Red Ink might have surrounded himself in magical barriers, but Long Jump stayed on the ground, knowing what would come next. Shining Armor was classes above anyone currently in the Royal Guard, and the pegasus sort of doubted Red Ink could stand against him. If it came to some epic spell slinging, he felt the safest place to be was as low as possible, remaining prone, and with everypony seeing him surrendering. He knew better than to screw with the former Captain of the Royal Guard. Why in all that was holy did Red Ink think he could just waltz in here and destroy stuff? A potato rolled against his hoof. Oh, right, Long Jump thought. It was the magic.

With one giant, blinding explosion of light blue, Red Ink flew over Long Jump as though he had sprouted wings. The unicorn landed in a pile of potatoes, groaned, and didn’t get back up. Well, so much for that fight. Long Jump stayed where he was and watched while Shining Armor walked over to check the downed unicorn. He prodded Red Ink’s side before nodding.

“Is anyone going to tell me what is going on?” Shining Armor called out. The two guards with him both looked equally astonished. “Some unicorn was shooting spells all over the place, and there are potatoes where a building should be. Where’s Bulwark?”

“He’s… indisposed?” one of the other guards said, and looked up.

Long Jump followed the other guard’s gaze and became mesmerized, watching Bulwark flying in tight circles. He must have tried to gain air in order to execute a fantastic dive, but his mismatched wings were making him fly in tight circles.

“Can somepony help him down here?” Shining Armor asked. “I really need to know what’s going on before I start having to arrest ponies.”

Long Jump stayed where he was, since he figured continuing to be the prisoner would a lot better than whatever Shining Armor or his personal guards could do. One of them, a pegasus, took off; a few seconds later helping Bulwark come to a rickety landing.

“I’ll kill that little colt-cuddler!” Bulwark roared, and charged forward. Well, he tried to charge forward, but a magenta bubble popped up around him, and sent him tripping over his own hooves.

“I don’t think we’re supposed to kill our prisoners, Bulwark,” Shining Armor said. The pegasus was practically foaming at the mouth, kicking at the bubble in an attempt to get at Long Jump. The downed pegasus wasn’t moving, since the Prince stood between the two of them.

“He tried to kill Long Jump!” one of the other cadets cried out, and Long Jump snapped his head around, trying to identify the speaker. That was true, but he hadn’t thought anyone was trying to pay attention.

“Yeah, he tried to stick ‘im!” another yelled. A chorus of disgruntled voices was rising now, and Shining Armor, still looking bemused, turned to listen.

“He tore up my books!”

“He kept me on shift for days, then punished me when I passed out!”

“He cut me off from the canteen!”

Even if Long Jump had suspected Bulwark of just being a terrible commander, he hadn’t expected all of his compatriots to be in the same situation as him. If the other pegasus did this sort of stuff to everypony, there would be no hiding from it.

“They’re all liars!” Bulwark screamed, but no one was listening to him now. Shining Armor smiled, and now everypony quieted down, probably expecting him to call out some great edict or cast something magnificent.

“Everybody go back to your duty. It looks like I have some ponies to talk to.”

“Take him to the brig at the palace,” Shining Armor said, motioning at Bulwark. Despite the pegasus letting out a particularly impressive string of curses, the two accompanying Royal Guards started rolling his bubble away. He then caught Long Jump’s gaze, which made the pegasus promptly state back down at the dirt. Right now he just wanted to give Red Ink a good kick, but he supposed if the unicorn was already unconscious the lesson would be lost.

“So, are you incarcerated in a pile of potatoes for trespassing, insubordination, or what?” Shining Armor asked.

“I’m Lieutenant Long Jump,” Long Jump said wearily. “I got thrown in here as soon as I came back.”

“He really wasn’t very nice…” Shining Armor muttered, and then his horn glowed. Long Jump’s chains unlocked and fell away.

“Do you have an assignment to return to?” Shining Armor asked.

“Not at the moment, sir,” Long Jump said, and considering it was probably safe to do so, he shakily stood up. “I was reporting for duty when Bulwark arrested me, sir.”

“Oh,” Shining Armor said, and now he looked a little lost. He recovered quickly though, and shook out his mane.

“Then consider yourself on paid leave,” Shining Armor said. “Effective immediately. Even if I’m not entirely in charge anymore, I am a prince. I can give you a few days off, I bet.” He smiled wide. “If you have a report, leave it with Bugler.” He indicated a stern-looking Royal Guard the pegasus didn’t recognize.

“Yes, sir,” Long Jump said, and then sat back down to salute. The prince saluted back, and then turned back to the mess Red Ink had created, his horn glowing.

