled from the kitchen. I walked in to see the most scrumptious looking cupcakes I had ever seen. But before I could devour all of them in a single bite, something occurred to me.

“Guys.” I said with a grin, trying not to laugh. “It’s time to meet Coleton.” Twilight looked up from her commonplace breakfast of cereal and toast. “Oh yeah. Coleton‘s your roommate, correct?” I nodded. “Yup, and unlike me, he’s probably gonna flip, so don’t be surprised by anything he does, OK?”

Pinkie just smiled and jumped around. “Yay, a new friend! Is he nice? Is he funny? is he smart? Is he a good friend?” I just rallied off the answers in a vain attempt to calm her down. “Kinda, kinda, yes, and definitely. Now I would recommend you guys hide. Come out when I give you the signal.” They just hid behind the couch, which was a pretty good spot.

I walked into his room and flicked the lights on and off rapidly. “Get up, man. It’s eleven-thiry.” I couldn’t say I expected him to get up immediately, but he was going at the rate of a pothead snail; I figured it was because of the hangover; mine had long since worn off, but he was just now getting up. This was going to be good.

When he finally slithered out of bed, he gave me a look of annoyance. “Why so early?” I laughed. “I made you some breakfast, so go eat. I tried to eat it all, but I got full to fast.” He walked into the kitchen to look at the mess of baking goods. “What the crap did you do?!” he said astonished. I guess I forgot about it. “I’ll clean it up later, but just eat now. The cupcakes are on the table.”

He sat down, and a look of realization dawned on him. “Funny, considering we both overslept the new MLP, that you decided to make cupcakes like Pinkie.”  I had forgotten about the new episode completely; it was better to have the real thing. “Well, I didn’t make them.” Coleton didn’t even stop eating. “Who did?” he muttered from the other side of the table. I laughed. “Who makes cupcakes the best?” I said, suppressing the need to just yell for them to come out.

A look of perplexity washed over Coleton’s face. He knew what I was implying but he didn’t realize what it meant. I couldn’t wait any longer. “Come on out, Twilight! You too, Pinkie!”

The look on his face was priceless. To see the purple and pink ponies emerge from behind the couch was no surprise to me; I had met them and talked to them the night before, But to him, it must have been so physically impossible, he couldn’t form any words other than “wha-wha-what?!” I would have died laughing if it wasn’t such an understandable reaction. At that point,  the only thing we could do was to explain it to him. We explained how they got here and what they were doing here. I even had to explain that they would be crashing with us until they went back. After everything was said, it was just two humans and two ponies sitting in awkward silence. “Well,” Coleton said, walking to the fridge. “What a way to start a day.”

“Get ready, guys!” I yelled to Pinkie and Twilight. “We’ve got some things to learn.” As we left the apartment, it finally dawned on me that Coleton and I would be walking through heavily populated Seattle, Washington with two ponies from an animated TV show. I guess it was too late to do anything about it, but it would be super embarrassing. We swallowed our pride and headed out the door.

“So this is Seattle, Washington.” I said to Pinkie and Twilight, both in awe over their surroundings. And that…” I pointed to my street… “is where we live. It’s a complicated city, so don’t try to go around without one of us to guide you.” It was laughable how amazed these two were with the world I had grew up with and now saw as kind of crappy. I decided to make an itinerary in which I take them to the most important places first, and go to the least important places last. So the next destination was, of course, the bar.

“This is a bar, guys!” I said to Pinkie and Twilight. I figured that they had some sort of variant of a bar in Ponyville, so I wasn’t surprised when they showed very little interest. I guess I took them here to tell them about the gig tonight, so they could attend it. It’s not like they really had any choice, and a social gathering like a music performance could get them more accustomed to the people here and help them fit in (well, as much as a cute pony could).

Next was Publix. I figured if they were staying for any extended period of time, they would need to know where they would get their food. The day was interesting; it was just walking around to parts of the city, but the look of surprise on the two ponies’ faces at every new stop was just priceless. Especially when I took Pinkie to the local mall; she had a field day. She had no idea where to go, and was bouncing left and right until we had been in every store at least twice. I was saving the best for last though.

“And this is the local library.” I said finally. Twilight, even with the amount of walking we had done that day, dashed into the library faster than I had ever seen anyone run, and stood in amazement at the size of it. “Where do I go?” She asked. I chuckled at the notion that the one thing Twilight didn’t know was, in fact, what to do when she didn’t know something. “There’s a directory right there.” I said. Follow the directions on the directory to get to whatever category of book you want.” I realized that she would want to stay for a while, so I offered to leave her there and come pick her up an hour before the concert, which she readily agreed to.

As Coleton, Pinkie and I headed back home, Pinkie asked what exactly a “gig” was. She had heard us say it all the time, but she didn’t know what it meant. I told her that it was a music show at a place such as a café or a bar that people went to in order to listen to music and socialize. “And you,” I said in an arrogant tone, “are going to be witnessing the best one of all time tonight!”