I Don't Know Who You Think I Am

"What are you doing here," Twilight demanded. "What have you done with Princess Celestia?" he smiled, pulling out a large silver flask and taking a swig.

"Simple, she's gone," he said flatly. "As for the other question, I wanted a new world; yours came up, and, as they say, Reliqua amittitur in tempore. She is no longer here." he finished with another swig.

"What are you saying," she asked, growing increasing frustrated. She could tell that Zander was taking great joy in her anger.

"I'm not understanding what you need me to elaborate on. She is now mine." his hand glowed light green energy and his short dark hair began flowing with intense magical energy albeit briefly. He snapped his fingers and the sun lowered to indicate the time more clearly; it had been dusk for almost two hours now. Twilight tensed up in rage, here eyes tearing up. She was at a complete and total loss for words or even any sort of movement and paralyzed with so many strong emotions and Zander simply continuing on. "I must admit, I always do enjoy the taste of power even one as weak as this. Her body was not very useful to me after I took her power, her strength, even her soul." he smirked, seeing Twilight only get angrier. "I have no use for a paper weight nor that worthless nephew of hers; doubt that guards would even come to him. I've passed things of greater authority than that slug." he took another swig, shaking the flask experimentally and frowning. Twilight's eyes narrowed, getting ready to charge at him but he simply lifted her telekinetically. "I can tell exactly what you think of me; it's rare that I read a mind just as advanced as mine, and your magical arsenal is quite impressive though I know that you wouldn't take up an offer for more advanced training by someone you perceive to be evil. I do not wish to conquer your world, in fact I want it for myself."

"Then why not take it," Twilight asked. Her curiosity of the man who killed her mentor had overtaken even her anger for him. "Why this world?" Zander smiled.

"I am Jack's sense of self-satisfaction. You, I assume, must be the cat, watching a fish swimming back and forth in its bowl and curious of how to catch it." he cleared his throat, taking the last swig of his flask. "It's really hard to keep that up, y'know. Listen, I'm a connoisseur of sorts, having been given or simply taking everything I got. So, I spend my immortal days simply going through universe to universe and judging them. Some I conquer, some I pillage, some I destroy, and I've gone to places where I do all three. You'd be amazed at how three thousand-plus years and divine power and insurmountable wealth gets pretty boring after a while. Anyway, you can't stop me because there's no point. Within one week, this world will be a new territory and you and your friends will be protected by all costs from anyone with a knife, anyone with an addiction, or any long-legged beasties that go bump in the night. I don't want to fight you, but I will oblige if you escalate."

"Why are you telling me this?"

"Because only you can see or hear me and I feel it best to establish that, though I am not a threat, I can be your worst nightmares brought to reality. Besides, I'm an old man; someone needs to listen to my ramblings. I'll be around, and don't forget what I said. Wouldn't want to have to hurt such a pretty face." he teleported Twilight away with a snap of his fingers, and pulled out a brass flask shaking it experimentally before unscrewing the cap and taking a swig. He turned to see Scootaloo looking up at him. "Yes?"

"I was looking everywhere for you, daddy," she crossed her front hooves in frustration. He sighed and knelt down next to her.

"What is it, Skylar? Can't you just loot the treasury or go bother your sister?" her pouting expression didn't change or show any sign of shifting, before Zander eventually just gave up. "Alright, angel, what is it?" Scootaloo uncrossed her front hooves and took a deep breath.

"Daddy, I wanted to ask you if I could bring some friends back home with us because they really want to come with and I don't want be separated from my best friends forever and ever as long as I was when I became your apprentice," she said in a single breath, panting afterwards till she got her second wind. "So, daddy, can I tell them they can come with us?" she concluded with the largest pleading eyes and best puppy dog expression she could make, noticing it worked for her sister Bridgette and even moreso for her little cousin Betty; in fact, Scootaloo even took full advantage of her ability to cry on cue by tearing up for added effect. "Please daddy." Zander had only been half paying attention to most of her charade and had just finished off the last drops of his second flask.

"Well okay, fine," he said faking defeat, immediately getting a tight hug from Scootaloo. "But, you have to get me something strong." Scootaloo released her grip and teleported a large old glass bottle filled to the brim with dark amber liquid and a black label written in a bizarre language. "That outta do it." he took the glass bottle, ripping out the cork and taking a long swig and shuttering with pleasure.

"So, can we take them back with us or not?" he nodded absently, and motioned her away. Scootaloo squealed and flew away.

"I'm a good father." he took a long deep swig from the bottle. "I don't know where he got this from, but I'm glad he got it."

A young Pegasus pony with a lilac coat and long chestnut brown hair, and a large pair of pitch-black wings flew down from the clouds. She finally stopped and landed just outside a large white castle. She groaned in frustration, looking up at the black wings.

"These wings are so unreliable," she moaned. "Why can't I just use my own wings? Stupid universe." Xekkyl teleported to a balcony, stretching his legs and arms and the armor groaning and the surging energy realigning and rearranging across his body. Her wings stretched and she flew up to the balcony, hovering in front of him. Xekkyl turned, suddenly noticing the girl in front of him. She smiled brightly, brushing her mane to one side and revealing the scriptural L on her neck. "Hi daddy. How long before you come back home?" he sighed, telekinetically moving her onto the balcony next to him, placing his hand on her head as she transformed into a young girl with large raven wings. "I got my wings back!"

