I Don't Know Who You Think I Am

Rarity, Applejack, and Fluttershy overheard the fight and rushed over to it, seeing a large group of ponies gathering towards it.

"What in tarnation is goin' on," Applejack asked. One mare stopped and turned to them.

"There's some huge fight going on right now," she said. "I heard it's getting pretty rough." the three followed the mare to see the two unicorns, horribly bruised and coughing blood while two figures stood over them.

"Y'see," Charlie said. "Now you made all these nice people get so worked up, just because you don't have any class. You're not even worth the dirt you live in." the two responded with unintelligible gurgling, spitting out teeth and blood before apologizing desperately.

"Now, I believe you owe my brother something," Marcy said, crossing her arms. The two dragged their bodies over to his feet and kissed his shoes, licking the stray blood from the leather before he motioned them to stop.

"Show's over, everyone," he announced. "Nothing to see here; just go about your business." the crowd slowly dispersed, murmuring amongst themselves while Charlie and Marcy left. Rarity, Applejack, and Fluttershy were in pursuit of them before the two stopped and turned to face them. "Listen, it's nice that you came all this way, but I'm afraid we won't be signing autographs."

"What did you do to them," Rarity demanded. She did recognize the two, if only briefly as the two ponies who ended up giving her a hard time during her visit to Canterlot, but she still didn't see how they would deserve a punishment that harsh.

"Whoa, whoa, you might wanna cool down, sweetheart," Charlie said. "I'll admit, it's not often that I bust out like that, I'm not that kind of guy. Then, I'm a Sanchez.” He said this before he and Marcy revealed the same scriptural S on their necks as Scootaloo. “I'm not gonna just take shit lying down. Wow, I'm sorry; this is a really bad first impression, totally my fault. Let's start over, I'm Charlie Sanchez, and this is my little sister."

"Marcella, but everyone calls me Marcy for short," she chimed in. The others were unfazed by their casual attitude, given nearly beating two ponies into a coma not five minutes before. Fluttershy, however, seemed all for doing anything that didn't involve two people who could each mangle a pony in just a few minutes.

"Look, they tried to start something, we taught 'em a lesson. You're not exactly solving a Rubix cube with both hands behind your back...or I suppose hooves, if most of you are ponies. I think I might've seen a zebra on the way here, but I don't know what direction that's supposed to go in."

"Y’all think ya c'n just—" Applejack started before Rarity spoke.

"Applejack, let Fluttershy speak." Fluttershy shook her head fiercely before Rarity pushed her in front of them. "It's alright, dear; go on now."

"Umm...well, w-we'd like to askyouafewquestions," she blurted out, shutting her eyes tightly and bracing herself. "I-if that's okay."

"Sure, whatever," Charlie said, sliding his hands in his pockets; out of nowhere, a little girl with short light brown hair teleported in and tackled Charlie, skipping around him.

"Yay! I found you, Charlie. I looked all over the castle for you, and you weren't even there, but Katie said you went for a walk with Marcy so I found you." before she could continue any further, Marcy telekinetically pulled the hyperactive little girl off of Charlie. She looked at Pixie and she suddenly went silent, though still continued to move her lips while no noise came out.

"This is Pixie Stardust, by the way. She's not with us, she's just my big sister's friend Moxie's little sister. Everyone calls her Pixie because she's really small and always seems like she ate a whole box of Pixi Stix." Pixie rushed over to the three, mutely squealing and gushing over the three of them with quickening pace. “Marcy, maybe you should get her out of here before she explodes or something.” Marcy teleported Pixie away with a snap of her fingers, turning to the three once more. “Okay, ask away.” Before they could speak, Marcy’s pocket buzzed briefly and she pulled out her phone checking the message. She tugged at the end of Charlie’s sleeve and he read over the text himself. "Listen, we gotta go. Catch you later." the two teleported away in a flash of bright light.

Zander sat in his personally constructed throne, drinking out of a wine bottle and tossing the empty bottle out of the open window. His brother Thom and Xekkyl doing the same with theirs.

"Guys, there's no other way to say this," he started. "Should I bring back sacrifices? I kinda feel like they're long overdue for a comeback."

"I am 110% behind you on that, man," Xekkyl said overly excited. "You're finally making good decisions. Fuck yes!"

"I don't mean human sacrifice, dumbass," Zander said bitterly. "I think we already know your stance on that."

"I don't see why not," Thom said. "There's just something so personal and generous about sacrifices that you can't simply get from prayer and worship alone. Go for it; as your right-hand man, I say go."

"Bro, you have got to just fucking do something!"

"Xekkyl, are you on something?"

"Monster kicks fucking ass, man. Spike that shit with some vodka, it's like an explosion!" he slammed his black armored fist straight through the solid stone wall. "I've just never been this AWAKE!" he finally collapsed on the floor. "Okay, maybe once." there was a knock at the door.

"It's open," Thom called. The door opened and the three fillies entered the circular stone room. "Skylar, these must be your friends. Sorry about the decor, we're not planning on staying so why bother redecorating right?"

"Skylar, it's so good to see you again," Zander said, hugging her before both brothers reverted to their pony forms. "It warms all three of my hearts."

