Kinky Sex Disasters

“You have considered well this endeavor you wish to undertake?” Princess Luna, resplendent in an outfit that almost looked to consist of jewel-bedecked ribbons hanging between more traditional minimalist barding, looked incredulously down at her partner.

“I considered it. I can't imagine anything better. Besides, it's only fair. How often have I clung to your flank and given you my all?” Bad Apple was simply bare, though he shone with a coating of aromatic oil that had previously been massaged into his coat. “It's unfair that I basely top you over and over. I believe very strongly in egalitarianism. If I may be on top, you should be as well.”

“Aye, my love, you speak good sooth and wise. You are very much soul of this land, of franchise and opportunity for all, respecting not race nor species nor sex. If it has been that you seek to prove the strength of your back upon mine own then surely I may try the strength of your inches as I rest you upon your own.”

“It might even be a nice change. All I ever see usually is the back of your head and your horn, maybe your face from an odd angle when your head goes back. And while it is a lovely head, with a beautiful mane and wonderful horn... I think I could grow to like seeing you from below, watching that beautiful face twist and contort in pleasure, seeing you gasp and moan, not just hear it... we could even kiss much more easily.”

“As you speak you bring to clarity the rightness of this endeavor. How is't we ne'er did such afore? All the glory of lovemaking and we may see one another. Surely, 'tis an odd and unnatural pose for our kind. But as Diamond Dogs mate standing but in manner similar to ponykind, so to do they do so upon the ground, face to face. They make of themselves a union, some grand, glorious beast of two backs. Let us, my love, become this two-as-one. United in new fashion, with all our old passion.”

“I knew you would be agreeable. It's a fun suggestion. And since you know well what 'fun' is, you've savored every opportunity to have it.”

“Aye!” Luna gleefully used the Royal Canterlot Voice to blow back Bad Apple's slick-backed mane, the pomade making it stay mostly back. “Our fun hath been most deliciously doubled, trebled and all higher ciphers. Ne'er shall I forget the night when near I did not bring low my moon afore my sister raised her sun, enraptured as I was by your five offerings to mine hidden chapel. May it be thus that this new sport be as entrancing, that we may have many more memories for all the years that will come.”

“A personal best that will never be surpassed, I'm quite sure. I think that a sixth time would have caused my 'honeycrisps' to implode. Sorry it took all night to get all five out, but, you know, stallions are not made of stone. We need rest between our activity. Meanwhile...” Bad Apple smoothly moved to the bed, falling onto it and rolling onto his back. His front legs were tucked up to his chest, while his rear legs were splayed lewdly out to expose his stallion parts.

“Such grandeur as never have I seen. Even moonrise over distant Nocne Mesta doth pale in comparison to the sight of this wond'rous rise. And indeed, the stones you present shew your superiority to the mere pebbles of those great ranges.” Luna floated ethereally to the presented genitals and slowly gave them a wet lick, from the back side of the heavily-hanging sac to over the tip of Bad Apple's twitching erection.

“If I wanted to love you any more I'd have to be two ponies...” Bad Apple breathed, huffing softly after the lick concluded, his slim upper body slowly rolling back and forth beneath the tender ministrations of his divine lover. “By the moon and all the stars in heaven...”

“You are all aces, kid...” Luna slowly dropped a lascivious wink and kissed the blunted crown on the rod beside her face. “These modern ponies of mental physic, speaking of relations, do say that as the seasons turn 'round lovers may begin to be as one another. Already we speak with borrowed tongues. And now the mounting turns, mare 'pon stallion. 'Tis Batlemare Fair, a time when all is topside down. Is your three-hued aubergine prepared for the adoration of my tackle? Come you, coney-catcher. Have you captured your quarry. Be you ready to be used as you have used, in equal measure and set upon by your resplendent goddess of all that shines in darkness?”

“Use me all you want, my love. I consider it an honor. As a spy, as your will made flesh, as your very eyes and ears and hoof, or as a way to make you feel good. After a thousand years, don't you deserve a little something just for you?” Bad Apple chuckled lightly and arched his back some, to make his rod stand up tall and proud, quivering in stiff anticipation following the teasing kisses and licks.

“Aye... your body and your skills... mine for use. My champion.” Luna licked her lips again and traced her tongue on the underside of the ridge that would become his flare. “You have a most appropriate bauble. I shew no offense to the offering of such, as might lesser ladies. This aubergine bauble hath much to speak for it. And seems prepared to offer devotions.”

“My devotion... never doubt you have every last bit of that, sweetness. I don't know how this will go. Neither of us has ever been on our back. But I'm so eager to find out. Please. Give me your best.”

“Ever, my dearest.” Luna stepped up onto the bed and posed proudly over the standing spire of flesh. “A thought... shall we season well with spice as is seemly to this state?”

“How do you mean? I'm... feeling this might be good for me.” Bad Apple's smile was strained, but very sincere. He'd never deny her a thing. “But I'll accept anything.”

