My name is Emeris Fillson, and I am not a bad person.

There was an endless cold at my back, and a swirling molten core beneath me.

My wings flapped slowly, there was barely any atmosphere up here, miles above the surface, with the endless void at my back and the entire expanse of Terra beneath me… had I opened my eyes I could have seen the curvature of the world all around me.

Up here, I was at peace.

There were no monsters, no beasts, no rocks to be slung and no ponies to hurt. Up here, it was almost silent.

I could feel the world that I was connected to, I could feel its heartbeat that spanned eons, I could feel it breath and sigh, feel the rushing of its waters along its surface… it was awesome in the oldest sense of the word. It inspired jaw dropping awe, and was awful, terrible, and wondrous in the most primal sense.

I felt the soul of the world, and it reminded me of my place within it.

A horrible, little place, but my place.

As much as I wished I could, I couldn’t stay up here forever. I needed to go back down at some point to eat, drink, and rest. As powerful as the forces were that I could connect to, I didn’t want to find out if I could die from starvation.

Whether or not the world would be a better place without me, I wouldn’t take my own life, even in such an oblique way. I refused. I wouldn’t take the cowards way out. I’d promised people dear to me, even if they were dead by now, that I would never take my own life, and I would stick to that promise till the end of time.

I opened my eyes, staring down at Terra, the contrast of color of Saddle Arabia, the Badlands, Equestria proper, and the Crystal Empire absolutely striking even from this height. It would soon be dawn in Equestria, Celestia would soon correct the Sol’s orbit and bring it around.

Had I desired, I could have set the world to spinning and Celestia could have held the sun in place as the world began to resemble my home.

It was horrifying to have that kind of power, even if it technically paled to that of Celestia’s ability to move a star, small as it may have been. No one should have that kind of power…

The blazing light of the star warmed my side as it slowly swung around, a line of golden light slowly advancing across the surface of Terra.

I’d have to say, my favorite title for Celestia wasn’t Princess; but rather, Dawnbringer.

It was about then that my preternaturally acute eyes picked out a small, strangely colored wisp of smoke against the backdrop of the atmosphere. Cocking my head to the side, I tucked my wings in slightly, letting myself drift a bit closer.

The wisp of smoke coalesced into a letter, and the realization hit me. Suddenly worried, I grasped it with my magic, pulling the letter close. They would only send me a letter if they desperately needed me and I wasn’t anywhere to be found.

Dear Emeris,

Don’t panic, this is not urgent.–

… well, there went that panic attack.

A small smile crossed my face at how well Celestia had to know me to have anticipated that would have been my first thought.

Regardless, I read on.

–But, at your earliest possible convenience, meet me in the safe room beneath Canterlot, I have something I wish to discuss with you.

Sincerely,
Princess Celestia

Well that was curious… this was the first time I’d gotten a letter like this.

Rolling up the piece of paper with my magic, I lit it on fire, scattering the ashes into the upper atmosphere.

Without anything more pressing, I gave my wings one last good flap before tucking them in to my sides and angling myself downward, hooves extended before me. There was a small thrill of excitement and adrenaline in my chest as I skydived in the most literal sense.

Heat built up around my face and forelegs as I plummeted, the air unable to get out of my way fast enough, pressure building and heat rising as I went faster and faster, accelerated to increasingly greater speeds by the gravity of the world.

The heat kept increasing even as the air before me started to visibly glow and the sensation became unpleasant, but I still didn’t flare my wings even as the dirt rushed upwards to greet me. I waited until I felt myself break through a flimsy barrier, then another, and then another, the air seeming to rip apart in front of me each time as I powered down through the thin upper atmosphere.

It was only then, at Mach 5, that I spread my wings, rapidly shifting my center of gravity as I sharply angled upwards, the blazing air licking against my belly and legs and face, seeming to light my black coat on fire with its intensity.

The powerful muscles in my back and chest strained to keep my wings locked as I hurtled through the air at impossible speeds, a vicious grin on my face as I reveled in the adrenaline, in the simple rush of flight.

The ground rushed past below me, filtered through the blaze of burning air.

A mach-cone reforming around you is always a strange sensation… the drag of the thicker atmosphere down here forcing me slower and slower.

As I approached a ‘mere’ Mach 2, I began to flap my wings again, maintaining altitude and speed as best I could. At this distance I’d be going near my top speed of Mach 1.7 or so by the time I got to Canterlot, faster than any pegasus alive, and my Rainboom Cone of crimson and black would act like a buffer to keep any brave souls from making any attempts on me when I pulled in.