"Hi daddy, these are my best friends Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle." the two stared at him in amazement, mesmerized by the mysterious man before them. "This is my Uncle Thom and passed out on the floor is my Uncle Xekkyl. He's usually a lot more violent and active."

"You two seem really familiar," he said. "Never mind. So Skylar, you wanted to ask me something?"

"Oh, right," Scootaloo said blushing lightly, "Daddy, can they come with us back home?"

"Of course, princess," he said. "You two come back to this castle in, let's see, four days 6 pm sharp. Don't pack too heavy, and just remember that you can always visit Skylar when this place is seized."

"Seized," Apple Bloom asked.

"You'll understand when we get there. Skylar?" she saluted him, leading the other two outside.

"Why did he call you Skylar," Sweetie Belle asked.

"There's a time for everything," Scootaloo explained. "This isn't the time. I'll tell you everything, but you gotta trust me on this."

Charlie and Marcy teleported into the tower, in front of Timothy.

"We got your text, grandpa," Marcy said. "On a related note, ever think of using AutoCorrect?"

"I've been dead for millennia and I'm texting with hooves," he retorted, lifting his front leg in front of her. "You could cut me some slack here. I've been in four wars, and I'm still trying to figure out what this whole immortality thing is about. 2014 is a very complicating year, like somehow 4,115 is the new 2,780. I don't even know if that's supposed to be a good thing!" he sighed in exasperation, collapsing back in his chair.

"Well, look at it this way, grandpa," Charlie said optimistically. "By next year, we'll have self-lacing shoes, hover boards, flying cars, and alternative fuels." Timothy stared back at his grandson in confusion, but Marcy stopped him before he could speak.

"Just let him have this," she said. "We all have dreams." he nodded, clearing his throat and taking the last swig of a bottle of aged wine. "So what's this about another kingdom?" Timothy scratched the back of his head before transforming back his human body.

"Ah, yes! That's right. There's another place, but far out of the way, but we should probably make sure we have absolutely no resistance on any sides. That's how it worked in the wars."

"This is a real place, too," Marcy asked skeptically, crossing her arms. "Not just some wild goose chase or something to keep us out of the way while the grown-ups get all the fun?" he shook his head.

"The library said something about a Crystal Empire, and if your dad finds, don't you think he'll want a piece of that?" Marcy imagined an entire crystal empire briefly, lighting up and squealing at the thought. "You sure we couldn't get the boy with short hair? Sure he'd probably do it."

"Grandpa, Freddy couldn't have come, remember," Marcy reminded him. "He's dealing with some important business in the Magical World, and it was strictly requested that at least one of us deal with it." Marcy sighed, her boyfriend away in Hex Castle, probably being taught some new powers that King Fabian would simply hand-wave an excuse at when questioned like she 'wasn't ready' or 'too young' to control it. Charlie's conversation with their grandfather seemed like a distant blur as she realized just how far into her own thoughts she was.

"Did you get all that, Marcy," Charlie asked. She nodded absently. "You seemed kinda spaced out for a minute. I could explain it a bit."

"I got it, Charlie," she snapped. "I am a lieutenant, after all. You don't have to treat me like I'm three." Charlie stepped back a bit defensively.

"Okay, Marc. I'm sorry. Can we get going to this Crystal Empire?"

"Be back by dinner," Timothy said absently before taking a nap. The two teleported away again, ending up in a frozen tundra, seeing a glowing dome just a few miles in the distance.

"Listen Charlie, I didn't mean to yell at you like that," Marcy started.

"You don't need to apologize," Charlie said casually. "You're my little sister, and family isn't just holding hands under a rainbow and singing songs. Hell, I kinda think it breaks the monotony a bit." Marcy smiled back at him, a small red bird perching on her shoulder and flapping its wings. As the bird did this, the two began feeling much warmer and stopped succumbing to the cold. "I'm really glad that it just so happens my little sister has a fire familiar." he hugged her and the two trudged along.

"We'll probably need to step it up if we want to get there and back in time," Marcy said. The Phoenix grew to about the size of a small boat, the two getting on its back and flying over to the dome.

Twilight looked around at the shattered stained glass windows and torn carpet of the throne room. Celestia's stone throne had been smashed to pieces and there was speckling of blood sparsely across the room showing that the Princess did put up quite a fight but it was obvious that she lost...badly.

"This Zander's got to be pretty tough to beat Princess Celestia this badly," Rainbow Dash remarked, unknowingly twisting the knife in Twilight's heart even harder. "Twilight?" The unicorn tried to hold back tears of both pain and anger, rubbing her eyes.

"Twilight, are you feeling okay," Pinkie asked, seeing obvious concern in her friend's expression. Twilight nodded, trying to collect herself.

"I'm fine, Pinkie Pie," she said briefly. "Let's just look around."

"Well, don't strain yourselves, ladies," Zander's voice echoed mockingly.

"Did you hear that," Twilight asked. Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie exchanged looks at Twilight and shook their heads. "I could've sworn I heard something."

"That's because you still can," Zander laughed. Twilight spun around, searching for the origin of his voice.

