Chapter 2: Candy-loving Monstrosity

"A question that sometimes drives me hazy: am I or are the others crazy?"

• Albert Einstein

Lying dazed, staring up at cotton candy clouds and floating chunks of upside-down Ponyville, I've had enough of this. This is just plain stupid. I'm lying here, in the Discorded version of Sweet Apple Acres, with chocolate rain soaking me from horn to hooves. This is ridiculous... I wish Tavi were here with me, standing by my side, telling me to stop moping. I miss her criticism. I would pretend I hated it, but it was what kept me going at the end of the day, like what candy would do to ponies like Pinkie Pie.

Ohhh no. I immediately stop thinking about Pinkie Pie. I don't want her attacking my dream world as some weird monster... I stop myself again from imagining. I know that if Pinkie comes into the nightmare, she'll come as someone - or something - other than her real, sugar rush optimistic, frosting-loving self. I don't even want to think about what she'll become... I lick up some chocolate rain to distract myself, but it only reminds me more of Pinkie Pie. Ergh. I find it hard to stop thinking about her, now that I've started.

But - I sigh and give myself a facehoof - here comes the Pinkie Monster. Running through Sweet Apple Acres. Probably summoned by the "sweet" part of the name, or maybe because I was thinking about her just a moment ago. I give myself credit for effort, and stand there, awaiting my doom.

The monster is surprisingly like her - a supersized Pinkie Pie with a donut for a mouth, marshmallows for hooves, and long pink licorice for hair. Vinyl Scratch versus Giant Pinkie. I sure wonder what's going to happen. How silly of me to think I was going to become a Scratch Pancake earlier. Instead I'm going to be Scratch Applesauce, and who in Equestria would buy that? Nopony I know...

Last time I did what the trollish version of Little Strongheart had said and ended up getting away, but now what? Am I supposed to leap with ease into the candy monster's donut hole of a mouth? Sure, I'm not as swagalicious as DJ-Pon3, but there's no way I'm going to do that... Or is there? Maybe this is a test. Maybe I'm supposed to prove I can be brave as well as obedient. Maybe being brave is going straight into the mouth of the enemy, literally. But then again, it could be a test to see how well I can fight a Giant Pinkie. But I can't. So I'm a little confused now, and I'm going to have to go with the first option, because who, in the name of Celestia, would think me a match for the Pinkie Monster?

So I walk up to it. It leans down to me.

And I stare for a moment. It stares back menacingly.

Then jump through the donut hole.