… yes, I was going to pull in to Canterlot going Mach 1.7, I wasn’t big enough for my Mach cone to shatter windows or anything!

I’m not a monster, I promise, just concerned with my own safety.

There it was… Canterlot. I flapped my wings harder, climbing higher, above the cloud-line. In a gentle parabolic curve upwards I ascended over Canterlot, and once in position…

Admittedly, this was my favorite part.

I dove.

There was a resounding flash and boom as I made a hairpin turn in midair, diving straight down towards the small opening in one of the massive spires in the city. I could feel the tingle of magic against my coat as I flew through the barrier outside of the shaft. With several delightfully fancy maneuvers in the tight corridor I made my way to the ‘secret’ room hidden beneath Canterlot.

Flaring my wings and magic at the last moment I came to a sudden stop in complete violation of G-Forces and inertia, my hooves a mere inch above the tile even as the accompanying shockwave sent a flurry of dust scattering through the room.

I thoroughly enjoyed the brief thrill of happiness and exhilaration at the dramatic entrance despite the empty room. It was the little things that kept me sane…

The room was empty, not surprising since Celestia likely had plenty of more important things than coming to talk to me. She’d be here in time.

Walking into the spartan room, I looked for the feather duster, broom, and dustbin, all of which had been scattered by my overly dramatic entrance.

A few bookshelves, a little stove, a table, couch, and some chairs, and some tea, glorious tea. It was spartan, simple, and well protected. It didn’t stop the horrors that followed me around, but I didn’t have to worry about the ponies trying to get retribution on me or run me out.

I couldn’t stay long but… it was nice not to worry about something like that for a little while, however brief.

My name is Emeris Fillson, I was human once, I am not a bad person.

oOo

I was watching the tea boil quietly when Celestia arrived at a far more sedate pace than I had entered, her hooves settling lightly on the tile and my head dipping, “Princess.”

“It is good to see you Emeris,” the radiant princess smiled as she folded her wings.

“And I you Princess,” I said softly and honestly. It hadn’t been that long since we’d seen each other last really, “You wanted to see me?”

“Yes, we have something to discuss, though it can wait until the tea is ready,” she said with a small smile.

I gave her a small smile as I turned back to the tea, the Princess was almost as obsessed about tea as I was.

oOo

We lay on the couch, my side pressed up against the back of the surprisingly plush couch and the princess was pressed up against my side, her wing draped across my withers as we sipped the tea.

It’s hard to really explain how comforting the simple press of another living being was when it was such a rare occurrence.

Celestia’s cup slowly lowered to the small table nearby, slightly confused, I did the same with my own cup. I didn’t prompt her, letting the powerful diarch gather her thoughts.

Her wing tightened around me before she said, “Emeris… I have both good and bad news.”

“Okay…”

Taking a deep breath, Celestia turned to meet my gaze and held it as she said a phrase that rocked the foundations of my world, “I believe I have found a way to break your curse, but it will require you to be banished to the Beyond once more.”

…

“...w-what…?”

“I had hoped to find a way to allow you to stay in our realm without the disastrous effects of your curse, but it does not seem possible. The effects of your curse can be unravelled, but doing so will also expose your true nature to our world and you will need to be banished back to the Beyond in order to protect reality.”

Beyond… the Outside, the Outer Reaches… no matter what you called it, it deserved capital letters. It was a terrifying place of eldritch logic and physics, where up and down didn’t have to be mutually exclusive, where the sound of blue was a common thing as was the smell of love.

It was the home of terrible horrors, the likes of Cthulhu, Nyanthorlap, Zalgo, and worse.

I had escaped to Equestria from there…

But… could I remain here?

Could I really stay here with the damage I was doing? Could I truly live with myself while people suffered and died just because of my presence? Could I truly put my fears before their lives?

… no. No I couldn’t.

I swallowed hard, steeling my resolve, “W-What do I need to do?”

I’d survived the Beyond before, I could do it again.

My name is Emeris Fillson, I was human once, I am not a bad person. And I will prove it.

oOo

We were miles away from civilization… both of the diarchs, the Elements of Harmony, and myself. I sat in a circle at the center of a triangle, the sun and moon both hung in the sky in perpetual twilight…

“What are we doing here with him?” asked Twilight, putting immense venom into the pronoun as she glared at me. I hung my head low, avoiding antagonizing her.

“We are here to end the threat that he poses to Equestria.”

“How…?”

“We are going to unravel his existence and cast what remains out of Terra.”

“And he’s okay with this?” asked Pinkie.

