Red Ink had been sitting outside the Boggle Bakery for about an hour, growing more irritated as the sun moved across the sky. His loitering wasn’t making the owners happy, and even after ordering a bottle of champagne in a bucket and some scones, Long Jump still hadn’t shown up. He laid his head down on the table, sighing, when he saw Calpain, his buckskin-patterned assistant, coming out of a nearby sweet shop. He met his assistant’s gaze and waved; Calpain probably hadn’t expected him back until the end of summer break. Maybe Calpain could catch him up on the city, since he’d been back in town for the whole of two hours.

The earth pony stallion did a double take, and Calpain approached his mentor, nodded in greeting, and then took a seat at the table and set his saddlebags next to the chair.

“Professor Red Ink! I didn’t expect to see you back in town so soon. Surely everything is all right, isn’t it?” Calpain asked, a touch of concern creeping into his voice.

The unicorn lifted his head off the table and smiled a bit at his assistant. “Someone crash-landed at my cabin. Was helping them back to the city.” Red Ink looked over at the warming champagne and let out a huff. “Well, I expected him to be back in a few minutes, but it’s dragging out. He’s a guard and had to report in.” Red Ink took a breath before continuing. “Have you ever dated one of the guards? I know there’s more than a few coltcuddlers in there.”

One of the other stallions at a nearby table looked over in shock at the pony’s open language, but didn’t say anything. Calpain’s face immediately flushed a deep red, and Red Ink wondered for a second if he had said something wrong. They might not be that close, but they occasionally talked about their personal lives. They’d never gotten specific before, but the unicorn was in a bad mood and wanted to talk about it.

“Uhh… no, I’ve never dated one of the guards before, sir. But I have heard the same sort of rumors you have through the grapevine,” the pony replied.

Red Ink rolled his eyes, and his horn suddenly glowed. The champagne bottle popped and then floated over two small glasses. One slid over the table to the Earth pony.

“Relax. I think Long Jump - the colt I’m seeing - is a lieutenant. That’s what he said, anyway.” He lifted his own glass and drained it in one movement. “Are you seeing anyone at all? That cute graduate assistant in the Magical Theory department? I heard he might look mean, but he’s a sweetie.” Red Ink refilled his glass, but kept his eyes on Calpain. He still felt irritated, but at least teasing the Earth pony got him to smile.

Cal carefully took the glass, giving Red a smile and a nod in thanks as he took a small sip of the champagne. Apparently finding it to his liking, he downed it in a swift movement. The earth pony then blushed, his ears folding back.

“N… No, no one at all. I… I’m not really interested in his type…” The colt trailed off, looking a little sullen.
“So who exactly is this colt you’re seeing? This Long Jump is a guard, you say? What was he doing out by the cabin?”

Apparently Calpain didn’t want to talk about his love life. Red Ink downed his second glass of champagne and frowned.

“Long Jump won’t tell me. ‘State secrets’ and all that.” The third glass didn’t take much longer to reach his lips. “I’ve got half a mind to march down there and give that colt a piece of my mind. I got him back here, and now he’s leaving me high and…” He took a look at his empty glass. “Well, not exactly dry, but you know what I mean.” He stuck out his tongue. “I’ve been waiting for an hour. The sun’s almost set. He’s really nice, so I bet it’s that asshole of a commander he told me about. Apparently his boss on base is a piece of work.” Now one of the guards eating at the cafe looked completely offended, but Red Ink felt a little past tipsy.

“That asshole pony gave him a shitty assignment, sent him out alone, and is probably yelling at him right now.” Red Ink stood up and bumped the table. “You know, I should go down there. I should find out what’s going on.”

The yellow cream pony stood up as Red left his chair. Red Ink knew he was in no condition to go anywhere and any attempt to confront the commander would surely end in the unicorn having his flank handed to him, but right now he didn’t care.

“Whoa, sir! Calm down! If you get into a fight with a commander you could get seriously hurt, and Long Jump might be punished as well. You don’t want that, do you?” Cal pled as he held Red Ink back with his forelegs.