"Christy, try to focus, honey," Xekkyl said, snapping his fingers. "I have exactly one week, this world's time. This world will be ours soon." Christy rolled her eyes, crossing her arms.

"Whatever. Where's Skylar?"

"Why should I care? Did you take care of my business?" she nodded. "Good, I suppose that some of my more personal matters can be taken care of. Lacey Alexis is in the throne room; feel free to explore this backwater shack all you want." he soon teleports away, leaving Christy to explore the castle on her own.

Scootaloo finally flew back to the clubhouse, smiling brightly as her two best friends crowded around her.

"Well, do we get to go or not," Sweetie Belle asked eagerly. Scootaloo nodded and all three fillies squealed excitedly as Scootaloo teleported the three of them to the castle, only to end up in a throne room with a girl with long black hair and a lacy funereal dress sitting casually in Celestia's throne with her legs draped over the arm of the throne and texting, chuckling at the occasional response. She briefly looked up to see the Cutie Mark Crusaders, her expression not very moved.

"Hi Lacey Alexis, these are my friends Sweetie Belle and Apple Bloom." they waved to her, before Lacey Alexis turned back to her phone and nodded absently. "Where's daddy?"

"North tower with Uncle Thom." she looked at the reviewed text and chuckled a bit. "Heh, slut; when Tyler finds out, he is going to flip the hell out. I'd give anything to see how that goes down." she sent another text, chuckling at the response as the three left.

"So, she's yer sister," Apple Bloom asked. Scootaloo nodded.

"That's Lacey Alexis," Scootaloo explained. "She's smart, she's from the future, she's really strong, and this one time she headshot a guy from 350 feet with a handgun." Lacey Alexis looked down at her phone, reading the number.

"What," she asked. "Kelly, Kelly calm down. For Creator's sake, it's not like you...well, just tell her to quit being such a pussy. Bones heal, eventually. Kelly, you're overreacting. If Charlie cheated on me, I wouldn't break his legs and shoot his dog in front of him. Well, that's a good point, but at least I'm honest about it." there was a knock at the door. "One sec, Florence Nightingale. It's open! Where were we? I think about the part you castrated him." a young girl with sparkling light purple hair dropped in from a glowing symbol on the ceiling in a dark red jacket and pale green shirt. A little girl in a glittery lilac T-shirt and short light brown hair, with the same dark amber eyes as her big sister. "I'll call you back, Kel."

"Hey Lacey, my parents told me to watch Pixie for the day and she insisted on coming with me to hang with you."

"Well, this is the longest I've seen Pixie sit still for? Did you drug her or something?"

"Nope, just turns out I'm really good at this whole 'magic' thing. Y'know, being a Critona I've seen some weird places, but I don't think I've ever seen one as strange as everyone being replaced with horses."

"Ponies, actually," Lacey Alexis corrected her. "They're too small to be horses." Pixie finally managed to move and started bouncing off the walls and talking as fast as she could possibly comprehend.

"I wanna see the ponies, Moxie," she whined. "Can I? Can I? Can I? I'll be extra good. Are there griffins? And dragons? And bunnies? And I'd this like the universe where everything was made of cotton candy? I bet it's even better than that!" before Pixie could go rushing off, Moxie waved her wand and trapped Pixie in an invisible box, which Pixie tried to escape from by ramming against the walls.

"Slow down there, half-pint. Mom said I have to watch you, and I honestly don't care." Pixie started thrashing around in the invisible box, inaudibly screaming and throwing a tantrum. "See, Lace. Told you I was good at this whole magic thing." Pixie started soundlessly sobbing inside the invisible box, Moxie simply pretending to ignore her. Pixie continued her sobbing until her tears eventually filled the box and released her still sobbing at Moxie's boots. She groaned in exasperation.

"Fine, Pixie," she said finally. "You can go look around. Just stop whining and sobbing; you're giving me a headache." Pixie's charade immediately ended, as she beamed and hugged her sister. "Just go with Charlie or something."

"Charlie's here?!" Lacey Alexis nodded and Pixie flew off, pausing in mid dash only briefly passing the Cutie Mark Crusaders. "Hi Skylar, bye Skylar, bye Skylar's friends."

"Hi Pixie," Scootaloo said. "How's Moxie?" the hyperactive little girl had already bolted halfway down the hall and turned the corner before turning and going in the other direction. Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle looked back at Scootaloo. "I only know her indirectly through Lacey Alexis. Our sisters hang out a lot."

Twilight sat on the library floor with her friends, explaining what happened last night and how Zander 'killed' Princess Celestia and took over Equestria.

"The Elements won't work on him, so how can we possibly stop him? Rainbow Dash, do you have any ideas?" the blue Pegasus shook her head clear.