Despite the trembling in my chest, I was the one who spoke, “I just want it to end…” Despite how that may seem, I didn’t want to die… but this would get rid of me just as completely as far as they were concerned, and the statement was true. I did want it to end… all the pain and fear and horror… I just wanted it to stop.

The Elements of Harmony glanced between themselves, quickly murmuring among themselves.

“This will work?”

“Yes Twilight, it shall.”

The group shared a nod, “Alright, what do we do?”

Celestia nodded and launched into an explanation of what was required, and while most of the elements only had to focus on their elements, Twilight’s task was far more complex. I couldn’t understand it at all, the magical jargon going far over my head.

I stewed in my fear for the several minutes as Celestia explained, enduring the glares of the girls as I laid down in my circle. My job was simple, don’t lose control and destroy things, because this was going to hurt. And it was going to hurt a lot. They were going to, quite literally, vaporize my current form before banishing my true form back out into the Beyond.

So I had to stay still and not lose control of the absurd power the curse had given me.

I would. No matter the pain. No matter the horror. I refused to cause this world any more damage. I wasn’t a bad person, and I would prove it.

I had to.

“Are we ready?”

“Yes Princess.”

“Gary?”

“Yes.”

The two alicorn princesses shared a nod and their horns lit up. A wash of golden light flowing over my form, prickling heat suffusing my coat. Silver light poured into me, icy cold and prickling as it suffused my veins. The pain was mild at best, more like an intense discomfort than true pain.

Then the twilight lit up with rainbows of power, power so intense and awe inspiring that it actually humbled me.

I could connect directly to the blazing core of power that was the heartbeat of this world… and even it was but a fraction of the power aimed at me.

The rainbows collected into a single ball of scintillating light, compressing down into a point of nearly white-hot power before it lance–

…

Pain.

Deep–

Pain.

A spike of light through me–

Pain.

Razorblades in my heart-! In my veins-!

Pain.

Every heartbeat– cutting-! Stop-!

Pain.

A soundless scream– bloody tears–

Pain!

Power-! I had to-!

Pain.

it was crashing against the circle, threatening to burst–!

Pain!

No! I won’t–! I can’t–!

I am not a bad person! I won’t do any more!

I raised my head and screamed–

My pain, my horror, my sorrow, my guilt, my fear, all of it– I directed it all upwards, away from anything that I could hurt–

Pain.

The world shook, my skin feeling like it was peeling apart like an over-ripe orange, bursting at the seams as razorblades flowed through my veins, my heart tearing itself apart–

It was then, with a sickening popping sensation, like a zit full of horrible puss… I exploded.

Twilight felt the terrible tugging sensation snap like a rubber band, and the horrible compulsion went with it. An almost beatific smile spread across her face. Finally, freedom. No longer compelled to assault and hate, she could act how she desired and tell Gary the truth.

The power of the elements faded, the immense power coursing through them trailing away as the six friends lowered to the ground.

Twilight opened her eyes to look at… nothing.

She wasn’t the only one who was confused, Celestia and Luna were both confused as well. A sudden pulse of fear went through the gathered mares, had they killed him?! The Elements of Harmony horrified at the possibility, desperately looking around for where Emeris might have gone. Only Pinkie Pie’s eyes remained locked on the apparently empty circle

“P-Princess-?! What-?”

There was a sudden boom and the world shook.

The mares hurriedly looked around before there was another boom, louder this time. Pinkie spoke up, the whites of her eyes visible as she pointed at the circle with a shaking hoof, “G-Girls–!”

Following the pointed hoof with their eyes, they all could see what her pinkie sense had picked up on when there was another resounding boom that caused the very air around them to shake, the circle flaring to life as it contained… something.

“W-What is that…?” whispered Rarity.

It was pale and enshrouded in shadow despite the light of the perpetual twilight, even as it became more visible as time passed, it remained indistinct and blurry, prowling around within the circle. Then the sound started.

It was an unsettling sound that triggered some primal part of their brains, a low, almost keening hiss crossed with a terrible growl as the thing moved around the edges of the circle.

It lunged at the edge of the circle again, causing the circle to flare to life once more and a pulse of light and shadow to emanate from the point, the world itself shaking in sympathy. Not the ground or the dirt or the air, but something more fundamental than that.

“That…” Celestia swallowed, gathering herself slightly, “That is Emeris’ true form… the true form of the being you know as Gary Stu. And–” all of the ponies present tensed as the being slammed into the edges of the circle again with a snarl, the circle flaring once more. The.. thing seemed to glow with its own light, and yet remained in indistinct shadow, “And it seems that he has lost control of himself…”

It was pale, it’s joints moving at awkward angles that no true quadruped walked with as it prowled around the inside of the circle, “Dude, that’s wrong, just plain wrong…” Dash shuffled away from the circle nervously.