If he was sober, the unicorn would have definitely appreciated Calpain’s attempts to hold him back, but right now, he’d gotten riled up and wanted to do something about it. With a quick glow of his horn, he lifted Calpain away from him, setting him down a few steps away. Red Ink shook out his mane, glared, and started to stomp toward the castle. He didn’t really know where the barracks was, but he bet he could just check near the palace or follow a returning guard. Something was wrong with Long Jump, and he was going to figure out what it was.

“Follow me if you want, Calpain, but someone’s gonna tell me what’s going on with my very special somepony.”

Red Ink stomped down the sidewalk, working through his mental checklist of all his meanest spells. He might not be the best at chucking lightning bolts across a field, but he’d try if he needed to. Stupid military. Stupid duty. Stupid commander who intimidated Long Jump.

Two guards stood at the wide entrance to a cordoned-off section of the city next to the palace, so Red Ink figured there would be a good place to start. He walked right up to the two identical Royal Guards, wondering what he could say. He wasn’t actually an enchanter for the palace. His credentials might get him into the palace itself, but a military post was another story. What tale could he tell? Enchanting them for information should be a last resort.

“I need to speak to Lieutenant Long Jump,” Red Ink ordered one of the guards. “Immediately.”

The guard just stared at him for a few seconds before answering.

“Civilians are not allowed on base without permission,” the guard said.

“Then bring him to the gate,” Red Ink offered. “I don’t have to come on the base.”

“I can’t authorize that,” the guard said. Now the unicorn was getting a little more irritated.

“Then just send a message down!” Red Ink said. “I’m a professor as Celestia’s School for Gifted Unicorns. I think I deserve a few words.”

“He can’t come to the gate,” the other guard blurted out, and Red Ink jumped at the chance.

“And why is that?” Red Ink asked very quickly.

“Long Jump is currently in the brig, sir,” the guard answered, almost automatically. Then, he looked embarrassed.

“Excuse me?” Red Ink felt the heat rising within him.

“We aren’t allowed to divulge that kind of information,” the other guard said, glaring at his comrade. “It would be best if you two just returned to your homes.”

“Well, I want to know why he was arrested!” Red Ink demanded.

“He was arrested for desertion earlier tonight, sir,” the guard finally admitted. Now his comrade looked positively furious.

“He’s not a dessert!” Red Ink cried, and moved to walk past the guards. One of them stepped in front of him.

“Civilians aren’t allowed on base without auth…”

However, the Earth pony did not get to finish that sentence. A wave of purple energy blasted them back into the gate, and a second wave threw the gate off its hinges. Red Ink stepped over the debris, his horn still glowing. Calpain stayed outside the ruined gate, looking more than a little panicked.

“You really shouldn’t have done that!” he said.

“They shouldn’t have arrested Long Jump,” Red Ink said. He kept walking, and then heard a siren go off. There would be none of that. He pointed his horn at the nearby siren and blasted it. The pony turning the crank had the good sense to jump out of the way. Many more pegasuses and Earth ponies moved toward him, but with a swing of his head and a few well-chosen spells, they hung in the air, trapped in large bubbles.

When a unicorn came hurtling around a corner, shooting beams of white light at him, Red Ink’s anger only rose. No one was going to hurt Long Jump ever again. Blasts of purple light shot at all the approaching unicorns, neutralizing them before they could start casting spells of their own. He wasn’t going to hurt any of these guards – they were just doing their job, after all – but this would not stand. Red Ink kept walking.

It only took him about a minute to find the brig, since it was the most solid building on the whole base, and it had a sign labeled ‘detention’. However, brick walls weren’t really designed to withstand magical transformation on their own. Sweat poured down the unicorn’s brow as he lashed his magic around the entire building, pouring little drops of power into each and every stone. Red Ink worked through the last steps. He might not throw fire, but he could do some cool things to stationary objects.

Suddenly, the building was made of potatoes, and potatoes didn’t stand up in walls like bricks did. They tumbled down in a wave of starch in all directions, pushing back a few ponies that had managed to reach the unicorn while he concentrated. Besides the desks and cell bars that still stood, a massive pegasus turned to look at Red Ink. Long Jump was in one of the cells, but transforming the walls left the cell intact, and it wasn’t like he could fly up out of there. That large pegasus shook potatoes off his wings.