“As in times when I play as queen in our passionate games, shall I speak to you as if you were other than dearest to me. Does it cause concern that you shall be thou?”

“Not at all. It adds a dash of heat to an already-spicy sexual stew. We can do that. Was there anything else?”

“Aye... aye... we did hear of a most curious thing in the Griffin Kingdom. There hens have lesser status, though more than in times afore. But some griffinesses suffice not with this lesser bearing. They have made of themselves their own spear of the distaff foisted 'pon them by nature and culture. They make of the males that fall into their talons a lesser being, in payment for the years and sisters that have passed. Some even say it is enjoyed, Bald cockerels 'neath the paw of Booted hens. 'Tis not so strange to see. But the power of hen and cockerel are all in disarray. As it once was in ill times of this nation. Shall I be to you not lover but ruler? As a mare thus once was my natural station. Say 'nay' and all thoughts evaporate as hoarfrost 'neath sister's gaze.”

Bad Apple took a moment to consider it, stroking his chin while casually slapping his erection on his belly, in a typical stallion fashion. “It's no matter to me. I love you, and I know you love me. Whatever funny games we may play, we won't ever feel differently when it's all over. Do it. I say, 'aye' and wish you much pleasure.”

“You are most generous, my love. Most liberal and wonderful. Very well. But say 'stay' and all is as it had been.” She rose up to her full height, on her hind legs, forehooves to the ceiling, eyes glowing white. “Thou, servitor, be wholly under out power! Thou hast thy place beneath our perfect hoof!” One rear hoof stretched out and pressed down on Bad Apple's sac, only the fleshiest portion of her rear frog pushing on the ample honeycrisps within. “Feel thy goddess! How doth it suit thee, mortal?”

Bad had never fully admitted it, but he had a rather great love for the clean, soft hooves his lover sported. She was every inch the noblemare beneath her knee and pastern. Hooves that never touched the ground without shoes, and were tended to and cared for with professional diligence. Certainly, it formed only a tiny sliver of his adoration for the divine body of Luna, a smaller slice than his love for, say, her rear end, or her teats. But it was very real. “It suits me well, my goddess! Your hooves are most gentle and soft.”

“Aye! We are most generous unto thine unworthy corse! Savor our generosity! Undeserved as it be we grant this unto thee! We spread our tackle 'pon thy cod and take our pleasure as is our right as mare and goddess over thee!” Luna's horn glowed brightly, the magical field standing the formerly-slapping organ straight up, a slightly-discomforting position but not one which was very unfamiliar. “Hast thou words afore we claim this prizzle as our new demesne?”

“Take me, please, my goddess! I am not ordering you or making a demand out of my place. I am agreeing with you!”

A most un-goddessly chuckle passed quickly out of Luna's mouth before she regained her proper mask. “Does our servitor think himself wise in the ways of the eely member? Aye, thou hast been revealed as a lowly coney-catcher, a quacksalver of basest desires. Take then this glory, meant for one above thee!” Luna positioned herself over the standing erection, grinding her sex down over the blunted crown. She pressed down firmly, her rear hooves resting on the bed, her weight slowly being applied, her body slowly bearing down. “Honor thy goddess, lowly one. Honor us with thy quick tongue.”

“Ah! My most gracious and giving goddess! Your generosity and gratuitous giving of grand glorious pleasure is truly grandiose!” Bad Apple grinned cheekily as he winced a bit. His organ wasn't meant to bear up the weight of an alicorn. But she was almost on. It wouldn't be much longer.

Luna ground her clitoral bulge down against the stiff flesh, groaning loudly, her moan reverberating in the air as her pleasure harmonized with her mana output. “Aye... aye! The flatterer's tongue! The mind of the scoundrel! And the bauble of a servitor! Give us thy flesh!” She put more weight down, grinding her bundle of nerves down more than she intended before a slight adjustment put her opening in the right place. Then she went down, hitting his crotch with a shriek of joy and a sharp buzz through the local mana field.

Bad Apple had been wincing more and actually started to grunt in pain before Luna finally got onto him. It was a glorious sensation. The buzz of magically-expressed pleasure really resonated with him, and drew out a long, deep moan and a powerful shudder that rocked his prone form.

Luna took her time savoring the fullness within her, grinding her body harshly upon Bad Apple. She rocked back and forth slowly, pushing his smaller form into the bed using all of her divine strength. “Aye... a most meet hot flesh, as becomes one called to serve a goddess. Ah! Fill thou our coney court, the divine yoni of night. Omnia bene!” She gave a small bounce, muscles clamping tight on the flesh within her, actually pulling her lover up with her and then violently slamming him back down onto the bed.

“Oh my, yes! This new view...” Thanks to the occasional wince, the pleasurable lowering of eyelids and all the bouncing Bad Apple had only intermittent views of Luna. “I see how full and rich your body has become, my night goddess. Truly, your form is like the classical statuary and grand monuments. You are the envy of every mare and lust of every being! That you share with me is- AH!” The strong grind had been a bit much. But he had managed. The sudden grab and bounce was far more than he had expected. Still, he held strong.