“W-What do we do?” Twilight asked softly, her eyes locked on the prowling… thing that had been Gary.

The princesses glanced between themselves briefly, but any conversation was stopped when the creature let out a warbling… scream? Howl? Roar? There werent’ words for it. It made their bones shudder and shake, a scratching at the inside of their skulls.

This thing was wrong.

This thing was fundamentally wrong.

It was a primal knowledge. Something no pony would need to be told. This thing was wrong, it didn’t belong, it shouldn’t even exist!

It reared up on its hind legs and slammed its forelegs outwards, the barrier of the circle flaring into existence as the appendages stopped midair with an impossible sound.

“We–” Celestia paused, herself unsettled, “Should wait until Emeris has regained his self… to send him into the Beyond in this state would be dangerous for–”

The creature made that terrible scream once more as it began to slam its forelimbs into the barrier furiously, the world shuddering with each blow against the barrier.

“Princess, Ah don’t think we can afford to wait!” Applejack shouted over the increasingly louder blows.

“We must!” Celestia’s magenta eyes were wide, her entire body tensed as her horn lit up with a golden light, the circle lighting up as well, “The Beyond outside of Equestria is particularly bad! Emeris could not survive it in this feral state!”

Claws scratched against the invisible barrier, sparks of golden light and midnight darkness flaring into existence as they ground against it, lighting up the area… but not the creature. Celestia cringing as the beast slammed all of its claws into the barrier and drug them downwards, the princess of the sun straining to contain pressing hard against its encasing with a snarl.

It threw its head back and screamed, that terrible howl…

Its’ mouth opened too far to be natural, it had too many teeth, too sharp, too bright… every member of the Elements of Harmony covered their ears in a desperate attempt to keep the sound out of their skulls, the warbling and thrumming sound reverberating in their heads.

The creature curled inwards, howling even louder, its’ claws curling as the entire circle lit up with power, a sudden wave of pressure emanating from it.

The circle cracked.

With a sensation as if their entire spine had cracked at once, the world went sideways.

Celestia lit like the daystar, her mane and tail blazing gold and an equal wave of heat and power blasting from her, the sun blazing gold and orange from its place low in the sky as the solar wind blew from the princess of the life giving star. The world was bathed in golden light and reoriented itself, the circle straining to contain the beast.

The creature that had been Emeris breathed deep and the world went awash with silver as well as gold as half the sky became a field of stars, the moon shining bright in the sky as Luna’s power surged as well, “Sister! We must banish him now! If he breaks that circle his fury may break local reality utterly and let far more malicious things through!”

“No!” Celestia’s eyes were wide as she poured her power to the task of maintaining reality, “We must let him calm down! If we send him out there like this he’ll die!”

With another terrible roar the beast began to claw at the barrier freely, both of the princesses wincing at the sudden draw on their power, “We cannot sister! We cannot ensure the stability of reality while containing a monster of this power!”

“He’s not a monster! He’s Emeris!”

“Tia! No matter what he was before, he is now a monster! We must banish him before he threatens our world!”

“No!” Celestia nearly sobbed, “No! I have already failed him once! I have already failed my little ponies! I can’t fail him in this!” Her eyes blazed, “I won’t fail him again!”

The creature screamed and began to claw at its’ cage with abandon, desperate for freedom. The feral beast little more than a mass of shadows and teeth and claws and a sickly, unearthly glow.

The Elements of Harmony shuffled backwards, “Stay in your circles!”

They froze in place at Luna’s scream, “The simple geometry of the circles and our triangle are all that’s keeping it contained now! Don’t break them!”

“Princess, I don’t think–” the creature howled and Twilight flinched, shouting over the terrible noise, “I don’t think this will work! We have to banish it!”

“Twilight! Please! No!” Celestia begged, “He deserves better than this!” Desperately, she turned to the Element of Kindness, “Fluttershy! Can you calm him?! Please!”

But there were tears in the pegasus’ eyes, “H-He’s not an animal… he’s a monster now… I’m so sorry princess…”

The beast stepped away from the barrier, growling with the sound of an earthquake before it raised a forelimb and with a snarl of its far too sharp teeth that glowed in the shadows that covered its form slammed its claws into the ground, the dirt and stone fracturing, the circle flaring brightly in an attempt to contain it.