"Where are you," Twilight demanded, the two ponies sharing a look of concern. "Can't you hear it too?" they shook their heads.

"Now I can see what Celestia wanted in you," his echo said. "It wasn't just your looks, your brain, your talent, it was your firecracker personality. I love a hot ticket with a feisty attitude; got something going under the hood and really fun to play with." he chuckled at his own joke.

"I've had enough," Twilight shouted.

"That's what she said," Zander retorted. "Then, a couple drinks later and a positive pregnancy test, she's says the kid's mine. Bitch, please; I'm not that fertile. Sorry, I ramble." he teleported in from the shadows, hovering in the air just behind then before landing. Rainbow and Pinkie both saw the same dark maned olive alicorn in front of them as Twilight coming to the realization that Twilight wasn't crazy. "You rang? Y'know, at first I thought it was kinda...mmm weird that I'd have an olive coat, being Greek and all, but I kinda like it now." Twilight fired a powerful bolt of purple magic, just barely missing his head. "Like I said, feisty. Listen toots, I was throwing down empires that would make this place look like a suburban backyard while your dad was still working up the balls to ask out your mom to the senior prom. You're way too far out of your league to even give me a paper cut, but I wouldn't be a gentlemen if I didn't accept your offer to rumble." he cracked his neck as Rainbow Dash joined in with Twilght, rushing at him at top speed before he simply grabbed her by the tail with his magic and threw her into a pillar. Pinkie rushed at him before he simply threw her into Rainbow. "I think I like your friends." Twilight fired a barrage of magical energy at him, though the bolts hit he didn't seem very phased. "That's just adorable! My turn? Okay, how's this?" his horn glowed and he tore a massive rip in the floor of the castle, the smell of brimstone and sulphur filling the room as a massive claw pulled out a giant horned beast from the depths of the abyss, engulfed in fire and roared, causing the very walls to shake. "And I stood upon the sand of the sea, and saw a beast rise up out of the sea, having seven heads and ten horns, and upon his horns ten crowns, and upon his heads the name of blasphemy; in short, you're fucked." Twilight stood staring up at the beast in fear, finally just cowering as it spread its massive wings in triumph.

"Alright, I give up," Twilight said sobbing. "Victory is yours." he smirked.

"I knew you'd say that. Alright, Big Red, pack it up." the demon glowered down at him. "You heard me Tall, Dark, and Fugly."

"Fuckin' what," he said. "Dude, do you have any idea how long I had to climb out of there? A century; I know I'm a demon and that's nothing, but it wasn't fucking easy. I missed my nieces' bat mitzvah for this, Zander."

"Not my problem, dickless. You go back in that chasm or I'll make you; never thought I'd have this conversation today. Go on, you've used up your time here and now you're just pissing me off." the demon growled, making silent remarks under his breath as he descended back to his nightmarish plane. "Don't think I didn't hear that," Zander called down to him. As the hole closed, he reverted back to his humanoid form of a dark tan man with short black hair and a worn sleeveless army jacket. He snapped his fingers and the three all sat in a line in front of him.

"What the buck was all that about," Rainbow demanded. "Was this just an act?!" he shook his head, chuckling a bit.

"No, no, not an act. I'm just a touch deft in my right ear. Trust to speak with a bit more annunciation next time, hm? For you see, the time has come to talk of many things: of shoes and ships and sealing wax--of...wait a second. I lost my train of thought again; one second." he pulled out a book, paging through it before finally just looking down from it. "What am I doing again? Oh right, right, now I remember. Look, I tried to explain this very clearly. I'm usually not this scatterbrained, or whiffed. Having the Princess's memories are seriously fucking with me here. Oh, the things she had planned for you, Twilight!"

"What sort of--" Twilght started before Zander cut in again.

"Twilight, please." he cleared his throat, and exhaled deeply. "Alright, I'm back on track again. Anyway, I explained that there wasn't a need to interfere. I have no malicious intent for your world, in fact I kinda like this place. Not this castle, mind you. I've had outhouses more comforting and better smelling. This whole providence, though. Very nice and rustic, almost like a summer home I had once but the plague set in and having as trees full of rats and bloated pustule-ridden bodies all over the place and the lingering of scent of carrion does kinda kill the mood. It was so unpleasant, too; like the set of a German porno for necrophiliacs." he slapped himself. "Muscle spasm; I am drifty today. Anyway, long ramble short, I'm not hear to cause anyone any harm."

"He's telling the truth," a voice on the other side of the room said. The three turned to see the last pony that they expected to see here, a small filly emerging from the shadows as she finally looked up and smiled brightly at them from a distance. It was Scootaloo, her wings propelling her into Zander's open arms as the two embraced.

"So, what have you been up to the rest of the day, sweetie," he asked in a rather uncharacteristically cheery and fatherly tone.

"Nothing too important," she said, flicking her mane out of her eyes. "Just tying up a few loose ends, daddy." the three were completely flabbergasted, especially Rainbow Dash.

"Daddy," they all repeated in shock.

"Again," Zander repeated, still carrying Scootaloo. "Touch deft in my right ear."