Long Jump didn’t really have the patience for incredible magical works to begin with, and he certainly didn’t want to wait around and watch one be undone. In a few days, he might find the idea of his prison being converted into a pile of potatoes interesting, but his side hurt, his leg hurt, and he probably needed to redo his bandages. Red Ink needed to refresh the pain suppression spells as well, but just thinking about the stupid, stupid unicorn was making him mad. Maybe he could get some rest at the unicorn’s rooms. Would the door be locked, or should he just figure out somewhere else to stay tonight? Surely Red Ink couldn’t talk his way out of blasting through a military base.

When he reached the destroyed gates of the base, he noticed a buckskin-patterned pony running as fast as possible away from the action. What that one of Red Ink’s friends? He certainly didn’t recognize the pony. Maybe he should track him down, but there was no running in his current condition. So, instead, he just informed one of guards that had come with Shining Armor of the fleeing pony and went back on his way. Maybe he should get something to eat.

With no real plan or purpose at the moment, the pegasus sat on the sidewalk a few after a few hundred feet of walking, keeping his bad side away from public view. He wondered what the palace might expect of him. Would they reassign him to the base? Would he be stuck doing a desk job? He really should be at the palace, but he doubted they’d let a crippled pegasus represent the kingdom. Odds were, his injuries would result in an honorable discharge, or a job he would not enjoy. He’d joined the Royal Guard to serve Equestria, and now he worried he wouldn’t be able to do that for much longer.

After resting for a bit Long Jump limped back to the school that housed Red Ink’s apartment, doing his best to keep his mangled appearance out of view to avoid starting a panic. Completing the climb up the tower staircase with a generous helping of cursing, he came to the stupid unicorn’s door. Weirdly, Red Ink’s front door wasn’t locked, which really bothered him until he saw two Royal Guards standing at attention in the middle of the room. At their hooves was the buckskin-pattern pony from a little while ago, and when he froze in the doorway, Shining Armor came in from around a corner. Was there more going on here than he thought? Was he about to get arrested again?

“We were just confirming Red Ink’s story,” Shining Armor said. The giant stallion magically floated the pegasus’s saddlebag into view and set them down on the kitchen counter. Were they going through all of his belongings, or was this just part of a search?

“What was his story, sir, if I may ask?” Long Jump asked. Would Red Ink be stupid enough to lie?

“He said he helped you get back from the wild after a life-threatening crash, and then thought you’d been kidnapped,” Shining Armor said. Long Jump mouthed the word kidnapped back with one eyebrow up in befuddlement.

Long Jump spent the next few minutes explaining the whole ghastly affair, including twisting left and right to show off his scars, missing wings, and his bum leg. Shining Armor stayed quiet while the pegasus went through the trip home and Bulwark assaulting him, and just nodded when he paused for breath.

“…And you know what happened after I was thrown in the brig,” the pegasus finally said.

“Well, that definitely confirms that section of the story,” Shining Armor said. “Bugler, if you could fly over to the palace holding cells and have Red Ink released.”

“Is he going to be charged with anything?” Long Jump asked. He was definitely going to be charged by at least one angry pegasus, right in his face.

“I don’t think so,” Shining Armor said. “By the sound of things, Bulwark was incredibly out of line, and Red Ink coming to save you is just the sort of thing the Princesses like to hear ponies doing.”

“Oh,” was Long Jump’s only response. It was that easy? Red Ink had been stupid, but it was a valiant kind of stupid, so that meant everything was alright? He’d always been told that the law was even, and just, and now it just looked like the only pony getting in trouble was going to be Bulwark. He didn’t mind that, exactly, but a certain unicorn needed to be told what he did was wrong as well.

“I’ll take my leave,” Shining Armor said, interrupting his train of thought.

“Thank you, sir,” Long Jump said, and saluted again.

The guards left in an orderly fashion, leaving the pegasus alone with the buckskin-patterned pony. He hadn’t said anything in the last few minutes, and for a few seconds Long Jump wondered if he was too scared to say anything in front of a guard. Was he some friend of Red Ink’s? Is that why he was in their rooms?

The pegasus stood in the apartment after the prince and his stallions had left, just staring at the remaining earth pony as the silence dragged on, only broken by the ticks of one of the unicorn’s clocks in the room. Why did he own so many clocks? After the silence went from somewhat long to awkward, Long Jump broke, visibly deflating

“So, are you one of Red Ink’s… friends or something?” Long Jump asked.

“Y-Yeah”, he muttered in response, “I’m a friend – a coworker of the professor at the university.”

“So does that mean you know where he keeps his alcohol?”

The colt raised his eyebrows in surprise. “Uh, I haven’t really been a visitor in Professor Red Ink’s home before.” Calpain made a quick survey of the room and noticed a finely crafted wooden cabinet nearby. “But that appears to be what you are looking for.”

The exhausted pegasus nodded and limped to the cabinet, then nosed one of the doors open and gave out a low whistle, talking mostly to himself. “How much does this school pay that dumb unicorn? I think some of these bottles cost more than I make in a year.” Then, louder to the colt behind him, “You want anything?”