“I agree Tia but we have no choice!” Luna shouted, her wings flared as her horn blazed with power, “It is it or us! If we do not banish it now, it will break free and reality will crack! The bearers cannot survive that! If its’ banished at least it has a chance to survive the Beyond!”

Another blow cracked the earth as the beast began to scream, starting to pound away at the far more fragile ground beneath it.

“But–! Luna!” the princess of the sun begged wordlessly, tears streaming from her eyes.

Clenching her jaw, Twilight made a call, “Girls! Formation!”

Despite their terror, the Elements of Harmony stood to attention, their glittering necklaces shining as they were presented.

“Twilight-?! No! Please!”

Rainbow light filled the air once more, and despite the tears in her own eyes, Twilight ignored her mentor, “Luna! Guide us!”

“Right!” midnight blue met the rainbow power mid-air above the beast, merging and flowing together before lancing downwards and filling the circle.

The previous howls were nothing compared to this scream of pain and horror, and all present cringed as the creature desperately tried to stand its ground. The power of the Elements, guided by the Princess of the Night, pressed against its form, pushing it away. The creatures claws reached out and grabbed-

They grabbed the air–?

No, they grabbed the world itself, holding on even as the torrent of power pushed at it.

“No! Girls! Please!”

“Just a bit more!”

There was a horrendous tearing sensation in their very souls as the world itself ripped under the creatures clutches, its claws digging into reality itself as it held on with fury… but it wasn’t enough.

Something opened, and the creature began to fall.

It was then, that for the first time, eyes that were familiar and yet foreign could be seen on its face, eyes wide in fear as it clung to the world, the only one that had been the least pleasant.

And then it let go.

It faded into wisps of shadow and light and other, leaving four deep furrows in reality, hanging like holes of impossible colors and visible smells in the air.

“Emeris!” Celestia surged forward, unheeding of her own circle and rushing to the dissipating wisps, almost desperately cupping them with her wings as tears slowly fell from her face, “... Emeris…”

“Tia…” Luna hesitantly stepped forward-

“Silence!” the princess of the sun nearly snarled, rounding on her sister, her mane and tail blazing with golden power, “You banished him! While he was feral!”

“Tia,” her sister said softly, “We had no choice.”

“Luna-!” tears were streaming freely from Celestia’s face, evaporating in the solar wind coming off of her before she sobbed out, “Luna… he’s gone...”

“I know sister…” carefully approaching her fellow alicorn, Luna wrapped her wings around Celestia and pulled the distraught princess to her chest, “I know…”

“I was supposed to take care of him!” Celestia sobbed, “I failed… I was supposed to protect and take care of him and I failed! After he did so much for me!”

Luna crooned softly to her larger sister as she cried, “I know sister…”

“He chose this! He chose it because it would save pony lives! He dedicated himself to saving them and I was supposed to save him!”

Tears of blazing gold were falling from her face as the aurora borealis returned to her mane and tail, the normally flowing examples of her power instead drooping limply against her sides. The Elements of Harmony glancing uncomfortably amongst themselves as they watched their princess, the one they’d known and nearly worshipped their entire lives… just… break down, sobbing and crying.

“I failed him…” the normally composed princess buried her face in her sisters chest, tears of molten gold falling from her clenched eyes, “He trusted me and I failed him…!”

“You did the best you could sister, but we had no choice.”

“We could have saved him!”

“No,” Luna reprimanded gently, but without hesitation, “We couldn’t.”

Celestia’s jaw clenched tightly and her breaths came in shuddering sobs as she was held in her smaller sisters wings.

Twilight stepped forward, walking up to the embracing alicorns and with but the slightest hesitation, stood up on her hind legs and wrapped the closest part of her mentor in a hug.

The dam broke, and the princess of the sun began to bawl.

One after another, the rest of the Elements of Harmony walked up and added themselves to the press of bodies, the group hug enveloping the princess of the day as she cried tears of loss and grief.

None knew how long that embrace lasted, as the seven ponies of every race tried to console their grieving princess with their love and affection… but before long, they joined her in her tears, giving vent to the two years of regret, of frustration, of horrors both inside and out.

None of them noticed when Luna lowered the sun, continuing the cathartic release of the years of pain in the cool night air.

Eventually, with the night came an accompanying calm, and Twilight gently asked, “Princess… you called him Emeris… I thought his name was Gary Stu…?”

“H-His name…” Celestia’s breath hitched before she forced herself to continue softly, “His name was Emeris Fillson, and he was not a bad person.”

“He was a good pony.”

Author's Note

No comment on my part.

Comments, criticism and thoughts are always appreciated.

Autobots... roll out.