“Spare not thy pickthank tales, my coney-catching servitor! Servus! Hoof-polishing dust-treader! Thou bringest pride to thy kind! We do raise thee to a sphere no other mortal may glimpse! Rise! Rise high and raise thy goddess to unfathomed peaks of pleasure!” Luna unclenched her muscles, rose and came down again, slapping her oil-fed, extra-meaty hindquarters down upon her lover. The bottom-heavy nature of her new figure came out in dramatic clarity as flesh met flesh and the pleasant ripples ran through her hindquarters, the bed giving a groan of protest that was nearly echoed by the earth pony beneath her.

“Unt-t-til they... until they shine!” Bad Apple let out a gasp that ended in a choked sound as Luna came down hard on him. The bed was being kind to his stones, at least, and his hindquaters. But there was only so much compression that could spare his body. He gamely went along with the play, but he was starting to feel the pressure, even with the Proscenium arch broken to rubble. He tried a few thrusts of his hips, but meeting her force was hardly helping. He was a powerful earth pony, but underneath it all, so was she, and far more powerful than him in her earth pony strength.

“It was to our benefit that we bed thee! Thou hast given sign of thy strong back! Ah! Ah! We approach!” Luna rose up tall and proud, front legs kicking, head thrown back, wings flared proudly, ethereal mane practically surging like waves whipped by a squall. She screamed with the full force of the Royal Canterlot Voice, and used no magic to support herself. All her weight was upon Bad Apple and her rear legs, which only bounced her, they provided no carriage. “Thou servest well as throne for us! Thou dost honor thy blood! Aye! We approach! We approach!”

“Ah! Ah! M-my goddess... oh my bucking thighs! L-luna darling?! My love?”

“We arrive! We arrive!” Luna released a tremendous shriek and slammed herself down with wild abandon.

“Sister...” Luna looked with tear-filled eyes at Celestia. “Tell me... tell me of good turns of Fortuna's wheel. Bonis avibus.”

Celestia gently hugged her sister. “It's good news. My magic is still good as ever. It's been centuries since the great war, and my powers have not been needed for such serious injuries. But I did all I could. The bones are mended, and holding well enough. But you know magic has limits. It is like regrowing a limb, constant, regular applications of magic over a period. He's stable and resting now, though he could probably use your powers over sleep to send him to dreams. We have our spheres, little sister. Only you can take away his pain. And I think he only wants you to do it.”

“He does not want me. He could not. I am a fool. A painted harlequine. Bring me motley and the masque of tragedy, for I have naught in mine heart but fond folly.” Luna turned aside from her sister and started to sob, tears dropping heavily to the ground.

Celestia embraced her sister again and gave her a warm, comforting squeeze. “He loves you with all his heart. After I reset all the bones and staunched the small bleeders he said he loves you. Accidents happen.” She chuckled a bit and nudged Luna some. “He said that the Monster of Hate and Any Random's hired goons could not break his bones. He was impressed by you.”

Luna gave a choked laugh, somewhere between a hiccup and a sob. “Mine unspleened dove... do I not deserve his love. Still... am I a fool. To take these borrowed rags of other lands. What fools these griffins be. And what a fool be I, to follow a fool.”

“It means something to griffins. It serves a very real purpose. You know they have a powerful male-dominated state. It is like it was in the days of Discord and the time of the Blood Cults. The hens are taking that power for themselves. They need to do it. We have so much liberty and equality we don't need it. All you are doing is copying the trappings without understanding it. It didn't do anything special for you, did it?”

“Nay indeed, sister... t'was pleasure, of course. To feel his aubergine within be naught save purest pleasure. But I felt not this transcendent joy as claimed by the hens that do ride their cockerels.”

“Luna, we discussed this... griffins. Just griffins.” Celestia shook her head and sighed. “They have reasons that give it extra pleasure, it means something to them. It means nothing to you. There are safe ways to share a position like that, so you both can savor.”

“Be this so, sister? How come you to know this?” Luna lifted a brow and leaned in curiously.

Celestia gave a melodic laugh and shook her head. “We all have secrets we keep, sister. But now, go to him, and I will take care of any minor matters.”

Luna nodded eagerly and hugged her sister. “Thank you, sister.” She then ran off to the private chamber containing Bad Apple.

Celestia turned her attention to a small collection of forms. Equipment and material requisition and reorder forms. Government transparency and the promise to never misuse funds was a good thing, of course. But it sometimes led to touchy situations. She had to note the usage, though there were loopholes about certain things.

Materials needed from general infirmary stores: Disinfectant, topical; Antibiotics, oral; Plaster, two applications; Gauze, two rolls.

Materials requested for restocking: Same as above

Medical condition: Injury.

Cause: {Redacted} Official Secrets Act in effect.

Patient: {Redacted} Official Secrets Act in effect

Notes:

Celestia looked at that last line, and used every ounce of her multi-century-practiced restraint to avoid writing down, “Near Death by Snu-Snu.”