“Sure… I’ll have what you’re having.”

With two tumblers tucked under his wing, Long Jump grabbed a bottle by the neck with his teeth and headed back toward one of the couches that had a coffee table in front of it, visibly wincing with each step before setting the glasses and the bottle down.

“Well then, we’re having what looks like a fifty-year-old whiskey from Saddle Arabia, I think.” He fought with the bottle for a moment before getting it open, and filled the two glasses with the amber liquid, picking his up, downing it completely, then took a step back to collapse onto the couch.

Calpain took his own glass into his mouth and downed the amber liquid in a single gulp. “Are you ok? You seem awfully… unsteady.”

Long Jump waved off the question before letting that forehoof hang off the edge of the couch. “I’m just in a lot of pain. Got sucker punched and had to move well beyond my current physical abilities.” he rubbed a hoof against the collar about his neck. “And I think Ink’s enchantment on this is wearing out or is completely dead. Anyway I’m Lieutenant Long Jump, never caught your name?”

The pony nodded and adjusted himself on the couch. “I’m Calpain, Assistant Professor of Magical Theory and History at the university. Pleased to meet you, Long Jump.”

“Likewise.” He reached for the table, realized he couldn’t reach it from where he lied, then gave out a huff and let his hoof drop again. “So maybe you can explain something to me. What on Equestria would possess Red Ink to attack a military area? The only reason he isn’t dead is because that place is mostly Cadets at this time of year.”

The buckskin got off the couch and approached the table, clutching the bottle of liquor and then refilling Long Jump’s glass. “Much like we’re doing now, he was just a tiny bit inebriated at the time…”

Long Jump took the proffered glass with a grateful smile, and drank it a bit more sedately this time, leaving some in the glass after a pull. “So I take it he gets more impulsive while drunk?” He shook his head slowly and sighed. “I’m going to need to beat some sense into that pony.”

Calpain smiled for the first time. “Heh, yeah, he can get a bit like that. He’s a fun pony, but he’s a little wound up. Once you get some drink in him he really… pops.”

“So I shouldn’t just get my stuff and leave before he gets back?”

Calpain sat back down on the couch, his own glass refilled. “I’d advise not to. He looks strong and might be a bit bullheaded at times, but… he does seem to care a lot about you. It would devastate him if you just left him high and dry.”

Long Jump nodded again, introspectively quiet for a time. “Yeah… yeah.” The guard started to blush. “I care about him too. Just what he did today was scary. Him risking getting himself killed I mean. That’s my job…” He looked at his side. “…was my job. Why don’t you pick out another expensive bottle of his for us to try, since he isn’t responsible enough to own any,” he added with a smirk.

Red Ink then burst through the door, but rather than the happy, emotional reunion the unicorn was probably expecting, Long Jump stood up, took a step toward the excitable unicorn, and swung out a hoof. It solidly connected with Red Ink’s jaw, sending him sprawled across the plush carpet.

“You idiot!” Long Jump yelled while Calpain jumped to his hooves. “You… You… I wasn’t kidnapped! I wasn’t in trouble! Somepony would have sorted it all out. Bulwark stepped way out of line. You turned a military building into potatoes.”

Red Ink rubbed his jaw. “It was pretty cool, though.”

“That. Is. Not. The. Point,” Long Jump said stomping a hoof with each word, though apparently his emphasis and haymaker did very little to curb the unicorn’s enthusiasm.

“Are we both out of jail?” Red Ink asked.

“Yes, but…”

“And are we both in the same number of pieces, and in the same general shape, as when we entered Canterlot?” Red Ink asked.

“Yes, but…”

And Red Ink kept smiling, kept looking at Long Jump, and wasn’t about to back down. He probably honestly thought he was being the hero, and had heroically saved the crippled pegasus from some sort of evil fate, on the pure, unfiltered logic that him missing dinner meant something nefarious was going on. What made the unicorn so sure of himself? The magic couldn’t be everything, but he had a swagger than Long Jump just couldn’t possess. Maybe that’s why Long Jump liked him, even if he wouldn’t say it out loud in so many words.

“Uhh…” Calpain said, but Red Ink just stepped forward and kissed Long Jump on the cheek.

“I missed you, too,” he whispered, before nuzzling the slightly stunned pegasus. Well, so much for continuing his berating.

“There’s a letter for you,” Calpain said. “It’s on the kitchen counter.”

Red Ink trotted over to check, lifting it up with a little spell. It didn’t stay in midair for very long, though, since the unicorn’s eyes widened and let it drop.

“Well, that certainly looked like Princess Luna’s seal,” Red Ink said. “I wonder what I did to piss her off.”

“I wonder,” Long Jump said dryly.

Author's Note

Calpain used with permission.

Revision 1.1 (punctuation fix, no content changes)