Kinky Sex Disasters

“Dash, ah gotta say... outta all the craziness ya done told me about this is the craziest ah ever heard. Ah'm not even sure ah can believe what yer sayin'!” Late night at the cloud manor. Applejack and Rainbow Dash were both settled comfortably in Dash's bedroom, AJ having been enchanted with a long-acting cloudwalking spell, much like Tank had been.

“I'm telling you, it's true! Gilda swore up and down that it was possible!”

“An' do we really need ta be bringin' her up? She weren't no good, Dash! And ah can't think that anything she had ta say could be any good either.”

“Okay, you have a point. She wasn't that great for me. I agree. But not everything she said was a lie. And honestly, I kinda see how it would work.”

“You see it? Really?”

“Come on, AJ, a whole foal has to come outta there. It just makes sense. Pour a whole lotta oil or lube onto her talons, ball them up and just press. I mean, it seems real enough. I've heard of it before.”

“Do ah gotta check yer closets and under yer bed like Twi does fer Spike?”

Dash rolled her eyes and shook her head. “No, 'mom', you don't have to check under my bed or in my closets. You know exactly what things I have, where they are and how to use them to full effect. I've just heard things, and seen magazines promising to show them. But I avoid the griffin ones and I have no interest in Diamond Dogs.”

“So yer sayin' that ya could do it with another pony? Even though we ain't got hands like them griffins and Diamond Dogs?” AJ looked beyond skeptical, tilting her head incredulously.

“All it would take is a rubber hoof cover, like doctors wear, a lot of the lube we like, and patience, because it would be a little harder to get in.”

“Well ya can say that again...” AJ muttered. “Ah dunno, Dash. Even if ah thought it was possible ah ain't exactly eager ta have mah 'barn entrance' stormed by a pegasus, even if it's you.”

“No problem! I'll be the one to do it!” Dash struck an heroic pose and threw out one of her signature overconfident smiles.

“Are ya sure about that? It ain't like ah'm gonna make ya if y'all say no...”

“No sweat, AJ. Like I said, it's all about preparation. We've got the lube, and the time. All we need is a hoof cover. Maybe Twi will let he have one.”

“Ya gonna tell her what it's for 'r ya jes gonna let her come up with somethin' on her own. Remember, this is Twi we're talkin' 'bout.”

“I'll say it's for an experiment. She'll give me a dozen of them.”

“If ya think ya can manage it, go ahead.” AJ leaned back in the bed and watched with amusement as Dash zipped off. She had no expectation of success.

“Well that was easy.” Dash flew back into the room ten minutes later, with a box of hoof covers on her back.

“What the hay? Twi actually let you have that? I figgered she'd tell ya 'no' or at least talk yer ear off about experiments and ask ya questions until ya gave up.”

“Oh she tried. She wanted to know everything. I tried to make something up but just told her it was confidential. She got all conspiratorial, then gave me the box and told me to write up everything and present it to her for peer review, whatever that means.”

“So ya gonna do it?”

“What? Write it up? No way. It would end up sounding like a Harlequine novel. I'll just dodge her until she forgets. Now... here you go.” Dash passed off the box of hoof covers and gave an eager, squeaking smile. “Need me to go get the bottle of lube?”

AJ heaved a huge sigh and held up the reddish bottle. “Ah got it. Good ol' apple-flavored lubricant. At least it'll be familiar to ya.”

“I wanna thank you beforehoof, AJ.” Dash set herself up in a sawhorse position, front and rear legs spread wide, back straight, rear pushed just slightly up. “This isn't even about Gilda or anything. It was about wondering what it was like. It's been buzzing around like a bee in my head. And I'm finally gonna find out what it's all like.”

“Ya said that right,” AJ noted, snapping the cover onto her hoof, “Yer liable ta get stung.” She began to slowly pour the lubricant over her covered hoof, shaking her head. “Time enough fer ya ta change yer mind.”

“Oh come on, just do it. Nothing is gonna happen.”

“Miss Rainbow Dash! Have you come to steal our Daring Do books again?” Nurse Redheart clucked pleasantly from behind the desk at the nurse's station. She was pulling late-night urgent-care duty, and needed something to liven up the monotony.

“Not, ergh, quite Nurse Redheart. Agh! C-ould you get... I mean... erk! You see...”

“Dash, jes spit it out!” AJ spoke in an annoyed tone from behind Dash. She was laying in a wheeled cart, which was harnessed to Dash, the kind of thing pegasi use to cart loads through the air. A blanket had for some reason, been thrown over Dash's backside, and was held up, seemingly, by one of AJ's forelegs.

“Chillax, Applejack, I've got this!

“If y'all could 'cillax' as ya say ya could let go-a mah hoof!” AJ sighed, deep and long, then looked up to the nurse and said, in a defeated tone, “Jes get th' gynecologist in here.”