"Well, come to think of it, Sweetie Belle has been gone ever since Scootaloo returned from wherever she left to. Plus, she came back with that absolutely ravishing necklace.

"We could always try asking him why he's here," Fluttershy said, her voice barely above a whisper.

"Ooh, we could throw him a big party and bake him an extra special cake. We could all hide in it and spy on him. I can go get my spy suit right now."

"Pinkie, that's a brilliant idea," Twilight said.

"Well, of course it is. Who doesn't like a party?"

"Not that part," Twilight said. "The part about spying on him. Pinkie Pie, do you think you could go to Canterlot and see what he's up to?"

"Sure I can, Twilight," the pink mare said. Twilight hesitated slightly.

"On second thought, why don't I come with Rainbow Dash," Twilight said finally. "We'll go to the castle and see what Zander Sanchez is planning, the rest of you scout around for anypony who might have information." Twilight teleported them all to Canterlot, the teams splitting up and going their respective ways.

Charlie, still in his pony form, trotted alongside a small bright pink filly with short brown hair and spiked hooves. Her dark brown eyes kept wandering down to her feet, as she unknowingly flicked her tail in thought.

"Charlie, why did the rest of us get horns, wings, both, or neither, and yet I get spiked hooves? I don't know what that's supposed to mean? I mean, the Map was vague about this place but, by the Law of Transdimensional Transmogrification, I should be a unicorn. I think. Charlie, are you even listening?" Charlie snapped back and turned to her.

"Sorry, Marcy. I told you I didn't want to go poking around this place. There's a lot of stuff and people here we don't understand, so it's best we try to blend in as best as we can." Marcy crossed her front hooves.

"Daddy said that you had to come with me. I'm almost 10-years-old and he still treats me like a baby."

"Well, dad does really stretch his immortality and divine regeneration by drinking his half his body weight a day. It's amazing he can even remember his own name, let alone how old you are. Plus, you were lost for nearly 30 years, Omniverse time; dad just doesn't want to let go of his shy little girl, even though you didn't come back as the same Marcy who left."

"What's that supposed to mean," she asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Well, when you first came back, you couldn't even say two words to anyone without dad or Lacey pushing you into it, even though you could throw a guy twice your size to the moon with one hand and destroy a planet with your magical powers." Marcy blushed.

"Aww, Charlie. That's so sweet."

"Now, you're a lot more outgoing and mature, but dad probably just doesn't want to let you go. I might not know that, but I did watch a lot of movies and some tropes just seem to crop up a lot more often than you'd think." Marcy smiled.

"That still doesn't explain why I have spikes on my feet, hooves, whatever. Can I just use my own body?"

"It'd seem a bit conspicuous, don't you think?" Marcy blew a stray lock of hair out of face in annoyance.

"Charlie, we're Sanchezes. We come from a large, extensive, and very powerful family of gods, demigods, superhumans, angels, demons, and several other human and non-human species and walk through dimensions like it's nothing. Daddy, on his own, has conquered and even destroyed entire solar systems for sport. Finally, we have S's magically burned onto our necks to symbolize our allegiance and familial bonds. Everything about us is conspicuous." Charlie nodded finally.

"Fair enough." unlike most of his adopted family, Charlie was a bit quicker to admitting when he was bested, even if it was by his own 9-year-old little sister. Marcy suddenly transformed into a little girl in a short dark red dress that ended just above her knees and jeans. Her hair and eyes remained the same, though she obviously lost her tail and spikes. "What about me?" Marcy sighed and focused on him, muttering under her breath as he transformed into a boy in a ratty jacket and slight torn dark olive shirt and ripped jeans. Charlie pulled a white ring out of his jacket pocket and put it on. "At least with the White Power Ring, I'll be able to keep my body." despite this, he reverted back to his pony body.

"You forgot to activate it," March said coyly. He leered at her. Two ponies passed by, looking in disgust at them. Both of them were unicorns, sweaters tied around their necks and draped over their back casually.

"Oh my, Canterlot really has lost its luster if such gutter trash is allowed to wander into our town."

"Oh, indeed," the second one concurred. "I mean, what has this place become if we let in such riff-raff?"

"You wanna watch what you say, douchebag," Charlie said, Marcy trying to keep him calm.

"Excuse me," the first pony asked. "I believe that you should know your place."

"I'm a Sanchez, and so's my sister," he shot back. "So, you can start apologizing and kissing my feet or you can do it while picking up your teeth."

"Charlie, these dime-store backwater swill aren't worth getting your hands dirty over," Marcy said. The two ponies gasped.

"You were any sort of civilized gentlemen, you would know how to raise your sister to be a more proper young lady." Marcy's hand enveloped in flames as one of them started trotting off, Marcy punched the mare in jaw. Other ponies around the square turned and took immediate notice of this. The other unicorn rushed to her side, staring at Charlie in discontent. "You can start by showing her not to act like a common street thug." Charlie reverted to his human form, replacing the ring on his finger as it glowed a bright white light.

"Alright, class is in session. What'd ya say, Marc? Let's teach these hicks how to respect authority." the two cracked their knuckles simultaneously, Marcy forming a mace from her right hand.