“You’ve got one chance to surrender, unicorn,” the huge pegasus said.

“Did you give Long Jump that chance?” Red Ink asked. Anger surged in him. He could see a huge welt on the side of Long Jump’s cheek, starting under his eye and disappearing behind a muzzle.

“He’s a soldier,” the pegasus said, as though that ended the conversation. Red Ink scowled.

“You’re going to unlock that cell right now,” Red Ink said. “Or I am going to turn you into a duck.”

“Go ahead and try,” the huge pegasus snarled, and took to the sky.

To be fair to the giant pony, he was remarkably agile for someone of his size. Red Ink shot transformation spells at him, but he dodged, diving down to grab a weighted net from a rack adjacent to the destroyed gate. When he threw it, Red Ink was able to bounce it back at the pegasus, but he swatted it away with one flap of his wings. The unicorn was getting tired; perhaps changing the brig into potatoes had been a bit too flashy.

The huge pegasus took another pass at him, and this time the unicorn got lucky. One of his transformation spells caught the pony in his wing, and though it didn’t change him entirely, one of his wings shot down into the size of a duck’s wing. The pegasus then promptly crashed into a tower, sending it and him into the dirt road.

Red Ink sprinted to the brig’s exposed cell, and with a carefully-aimed blast, the lock turned into a dove and flew away.

Long Jump’s eyes slowly narrowed while the unicorn pushed the cell door open, and with another wave of magic the unicorn tore the muzzle off of the slate blue guard. Right when Ink took a step closer to Jump, he lashed out and promptly punched Red Ink in the shoulder with his good hoof, the shackles pulling the punch so that Red Ink was knocked to his rump instead of completely over.

“You…you…you Ponce!” Long Jump yelled.

“What?” Red Ink asked. “I’m saving you.”

“Saving me from what!” Long Jump yelled louder, and then headbutted the unicorn in the chest, pushing him the rest of the way out of the cell, this time landing the unicorn on his back. With a half-leap forward he dropped his forhoofs on either side of the unicorns’ neck, effectively using the hobble chain to pin him down. “Are you out of your Celestia-damned mind?!” The pegasus was seething in rage.

Long Jump broke off and stepped away from the Unicorn, eyes locked up and away, completely ignoring the maroon stallion. The guard quickly turned his head to grab at the bandages around his flank and with a sharp pull ripped them, then flared his one wing out, sending the fabric fluttering. Red Ink blinked and looked in the direction Long Jump was staring and saw a bruised and enraged Bulwark charging at them with a spear.

With a crouch and an unfurled wing, Long Jump telegraphed that he was going to take off, making Bulwark instinctively alter the angle of his spear to impale a flying opponent. Long Jump gave a small grin and completed the launch right before impact, but instead of getting him airborne threw him into a hard corkscrew, so instead of his body being in the way of the weapon, it instead passed between his legs, over one chain and under another. Long Jump hugged his responding limbs to his chest, trapping the shaft of the spear against himself, pulling it down with his weight, causing the tip to bury into the ground, and sending Bulwark in a rather impromptu pole-vault over his captive. With one last movement, he twisted, landing on his good side, sending the spear rolling away.

“Bulwark arrested me. It wouldn’t have stood up in court,” Long Jump said, clearly winded from his stunt as he fought to regain his breath. Just then, Red Ink realized how mad the pegasus was at him. He thought he was being the hero, but apparently, Long Jump did not.

When Red Ink turned, there was someone new coming down the road, with more seasoned looking guards on either side.

“We can escape, c’mon,” Red Ink insisted, but Long Jump laid down on his belly instead, hoofs out instead of tucked under his body, and his one wing splayed on the ground; the position demanded of somepony being arrested.

“That’s Shining Armor,” Long Jump said, glaring up at Red Ink. “You’re screwed.”

Author's Note

Calpain used with permission.

Revision 1